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Guest Post: New Years Resolutions

motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
edited July 2017 in Guest blogs

I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions, they often end up being promises I make to myself that I fail at, and that feels like a fairly negative start to the year. I’m trying to think of a way to turn this around and make sure it’s a more of a positive thing.

I’m going to turn 40 in 2017 and it continues to amaze me how my priorities change as I get older. Obviously I could promise that I’m going to stop eating entire packs of biscuits and that I’ll start going to the gym so that my jeans are less snug, but I know these are completely unrealistic goals that I will never meet.

I could decide to be more organised, I could buy a diary and actually write things in it so that I don’t double book myself and miss appointments. My 3 year old might actually make every hospital appointment on time and without a last minute panic as I realise at 9am that he has an appointment across the city at 9.30am. Again, in reality I know that this is an unrealistic achievement, as really this is just who I am, I’m always going to be the slightly disorganised mother.

Instead my resolution is going to be a more general one about positivity and allowing myself a little mental break now and again. The past few years have changed me, life events are bound to change us and the way we think. Having had 3 children with no issues, I then lost a baby due to Edward Syndrome, and during my next pregnancy my baby was diagnosed with a brain condition. My son is doing so much better than we expected him to, however it has taken its toll, the world no longer feels safe and I worry a lot, about everything.

Family photo with mother, father and five children all smiling at the camera wearing patterned pyjamas

Being a good parent often involves being a little bit selfish, you need to look after yourself if you are going to be able to look after everyone else. Therefore my New Year’s resolution is not going to be about bettering myself, I’m not going to try and change myself physically, after all taking care of yourself should also involve liking yourself as you are. Instead I am going to give myself the gift of some positivity.

My resolutions are going to be as follows:

Make time for myself

Home schooling 4 small boys doesn’t allow a lot of time on my own. I love being with them, but sometimes a peaceful coffee is good for my own mental health.

Turn off the news

This feels controversial in my own head, from my teenage years I read the broadsheets and listened to radio 4 (I had an English teacher who insisted upon it). I loved keeping up with what was going on in the world, now I feel overwhelmed by it and it adds to my worry. I can know what’s going on with the world without listening to the news several times a day.

Dance

I’m going to listen to music loudly in the kitchen and dance around with my children. Music is a wonderful thing and dancing is basically exercise, so it must release loads of endorphins!

Switch off 

I love my phone, I use it to take photos of my gorgeous kids, I share them on Instagram and it acts like a diary of my days. It’s a fantastic way for me to keep these memories and I often look back through them. However it’s also too easy for me to get lost scrolling through other people’s photos, which may add a little pressure on myself and switches me off to what is happening right in front of me.

Real life over Internet life

I’m going to see my friends more, social media can connect us to many people, but it can also cut us off. It can feel like we are keeping up with our friend’s lives, but in reality we’re seeing less of them. Social media cannot replace actually seeing friends, there’s nothing quite like a big hug and an hour putting the world to rights.

Get outside

I’m already outside often, I love being outdoors and go to the woods several days a week with my boys. However there are days that I struggle and I just want to stay in my pyjamas and hide from the world. These are the days that I need to make an effort, the ones where I need to get outside. I’m going to push myself to get out at least once every day, even if it’s just to the park to hug a tree.


So, there are my resolutions, less about being self critical and more about self-care. How could you use the New Year to take better care of yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas. 


Motherscuffer is a mother of 5 and home educator, her son has a brain condition and she shares her family's adventures on instagram.

Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,361Administrator Scope community team
    edited January 2017
    Fantastic post!! Thank you @motherscuffer
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • quinrahquinrah Posts: 24Member Courageous
    A brilliant message for hard working parents everywhere. Self care not self criticism.  (and I love the matching PJs too)

    thank you for making me both think and smile
  • EmmaFarrellEmmaFarrell Posts: 10Member
    Love this post @motherscuffer. Self-care and switching off are so important for everyone and definitely will be on my resolutions list this year! Love the matching PJs! Happy New Year! 
  • izaiza Posts: 418Member Pioneering
    I love the picture of all family in the same colour pyjamas. The resolution pals sound guide well as well. 

  • AlexAlex Posts: 1,325Scope Team Scope community team
    Great post, thanks @motherscuffer!

    I'll definitely be copying some of these! Especially the "turn off the news" one - as a bit of a news addict, 2016 left me feeling like the world had gone to pot!  
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    edited January 2017
    Sam_Scope said:
    Fantastic post!! Thank you @motherscuffer
    Thanks Sam, I should print my resolutions and stick them to the wall. 

