If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

Life Story Offer?

DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
Hi @Sam_Scope,

Just before autism awareness week you sent me an email saying you like the advice I write for members needing help. Today the community story tellers asked me to share some of my experiences. 

Would the community like me to write my life story living as an Aspie  ( term used for someone with Asperger's )? Discussing my difficulties and how I overcame them.

Don't Fear Your True Self

Replies

  • izaiza Posts: 285Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @DannyMoore,  yes go for it. 
    I like to read people's story. 


  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    I'll draft it first then I'll post it on here.
    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 2,459Administrator admin
  • LiamO_DellLiamO_Dell Posts: 615Administrator admin
    Please do, @DannyMoore - I'm looking forward to reading it!
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    I'm an individual with Asperger's Syndrome. Throughout my life I've faced lots of challenges, most of the challenges involved all kinds of abuse. Physical abuse, verbal abuse/being made fun of, neglect, verbal assault, bullies. I'll discuss; main features of Asperger's, sensory issues, social deficits, emotions, thinking patterns and Asperger's strengths.

    Main Features of Asperger's
    The main features of Asperger's include sensory issues, social deficits, obsessive interests and repetitive behaviours. With the sensory issues our sense(s) tend to be heightened, so things like lights, sounds, touches of food, certain fabric on clothing can be overwhelming for us. With social issues we find it hard to read people because we're already overwhelmed making us unable to pay attention to that. Obsessive interest, people with autism as well as Asperger's tend to be very focused while engaged with what we're interested in. Repetitive behaviours appear as doing the same thing over and over again, they are used as a way to distract themselves from something in the environment bothering them.

    Sensory Issues
    My sensitivity to sound is heightened, it's very hard to block out noises. When I hear them my eyes shut tight, my head faces the ground and my face clenches. When I hear people turning their car engines on they make unnecessary noises, instead of driving to work they drive me mad. I don't get to go to events like parties because they always have the music too loud.

    Social Deficits
    It's so difficult to have things like conversations with others, difficult to imagine how someone's feeling at the time. If some kind of noise starts during a conversation we get overwhelmed and have to resist any pain it causes, because of anxiety we're already busy processing what's around us. Once all that's information is being processed we find it hard to process additional information like body language and facial expressions.
    That resulted in only having 1 friend because once I lost attention I got labelled ignorant and got neglected. Physical abuse and verbal abuse began occurring out on the streets as well as at school. A few years after being bullied none stop I began retaliating violently. I can't write what I did because my actions were not described as aggressive but were described as lethal! All my attacks against the bullies were plotted and planned first.
    I was never accepted to play with groups because I'm different, I had to keep spending 6 days a week all alone with no company whatsoever, I was either abused or neglected. The only company I had was my best friend Matt.

    Emotions
    Our emotions work a bit differently to others. The best simile I've ever heard is a light switch. I was playing on a game, I was very calm, when one of my brothers walked past the TV I couldn't see it and within a second I was extremely angry and hit him, he only wanted to get something from the windowsill, then within a second after hitting him I was just as calm as I was before he walked in front of the TV. People not on the spectrum work more like a dimmer switch, it takes a while to get upset, then it takes a while to calm down.
    Then we start trying to control everything, including people. The way they try to control the environment is to try and make it consistent, that's why most of us have a preference for routines and dislike it when something changes. When I kept switching to extremely angry I had to be put in a residential home for my brothers' and sister's safety. Social Services placed me in the wrong home leading to more abuse and bullies.
    It took a long time before I started understanding what people kept calling the grey area, I didn't learn how to compromise with people until I was 17. Before then I was always, "it's my way or it's your way", I couldn't meet in the middle.

