Mental health issues
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.
Keep on top of what's being talked about in our recent discussions and have your say!

Depression

tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
edited February 2018 in Mental health issues
Hello to everybody. 
«1

Replies

  • Lasian_ScopeLasian_Scope Member Posts: 660 Pioneering
    edited January 2018
    Hello @tobyrosco21, welcome!

    Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself?
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I suffer from depression. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    hi, @tobyrosco21

    I also suffer from depression, first diagnosed when I was a small child, and I'm sure you'll meet many here who are in a similar place. There is a discussion area on Scope that you might like to have a look at https://search.scope.org.uk/s/search.html?collection=scope-meta&query=depression&f.Show%7Ccategory=Discussions
    In the meanwhile, maybe you could tell us a little more about yourself and how you are affected? And don't hesitate to ask any questions.
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I basically lose the will to live.  Just spent six weeks off work due to a fractured spine. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    hi, again, @tobyrosco21
    I'm going to guess that your forename is Toby? Okay, Toby, when you speak of 'losing the will to live', I know what you're talking about and have been there. Even now, life often seems to me to be scarcely worth the effort, though I continue making it. And - believe it or not - you have made it worth the effort for me, in your own way, because had I given up on living on any of the many occasions I've thought about it in my lifetime I would not have the privilege of being here, talking to you now.
    Hard as it may be to grasp, Toby, you matter.
    Your words in this post are rather few and far between. Maybe you find it particularly difficult to talk about your issues? A lot of us who battle with depression are afraid, at times, to talk about what really matters because we think we may be laughed at. That has certainly been my history.
    You will not be laughed at by anyone here. You are suffering, as are many, and many of us would be glad to do anything we can to help you and support you.
    How did you injure your back? What is your situation now? What is it at this particular moment that is getting you down so badly? 
    The more you can tell us about your own particular struggle, the more likely it is that we will be able to find the best resources to help you.
    Profoundest best wishes to you, Toby,
    Richard


  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I slipped on black ice just before Christmas. Going back to work soon on reduced hours.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Black ice is evil isn't it? Very nearly killed me once, but I was in a VW Beetle at the time, out over the Yorkshire moors.  I'm glad to hear you're recovering though. What kind of work do you do, that you are returning to, if you don't mind my asking.
    Best to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I'm a support worker .
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @tobyrosco21, and welcome! Sorry to hear that you're suffering from depression, you may be particularly interested in our mental health discussions.
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi toby, @tobyrosco21 Good to hear from you again. I was a Learning Support Worker up to my retirement - hard work enough, but not physically too demanding. Is your support work more 'hands on/physical' than that?
    Best to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I look after people who have behaviour problems
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby,
    Yes, I goofed there. My job title was 'learning support assistant' rather than support worker, so I understand what you do but it is very different to what I did :)
    Remember I'm here if there is anything you want to talk about.
    Very best to you
    Richard
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @tobyrosco21
    Welcome to the community, it is great to see you had such a warm welcome from @RichardVR :)

    If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or mental health challenges, you can call the Samaritans. It is free to call and you dont have to be suicidal to call them, you can just get in touch to talk through your worries and troubles.  Their number is 116 123 and they are open 24 hours a day.

    The MIND website also has a lot of information and support that you may find useful.

    I look forward to chatting with you more, we are a friendly and safe community here and lots of our members find it helps to chat with other people who understand, so I hope you will join in and get involved. 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Have called the Samaritans before they were no use.  Feel really tired today, doctor told me I'm dehydrated. 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh Im sorry you didnt find them helpful :( 

    Dehydration is awful and has such a negative effect on you physically and mentally.  There are rehydration sachets you can get from the chemist and some information on the NHS website about dehydration here.

    Has your doctor suggested anything else? Have you spoken to them about your depression and low mood?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Doctor won't do anything about my depression apart for up my tablets.

