Feeling alone/isolated

cen12

hi everyone,

Im not sure if this is the place to write but I have no where else to go to. I feel so isolated and I'm now finding that people are leaving my side. Friends who I thought would stand by me yet nothing. I try and stay in contact by is all falls on deaf ears. 
I hate to be the first to make contact as I totally understand that people are busy and work. I feel such a bother. 
Im trying to remain positive with everything. But when you are waiting for a diagnosis and you have gone from a 38year who had a successfull career and would run, go to the gym 6times a week. To someone who was recently had her contract terminated due to ill health and that has knocked me back mental health wise too. I now use a wheelchair and a mobility scooter. 

Im so sorry to rant.

Pollypocket

I could of written that. I've felt so bad for over five years. I have had two suicide attempts, had to leave my career of? 30yrs. I can't leave the house, I shake constantly and am basically a raving looney.  

ourvoices

Hi @cen12,

So many people on here will be able to relate to how you are feeling, you are not alone and although you feel isolated now - you can change that.

You're right, people have busy lives, but we can all make time - sometimes a nudge and a cup of coffee reminds us.  You're not being a bother if you say 'let's get together' - you are being a friend (they might need one too).

Illness, disability and mental health are all difficult things to cope with (especially when you tick all three boxes at once). 

There might be support groups in your area who can also help.

Try to see your wheelchair and scooter as positive things - they can still help you to access the world around you.  It took me ages to come to terms with this.

I went to Naidex and saw people 'whizzing' around, it made me realise that people with disabilities/illnesses can still live a life and be independent...... and happy too.

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CockneyRebel

I can relate to what you feel. Although I am happy in my own company, I did have a couple of close friends and neighbours. Since becoming less able to get out, I don't have much contact with them. As you say, other people seem to have such busy lives I didn't want to bother them. During a recent spell in hospital, they all came to visit me, for which I was very gratefull. Having returned home the contact was again lost. Eventually ,one friend rang and apologised for bothering me but needed to borrow something that he knew I had. It turned out that my friends didn't want to bother me incase I was not feeling well. A case of crossed wires. You cannot hide what your problems are and true friends will understand if you are open with them. Many people that knew you when you were fit and healthy don't know what to say to you or how you feel or how you will react, it can be as uncomfortable for them or even more so, as it is for you. I found that giving my friends "a go" in my wheelchair and on my scooter broke the ice somewhat. Now, when the weather improves we are planning a BBQ with time trial races in my chair and scooter. Life does not end when faced with challenges it does change and we have to change with it.

Sam_Alumni

Thanks so much for sharing @cen12

It sounds like you have had a really tough time and with all these changes, it is not surprising that it has knocked your confidence. I know it is hard, but if you can try and be open with your loved ones, it really can help.

People often dont know what to say, they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and it can make them move away from you.  This is so difficult to deal with, but by opening up to the people you care about, it can help you all to talk about the changes in your life.

The sad thing is that some people may walk away, but are they the people you want in your life?

Han_

Hi @cen12 and everyone else.

I totally get how you all feel. I had to leave university when I got ill and my friends dropped like flies, I was left with 2 who I was grateful for. Then as my condition has been getting worse they have also left my life. They make excuses to not come and see me, don't reply to my texts or just simply not bother. So I stopped contacting them. 

My family come around often but they aren't very accommodating for my needs making it very very difficult for me to sit with them.

I have learnt that using a wheelchair/mobility aid is an amazingly positive thing as the person is able to get out and do things and therefore become less isolated. I know there's the issue of accessibility.