    Thinking Patterns
    With our brains wired differently we think in very different ways to people not on the spectrum, and because of it we can think of alternative solutions that people without autism can't think of and vice versa. The difference is those of us on the spectrum get forced to learn the majority's solutions giving us higher ground.
    During my adulthood the abuse continued, I was the victim of a hate crime last year. Now that I'm an adult I couldn't use violence to scare them away so I had to turn to the police. I was disgraced with the police when they kept lieing to me to prevent me from retaliating, committing crime myself. Since the police refused to help me I had to fight them, since my mother works for the police I was able to give her a heads up. She spoke with her boss warning him I don't threaten people, I give ultimatums. As soon as she spoke of my history her boss knew the police were at risk if they didn't start helping.
    Because people who aren't on the spectrum don't have to learn our solutions we can come up with answers to problems they can't solve.

    Asperger's Strengths
    There are some things people pick up naturally that people on the autism spectrum don't. Things like sarcasm, judging how a person feels, metaphors and sayings. There are some qualities people on the spectrum pick up naturally that others don't. 
    When we try to control and make the world consistent we pick up the gift of consistency. When engaged with our interests we have the ability to hyper-focus. When we use both qualities together we can make great achievements. 
    Every achievement I've made in life I was able to achieve on my own while everyone around me required a teacher. 
    When I was in year 3 at primary school I was able to draw so well that people bought them from me. Once diagnosed with autism I gained an interest in autism spectrum disorders, everything I know about autism is self taught. When I was in year 7, because of my interest with numbers I was already understanding Intermediate GCSE Maths. About 8 years ago I began doing WTF TaeKwonDo and self defence and have become a voluntary advisor helping the head teacher teach his students. He was astonished he didn't have to teach me himself, even though I was only a white belt the consistency helped me gain the knowledge of a black belt student.
    During my research on autism spectrum disorders I encountered a documentary stating that because of the gift to hyper-focus and how detail orientated people on the spectrum are, doctors believe that 90% of the technology we have has come from minds of people on the autism spectrum. 

    My Life Today
    Even though Asperger's Syndrome has given me a life made out of one battle after another I'm pleased with the outcome. I'm now an independent adult with many talents and have knowledge to help people understand their autism. All the battles left me with the determination to help reduce bullying and all kinds of abuse towards disabled people. Earlier this year I volunteered to be on a video sharing experiences of abuse due to being disabled. 
    Near the end of the hate crime last year I joined a church, the church made my happy place. The people I met there accept me for my differences, socialise with me out of the church giving me a life with friends.

    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • izaiza Posts: 285Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @DannyMoore

    It is brave written story of life facing difficulties which end up with positive aspects for you. I think the philosophy of TaeKwonDo really brought lots of good changes in your life and helped you lots. 

    The most important in life is to know how to get on the right pathway back again once overcame the barriers and obstacles in life. 

    Many people when the crisis moments in life come stack in one point and carry on without perspectives for better further.  

    It is sad you went throughout lots of bad abusing experiences (which here in UK are quite common and touch lots of families at some point). 
    Until few years back I did not know even that such a word "abuse" does exist, not to mention that I even did not know what does it mean.
    I did not know that there are even different form of abuse (physical, emotional, psychological, financial and so on). 

    I always thought that kids who grow up in big families (where are sublings ) have great opportunities to be protected by older brothers or sisters from being harm in schools end so on. 

    On the other side in my school days no one talk about bulling. Perhaps we did not know the meaning of this word even if the bulling happened. 
    Todays, lots of people talk about it and kids are learnt at schools from early years what the words bullying and abuse really mean. The only thing I would underline is that children even if they know what abuse and bulling mean, they do not really know what to do and how to act and react to it. 

    I do understand your frustration as a child, which grew up with each bullings and as I know life to all action there is / or will be reaction at some point. 


    It is great you developed knowledge about your own medical condision and learnt how it affects yours emotion. 
    The question in mind I have is at what age have you been diagnose?
    If the diagnosis were given once you were  in primary school why Dr did not diagnose earlier? 


    I am glad you find yourself happy in church. 
    When I was 8 years old my religion teacher (female) said to us "it is not really  important in what you are believing but believe at least in something" 

    What she meant was that if you cannot believe in GOD believe at leas in yourself.
     
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    Hi @iza,

    I was diagnosed at the age of ten. According to my research autism wasn't discovered until the late 20th century. So not many people knew about autism so they just thought their child was misbehaving.