    Am drinking more so that should help.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Do you think talking therapy might help @tobyrosco21 ? Could you speak to your doctor about them organising that for you?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    No already done that as well as counselling 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    There is some information on the MIND website about how to move forward when you feel that you have tried everything and nothing seems to work;

    They say:

    If you've already explored all the options your doctor has offered, and you haven't found the help you're looking for yet, it can feel like you've tried everything and nothing works. Unfortunately finding the help you need can sometimes be really difficult, and can take time.
    But it's important to remember that you're not alone, and that you deserve support.
    • Keep trying – don't give up. If you've had bad experiences with the people and professionals you've spoken to so far, you could give them another chance – or try again with someone new. (See our pages on being actively involved and making yourself heard more tips.)
    • Develop your coping techniques. Planning positive ways look after yourself while you're on waiting lists can help you cope. (See our page on self-care for mental health problems for tips.)
    • Talk to people who understand. Getting support and encouragement from people who've been in a similar situation can be really valuable, even if they can't change what you're going through. (See our pages on peer support for more information.)
    • Explore any alternatives. Our information pages on treatments and therapies could give you more options to discuss with your doctor. There may be something you haven't tried yet that could be helpful.
    • Find an advocate. An advocate can help you express your views and wishes, and help you access the help and support you deserve (see our pages on advocacy for more information).
    • Know your rights. Our legal pages explain your rights in a range of situations. If you're being treated unfairly by healthcare professionals, you can complain.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21

    You sound to be in a really bad place, friend, and I'm really sorry about that These days, of course, that's really not too surprising, what with public attitudes, the mendacity of the benefits system and the greed and narrow-mindedness of those in power over us.
    As I've said before, I know what it is like to feel that life is really not worth the struggle to maintain it. In relatively recent times I think I've studied the whole range of suicide options, but for me it is not realistic. There are people dear to me - my son and my wife - for whom my passing would be too painful for me to inflict on them but, until recently, it was only protecting those two that has enabled me to keep up the struggle. Now there is you, and others in the community, who have come to matter to me, and I will be hanging in here quite possibly until accident or old age takes me off, because there's just a fragment of a chance that I can be of use to somebody.
    It is pretty clear to me that I have not suffered the physical pain you seem to have to endure. Depression and anxiety, however, I do know about, and, at the risk of boring you but in the hope we might find some common ground, I'm going to tell you the basics of my story as briefly as possible. You are free, of course, to ignore it :)
    I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 4 years, largely as a result of my mother's projection of her own feelings onto me. She, then, was the poorly one. Unhappily married, from day one, she managed to make me feel responsible for her separation from my father when I was ten or eleven years old, a conviction that led to my trying to take my own life for the first time. Were I out of the way, I thought, they might be brought back together.
    Holes-in-shoes-poor from the beginning, I began to experience the still fairly new 'welfare' state, the humiliation of having my clothes chosen by a pair of social workers, of plastic-rimmed national health spectacles, of the stigma of being seen to receive free school meals, and much more. There are cow-pats around that have a greater self-esteem than I grew up with.
    Unloved, I was told, by my now absent father, badly loved by my mother and apparently unloved by a God who did not respond to the prayers of my child-like simplicity, I came to believe that I was unlovable. It proved untrue, but it took a long, long and very damaging time - into my late thirties, really - before that proof became evident.
    That proof coincided with, and to some extent resulted from, the worst and most scarring event in my life, which was the death of my massively disabled daughter. She was the light of my life.
    Most aspects of my life have improved since, though I have almost continuous moderate pain and periods of blackest depression. Already 66 years old I have scarcely a clue what the future holds for me and know that we face the risk of homelessness. Yet many would envy what I have, for so many are in such a bad way at the moment.
    I DO know, however, that all that really matters in life is how we are with each other, and that's one of the reasons I am here, today, writing this.
    So, if you've managed to get through this screed, which I know I've posted in a fairly public place, and if you think it might help to talk a little, there is a messaging system so that we could talk to each other more privately. If you haven't encountered it already - I haven't used it myself and have been here a little while - there's a spot in your profile with four little icons. The second icon looks to me a little like a pair of swimming goggles but is in fact an inbox. Click on that and the rest of the process is pretty much self-explanatory.
    So there you go. I hope you are feeling better. I hope my honesty in this may have been of some little help. And, as always, I invite you to go on talking and to ask any questions.
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 How are you ?  Pleased to meet you.  Welcome.  Sorry you are suffering.  

