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""" Christmas"""""?

lavenderlavender Posts: 29Member Connected
"PLEASE", Selfishly on my part, this oga is looming ?
Kindly if like me ,living alone,what are your coping mechanisms?


  • Blue FrogBlue Frog Posts: 373Member Pioneering
    Is there something really nice you can do to treat yourself on the actual day? It doesn't have to be festive, just something you really like and would look forward to - like a special meal, DVD you've always wanted to watch, something you've wanted to buy yourself all year, a pampering treat? x 
  • lavenderlavender Posts: 29Member Connected
    My dearest Blue Frog, How kind of you to reply.please do you find in the past it has helped you?
  • Blue FrogBlue Frog Posts: 373Member Pioneering
    Yes it is very hard. I used to get very depressed before I had my daughter and Christmas was incredibly hard - as it seems like everyone else is all happy with their family. When it's cold and dark it doesn't help at all either  :'(  

    There are lots of lovely people on here who might have some more ideas and you always come on here for a chat  :)
  • lavenderlavender Posts: 29Member Connected
    Blue Frog , Your right,i find it very painfull when shopping,watching couples,and families arguing over ,food,drinks,treats how i wish?
    Bless you. x
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Posts: 5,246Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    What I have done up until this year (and hopefully i will still be able ) is help out a local charity that gives christmas dinner to the unfortunate homeless people in our area
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 972Member Pioneering
    Christmas for me is the worst time of year. I spend 90% of it alone in front of a TV showing everybody else enjoying it. It wasn't quite so bad when mum was alive as we just spent it together but she died last year and last Christmas was really, really awful. I have no idea how I will even try to cope this year.

    You would think that having 3 grown up children (all healthy) and a younger healthy Sister would help but I seem to be shunned by all of them at Christmas. Actually that's most of the year now but Christmas brings it home worse than the rest of the time.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • sally13uksally13uk Posts: 2Member Listener
    Hi all, do you know others in the same situation ? If so could you host a mini Christmas buffet or a bring and share day . Lots of people get family invites for the big day but are alone Xmas eve or Boxing Day.  
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,800Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello please can I suggest treat the day as just another day.  I am on my own and do not like the C word as I call it .  I get really angry and annoyed with people who say the C word is coming.  Got to plan now and it is only September.  On the day it self I see greed, self centred people, selfishness.  My all time favourite story is I worked with a colleague who bought her daughter a teen loads of small gifts.  After opening the last one.  Said to her mother is that it.  She went berserk and rang me because I volunteer at The C word charities.  Asked if any kids wanted gifts.  I used to volunteer at charities as I said or work I run my own business.  I have a lot of baggage at C word This because this is the time for many people like me who are constant targets for family.  Who are pumped full of booze and so I ended up being everybodys favourite swipe or punch at.  Now after thirty years plus am on my own and make the day do jobs around the house such as ironing or good clean .  Can I also suggest put in place things that make you comfortable and try to forget the c word.  I use the start of the day for as a good breakfast with some good music CDs I have bought and leave them to play on the actual day.  Might then look on tv do not put anything with Cword on tv there are films documentaries.  Might do some puzzles or read.  You are like a lot of people I am one get very lonely but do not worry the day will be gone very soon.  I have and sometimes do ring the Saramitans if my depression gets to me   I know it is hard and do understand this.  I hope everything works out  I remember my first C word day on my own I thought I was not going to cope.  Had to just get on with it.  The phone call to the Samaritians helped.  I hope and pray for everybody like me every year around the C word time.  
  • lavenderlavender Posts: 29Member Connected
    Topkitten..; Thank you kindly for your comments they reflect exactly how i feel,i wonder if for example charieties like the samaritans would agree with us both of the deprression this day can bring to some people?
    I also fully agree, you do all you can in so many unrewarded ways for your children and loved ones,how can these very same people turn their backs on uswhen we need their company to get through the day,is it simply selfishness on their part?
    Thank again.m+b...
  • HeatherMHeatherM Posts: 9Member Listener
    I've been there a few times family and friends otherwise engaged so did a bit of investigating there are Christmas breaks in hotels and I've been on uk and abroad Christmas on my own and with others was uk if a bit expensive solos, friendship travel are some ideas there are companies out there. Hotel staff go out of their way to be helpful. If more practical support is needed try Revitalise. If not much cash I've stayed home and invited a friend to stay and we went out for a curry Christmas lunch. It's hard to do something different there may be times when it seems that other people are having all the fun. Not always the case it's only one day if you want to stay in bed and sleep through it it's ok I think far too much money is spent on pointless gifts. I would like to organise something for others in the future  I think there was something called the big Christmas that coordinated Christmas events. Has anyone heard of this?
  • Abi222Abi222 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Hi i am really upset with the thought of disabled or elderly people at home alone for  "C".   Do you have a Care Co coordinator or have access to any  disability support groups in your area?  Might be worth googling it for your area and contacting them to ask if they have any groups on over the period and if not would it be possible to be put in touch with people in a similar position.   You may be able to have a get together and celebrate your own way? games afternoon, pub lunch, box set marathon or even a break away.   Funding may be available from your LA for a respite break in a hotel with disabled facilities.  Check out disabledholidays.com
    we have used them a lot over the years for my son who is quadriplegic and it  has always worked well for him.
    My son also has an assistance dog which has been wonderful for him and really gave him the incentive to leave the house more...a walk out with mum no thanks....a walk out with mum and his dog his face lights up!!! Do you have a dog? If not Dogs for Good are fantastic. To go out places alone can be lonely with a dog there is a focus...and guess what people see beyond the wheelchair/disability and actually talk to us more as she has a "special! jacket on!   quite unbelievable but very true.     
    Also how about telling a family member "I thought I`d come to you this year its lonely by myself!!  (they ought to be ashamed of themselves).
    Hope this year will be  a better time for you