    Once I started been violent my reactions were extremely abnormal compared to others so my parents reported it to a psychologist, the doctors then assessed me and diagnosed me having autism. That's why there's so many adults on this community who've only just been diagnosed. When they were children autism hadn't been discovered.

    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • izaiza Posts: 285Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @DannyMoore

    Thank you very much for such a quick respond. 
    I hope that children have a better chance to be diagnose earlier now as it would save them from going throughout dramatic life circumstances. 

    Well done to you for writing your personal life story. 
    I am not brave enough to share mine yet. 

    Have a great evening. 

  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    Hi @iza,

    it's nothing to do with bravery or courage why I'm so able to share things about myself, it's because of another characteristic of autism. A lot of us on the autism spectrum don't care what others think of us. If someone replied something like "your story's rubbish" it wouldn't of bothered me at all. I allow them to have their opinions, as long as I know the truth about myself it doesn't matter.

    This gives us so many advantages over others. For example, people not on the spectrum fear that they'll be embarrassed if they try something but fail at it in front of others. Since we don't care what others think of us, when we fail at something in front of them we don't care if they think we're rubbish so we don't feel embarrassed. Then if they say to me I'm rubbish I can just say to them, "at least I tried, since you didn't try I did better than you".

    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Posts: 183Member Talkative
    Thank you Danny
    I never understood what autism was. Having read your story I am keen to learn more.
    I  am so glad you have found your happy place, God be with you.

    Iza
    I would love to read your story when you are ready to tell it.

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • ck1268ck1268 Posts: 7Member Listener
    My daughter has aspergers and she is only 9. she was diagnosed a few years ago. since birth she was always special and it became more obvious against her peers in nursery and school.she has repetative behaviours ocd anxiety the lot. at school she wasnt accepted and struggled even her teachers struggled. her peers were unkind and it got to the stage were at 8 she planned and tryed to escape school. headteacher was not amused and asked why she bought a skipping rope to school. i must admit firstly i stormed down the school deemanding how she had got out of the gates. at home she told me her plan and how she had been planning it for a week , she had watched the patterns of the dinner ladies and teachers and plotted from there. after many a failed discussion with the school i decided to home educate. she has gaINED WEIGHT AND LOOKS AT HER HEALTHIEST SINCE FOREVER. SHE IS LESS STRESSED AND WE APPROACH EDUCATION HOLISTICALLY. SHE IS INVOLVED IN HER LEARNING, WE CHOOSE WHEN AND WHERE. i hold so much sadness for those children who grew up in the school system. the education system only caters for the adverage child or those who are really badly behaved as it has to be adressed. my daughter was bullied unnoticed and a shadow of herself. she is such a wonderfull spirit, she may be different but then again maybe everyone else is abnormal and shes the normal lol.it has been a struggle but i think that she is on track. i am dreading secondary school as i feel i should give her the chance to try. her future is also a major worry for me , is there people who will accept her for her.
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    edited August 13
    Hi @ck1268,

    I'm not surprised your daughter made a plan. Children with Asperger's aren't as wreckless as other children, they don't just jump straight into action. 

    Since one gang of bullies had 8 members I knew I couldn't defeat them, so a plan was secretly made. I decieved the teacher first by writing a false not saying I'm at hospital the next day then traced my dad's signature during the night. Once my dad dropped me off at school the next morning I hid on the grounds so the teachers didn't notice me and thought I was on my way to hospital. Once class started and the corridors were deserted I sneaked into the school and did something extremely dangerous in their packed lunch boxes, so I can't say on here. I then waited about an hour then went to class telling the teacher the doctors didn't make me wait as long this time. The 8 bullies eat their sandwiches and found themselves being taken to hospital to be tested and investigated.

    I'm concerned myself for people who appear to be different as well as actually are different, others are different but they appear to be very alike. People with perceived differences get feared because others don't know why those differences are there. If they don't know or understand something they try to drive the unknown out of the environment. I've read that what's unknown is the most common fear.