    Message of support.  Just glad to here you are talking about what is going on.

    You have spoken to @RichardVR great helped me through bad days.  Not forgetting the SCOPE team   Plus I would also say am like yourself not good suffer both anxiety and depression.

    This is worse for me during the afternoons and weekend.  On here to listen give and talk about anything if that helps.  Small steps.

    I understand thank you for sharing by way.  I hope and pray that you feel better.  I use this support me as best I can so that is in my mind does myself good.

    I hope to speak to you soon.. Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman and @tobyrosco21 It's good to see you both here. I'm likely to be around for some of most weekends, so if chatting itself is any help I'd be very glad to hear from you.
    Best to you both,
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Thank you well yes I am always here just sent a message on your wall.  Great to hear from you how are you ?  Thank you I am trying to cope.  Just trying and struggling as all of us do.

    I am one of those people who is always aware of how every body is and have more concern for others than myself.  

    If I can advise or listen or just chat great.  Makes my day.

    Hope to speak to you soon.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi again, @thespiceman
    I saw your post on my wall and very much appreciated it. I did respond using the comment box, but I don't know if you are automatically notified about that? I'm still trying to find my way around the messaging systems here - finding them a tad confusing. I will get there, however.
    In the meantime, perhaps you could tell me a bit more about yourself? What interests you, how you entertain yourself? Just thinking we might find other things in common.
    Best to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Making cards at the moment 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    @tobyrosco21
    That sounds interesting. Some form of greetings card, or something else?
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Mothers day cards
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Very interesting. Cards plural suggests that your making more than a card for a family member, and that raises a number of questions, like do you make them using a computer, do you create your own artwork? One of my principal hobbies is photography and - when I can be bothered - I draw and paint. I've done that very little recently, having somehow lost all confidence in my ability..
    And don't feel you have to answer - I'm just interested.
    Best
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR   Thank you for reply.  If I have got your message on my wall it will be there.  One of the amazing member of the SCOPE team showed me how to do it.

    Click on to my name up will come a box like this plus comment.  Write what you like then add comment it will come to me.  Not getting used to all this still get confused.

    A lot of it being anxiety and depression.  Stressful since leaving mental health charity.  Also got my all time favourite topic the way utilities treat you and use and abuse.

    Got a bill recently changing to a smart meter see my posts Why utilities so Complicated.  Many comments and much support from every one.

    Any way old company say I pay £31 a month yet with add on leaving charges and anything else I believe they can think of.  Bill more than £180 plus in debt.

    Do not really have it.  Will have to budget and have sent them a stinker of an email.  Complaining like mad because also got a letter telling me have seven days to pay.

    Last letter says will pay from direct debit 14 days from this date.  Do not cancel direct debit.  So every day been looking for this money.  Not gone through.  I am Mr Angry hang you said this now this.

    Any way calmed down had a Curry in Hurry gave recipe in Coffee Lounge for all to use.  Easy to do.

    What else do I do.  One thing started to do well have been doing is creating recipes for all those who wish to and would like to cook.  Some thing simple and easy.  See my posts in Coffee Lounge.

    These are I think ideal for those who want food that is quick and using kitchen gadgets much easier.  I had been doing this a long time ago.  For friends who have a range of disabilities, mental health problems.  Want their independence felt the need to try and have go cooking food.

    In the old days would arrive at my friends house with a box of ingredients.  By way use cheats and a number of short cuts.  Products are out there every body to save you time and energy.  Then I would start at the same time writing it down for them.

    Imagine Valentines Day all the lads wanted my help and advice for their Ladies.  To cook simple food.  One Valentine Day totally knackered.  Going all over.  Phone ringing.  Most would say you show me then I do not have to do it.  Which was not the point really.  I was going to show them then they cook it.

    I guess in the end every one happy then I thought could this be another business.  I said No because when I was making recipes and showing people how to do stuff.  Drinking on the job, glass of wine.  I thought this is not good me and that.  More wine in me than the dish, some days.

