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My son

zoe1983zoe1983 Posts: 7Member Listener
my son doesn't like going to school but he ok when he there . He doesn't trust the teachers he never talks to them. He brings me all his anger and upset home with him , where he hits us threatens us with knife , he is horrible to people even in public , he doesn't like goin out places .as set dinner plan doesn't like food touching , only as 4 friends  at school he working on a reception age child he play with reception age child toys . Corys a lot doesn't like the rain or shower on his skin doesn't like tooth brushes or flavoured tooth paste . Messes himself , is there something wrong with him

Replies

  • LesLes Posts: 42Member Talkative
    Hello Zoe

    I have read what you say about your son. I wonder if your son could be on the Autistic Spectrum.
    I have  a daughter who is on the Autistic Spectrum. A lot of what you say, seems very similar to Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Have you ever asked your GP for a referral to a consultant who could diagnose what might be wrong? You don't say how old your son is.

    Do have a read of this link and see if your son may be on the spectrum. http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Autistic-spectrum-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx

    Even if he isn't, it is better to eliminate the possibility.

    I hope this may be of some help to you.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 1,027Administrator admin
    Hi @zoe1983 this forum is a safe space to talk about disability but of course, we can't diagnose anyone.  If you are concerned about your son, you could speak to his school and your GP.

    To help @will22 give you some feedback, it would help if you told us your sons:
    • age
    • any physical difficulties including mobility
    • primary means of communication 
    • level of learning difficulty/diagnosis.

  • zoe1983zoe1983 Posts: 7Member Listener
    Hi Sam -scope my son is 9 , He can speak but finds it hard to communicate with other a lot of the time .....he not speak to teacher a out anything .he working on a reception age child's work 
  • will22will22 Posts: 19Member, Community advisor Whisperer
    Hi Zoe1983,

    As Sam has said this isn’t a way to diagnose anyone and although it’s tempting to look at a set of characteristics or behaviours and make a diagnosis yourself you should seek guidance from healthcare professionals and work with them.

    It seems like you’re having a really tough time and that your son is struggling in different ways. The question for me would be what is driving this behaviour both in terms of your son’s needs and the environment around him.

    You haven’t said that he has a diagnosis of any learning difficulty or suchlike, but from the things you mention it seems like he has some additional needs. It’s important to always come back to this when thinking about the behaviour that he shows – if he’s showing high levels of anger then he may have difficulties understanding his emotions or being able to community them, if he’s working at a lower level than the other children then he may have difficulty understanding what is going on in the day etc.

    It’s not possible for me to say “this is what’s going on” given this information and so I cannot advise you to what strategies you should be using. This should only be based on an assessment of the child’s individual needs. If he is (for arguments sake) Autistic, then a certain approach and set of strategies may be appropriate. If he’s not then an entirely different approach would be needed. Guiding you along one path may be counterproductive at this point.

    What must happen now is that you get involved with your local healthcare and education professionals. I would assume that School are aware that there is a difficulty if he is showing these behaviours and working at the level he is. They should be referring him to possibly an educational psychologist for an assessment of need.

    If he is aggressive and threatening you in your home then this needs urgent intervention. As Sam has suggested the first port of call should be your GP who can refer him onto the appropriate agency - a learning difficulties team for example. They should work with the school and yourself to find out what is at the bottom of these difficulties and help you all move forward.

    I hope this helps, I’ sorry to say that I can’t offer you specific advice, but it does sound like your son would benefit from some investigation/assessment. Get in touch with the school and ask to know what their assessment of him is and see if he needs further input. Get in touch with your GP and request some support. They should refer you to the most appropriate agency based on the difficulties you describe.

     

    Will


  • zoe1983zoe1983 Posts: 7Member Listener
    Thank you will 
  • JackieJackie Posts: 24Member Whisperer

    Hi Zoe

    One further suggestion  might be to get in touch with your local Special Educational Needs Disability Information and Advice Service [a mouthful I know but it's usually shortened to SENDIAS!]. Every area in the country has one of these organisations and they exist to provides free information, advice and support to parents and carers of children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and to young people with SEND up to the age of 25. I only mention this as it sounds from what you say that your son is functioning well below his age at school and hence should be getting extra support. Your local SENDIAS should be able to talk with you about this and if they feel the school should be doing more to help then they can advise you on this also.

    If you let us know which area of the country you live in we could give you the details of your local SENDIAS so you can make contact with them to discuss your concerns. Perhaps this might kick start the process for finding out whether your son does have an underlying condition.

    Do get in touch with this information if you can.

    Jackie

  • mrsdogsbodymrsdogsbody Posts: 2Member Listener
    He sounds similar to my son who is now 16. Messing himself until 13, took us that long to work out it was due to anxiety and gastric stomach.  He had a lot of upset as a toddler when I left my abusive partner, and son even now is like a deer, lives on his senses that are heightened. Doesn't like certain textures, food textures, jumpers, gravy, noise is a big no, children no as unpredictable.  He has PTSD, aspergers, PDA , anxiety, depression, panic attacks. Fussy eater, acid reflux.  All down to stress being bottled up, whilst in school etc tolerating it etc with added kids being unkind, no mates.  Then got home and had meltdowns which sounds like your son. 
    Meltdowns you feel like it will never end, he shouts, that's allowed in his book, you aren't . The best advice I can say is let him have his meltdowns to release the tension for him if you can. Then as it goes on stay quiet, as when you talk to him you are overloading him again, so if you need to ask him to move etc then ask him quietly and in control.  It took me months to work that out.
    after meltdown then you can say things like can you not scream at me next time etc..... As it will be listened to then but not in a meltdown.

    ask the school to get him referred to be diagnosed and maybe CAMH.  Work with school if you can as earlier it's sorted the better. 

    My my son ended up being taken out of school and took his education at home with medical needs but he's now started an apprenticeship so it can get better but it's a long bendy road, but the more you can do for him now the easier it will be later.
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