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Check out our new dating and sex tips

Chris_ScopeChris_Scope Posts: 695Member Pioneering
With Valentine's Day upon us, we thought it a good time to revamp our dating and sex tips page, with fresh contributions from community members and from community sex and relationships expert Gill. 

Here's a taster:

"1. Don't be afraid to explore

'This doesn’t need to be with someone else, and is open to all kinds of interpretation.  Sexually, of course, it makes sense to be in tune with your body and your responses, physically as well as emotionally, and to know what works for you.  But when it comes to relationships and dating, the idea of exploring can sometimes get a bit overlooked.

"It can be really useful to actively think or talk about your wishes and hopes for how you want a relationship to be, or what you’re looking for in a partner.'" 

You can view all of our Dating and sex tips here.

Replies

  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 486Community champion Pioneering
    Went to Ann Summer in Newcastle on a rare shopping trip without our daughter and thinking about this thread. Mainly just to break a stereo type but also for the shear fun of it, which lets face it, sex should be fun. And often as a disabled person with weird reactions to touch and chronic pain... It can sometimes be less fun than it should be. 

    I'd say it's taking my husband and me a good 5 years and still counting to get it back on track... 

    Interesting reading this article as it's difficult to write about. But I do think that sex education needs to be much more than penis and vaginas.... This article is  good start. 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • HaroldMccudden999HaroldMccudden999 Posts: 2Member Listener
    As a severely disabled person I am housebound, but it is nice to know that such advise is on hand, I think your articles are a good
    start. Thank you.
  • JudomandeanJudomandean Posts: 46Member Connected
    edited October 2017
    Where we are disabled (and I am, I have CP) or abled bodied, most of us are sexual being and have sexual needs and desires. Do not feel awkward, ashamed or indeed embarrassed at have these feelings / needs. Sex is GOOD for the body and the mind and makes us relax afterwards. Be who you are, be you. ohAsk for what you want, good luck gang :). I give talks of disabled issues, being disabled and sports for disabled folk [email address removed].
  • disable_mabledisable_mable Posts: 7Member Listener
    sex is not good, you have to be able bodied :(
  • matty67matty67 Posts: 8Member Connected
    It would be nice to get to know people with other disabilitys because as they say life is to short .im.mathew im 50yo single now for the last 9 year .feeling lost and empty with not a care in the would its life my life is bleeding away from me with nothing to look forwards to every morning .all i want is the company of a woman with the passion and love with the respect to as i will love and respect them the same way .
    Some morning i just dont want to get up as there is nothing to get up to anymore ..a life with out hope is an empty sole lost and confused and sad .
             Where is the love that we all speek of .its all gone to the rubish tip .
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @matty67, thank you for sharing this with us.

    It sounds like you're feeling really lonely. Here on the community there will be people to listen and chat to, but as we're not a dating service, you may like to check out some dating websites too. You may like to check out this past discussion where our other members share the dating sites they use, such as Meet Up and Plenty Of Fish. Hope this helps!
  • matty67matty67 Posts: 8Member Connected
    Im on there and no one is interested in me im just brushed aside 
  • MKMaleMKMale Posts: 24Member Courageous
    I am starting to feel like I will be single for the rest of my life. As a single straight male with health issues, I feel like no one wants to consider a date with me. Even getting a reply from anyone is almost impossible..
  • matty67matty67 Posts: 8Member Connected
    Make your profile like a painting exspress who you are and what you do .discride your self as a loving person say you like romantic walks along the beach hand in hand talk about your future even say about picnic on the beach to even a picnic in the park .if you like traveling tell them the one place you would like to take them tell them your dreams .tell them how beauriful.they are in your eyes .
    Never say anything negative 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Listener
    My wife is disabled and meet her online. Got married a year after. Her health is getting worse but I still love her otherwise I wouldn't do things I do.
  • Mike25readMike25read Posts: 4Member Listener
  • feirfeir Posts: 356Member Pioneering
    I have concerns that i will injure my spine more during sex so a bit scared to experiment but have googled some positions to try and there is tips out there. I don't feel i need advice though and will just have to experiment anyway and see what works and what to avoid.