  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    quinrah said:
    A brilliant message for hard working parents everywhere. Self care not self criticism.  (and I love the matching PJs too)

    thank you for making me both think and smile
    Thanks for your kind words, it's so important to remember you're doing a great job and need to take care of yourself. I've loved having matching pyjamas! 
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    Love this post @motherscuffer. Self-care and switching off are so important for everyone and definitely will be on my resolutions list this year! Love the matching PJs! Happy New Year! 
    Thank you, happy new year!
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    iza said:
    I love the picture of all family in the same colour pyjamas. The resolution pals sound guide well as well. 

    I've realised it's important not to feel bad about not doing the things too (like the really rainy day where I stayed in my pjs all day!)
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    Alex said:
    Great post, thanks @motherscuffer!

    I'll definitely be copying some of these! Especially the "turn off the news" one - as a bit of a news addict, 2016 left me feeling like the world had gone to pot!  
    The world can feel like a scary and negative place when you listen to the news a lot, stepping back allows you to see more of the positive in people. It's been one of the best things for my own mental health. 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,361Administrator Scope community team
    I think the thing is with news is that we used to consume news by choosing to buy and read a newspaper or by tuning in to the 6pm news.  These days, I wake up, turn on my phone and before I even get out of bed I have seen all the attrocities of the world before I have eaten my cornflakes!

    I definitely want to turn off a lot more this year.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Chris_ScopeChris_Scope Posts: 695Member Pioneering
    Yep I can definitely relate to the the news one - I'm thinking of picking a certain time of the day to check the headlines, or perhaps at least a limit on how often I check it. Particularly when there are breaking news stories or worrying Trump's  global situations, I think it can be very tempting to keep checking for minute-by-minute updates. 

    A friend also told me about a publication called Delayed Gratification Magazine. I'm yet to check it out properly, but they apparently specialise in 'slow journalism'.
  • JgeekJgeek Posts: 68Member
    2016 was a good year for me after a dodgy one the year before. I'd like to achieve the work-life balance as I love work but get very tired and have breathing problems. I want to stop comparing myself to people getting married and having kids & be happy I'm in a strong relationship. oh and my partner would say stop nagging him-yeah right! Happy New Year!
  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 465Community champion Pioneering
    edited January 2017
    Nice one motherscuffer!  Will have a look at your stuff. 

    Mine have been inspired by new power chair.  To continue this renaissance of getting out and doing.  I got damn sick of being a spectator,  watching people go past me like trains at a station where I can't get on..... 

    We'll now,  this year,  I AM GETTING ON!  Work isn't about going to school any more (sob!)  but it can be other things.  New,  exciting things! Motherhood becomes less of a guilt trip now I can pick my own child up from school.  "lost your swimming cap....  Hey! No problem!  I can now get out to get you some!"  woohoo! 

    But in terms of Facebook... It's still a lifesaver.  It means even on a low day I am still with my friends.... Though now I've seen more of them in actual 3d HD real life! 

    Great resolutions motherscuffer! I applaud your great post and wish a great 2017 to my fellow forum users xx



    "we must bloom where we are planted"

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    Yep I can definitely relate to the the news one - I'm thinking of picking a certain time of the day to check the headlines, or perhaps at least a limit on how often I check it. Particularly when there are breaking news stories or worrying Trump's  global situations, I think it can be very tempting to keep checking for minute-by-minute updates. 

    A friend also told me about a publication called Delayed Gratification Magazine. I'm yet to check it out properly, but they apparently specialise in 'slow journalism'.
    I think picking one time of the day to check is a good one. 
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    Jgeek said:
    2016 was a good year for me after a dodgy one the year before. I'd like to achieve the work-life balance as I love work but get very tired and have breathing problems. I want to stop comparing myself to people getting married and having kids & be happy I'm in a strong relationship. oh and my partner would say stop nagging him-yeah right! Happy New Year!
    That comparison thing is very hard, especially as we usually only see the surface of people's lives and don't know what's bubbling underneath. Well done for aiming to stay positive for 2017! 
  • motherscuffermotherscuffer Posts: 27Member Courageous
    mossycow said:
    Nice one motherscuffer!  Will have a look at your stuff. 

    Mine have been inspired by new power chair.  To continue this renaissance of getting out and doing.  I got **** sick of being a spectator,  watching people go past me like trains at a station where I can't get on..... 

    We'll now,  this year,  I AM GETTING ON!  Work isn't about going to school any more (sob!)  but it can be other things.  New,  exciting things! Motherhood becomes less of a guilt trip now I can pick my own child up from school.  "lost your swimming cap....  Hey! No problem!  I can now get out to get you some!"  woohoo! 

    But in terms of Facebook... It's still a lifesaver.  It means even on a low day I am still with my friends.... Though now I've seen more of them in actual 3d HD real life! 

    Great resolutions motherscuffer! I applaud your great post and wish a great 2017 to my fellow forum users xx



    "we must bloom where we are planted"
    Brilliant news on your power chair and some more independence. 

    Facebook can be great for keeping in touch with people, I use Instagram a lot for sharing photos of my kids for my family who live far away. 

    Happy 2017!
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