    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • izaiza Posts: 285Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @DannyMoore, thank you very much for explanation. Well done anyway.
  • izaiza Posts: 285Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @CockneyRebel, I already drafted over the page of my life story of becoming Trigeminal Neurophatic Pain Warrior. However, it is hard to share the story which has not got its "the end" chapter yet. The life needs to write the last sentences to it in coming time. Perhaps, then I can share it with everyone in more details. My story in general is very long story which started in November 2012. It is a story not only of becoming a Warrior due to atypical Trigeminal Neurophatic Facial Pain (also classified as suicide pain) but also a story of deep journey inside myself. I faced lots of difficult moments in my life for the last 5 years but the most painful was not being understood by family members and ex-partner. I become outsider and I needed to learn to socialise back again. My priorities also changed in life. I stopped worked due to my illness in private medical sector. Despite the fact that I liked my job and if not the illness I would make next steps in my carrier. On top of facing illness I am bring up my son. I faces many challenges and still face them too but I think I can stand up for myself and know how to act. I am afraid that I could go into more details to much at the moment but believe there were more days which brought rain then sunshine in last 5 years. Somebody said somewhere once that " Life is like learning to dance in rain" so I learnt my steps already. But I try to be the one who choose musics. That is all by now. Just to mention I am reading a book written by Robyn Schneider "The beginning of Everything" and I need to agree to this words " Every life no matter how small it is it has a tragic moment after which is happening all what is the most important" In my life the tragic moment definitely began by the end of 2012 so I do believe the most important is just in front of me. :) Otherwise somebody would need to explain what the life is for than.
  • ck1268ck1268 Posts: 7Member Listener
    Hi @DannyMoore  thankyou for your feedback 
    Im trying to understand. My daughter and im glad for the insight. What was it like for you at secondart school if i may ask?
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 393Member Chatterbox
    edited August 14
    Hi @ck1268

    Mainstream secondary school wasn't pleasant, I had a strong instinct that as soon as someone suspected I'm disabled more fights were going to occur. Even though I was in year 7 I was up against year 11s. In order to escape I had to get myself expelled with the use of domestic violence instead of just hitting one another. Fortunately I got transferred to a school organised for people with disabilities and/or special needs. 

    If secondary schools are still the way they were during my school time there'll be no protection, if we didn't have friends we were alone. At break and lunch times there were never any members of staff watching. It gets me so concerned about disabled children in mainstream schools, they have no protection. 

    Since I left school about 10 years ago the society's hatred and fear towards disabled people has kept increasing. Since the social influences are full of wickedness and so many of the good children get badly influenced and join in. I can imagine these days in mainstream schools it's nearly the entire school against disabled students. I know that there's children who are more vulnerable than I've ever been, I can't imagine how frightening it is for them.

    I wish the government would provide more protection for disabled people, adults as well as children. In the past when the laws were made the society's behaviour evolved, I think the laws need to be altered to make the society a safer place. Like if there's children bullying anyone the parents get charged for their child's crime, this should apply to anyone from the age of 8, not 16. What really annoys me is when the police say it's kids having a joke, it's disgraceful that the police leave children in danger from abusive children.

    The reason I had to compete against Hull City Council is because they were about to job cut the Young People's Support Services (YPSS). The YPSS is the only support a lot of disabled people have, if they job cut the YPSS lots of people would have no support. I suggested to my support worker to talk to the rest of the support workers and get all their clients to fill in a complaint form and post them all to Guild Hall. Hull City Council could see they were going to have to deal with over 200 complaints if they had job cut the YPSS. They were smart enough to know they would lose so much time that they would fall far behind on the rest of their work. Then that would of caused people who weren't with the YPSS to send complaints in saying they're taking to long. Then the YPSS was maintained showing how much power we get when we work together.

    If all people who've either experienced a disability hate crime or are going through one report it at once, if parents share that they are concerned their child is going to become someone's target/victim all at once the government may see that it's no longer children who are the society's target. We became the society's target when people knew they couldn't abuse children without been punished. 

    Don't Fear Your True Self
Sign in or join us to comment.