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Share your relationship and dating tips in our new dating/relationships category

Chris_ScopeChris_Scope Posts: 695Member Pioneering
edited February 2017 in Dating and relationships
With Valentines Day just around the corner, we're currently in the process of putting together a new tips page on all things related to dating and relationships as a disabled person. Do you have any pearls of wisdom that you can share with the rest of the community? Share your tips by commenting below.

Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    Someone got in touch with my blog who has a stoma and is single asking me when the right time to tell someone about her stoma was, before they meet/first date/after a few weeks? The overwhelming response was on the first date, this means you can weed out people who arent going to handle it straight away.  

    I took from this that honesty about your disability or impairment is really important, I wondered what other members thougtht?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • FundamentalistFundamentalist Posts: 134Member Courageous
    Hi from Fm. I find that "dating" services are generally only used by professionals and they expect whoever they contact to be up to their standard but we live in a very multi levelled society and everyone needs someone at their own level, that is something I think is really important, I don't think it would really work otherwise, but if you're like me not able to work and have to live down at the "lower" end of the scale, what do you do? In my experience even free to use sites that are funded by advertising etc. still generally only attract professional classes, but I haven't tried any disabled dating sites yet, I'm hoping the one I've found will be different. And I totally agree with the advice above, you really need to tell whoever you meet about your disabilities and/or disorders at the start, especially with hidden problems that are not outwardly visible, otherwise if you get involved with someone for a while and then they find out later that you're not for them it can really hurt either or both partners so don't hide it, talk it over at the start and some things are best revealed only when you meet the person rather than online. Also I'll be glad when "valentine's" is all over because it just grinds in the misery when you're like me so totally "unsociable". To me it's a bit like the illegal drugs trade, making millions out of misery and suffering. Roll on the 15th! Fm.
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 168Volunteer community adviser Pioneering
    I agree; I told my partner right at the start about my disability, partly because there's not a lot of getting away from it but also because I have cyclical periods of being really quite unwell with it too, and that of course can have a massive impact from the word go, really. It's a big part of my life and how I function, so anyone who can't sign up for that and be present won't be someone who can stick around really.


    - Gill 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • FundamentalistFundamentalist Posts: 134Member Courageous
    Hi from Fm. I couldn't agree more, every kind of relationship is built on trust, not just romantic ones. And I totally agree with being totally open at first meeting. But at the same time I think you need to let them know gently and gradually but don't take too long about it. I generally feel like saying if it's going to be a serious problem for you then let me know now. Don't just give them a big lecture about all the problems you have. Quite often, even this week I've had young lasses about half my age or less flirting with me but of course they only see the outside, they'd most likely dump me like a hot brick if they found out about all the appalling problems I have, a lot of which are just totally impractical and the fact that I have little more than nothing to offer other than just plain affection and practical skills. Fm.
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