    At the end I had to recognise that is going to work.  I am more aware now but I see in the Yellow Pages every bodys doing that now.

    I must stress I have a folder at home with all recipes itemised, numbered and planned out.  So if I can not go wrong.  I find that useful.

    Besides my obsession with creating, making food.  I like all things Italian and I am just switched off a programme on B.B.C. Four on Sicily.  It was OK.

    I eat food from Southern Italy and The Meditterean which is easy to do not hard less is more.

    Got my music Saturday night Soul night always was.  So got my CD's out.  Northern Soul, Motown.  Helps with the illness.

    Like my Jazz and Blues and Swing as well.  Bought compilations of Nat King Cole.  What people forget Nat was a brilliant pianist and Jazz was his thing. 

    Miss my days playing.  I used to play trombone and turned away from the classical stuff into Jazz and Big Band, Swing.  One of the sad things just my illness and addiction got in the way.

    Played in pubs and clubs where more booze is served.  You can see where this going once again.

    I have Classic FM on now helps me sleep relaxed to this.  Sainsbury have with conjuction with Classic FM have a rang of CD's.  Bought a few.  Stirring stuff in the morning when I am down.

    I am as you can see a old fashioned gentleman who I wont tell my age.  From my perspective that is just a number.

    Oh I like comedy done stand up and done funny stuff, scripts and the rest on my life and my family.  Also about my disability, mental health.  If you read my posts you will see my wit and charm.  My humour the way I say things.

    I have done Panto and serious Stuff but used this to generate how an audience works.  Watch Sir Ken Dodd brilliant master. 

    I lived in a family who were not real in the sense it was like living in a Giles Cartoon.  My view or at worse a Horror Show.  The Addams Family.  Nightmare.  I have one of my big white pills now Doctor thank you.

    Use to talk about them on Stage and in Charities use my humour and dry wit to make those who have had a bad day feel better in themselves.  Laughter is the best Medicine.

    Having left recently laughter, tears of joy what I would bring.  My support worker see her now laughing at my silly jokes, one liners plus the rest of the group.  Especially three ladies on the end of the table.  Always sat there.  I surely they all need a joke or a silly story.  All of us do.  Problem was I had this Team Manager who was my stooge.  Only one who did not really laugh or pretend to.

    It helps I know it did because I have been told.  Few hours take away the pain make me happy, make me laugh.

    Been doing that from about seven years old till my drinking got really bad and got hold.  I am and would like to try one day.  Get anxious doing it then I could reach for a drink.  Not now.

    Besides I probably out of date for Modern Audiences.  Went a while ago to see one of these new guys forget who.  Not funny did not understand any of it.

    I think I have said enough Oh Yes I like Opera's all Italian Puccini, Verdi.  La Boheme and La Traviata seen them.  The music the costumes the aria's.  In the long distance past met Ladies who were friends and got interested in the Classical stuff then wanted to see Ballets, Opera's.  So off we all went.  Sparkling frocks and all.

    What an experience.  Worth the money.

    I hope that is plenty to get your juices going.

    Take care my friend great to hear from you.  Thank you for you support.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman and Wow! You've certainly given me a lot to think about there!

