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A life not worth living

DenceNucliaAtomDenceNucliaAtom Posts: 9Member Listener

A life not worth living 


I can't see a future, 

and can't deal with the past.


My life has no meaning, 

and it's moving way to fast.


I can't hold on much longer, 

and I feel like ive lost my grip.


I pull myself together, 

only to find myself slip.


Ive only got one conclusion, 

and it keeps running through my head,

or maybe it's just an illusion, 

that's better of not said.


I no it sounds illogical, 

and something I would regret.


Why is it so hard? 

why can't I just forget!.....

Replies

  • Lasian_ScopeLasian_Scope Posts: 57Member, Administrator Scope community team

    You are a member of our community and we appreciate you.

     

    If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at jo@samaritans.org

     

    You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself:

    http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/how-can-i-help-myself/

     

    If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 383Member Chatterbox
    Hello @DenceNucliaAtom I have just seen this.  I am sorry you are feeling like this.  Pleased to meet you..  By way I am not a counsellor or an advisor.  A friendly considerate person who has been there and have had these emotions and feelings.  I would if I suggest contact the organisations above.  I know it is hard to speak about what is hurting you.  This is a message of support and hope and pray you can find some comfort to try to discuss the important matters that are deep inside.  I understand that.    All our community try and support each other and are here to listen.. I know I speak about what is hurting me.  This is not about me but you.  I hope to speak to you soon if you want to.  Take care 
  • izaiza Posts: 384Member, Community champion Chatterbox
    Hi @DenceNucliaAtom

    Welcome to the community. My colleges above look at your poem assuming that you are having bad thought about ending life. 
    I just want to say that your poem is great. 
    Who ask questions in live will get answers to them. 
    Keep going, keep  asking, write and get out what is in your heart. 
    You are not alone. 

  • Good_ManGood_Man Posts: 5Member Listener
    Hiya DNA,
    What a great poem, I feel your pain through those words. You have a wonderful way of expressing the unsaid, it's brilliant. Well done.

    Can I be presumptious and offer you a quote:
    "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
  • feirfeir Posts: 46Member Whisperer
    i can relate to that.

    i actually had severe memory loss for most of my life before i got my chronic pain condition and the pain brought my memories back. it was better not having a memory.
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 715Member Chatterbox
    edited January 15
    Hi @DenceNucliaAtom,

    I don't know of any ways to forget memories with intent, memories we don't want that stay is usually the brain using them to warn us of possible outcomes to situations. Like if a child is climbing on something not to be climbed on and falls, every time he becomes tempted to climb the brain will use the memory to warn him he might fall again. Some memories the brain never will let go.

    When it comes to emotional issues, big or small, in this case big it can help to replicate them as night and day. Like; it's 11pm pitch black outside, 4 hours later it doesn't appear any lighter but you know in about 4 hours time the sun will rise and the darkness will be chased away. As @thespiceman mentions hope, hope for the sun to rise again. Like @iza wrote to ask questions, if I were lost in the night and wanted to find the day I would ask which way is east so I can head towards the sun instead of away. Have hope that you do have a future of your own making and ask questions to help yourself know how to shape your future.

    If you see anything connected to what makes you feel life's not worth living change don't let it pass by in the blink of an eye, observe it, write it down or memorise it. Even the smallest of changes can help us notice we're or something is progressing, so you may see yourself getting closer to overcoming your troubles. Think of how the four seasons of the year progress; January we see no leaves on most types of trees, we see a small change when just one leaf starts to grow, we then know winter's coming to an end and we're closer to spring. The leafs grow but are yellow then we know we're half way through spring progressing to summer. All the leafs turn green then we know we've reached summer, they start turning yellow/brown and we know summer's ending and it's coming to autumn. All the leafs fall then we know we're back to winter telling us we've progressed a whole year further through life. Something as small as a leaf changing colour can tell us progression has been made, surprising do you think?

    Just like the night is just a shadow of the day, our unpleasant emotions are just shadows of things we're experiencing. For a shadow to be visible there must me light and something for the shadow to hide behind, your emotional shadows being visible helps you know the light is still there, you just have to remove whatever's blocking it. The catch is it takes hard work, especially shadows like these.

    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • DannyMooreDannyMoore Posts: 715Member Chatterbox
    @DenceNucliaAtom, I forgot to write that joining this community is connected to your troubles. By doing so you've already received good advice from people showing progression and that you are putting work into solving things. Work continually and your progression will be continual.
    Don't Fear Your True Self
  • DenceNucliaAtomDenceNucliaAtom Posts: 9Member Listener
    Thank you everyone for your replies! Ive managed to make some positive progress today. One step closer in a long line of hoops and a series of cogs all being aligned in the right direction to finally successfully make even the slightest bit of long term progress.  all your comments help to keep pushing, so thank you.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 383Member Chatterbox
    Hello @DenceNucliaAtom ; How are you?  Thank you for kind words.  I hope and pray you take care.  Remember take small steps we are here to listen.  Give you support as much as we can.  I personally speaking have bad days and take great joy and a lift from the people on this community.  Lovely to talk to you take care.
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 429Member Chatterbox
    This was a post I made some time ago. Sometimes it is easier to use poetry to describe things rather than words.

    *********************************************************************************************
    I used to write a fair amount of poetry. Mostly either bright and cheerful or vengeful but over time it got shorter and darker so I write little these days, This is a good example of why I stopped writing.

    I Wish

     

    I wish I had freedom instead of the chain

    I wish I had comfort instead of the drain

    I wish I was happy but unhappiness came

     

    I wish I was full of joy, not of disdain

    I wish I had hope but instead it was slain

    I wish I had meaning, it burnt in the flame

     

    I wish I had sunshine instead of the rain

    I wish I had thoughts, all I have's a dead brain

    I wish I could change things and not just my name

     

    I wish I had someone but no one will claim

    I wish I had life but instead I have pain

    And it is only me that's most likely to blame

     

    *********************************************************************************************

    Sometimes struggling from day to day is the best we can do.


    TK

  • sleepy1sleepy1 Posts: 30Member Whisperer
    Hi DNA, love your poem and you certainly have a gift with words.....So IMO your life is well worth living.

    I have had many things happen to me in the past which I would very much like to forget but have also been lucky enough to have some really good things happen along the way that I cherish.  It may sound a bit cheesy but I think you have to look at life as an adventure and even when bad things happen to you it is your life experiences that define you as a human being. We all try to find our own way of coping from what we have learnt along the way.  Your still with us so you must have a coping strategy........Stick with it and soak up all the love that is sent your way.

    Hugs Rosie 



  • Ktmexc250Ktmexc250 Posts: 4Member Listener
    edited January 22
    Someone told me once..when i was in that dark, deep hole..find a box, put all the c**p, horrible feelings and bad stuff that other people have done to you in the box, put on the lid then sit on the box and laugh! I actually did this then burnt the box in a type a funeral.. i gave all that stuff back. It was fab. I felt lighter and made a decision to stop listening to that little voice that said "it's your fault". It's not your fault. You have probably made some bad choices, who hasn't? Learn from them. I found a good book which may help..Dpression, curse of the strong. Have a clear out, emotionally. Physically..
    I still doubt myself but have to shake up and sort it. Smile, you are not alone.xx
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