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8 year-old's anger issues are increasing

spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
edited November 2016 in Education and learning
I'm a mum of a great 8-year old boy who is having problems in his early life. After a long battle I managed to get him tested in school and they have found that he has auditory working memory problems. His visual memory seems to be very good.He is below average for writing but average for reading, maths and science. He jumbles letters up whilst reading, misreading the same word on the same page several times but, not always. He doesn't pronounce all his words properly although I always try to correct him (as I do his elder sister), and he does get some new words the wrong way round. The school has found no solid ground for dyslexia. I still believe (feel) there is more than the auditory memory problems. The school has put a plan in place, so happy for now. However, my problem is that his behaviour is very different at home than in school: frustration, anger, very low self confidence, low concentration (mostly for homework), never sits still, always interrupts, easily bored, very emphatic in movements when annoyed, and now, biting himself when angry or frustrated. He appears to get worse after a term break and when time to go back to school. He hit out at me for the first time recently. I was shocked. My husband and I don't know where to turn as we have no confidence whatsoever in our doctors. Please help as it's hurting us all. 

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  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited November 2016
    spudeen said:
    I'm a mum of a great 8-year old boy who is having problems in his early life. After a long battle I managed to get him tested in school and they have found that he has auditory working memory problems. His visual memory seems to be very good.He is below average for writing but average for reading, maths and science. He jumbles letters up whilst reading, misreading the same word on the same page several times but, not always. He doesn't pronounce all his words properly although I always try to correct him (as I do his elder sister), and he does get some new words the wrong way round. The school has found no solid ground for dyslexia. I still believe (feel) there is more than the auditory memory problems. The school has put a plan in place, so happy for now. However, my problem is that his behaviour is very different at home than in school: frustration, anger, very low self confidence, low concentration (mostly for homework), never sits still, always interrupts, easily bored, very emphatic in movements when annoyed, and now, biting himself when angry or frustrated. He appears to get worse after a term break and when time to go back to school. He hit out at me for the first time recently. I was shocked. My husband and I don't know where to turn as we have no confidence whatsoever in our doctors. Please help as it's hurting us all. 
    Your son shows blatant signs of Aspergers and ADHD . He also shows issues with Dyslexia   Dyspraxia and Dyscalculia. I also suggest you look at Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome PDA,. There is a PDA Society website.
    The behaviour you explain the difference between home and school is called masking . 
    Have you heard of iipsea , they will help in advising your rights at school.
    If you look at my precious posts there is masses of information for younto look through.
    Get GP to do referral to CAMHS. 
    Hope this helps xx
  • spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
    Thank you so much for your comments. I have only said a small part of what is happening at the moment with my son as his anger is increasing daily as well as his responding badly to us with no worry of consequences. It's as if he is getting stronger and more confident with expressing himself. I will look into the advice you have given and thank you so much for this. I really am desperate.  Thank you.
  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited November 2016
    http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-PDA

    Have a look at this and see if it answers any of your questions ? There is also a section on Asbergers .
    Self harming is common in both Asbergers and PDA. Homework is a major issue for some folks on the Spectrum. It's the putting off because there has been such a sensory overload at school and it could be the extreme demand avoidance of PDA.
    You must go to your GP and get a referral to CAMHS. The issue is to reduce the anxiety. You must use either Asbergers techniques if appropriate. If it is PDA you must use PDA techniques as these are different to Asbergers.

    There is  a Petition through the Scottish Parliament at the moment to get the awareness of PDA out to the Public and make if formally recognised at last,.

    http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01625

    Have you asked for a Carers assesment for yourself you are legally entitled to one.
     
    http://www.carersuk.org/

    https://www.ipsea.org.uk/

    You are entitled to an assesment of your sons needs and make sure you get  all services involved.