    Also both myself and my boyfriend are incontinent, there seems a taboo around this when it comes to sex? He has been for years and i have been for a year so we've both adjusted to it but still it's something nobody seems to have any advice about? I know sex is not only about the genitals but still because our toilet needs come from that area you'd think there'd be some advice or reassurance about it. Like i have times where i cannot tell i need the toilet (or even tell i've been) and he has that all the time and is not able to even go if he tries to as he has no control at all, we can use bed pads though so it's not too bad if anyone wees but i'm worried if he did poop while we are doing stuff that it'd freak me out and then make him feel bad when he has no reason to really and it is my problem. I feel bad for even mentioning this also but i like my new partner and am falling for him, i enjoy our relationship and feel we are very compatible and will be together in the long term, i want my partner to feel like i accept everything about him and don't want to make him feel bad about himself.

    I would like some advice on how not to make him feel ashamed if anything happens or how not to react badly to it in the first place would be ideal. He uses incontinence products and has toileted in them around me (which he was worried i'd react badly to) and as a carer this sort of thing doesn't bother me (nor cleaning it up) just i've never had this during sex. I also use incontinence products (mine would get in the way during sex though, his would not if we didn't fasten them up). I'd also like advice if anyone knows how to contain poo do that if we do have an accident it will make less mess? Maybe it won't even make that much mess and i am over thinking but from what i've seen so far he is quite messy, sorry if that's too explicit but i'd like the best advice for my situation as possible.

    Please only give nice replies or don't bother as i feel very sensitive about this and was scared to even ask publicly, thank you.


  • newbornnewborn Posts: 326Member Pioneering
    @Feir, 3 cheers for you.      Wish I could give info for you, but would like at least to say thanks for posting.   You are sure to have helped people, just by showing how frank you are.  Loads of people will either have nursed or cared for others with the same issue, or else have experienced it themselves.


  • feirfeir Posts: 356Member Pioneering
    newborn said:
    @Feir, 3 cheers for you.      Wish I could give info for you, but would like at least to say thanks for posting.   You are sure to have helped people, just by showing how frank you are.  Loads of people will either have nursed or cared for others with the same issue, or else have experienced it themselves.


