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Guys!!!

HanHan Member Posts: 16 Courageous
edited October 2014 in Disabled people
As a teenager (i'n now 19) I grew up with girls around me getting boyfriends and myself not. I now have a guy interested in me and i'm scared to tell him about CP because i'm scared he'll hear the word disability and run a mile. I know if he truly likes me it won't matter but it doesn't stop me worrying about how to explain it all - I may add I only have mild CP.

p.s i needed to get this off my chest as now friends understand and although my parents are supportive this isn't really something I want to talk about with them!!!

Replies

  • Annabelle1982Annabelle1982 Member Posts: 1
    I know the feeling!!!

    I'm 28 now and had a similar experience through my teenage years. I too have mild CP.

    Having been single for the last year after coming out of a long term relationship I was faced with this dillema particularly as I've been on blind dates.

    Having been on a few and tried a different tack I've decided not to talk about it until meeting the guy. I've come to the conclusion that whilst CP is a huge part of who I am it doesn't define me and I think sometimes it's hard for someone to appreciate until they meet you and see you going about your everyday life. Any guy who feels betrayed by that or like you haven't been honest isn't worth your or my time.

    I'm sure that you have achieved loads in life in spite of your CP and I know I sometimes get really frustrated that in spite of all I have done I still have to get over this silly hurdle everytime we meet someone new. But then I think aboout all the strength, compassion and determination it's given me and remember that those qualities make me a blummin' good girlfriend and if someone is going to be shallow enough to miss out on that because I have a bit of a limp and a wonky hand well more fool them!
  • HanHan Member Posts: 16 Courageous
    Thank you, nice to know people have similar feelings/experiences. He is obviously not the guy for me! I am not going to be dishearten by this experience ... yes it hurts but I still hold the view that the right guy is out there for me somewhere and at sometime I will meet him. :)
  • AmberAmber Member Posts: 6
    Hi there

    Im sure if you really like this guy and you just let him know that you like him if he if a "decent" gentleman it wouldnt matter to him that you have a disability. Be honest with him. Its best to be truthful at the start then you can work at t from there. Im sure he will stick around. :-)

    Amber
  • DeanC88DeanC88 Member Posts: 4
    This is a difficult one for me too. I'm 22 and from the North East of England and I find it difficult to meet women I go out with my Dad on a weekend sometimes
    which isn't the best place to meet people. Ive not had a propper relationship before I have mild CP but use crutches to walk and just want people to take a bit of time to get to know me and look beyond the disability thing this can be tough for some people but looking beyond your disability is what they have to do some good advice has already been given
  • mpmurraympmurray Member Posts: 4
    Hiya han. I am 24 years of age and i am in a similar predicament. I have mild hemilegia which basically effect the motor skills in my left hand. I have been in a relationship for over 3 years and I havent sat my girlfriend down yet and disclosed the full problem/ disadvantages and their impacts that will be faced with us in later years. I cant even say they word disability as i just start getin all worked up. However I do have some of the determinism that has come from my disability and therefore believe the hard work ethic is worth more than someone able bodied. However I am just a little bit warry of how I am gonna keep up with my m8s because their taking advantage of really good work opportunities and I have to go uni, get my pgce and this is going to take a couple of years. I have just passed my driving test however i have to drive with a steering ball n indicators and my girlfriends got no idea. i know she loves me but i think she will still freak out. I have spent my whole life hiding my disability and just think it might be nice to spreak to some people going through the same thing. however i have always felt that some individuals normally the ones able bodied people who work in the disability world or friends and family of disabled people perceive disability as some sort of compertition. I only have mild hemiplegia however it has a massive impact on my life.
  • livinwheeledlivinwheeled Member Posts: 2
    Hello, my name is Natalie and am 27. Unfortunately there's nothing mild about the arthrogryposis i have and it's something I simply cannot hide, being in a wheelchair. I'm hopeful I'll find mr right someday, that whoever he is will love the whole me, wheels n all.
  • TANYAFIELDINGTANYAFIELDING Member Posts: 24 Listener
    I will be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary this month. When young I thought I could not inflict myself on anyone due to my cerebral palsy but you never know what is round the next corner. My husband has had mental health issues and my strength has helped him through it. I have given him to wonderful healthy children. CP is not a hereditary condition! We all have something to give. You will all be more kind and caring people having delt with CP. If they haven't noticed your disability then it is not that severe if it is obvious then your friend has already decided it doesn't matter to them. If you had no disability you could still have an accident that would leave you with an impairment. My dad did loads of sport and is now crippled with arthritis! If love comes along grab it with both hands.
  • NoahNoah Member Posts: 430 Pioneering
    Very well put, Tanyafiel Ding, thank you for sharing your experience, very helpful, you are right we all have something to give. Congratulations on your wedding anniversary.
  • mousiemousie Member Posts: 9
    I can relate to this post, as throughout my teenage years same thing happened to me. I am now 50 and still looking for my Mr Right. I work hard on the guy seeing past my disability first, I answer any question truthfully, but not fully. I wait until the guy gets to know me better, before I explain the mechanics. By that time, they are usually able to look past the obvious, and if they like me enough I know they can handle the full explanation. Dating is still hard work though even still at my age.
  • andrewdayandrewday Member Posts: 6
    Just be honest with yourself and don't try too hard to be something that you are not and if the person you are with can not take it then they are not for you.

    I am 50 so i would say that, but its just a bit of advice
  • TrixTrix Member Posts: 4 Listener
    well said Andrew and Tanyafiel Ding. I never let my cp hold me back in any ares of my life except relationships. I always struggled to find the right time to explain my disabilities to anyone knew I met, tell them too soon and i felt I sounded like a 'poor me' not tell them soon enough and I felt deceitful.
    The change has been in my attitude, I now own it and tell people the basics when I feel comfortable, its part of me that yes poses challenges but doesnt make me any less of a friend/ women or person. I guess what I'm trying to say is that confidence and attitude are key, accepting it yourself makes it easier for others to see you and not your disability.
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