    Its absolutely infuriating getting help . You will learn to fight for everything.
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  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited November 2016
    http://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/

    This is also a very very good site. What a load of utter tosh about the dyslexia. I have dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Dyscalculia and he shows traits of all of those.
    I also have Irlen Syndrome.

    http://irlen.com/what-is-irlen-syndrome/

    Basically ADD is flitting from one thing to another, ADHD is the same with Hyperactivity. It is not naughty children.
    Asbergers is where the messages don't get passed properly and Prediction is one of the issues with anxiety and social skills. Forget the eye contact thats irrelevant .
    PDA is extreme demand avoidance and the lengths they go to to avoid situations due to extreme anxiety.
  • spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
    I cannot thank you both enough for all your help. I am going to the school SENCO today to try and get a referral for CAMHS. As I said, we have no faith in our GP surgery but will revert to them if necessary. I am a fighter, as are all mums. Thanks for giving me hope and for listening. It means so much.  
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  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited November 2016
    Hi spudeen my son's school senco never referred my son to camhs...I had to plead for myself....
    My youngest was never referred either. School said he was lazy and winging it.
    CAMHS said the other had PTSD. Clueless. Do you research first.

    http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01625

    Could I ask a huge favour. I am one of the mums on this Petition. No one would listen , we were passed from pillar to post. We are hoping the Political Parties will work together and listen to the parents. We must find these missing children , adults so they can get the care they need.
    Can you sign the Petition and put it on Facebook . It will also bring out the appaling lack of understanding of Autism Spectrum .Its a national scandal. Anyone in the World can sign. You can comment if you wish.

    Thank You xxx

    Hope you get your answers soon xx
  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    http://evolutian.wixsite.com/planetautism/your-autism-rights
    Bottom section is about your rights .

    ipsea will also give help and information. A formal Complaint to your local NHS complaints department , they are normally at your local hospital.

    Dont be fobbed off. 



    Hilary Dyer is a leading expert. Make them work as a team . It's the only way 

  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited November 2016
    http://evolutian.wixsite.com/planetautism/your-autism-rights
    Bottom section is about your rights .

    ipsea will also give help and information. A formal Complaint to your local NHS complaints department , they are normally at your local hospital.

    A formal complaint to your school govenors as well. Those teachers need some serious training.

    Dont be fobbed off. 


  • EducationalPsychologistEducationalPsychologist Posts: 119Member Courageous
    Hello Spudeen, have you been able to get someone to assess your son? There are so many different reasons why a child presents with negative behaviours, which is why a detailed assessment is important. Let me know if you are still struggling to get someone to help.
  • spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
    HI. Unfortunately nobody seems to want to see him. CAMHS have declined as he doesn't meet criteria. Dr has made another request to them but I have had no further feedback yet. Had appointment with school nurse at wellbeing clinic today who said she will talk to CAMHS helpline but also explained not very likely to get appointment. Advised to go to a parenting course locally as many parents with same problems have had help with managing anger issues through this group. Son is getting worse. His aggression is increasing and he is treating us badly on many occassions throughout the day (he always apologises later saying he is sorry and that he loves us). He won't go to bed until he crashes out as he says he sees monsters. He sees these during the day too (us, his friends and teachers are the monsters). I have been in contact with one neuropsychologist who has been very helpful in giving preliminary advice - she also advised to go through CAMHS - unfortunately that option appears not be available. What must I do to get him the help he needs???!!!!!! Why is it so difficult for a child to get an appointment? What medical professional must he see initially as the private sector appears to be the only choice. Many thanks for any advice you can give.   
  • Yiman60Yiman60 Posts: 95Member Connected
    edited January 2017
    spudeen said:
    HI. Unfortunately nobody seems to want to see him. CAMHS have declined as he doesn't meet criteria. Dr has made another request to them but I have had no further feedback yet. Had appointment with school nurse at wellbeing clinic today who said she will talk to CAMHS helpline but also explained not very likely to get appointment. Advised to go to a parenting course locally as many parents with same problems have had help with managing anger issues through this group. Son is getting worse. His aggression is increasing and he is treating us badly on many occassions throughout the day (he always apologises later saying he is sorry and that he loves us). He won't go to bed until he crashes out as he says he sees monsters. He sees these during the day too (us, his friends and teachers are the monsters). I have been in contact with one neuropsychologist who has been very helpful in giving preliminary advice - she also advised to go through CAMHS - unfortunately that option appears not be available. What must I do to get him the help he needs???!!!!!! Why is it so difficult for a child to get an appointment? What medical professional must he see initially as the private sector appears to be the only choice. Many thanks for any advice you can give.   
    I am so sorry to hear about your ongoing issues. The lack of understanding of Autism Spectrum is shocking.
    You could get your MP involved if you have tried all normal routes or ring your hospital complaints department and put in a formal complaint about CAMHS. He presents blatent signs of Autism Spectrum.