    You'll probably laugh at me, but I wonder if you've contacted your MP about the utiities? 
    I did some temp office work for one of the utilities once - can't remember which one, oddly enough - and I quit asap. Hated it. Bunch of married women, secondary wage earners, getting their jollies by sneering at clients whose benefit had failed and an office 'manager' who wrote all the nasty notices and who had the literary gifts of a koala. Proof, if needed, that whilst 'the cream always rises', 'sh*t floats'.
    My home situation is a little bit odd in that I reside where my wife works and the only utility we get a bill for is the phone. That will change dramatically when she retires in the next year or so and we have to find somewhere else. I do not look forward to that, I promise you.
    I will look up your posts in the coffee lounge regarding cooking. My wife is a professional cook, so I don't get to do much of it, but I always used to enjoy it. Was married for a long time to a lady with a cornflower and white-flower intolerance and was amazed to discover what one could do with wholemeal. Choux pastry was my favourite.
    You have considered turning this into a business? But you've not taken it on because of potential alcohol problems, it seems. And I am sorry people have taken advantage in the past. That seems to be the modern way. And someone as clearly generous as you are is too vulnerable to being used.
    I LOVE all things Italian. We've managed to get to Italy three or four times in the last few years and our last trip was to Sicily. I did not want to come home. My wife and I are addicted to Inspector Montalbano when the shows are on and, if we can ever get some money together again, we might try to get to where it was filmed.
    I wonder if you've ever read Giovanni Guareschi's 'Don Camillo' books? Hard to get hold of now, but a charming read.
    Northern Soul and Motown are foreign territory to me. Can you recommend some particular tracks and/or artists? I've listened to a lot of intriguing stuff thanks to comments from friends, including Mongol Throat Singing, which is both weird and absolutely absorbing.
    Classic FM is my station of choice. I'm not much of an opera fan but was probably put off it by certain renderings of German stuff back in my youth. Big women singing for hours about something that is supposed to need doing urgently! Love a lot of Wagner overtures, though, and am primarily an orchestral music fan. My lady has introduced me to the ballet, and some of that I like very much.
    Is it disability that has taken you away from your trombone? I started to tech myself to play the electronic keyboard a few years ago and didn't do too badly, but also didn't make sufficient progress for me to be satisfied. I think it must be really awful to have the ability to make music and not be able to exercise it.
    Jazz I have never really got into, though somewhere I have a Bix Beiderbecke album. Unfortunately it's on vinyl and I no longer have a vinyl player.
    An old-fashioned gentleman? Yes. I get that. I'm happy to admit to my 66 years though. And I get your wit too. Grateful to be on the receiving end of it.
    My son has done some stand-up and is actually quite good, and I like a lot of modern comedians. I particularly like Rob Brydon, Sarah Pascoe, Dara O'Brien, and a lot of others. Some of the moderns, though, are just not funny.
    Seems you have been generous too in using your humour to benefit others. You have my respect, @thespiceman, as well as my best regards.
    Forgive me if I've missed anything here. I hope I will come back to it and fill in any gaps :smile: I notice you've not mentioned movies or TV. Our own top-rated shows in recent times have been 'Would I Lie To You?' and 'The Secret Life of the Zoo'. I love animals and SLotZ is one of those shows which I think would convert even the hardest among us. Got some pretty young keepers in it too.
    Getting late, I will call it a day for now and look forward to hearing from you again, whilst I will try to get a look at your stuff in the Coffee Lounge :smile:
    My respect, and my warmest best wishes always,
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR   Thank you for reply.  Guess I did write a lot did not realise.  Great do forget what I am saying.  Going over that now. 

    Addiction blight of my life just talking about it helps.  

    I am going to photocopy every thing and send it to MP who represents this area I talking to you from.

    I know what is going on.  I was offered the same as you.  Went on a trail one of those schemes working for a Utility Company.  First five minutes I recall this woman going on about money and how much.  Could do the telesales bit.  Problem was them trying to get me to stand on one occasion.  Lack of sales and another time, cut my bonus because of this nasty piece of work.  Did not deserve it.  

    Attitudes and schemers, back stabbers and the rest.  I was a fool to try it. 

    Any way one of life experience.

    I wanted to go Italy at one time when I had money.  Problem was my Mother who had a particular hatred of any thing foreign.  Every thing from food to the culture.  I believe it is xenophobia.

    This meant torture in my childhood and into adulthood.  Racist as well.  I had friends of mixed faiths and cultures and her interfering attitude cost me a lot of friendships.  Unrepairable, evocable damage.

    Once she offended some Italian friends of mine and she ended up being thrown out of a restaurant they owned.

    I explained in my anger these people are connected you know.  Had not got a clue.  When I told her what I meant her demeanour changed.  I will be shot by the Mafia she hollered.  I said you never know.  I enjoyed saying that, do not lie but some times you have to.

    Never went abroad because of her and my Father as well.  Tried several times but when you live with bullies what do you expect.  May be one day.  Who knows.


