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Having a meltdown!

livliv Member Posts: 16 Listener
edited June 2014 in Parents and carers
Hi, I am having yet another meltdown this weekend! It always creeps up on me when I think I am in control and have a handle on things......
One of my twins (2yrs old) has quad cp. I feel like I,m doing ok and managing things and then bang....I just want to scream and cry all the time. I feel so angry about the situation and it is really begining to affect my relationship with my partner.....in fact it feels like the whole thing is going to collapse at times. The pressure of having a disabled (I hate that word) child is so huge at times, emotionally and physically. There is so much to think about, plan, arrange etc, I'm finding it overwhelming and am finding it really hard to enjoy my children. I am so worried for his future that I am anxious a lot of the time. My partner works really hard and can be away from home at odd hours, which leaves me to do all the caring. I just feel EXHAUSTED......and just seem to pick up every virus going which really doesn't help.
I can't help but beat myself up about the situation as I feel responsible for my little one's problems. That just seems to make me even more angry. Does anyone else have a struggle with the anger they feel? It gets me so down at times. I so want a calm family life but fear it is never going to be that way. It's a bit like that has been taken from us. It's so hard having so many people involved in your daily life isn't it, coming in and out of your home all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for all their help, but it is such an invasion into your life and I don't think anyone can really understand unless they are living it too.
My little one in doing well, although he isn't sitting or rolling himself, he communicates what he wants well and is happy a lot of the time...although he cries a lot and doesn't sleep well. Our OT seems concerned as he has become stiffer when trying to use his hands and arms. It was a real effort for him anyway but he now seems to be struggling a lot more. She has suggested we speak to our doc about drugs to help with that. That scares me. He's only two.....how can I make a decision to medicate him....he's so little.
God, I sound like such a moaner!! I am so grateful to have my boys....I am just finding life really really hard at the moment. Does anyone else feel the same?

Replies

  • StressheadStresshead Member Posts: 2
    YESSSS! I do feel the same! My daughter is 4 with four limb cp. I actually only joined today, coz after a discussion with my dh I think I need to chat to someone about my feelings :( isn't it annoying that nobody suggested counselling?! or at least made me have it regardless of what I said lol!

    As I was saying to my dh this morning, I can't actually remember being happy since before I was pg with my daughter, that's sad isn't it?! Since I've actually had a son in between, my little man whom I love to bits, who unfortunately has to put up with my moods, not forgetting my wonderful husband too :(
    Maybe I'm just focusing on the rubbish instead of the happy times.

    I think i's been made worse since my dd was in hosp recently after having two epileptic fits.

    I also feel angry/sad/annoyed/frustrated/lonely. I've just called scope for a "chat" but was told someone would call me back within the next 5 days! I want to chat NOW not next week!

    So yes you are not alone, and if you don't mind me asking why do you blame yourself for your little ones problems? As you need to put a stop to that straight away - NOT helpful!

    I do feel differently now than I did when my dd was first diagnosed, it does take time. I don't cry as often about how difficult her life will be or how difficult my life is. I am very tired though from the broken nights sleep, which probably isn't helping either!

    Anyway, I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. So as you know if you want a chat, we're all here to help

    x

  • MummyandCoMummyandCo Member Posts: 4
    Reading your post made soooooo much sense to me!
    The rollercoaster of emotion that you talked about, the anger and the anxiety and for me the guilt that you always carry thinking that you should have done something differently.
    I only joined here a few days ago myself cuz I desperatly needed to talk to someone that wasnt a doctor or health care person, someone who would understand what its like every day.
    I feel like I have to constantly be strong and hold it together but if I do break and let it all out I feel guilty.
    I love my son more than anything but I cant help myself from thinking the what ifs and why him.
    Im sorry my post isnt a very positive one but I just wanted you to know your not alone, I can connect with everything you wrote and if you ever want to chat Im on here quite a lot :)
  • michmich Member Posts: 3
    MELT DOWN! that is exactly how im feeling right now. my 2 yr old son has cerebral palsy and although hes bright and happy i cant help feeling angry, sad annoyed as to why this has happened to my child my family, just soooooo glad that others r feelin the same as i felt so much guilt for feelin like this. plus i hold it all in because im scared people will think i cant cope.
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