    Thanks, i was concerned about asking but it turns out he has ED now anyway, oh well just another issue to overcome or deal with and appointments have been made.
  • CharliedickCharliedick Posts: 2Member Listener
    I have got a slight learning disability. ow can I meet a woman similar to me
  • faithlew87faithlew87 Posts: 3Member Listener
    edited October 2018
    I work with women with disabilities sexually and have worked with younger women for there first ever contact and it's all about the patience you both have together and creating that bond to make it comfortable. It's rewarding to know that the women is happy and comfortable as well as providing them with a service which they were too scared to venture or too shy because of their disability, I think there's many services out there but it's just finding the right one and also the right person. People should never judge you for your disability it's how you was born the many women I've met are amazing and to this day I'm still friends with some. There's always hope out there just don't ever give up.
  • GordonmrlnGordonmrln Posts: 35Member Courageous
    Why not try meeting people at clubs and other places of interest, I recently joined a Gun club because I like target shooting, but I've meet a lovely crowd of people, and the best thing is that by going to a club of your interest you already have something in common with others there and you can build on this, the more they get to know you the more you become a friend, and once you have a friendship set up things can take a change. But the point I'm making is that by getting out and joining a club makes you meet people instead of sitting at home behind a screen, and by the way I use a wheelchair as well and everyone is kind and helpful and I don't mean pity these are genuine people and we have a laugh, plus my shooting coach goes out of his way to help me and make sure I'm at ease with my shooting, only 2 weeks ago I entered my first competition in Elgin I was shooting on a Sunday as I shoot Rifle and he had shot on Saturday as he shoots Pistol, however he said that he would stay the Sunday to give me support and help if I need it, unfortunately his farther in-law was rushed into hospital so he had to leave, but he gave me some pointers before he left, and he also introduced me to someone who was there to help and they did help me, I had a great time met a whole load of new people and I was the only Disabled person there, I finished 2nd in my group which for my first competition was brill, my coach was chuffed as was I, So get yourself out and about it's the only way to meet friends. I lost my wife 2 years back we were married for 25 years the best 25 years of my existence and I will never stop loving her, no matter what happens even if I get into another relationship. We all need to feel wanted
  • newbornnewborn Posts: 326Member Pioneering
    So good to hear of your social life and sporting triumph! And how everyone has welcomed you, too. Thanks for posting 
  • julie7193julie7193 Posts: 1Member Listener
    Hi all, I try to look at things in all directions. I have been single and with rubbish people and now in a relationship and recently diagnosed with hsp. I have had a few melt downs and my partner is supportive but also gives tough love.
    I wonder what would happen if I was single again as it’s hard enough able bodied but then I realised, those who see a disability as a barrier would not be the right people anyway. I am sure everyone wants to feel respected, appreciated and cared for. I have been attracted to disabled people, it would always boil down to personality so just be yourself, not try too hard. Everyone gets old , that’s when most disability happens, it just happens ours has come early and so look at what each person has to offer. Yes this is me on a positive day but whilst I am, lol , if your able, get out, try dating sites, but I’d go for more genuine ones where people are looking for a soul mate and not a millionaire or a quicky! Be your self and you will attract the right people, show people what you have to offer! A personality goes a very long way for the right person. There are people out there who like extra responsibility and thrive on helping, look for those and it could be a match made in heaven? Xx good luck xx
  • MKMaleMKMale Posts: 24Member Courageous
    I honestly don't know what else to try and I am starting to think that I will never have a chance to date again ket alone have a relationship.
    53 single man with health issues... I'm invisible and ignored
  • KAPTAINKRIPKAPTAINKRIP Posts: 4Member Listener
    I'm single and hetroaged 55 disabled since i was 33 unable to gret out muchthere is nowhere in my town to meet othr disabled people
    i have never had sex as a disabled personliving in est kent they have scrapped my social worker i do have carers but life is very so,itaruy and female company rare all a bit solitary,not surprising when yiou can't meet people half way but it is very solitary
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    I wonder if there's any guidance @PSHEexpert could offer here?
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 2,902Member Disability Gamechanger
    I work with women with disabilities sexually and have worked with younger women for there first ever contact and it's all about the patience you both have together and creating that bond to make it comfortable. It's rewarding to know that the women is happy and comfortable as well as providing them with a service which they were too scared to venture or too shy because of their disability, I think there's many services out there but it's just finding the right one and also the right person. People should never judge you for your disability it's how you was born the many women I've met are amazing and to this day I'm still friends with some. There's always hope out there just don't ever give up.
    What do you mean you work with? Are you an escort?
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 2,902Member Disability Gamechanger
    I feel with my health issues that I would be a burden to a partner and I don’t even try to meet anyone. I’ve been single for most of my life by choice but as I get older it is lonely. How do people overcome feeling like a burden?
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • helenzx6rhelenzx6r Posts: 31Member Listener
    Hello...
    I’ve been single 6 years and find dating very difficult.
    no1 is interested as soon as they know
    i have disabilities 
    ive tried numerous dating sites. Ow and totally give up 

    Im also scared of ever being intimate again with a man as it’s been a long time now and I now have painful disabilities to deal with.:( 
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 2,902Member Disability Gamechanger
    I thinking disgusting that these so called free dating sites are not free and you have to subscribe to message. Plus you can't trust that the profiles are real as according to some well known documentary programmes on t v they make up profiles to scam people. So who can you trust? I will just foolishly wait for my knight in shining armour lol
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • CastielCastiel Posts: 4Member Listener
    There is a man in Norwich in the Gay pride website that's making Sex toys for disabled people, looks promising. 
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