  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,800Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you for kind comments and suggestions I have not yet decided what I am going to do.  My charity who supports me my mental health issues discussed what is happening this year.  This is because I suppose there are many people like myself.  All I know it is lonely time and comes too soon.  Ideas floated so far is a meal near to the time not in a pub.  As many people like myself have addiction histories.  I had a invite just recently from a charity meal is in October well the end of October.  I apologised and said it is too early  C word meals should be in December not in Autumn.  It because of costs I was told too expensive in December.  I mean well I said there must be other alternatives.  Try to be polite to suggestions to the caller but like a brick wall.  Who wants a C word meal in the Autumn?  I rang off.  So that's it.  Problems like I do not need for now I will carry keep calm and just wait and see what will happen
  • Abi222Abi222 Posts: 14Member Connected
    How unhelpful!!!!!  Laughable really!  would you all turn up in daft hats and eat turkey and pull crackers...that would be crackers... haha!
    could you perhaps ring them back and agree to have the meal in October? It may be possible to arrange something yourself for C time with the other October cracker wielding Diners?     
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,800Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you for replying I was reminded this is true and hard to believe.  I have lots of stories like this.  I was in a job once it is July sweltering day and one of my so called colleagues running around asking about the C word.  Why good god and that just being polite words fail me.  Got to book now other wise full up every where all pubs and eateries full up.  Who cares I could not even bothered with any work functions.  This colleague asking about the Cword in a heatwave.  Guess what next day came in with menus and plans it was laughable to choose what were  we eating with all us surrounded by fans and air conditioning.  I recall when I did the markets and fairs all toy fairs and Cword exhibitions were all held around July and August.  All of us in short sleeves and shorts trying out what is available for gifts and the like.  This is what gets to me why now too soon Cword adverts starting.  I worked with a lady who by the middle of the summer and even started shopping for gifts.  I recall one time telling me as soon as the day is over she is shopping and planning for the next one.  Especially those hampers and used to see her at markets I was attending buying gifts for the following year. As Victor says I do not believe it
  • lavenderlavender Posts: 29Member Connected
    I often wonder do we look back to our childhood memories when our parents did their best in order to create a magical world ( Christmas ) for us that they to once long ago experienced,and now when our loved ones are gone ,or the ones we raised have more credible excuses than one can shake a stick at in order to abondon us as we no longer have anything to offer or intrest them except our deaths in order to gain what little we have left , tis no wonder animal charties etc are the prefered beneficerious. Like vultures they circle and wait time is on their side,but to the lonely " CHRISTMAS TIME " will always be so very special.
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