Help with Daughter's Emotions (and Housing)

Wrightytasha

My 8 year old daughter was paralysed whilst on family holiday 0ct 2015..
Diagnosed with Surfers Myelopathy 1/64 cases worldwide..
As time has passed behaviour has became much more challenging.. Being a single working mum, who fortunately has all school holidays and hours 9-3pm so im always there for her.. I have little support from local authorities because we don't fit criteria.
To add a little more disruption we have been ask to vacate our current home of 9 years and have been Band 1 priority for almost 4 months and no closer to finding a suitable bungalow..
Feels like im fighting at everyturn to get anywhere. How can i help my daughters emotions when life is so in limbo and retain my sanity!!  
Any suggestions?

wildlife

@Wrightytasha This is not a personal criticism and I'm no expert on child behaviour but picking out some of the wording from your post, "disruption", "fighting" "in limbo" it sounds like your daughter is picking up on your thoughts and emotions and, as children do, rather than being able to say how she feels, it is affecting her behaviour. She already has her disability to cope with and the impending move is overload. I can only say what I would do and that's to try not to talk about moving and focus on your life as it is where you are. I read an excellent book called "Living in the Now". Basically the idea behind it is to concentrate on each minute of the day. The past is gone there's nothing you can do about it except to learn from your experiences and there's no point in worrying about the  future as most of time it never happens the way you imagine. Of course you need to plan, to have dreams and goals but in a positive way. So if the subject of the move comes up try and make it a positive, even exciting thing to talk about but distract her back to the present. Hope that helps..xx

Geoark

Hello @Wrightytasha and welcome to the community.

From what you have posted it sounds like you are dealing with a choice based letting scheme. Available properties are advertised at regular intervals and you put in a bid for any property/properties you might be interested in.

Homes suitable for disabled people has always been in short supply and more so in some areas than others. This has been aggravated by right to buy and the low number of social homes being built, so it gets harder.

Have you been told what to do and been left to get on with it? If so you need to go back to the lettings team and ask for additional help. Depending on the reason for asking you to move, regeneration for example, and the time line they are working to may help to motivate them.

For example while you may not be able to find a home that suits your needs would you consider a less desirable one which has been adapted to your needs? Or if they have a good understanding of your needs they may keep it a suitable home off the choice based letting scheme and offer it to you directly.

There may be another alternative open to you depending if there are 1 or more housing associations operating in the area/s you are interested in. While social rents in housing associations can be a little higher they have been building more homes and may have properties which are more suitable for your needs. If it is something you are willing to consider then talk to your lettings team about the possibility of them referring you to open your options.

@Debbie_Scope any other advice?

MikeBroderick

Hi @Wrightytasha:

Thanks for your post, and welcome!

It sounds like your situation is difficult at the moment. I know it must be hard.

I was thinking that perhaps respite options might be good to explore either now or in the future, so you can recharge your batteries and as you say maintain your own sanity and resilience. 

Here you can find out some further information about options for respite.

Also, have a look through the Community discussions in our sections on Parents and Carers  and housing and independent living.

Thanks again for being part of the Community.  

Debbie_Scope

Hi @Wrightytasha,

Welcome to the community. I hope you've found it helpful so far and thanks to all who have contributed and given you a warm welcome. There's some really good advice above.

What struck me first was how much you and your daughter have been through in such a short space of time. The added uncertainty around your housing is of course going to cause distress to you both. 

Housing aside for a moment, I'm more concerned for your daughter's and your mental well-being. You mention challenging behaviour and that you're a working single parent so you must be under an awful lot of pressure and things can quickly become overwhelming as more problems add up. I wonder if your daughter has had counselling to help her come to terms with her disability?

I'd like to talk to you more about all of this because there's lots of questions I want to ask so that I can work out what the options are. I will send you a private message and make contact with you there.

Best wishes
Debbie