    You are entitled to a second opinion as well.

    Just keep at them . Sadly it took till late teenage years before someone listened to me. It was not for the lack of trying through local routes by GP.

    http://evolutian.wixsite.com/planetautism/name-shame-em

    This Name and Shame Page has achieved some brilliant  results . Desperation requires desperate measures. It should not be like this but sadly it is .
  • EducationalPsychologistEducationalPsychologist Posts: 119Member Courageous
    Sorry to hear you're having difficulty. There is a national crisis with under staffing in CAMHS so its very hard to get appointments and the neediest kids are the ones that suffer. There is a Facebook group called Not Just You... other parents there in similar situations may be able to advise on what they have tried to get appointments. Keep pushing, in my experience those that persistently shout loud eventually get results. 
  • spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
    Hi, Thanks for talking to me. Would you like to know the latest? Well, my Dr made referal to Community Paediatrics as a private neuropsychologist said they would need their report if I wanted to proceed privately on basis of ASD or other. Well, yet another refusal as not enough info (I /my doctor are obviously still speaking Esperanto). Unfortunately my doctor is now no longer at the surgery (the only real doctor there was - Fired/retired????)). I have now been told that a 10-minute session is not enough to evaluate my son and they cannot do anything else (only 10-minute sessions are available!!!!!!!!!!!!). The only doctor in the surgery who has seen my son (see above messages) now declines to see him saying that, after a meeting held between the doctors, it is in the best interests of my son that he be seen by another! (Perhaps he read complaint letter I wrote to my doctor complaining about his evaluation after a 1-minute visit). However, the surgery said that the school are quite capable as they see him all day long and are in contact with certain services. Bye bye.  I am on a very good parenting course at present, doing everything CAHMS wants, but still have had no help. Senco appears to have had a change of heart????? and has managed to get Working Together Team involved - the ONLY ones who have said my son meets their criteria! I have not heard from TAC although they asked Senco to make another referal (maybe influence from Schoo Nurse?). I have not heard from anybody and my son has still not been seen. I ended up at an after hours surgery due to being hurt by him. What will it take for someone to take note? My daughter being seriously hurt or my son self harming to a greater extent? I will not comment further as I would not like to offend some worthy people fighting to better the services. PS. I will go to the site you recommended to see if I can get anywhere further. Many thanks again everyone who is trying to help me get somewhere. xxxx
  • EducationalPsychologistEducationalPsychologist Posts: 119Member Courageous
    Hello Spudeen,
    How are things going now? In your last message you were still battling to access services. If you are considering going private, you may find it helpful to see an educational or clinical psychologist, as most offer full assessments with recommendations. Try www.achippp.org.uk.
  • spudeenspudeen Posts: 19Member Listener
    Hi. Sorry for delay in responding but a lot has been happening at home.  CAMHS have declined 3 times now to see my son. TAC is involved, firstly with us, senco and school nurse. As my son appears to be a healthy boy, nurse no longer needs to be present. Last meeting just us, senco and son. Both my husband and I find this meeting a waste of time as senco does not (want to) see what we see. I also find it difficult to speak about my son, in front of my son (which I pointed out to senco as being very wrong). Hopefully Working Together Team will be at next meeting. We have heard through our new doctors surgery that Community Paediatrics - ADHD division, have accepted to see my son. We do not know when but the fact they have accepted is wonderful. We were in contact with a private psychologist last year but she has requested an assessment from Community Paediatrics first.I thank you for the web site you gave me above. This psychologist is on the list and appears to be the perfect choice for us. We do not believe our son has ADHD, but he must be assessed as there are many signs of other difficulties that need looking into. School life is having a very negative impact on him. He hates it, the teachers and being told what to do. His behaviour at school is fine but it's when he gets out the gates that he changes. The Easter holidays went quite well at home. It was the day he went back to school that he blew up again at home. Just pray we can get an appointment with paediatrics soon. Many thanks again for your help.
    Spudeen
  • EducationalPsychologistEducationalPsychologist Posts: 119Member Courageous
    I'm glad you're finally getting some appointments. Hopefully with clarity of understanding his needs changes can be made at school to help him have a more positive experience.
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