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Struggling to deal with how people stare, looking for a little support.

beta341beta341 Posts: 7Member Listener
Hey everyone, Im Graeme and I'm a 29 year old wounded serviceman. Not dealing with how people are looking at me different and laughing at me. If anyone is near Bluewater a fellow coffee lover would be good to hang out with. Be warned have a very dark sense of humour.

Replies

  • Debbie_ScopeDebbie_Scope Posts: 947Member Pioneering
    Hi Graeme,

    Sorry to hear about your situation right now. It can be difficult to adjust both physically and mentally. It's also hard to deal with other people's reactions. I hope that you're able to get support from our community. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I don't live near Bluewater but I will have a coffee for you.

    Best wishes
    Debbie
  • MaisymonaMaisymona Posts: 8Member Listener
    Hi :)
    I'm not actually from your area but if you would like to chat then I'm here
    I have just been diagnosed with a genetic condition and even though I don't look disabled when I walk with a stick or use a wheelchair I get stared at so I can somewhat understand what you're going through. I hope that you're okay and that you get the support you need
    Best wishes,
    Maisy
  • liayn85liayn85 Posts: 31Member Connected
    edited February 2016
    Sorry to hear, Graeme.
    If they laugh at you, then they are doing you a favor by letting you know the kind of people they are, it says nothing about you. Especially since it sounds like you served your/their country.

    Since you have a dark sense of humor, have you ever thought about giving people a ridiculous response as to why you move the way you do if they stare? Take it from me, I've been limping all my life, and though I never get over the stares or questions or whatever, I know it is their problem, or their freakshow (and not compassionate) interest. The problem is that since you are in "public" they think they have domain and a say over your movements, and they do not. Since I am now living abroad and clearly "foreign" and getting stared at for that reason alone, i am honestly much less self-conscious about it.
    Please do yourself a favor and think of something ridiculous to tell them... Just remember that Skinny Jean Syndrome and Penguin Battle are taken.
  • Claire6471Claire6471 Posts: 2Member Listener
    Hi Graeme, I am a regular visitor to Bluewater and would love to meet up for a coffee with you :-)
    I also struggle with people taking "double takes" of my physical disabilities and have on my bad days asked people whether they would like a photo to save themselves falling over their feet to get a better look!!!
    People are so ignorant!! I'M totally new to this site and so don't know if there is an option to personal message etc or how to go about setting up a coffee session???
    Let me know if you are still interested, my sense of humour is pretty black and dry too do no problems there!!
    I look forward to hearing from you, I also have a Tanky for a stepson who has done 6 tours of Iraq and Afghanistan so understand the pressure and stress of the military side of things..
    Hopefully talk to you soon
    Claire (the cripple with the coolest wheels in Kent!!!! )
  • beta341beta341 Posts: 7Member Listener
    edited February 2016
    Hi Claire, drop me an email and we can organise a coffee day.
  • Claire6471Claire6471 Posts: 2Member Listener
    Hi Graeme
    How do you email someone on this site? Sorry, I'm new here :-/ I can't see any obvious little envelope buttons and sometimes with technology it has to be "that" obvious with me!!! Lol
    Thanks Claire
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
    Hey claire,

    the community team will have removed the email address due to online safety procedures (http://www.scope.org.uk/Community/Online-safety ) but you should both have received an email notification with the original comment and email address so you can chat privately if you wish.

    Stay safe :)

    -B xx
  • beta341beta341 Posts: 7Member Listener
    Hi Claire, I'm not really sure, but I'm normally in Bluewater every Thursday in the costa behind waterstones. What il do is leave a business card for you with the costa staff for you there.
  • vickydisabled3yearsvickydisabled3years Posts: 7Member Listener
    HI GRAME I ALSO FIND THAT I GET STARRED ALOT ASWELL IM WHEELCHAIR BOUND THE LAST 3YEARS AND WHAT IVE NOTICED IS MOTHERS WITH THERE CHILDREN STARE ALOT AND CHILDREN DO ASWELL SOMETIMES I DO FEEL LIKE SAYING SOMERHING TOO THEM BUT I DONT WHEN I FIRST BECAME DISABLED IT REALLY UPSET ME TO GO OUT IN TIME U I WOULDNT SAY GET USE TO IT JUST YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THE PEOPLE THAT STARE AT U I MOST ADMIT IT HAS MADE ME A MUCH STRONGER PERSON SINCE THIS HAPPENED TO ME IT MAKES U FEEL ANGRY YOUR NO DIFFRENT THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD THE MOST FUNNIEST TIMES FOR ME IS WHEN EVER I HAVE AN APPOITMENT AND THE PERSON SAYS TAKE A SEAT AND I REPLY BACK IVE GOT MY OWN PERSNAL CHAIR THANK U AND U SHOULD SEE THEY FACES ITS FUNNY I HOPE IN TIME THINGS GET BETTER FOR U STAY STRONG DONT LET ANYONE GRIND U DOWN
  • Clare WilkinsClare Wilkins Posts: 1Member
    Hi Graeme, looks like you're sorted for the time being but have you looked at some of the veterans' support charities? I know SSAFA have a mentoring programme that covers veterans, for example. Hope your continuing adjustment to civvie street goes well :)
  • Best wishes to you Graeme with the battleground of civvie street as a disabled person.

    I became a wheelchair user many moons ago. I am a psychotherapist and I have lectured at a number of universities about the Social Model of Disability which was created by disability civil rights campaigners.

    I suggest you read about the Social Model of Disability (SMD) because it can be empowering.

    Meeting and talking with other disabled people is a great thing to do but I feel strongly that we should all be thinking in terms of the SMD. Some disabled people I have met have very negative attitudes about disability themselves and need to connect with the SMD in an empowering way in my view.

    The SMD is not the whole answer and at the end of the day we all have our impairments, challenges and for many of us pain and difficult symptoms to live with, no matter how positive an attitude we adopt.

    The first time I went to an event organised by disabled people was a poetry workshop. As I rolled into the room I had tears in my eyes because when I went it was the first place I had been other than a rehab hospital where people did not stare at me.

    I found writing and performing poetry, some serious some humorous, really therapeutic.

    Some of my clients have been disabled people and I show them techniques to recognise that the medical what is wrong with you model and the woe is me personal tragedy models of disability are oppressive and that there are positive ways of thinking about ourselves and labelling other people's negative attitudes and where appropriate challenging them. I say "where appropriate" because I find it helpful to pick my battles as challenging every disablist git or non-inclusive person one comes across would be exhausting!!!!

    I came onto this site seeking disabled acquaintances and friends, especially after experiencing a minor disability hate crime earlier this month. It happened at a large social event at a big hotel and I was delighted that the staff I reported it to were great and in the end the aggressor apologised to me although he was still talking utter nonsense about disabled people, despite, as he claimed, possessing a Phd (non-medical doctorate degree).

    Nonetheless it was upsetting. Just as with sexism and racism, disablism is on a journey of change in the 21st century as hopefully society is gradually becoming more accepting in some ways of diversity. We can all play a role in helping to educate people where it feels safe to do so and campaigning for change.

    The National Union of Journalists, of which I am a member and former Vice Chair of the Equality Council, has been instrumental in getting broadcasters to talk about life changing injuries instead of more negative descriptions for example.

    A former BBC reporter, producer and presenter, mainly in local radio but also reporting for Radio 4 etc. and freelancing for independent channels and newspapers, I occasionally appear in the media as an expert on disability issues and more often as an expert on mental health.
  • WheelyRachelWheelyRachel Posts: 67Member Courageous
    edited April 2016
    Stare at them back and say gee I know im bueatiful shame about you.
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