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Anxiety anxiety anxiety!

DotDot Posts: 6Member Listener
edited February 2017 in Education and learning
My daughter who turns 18 in April,  suffers from extreme anxiety.  She was diagnosed at 18 months and didnt speak until she was around 7years old.  She was very agressive due to not being understood.  She used pecs but could only use 4 cards at a time.  Now she hits, spits, pulls my hair and kicks me,  at any opportunity.  She is 5ft 8 and 12 and a half stones,  so she really can do some damage! After she has a meltdown she doesnt remember anything,  but this can happen two or three times a day.  She is on risperidone,  methelphenidate,  and sicadine also melatonine to help her sleep. I love my daughter very much but i find it hard to like her sometimes,  and i feel so guilty saying that.

Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @Dot welcome to the community, being a parent is hard work at the best of times.  Don't feel guilty, I think as parents, we need support sometimes and that starts with being honest.

    Does your daughter get any extra support?


    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • DotDot Posts: 6Member Listener
    About a year and a half ago we had to move as my daughter was getting badly bullied at her sn school. As we changed areas,  only now are we starting to get some help. She is making her transition to a special needs place called Hansel,  in South Ayrshire,  going one day a week instead of school.  This will then gradually go up to 4 days.  She does a lot of self harming which is getting worse because of the change. She rips her toe nails off and tears her skin and flicks the blood,  smearing it on the walls. She has a lot of acne which she also picks leaving her face scarred.  She hates certain number plates,  especially the ones with 59 on them. One day she climbed out her window and caused £800 worth of damage to a neighbours car because of this.  She sees a psychiatrist who thinks she does all of tbis because she wants to be like other girls.  As she is 18 in April,  we wil be moving to adult services,  so this will be a huge change for her.  
    Thank you for replying.
  • will22will22 Posts: 31Member
    Hi Dot,

    You're really going through it here. Living with these kind of behavior is hugely draining stressful and outright traumatic. You and other's in your situation deserve a medal just for keeping going. 

    You feel guilty for not always liking your daughter. This is perfectly normal and understandable and you should acknowledge and accept that you will find it hard to have a positive thought about her at times. At times you may feel like screaming at her, walking out of the house and a myriad other things. 

    No one  - no one - can manage the severe stress of supporting and living with someone with these kind of behaviors and maintain a constantly cheery smile and happy disposition. we are human and under stress our thoughts and feelings can go crazy.

    I'm glad you're receiving help from a psychiatrist (although I'm a little puzzled by the explanation of wanting to be like other girls?) but I'd go further and ask what help you are receiving personally? whether it's time away for respite or just the opportunity to talk about what's happening and outlet some of these feelings. Sometimes it can be beneficial just to be able to sit down with someone and be able to say 'this is hard. Sometimes I don't want to be around her.' It doesn't mean you don't love her, it doesn't mean you don't want the best for her, it's an acknowledgment that you're only human and you're doing your best. 

    I hope that you have good support from services and that they have been able to give you a coherent picture of why these behaviors are happening. if you have any questions that I might be able to answer then please ask. Don't be too hard on yourself, I felt like crying last night because my 4 month old son screamed at me for 45 minutes! What you're dealing with is on a whole other level. 

    Will


  • DotDot Posts: 6Member Listener
    Thank you Will.  The only respite we have are my husbands elderly parents who have her the odd night,  but Hansel,  who also give respite,  are hopefully going to start this in April.  My husband and i dont have a marriage,  we just co parent,  so it will be nice to have time with him myself!  Mind you,  we probably would just sit and listen to the silence.  She rules everything and talks constantly. Right up until she falls asleep,  and as soon as her eyes open. She wants to control everything we do,  including what we watch on tv and who sits where.  Sorry, im rambling!  Thanks for your kind words.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    @Dot the community is a safe space where you can feel free to ramble as much as you need!  Some great advice from @will22 and do keep chatting.  There is such a range of people on this community with so many experiences, but what binds people together is the knowledge that everyone has their own battles.  

    As Will says, being a parent is hard work! I have three kids aged 12,14 and 16 and it is the toughest job on earth and you are dealing with another level of difficulty and frustration.  I really hope you can get more real life support but know that the Scope community is here for you too.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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