Mental health issues
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Aspergers syndrome high functioning

BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
Im 24yrs old have aspergers I was bullied how different I am and I can't accept my condition I flick like a switch when frustrated push my family away I got to learn to accept I will hurt people without understanding what its like for them turn them angry with me when I can't help it I wish I didnt do this but was born like it

Replies

  • richjbaker27richjbaker27 Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Does your family know about your Asperger's? There's lots of info out there for them to be able to understand your prognosis, and then hopefully understand you better. 
  • GeoarkGeoark Community champion, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,292 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Blackrose and welcome to the community.

    My daughter is your age, has aspergers and was very much like you when she was younger. The real problem is that you don't have the coping skills and strategies in place to help you cope. The good news is you can learn these and over time and with practice they will help to make a difference. There will be times when the best coping mechanisms may not work, like when you are tired, but these will get fewer over time.

    However it is not as simple as saying do this, that or something else as we are all individuals and what works for some people will not work for others. The first step however is learning what situations causes the switch to flick, recognising what leads up to this happening and then finding things that will help you cope.

    When my daughter was younger it was easy to see when she was getting frustrated by being around us and I would tell her to go to her room. This was her sanctuary and where everything she cared about was. She thought I was punishing her, but eventually she learned to just say she was going to her room and would come back when she was ready. This  one strategy helped the most to reduce the stress and frustrations at home which helped to make family life a lot easier.

    There is a good post by someone with Aspergers about coping methods at http://aspified.com/10-coping-mechanisms-for-adults-with-aspergers/ but it is about learning what stresses you out or frustrates you and recognising when this is happening so the coping methods can be  used before you get into the state where the switch flicks.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Yes my mum and dad got me diagnosed at age of 17 with high functioning aspergers syndrome 
  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Even with a diagnosis I hate why I am how I am pushing people away when I get so frustrated I'm worried il never accept my aspergers all its done is made my life hell made me resent myself more 
  • GeoarkGeoark Community champion, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,292 Disability Gamechanger
    @Blackrose, this may  be a bit long winded but hope it helps.

    I once wrote a piece on another forum, Why I'm glad I'm not a Tiger. In my youth I was violent, like you a switch would flick on and I would just react by lashing out. It happened mainly when I felt threatened. Something happened in my mid teams and someone I knew ended up being hospitalised, having had a complete mental breakdown. Although I was involved, he had attacked me but I never got the chance to retaliate. I hated what happened to this person and what it said about me. I decided to change but in the early days I had a lot of lapses. One phrase I heard a lot was tigers never change their stripes, meaning people don't change.

    But I'm  not a tiger and over time I managed to change my stripes and did change. Fundamental changes like this are not easy, they need hard work and persistance, especially when we stumble on fall back on what we know.

    Aspergers has some positive aspects, unfortunately it seems you have only  experienced the negative. If you want to and are determined you can find a way past this. As I said you lack the coping skills. Have you had any support in helping you to deal with this? There is a therapy which could help you, though it is not suitable for everyone, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/
    Speak to your doctor and see if they can refer you for this, though there is often a waiting period.

    You are obviously unhappy with how things are at the moment, what do you have to lose in trying?

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
    edited November 2017
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  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    What books would u recommend to help me and my parents understand High Functioning Autism? 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Do anyone else feel a failure when they can't do simple things they want to do to better themselves boost there self esteem the world feel like it's came crushing down to there feet when it goes wrong 
  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I get told to get over it but I can't 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Does anyone else say stuff they regret coz can't control when angry like a light switch coz of the aspergers I tried explaining to my sister but she still keep saying I can control what I say making me feel worse coz I can't change it :( 
  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I cant control what I think my brain is pre- programmed to how it thinks puts me down 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Thank u been very helpful but it does make me think I'm a bad person 
  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I feel so bad knowing I hurt anybody can't do nothing about it make me feel suicidal but I am getting help having therapy 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    My parents never learnt to manage my challenging behaviour I was always angry and full of fear I know why now coz of autism u have triggers that can set u off imagine a volcanoe building up to erupt until u explode have a meltdown 
  • GeoarkGeoark Community champion, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,292 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Blackrose, first of all I doubt you are a bad person. I say that because of one huge clue that comes across in your posts, you care about others.

    Mind, https://www.mind.org.uk has some information on suicidal thoughts and you can talk to the Samaritans on any phone calling 116 123, which is free any time.

    You say your parents never learned to manage your challenging behaviour, but you also need to realise neither did you. This is because the underlying cause for your behaviour was not recognised.

    You clearly understand how aspergers is affecting your behaviour, but you do not seem to have grasped that you can control how these triggers affect you. I am not saying it will be easy, or that it will happen overnight, but you can learn coping skills to alter the outcomes.

    I know you are finding this hard to believe or accept, but if your assertions that this cannot change because you have aspergers and this how your brain is wired  how come so many people with aspergers can sustain jobs and relationships with all the stress and pitfalls that come with these? 

    I don't have to imagine what it is like having an internal volcano that explodes. I was kicked out of mainstream schooling at the age of 6 for violence and it was with me throughout my childhood and early adulthood. As an adult I have faced far worse without responding violently. So I know it can change, but as I said it is not easy.

    I hope you find therapy of help to you.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I don't just suffer with aspergers I have generalised anxiety and suffer bad depression and challenging behaviour as well I had to give up volunteering coz I do things a certain way I got told to do them differently I also suffer with rheumatoid arthritis so it stopped me doing my special interests I only now have started to get bk into my drawing art is my passion I studied it at college passed Btec level 1 and 2 but my barriers stop me being an artist coz they said u will end up at London to became that so it scared me off feel like I wasted my life wanting to become my own artist even though everyone said I'm so good at portraits I should do something in art 
  • BlackroseBlackrose Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I always want to b near my family 
  • GeoarkGeoark Community champion, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,292 Disability Gamechanger
    @Blackrose it is good to hear you have taken up your art again. There is no reason why you cannot become an artists where you are. Many from the various arts have been abandoning London because of high prices and the pace of life here. 

    When my daughter wanted a portrait of her cat she went to an artist whose work she loves outside of London, though we live in the middle of London.

    Good luck with your art.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Blackrose
    I am sorry to hear you are struggling, there has been some great support on this thread and I hope it helps.

    Its really positive that you are having therapy and seeking help and @Geoark has sent some great links to MIND and the samaritans number. 

    If you don't feel you can keep yourself safe right now, seek immediate help.

    • go to any hospital A&E department (sometimes known as the emergency department)
    • call 999 and ask for an ambulance if you can't get to A&E
    • ask someone else to contact 999 for you or take you to A&E immediately

    If you need some support right now, but don't want to go to A&E, here are some other options for you to try:

    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @Blackrose

    Just wondering if you're still out there, and how you are getting on :smile:

    Warmest best wishes,

    Richard
  • bryn88bryn88 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Hi, hope you are better.
    I have a 6 year old boy who has Asperger’s. He can’t accept things as well and takes regular meltdowns. He was diagnosed last year 
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