    You were asking about Northern Soul and Motown.  This is music created by in the late fifties and early sixties  Most of the performers were black artists and as the years went on.  It was taken up by white people as their music.

    In those days black artists were never recognised and especially the Northern Soul Scene.  This was dance music for white audiences.  Played in the clubs in the North in Wigan the Casino, Manchester the Wheel and in Newcastle the Oxford Galleries.  

    Then it was the following for many artists to do songs many of them limited print runs.  Only way to make a living.  Get royalties from doing Northern Soul because major labels have used and abused them.  Now penniless.

    In the early to mid sixties groups like the Beatles and the  Rolling Stones started to do covers of these songs on their albums.

    Come the late sixties and early seventies still going strong, come the eighties and nineties dying.  That is when I started to get interested.  Always collected Motown the artists, Stevie Wonder, Four Tops, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Smoky Robinson and the Miracles plus many others.

    I had a private personal record collection that I hid at a friends house, because of racist parents.  Then I found out about the Northern Soul Scene.  Started really back in the middle eighties with a lot of bands doing covers of Northern Soul.

    Remember Tainted Love Soft Cell that was a cover done by a Gloria Jones the original.  All hell broke loose by nineties.  Mecca was Blackpool and these fairly old artists who started it all began to appear, become stars again.

    In my time have met quite a few of them.  Seen a few in concert.  Lucky to have seen The Four Tops with lead singer Levi Stubbs plus the Temptations .  Sat  in a room with Edwin Starr.   Lived in Nottinghamshire for a while.  Came to a club and met some friends I knew and got introduced.  Spent a lot of time talking.  Especially the mistreat of artists for the label. in those days it happened. Watched and listen my favourite Motown lady Brenda Holloway.  You will know the music.  All the time compilation albums come on the market.

    In the end all memories.  I love to talk about.  No one realised as they do know now these people all poor made no money so continually working.

    I wanted so much to go back playing myself but when you have such deep scars from people who are supposed to love you.  Also I did have a think about it but I wish may be do it again.  Problem is them the family.  Some members are alive and if I decide to do it more trouble like last time.

    Do not know where I am and last place rubbishing me in front of neighbours new friends all lies.  How do you forgive people like that.  I hope and pray but not for them.  My day will come when I will enter heaven and they will enter hell.  I do really believe that and God knows it to.  All the time I did do things like performing, stand up all jealousy and made me belittled and bullied.

    Never turned up and tried unsuccessfully to stop me.

    There loss not mine.

    I do watch films as I like to call them.  Talking Pictures have what sort I like, get disturbed by many of todays films.

    Can not watch violence, brutal, harsh abusive films.  Not too long and easy to follow.  Like M.G.M. Musicals.  Up beat feel good films nothing depressing.  Film Noir.

    Same with TV  nothing really I can watch.  Mainly Arts, informative, educational programmes.  I use the TV to educate me.  Favourite channels usually B.B.C. Four plus cooking channels.  Only used to watch these for recipe ideas but now use them for cooking techniques.  New one PBS America a lot of factual stuff.

    Any way I hope I have given you a lot to debate next time.

    Take care.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman
    Just a short response for now, but could you maybe list me a 'top ten' of your music favourites that I might find and be able to listen to on Youtube? Ill get back to the rest of your post as soon as I can, though it may be tomorrow.
    Warmest best wishes, always,
    Richard
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi again, @thespiceman
    Managed to get some time to come back to your post. Just listening to Martha Reeves and the Vandellas on Youtube. Have heard 'Nowhere to Run' and am now listening to 'Heatwave'.
    If it helps to talk about your addiction issues, don't hesitate. I'm only addicted to nicotine - am now a vaper - but it's a close-run thing with alcohol where I am concerned, so I'm very, very careful. But at least I am able to be. Whatever it is that programmes us to become alcohol or drug-dependent seems, fortunately, to have passed me by, but I take no credit for that.
    'Dancing in the Street' just finished playing...Now listening to 'Forget Me Not'.
    So we had similar experiences working with the utilities? I am sure that the attitudes I met there were general. I had a stint very early in my working life - I was about 18 I think - working in what was then called the Labour Exchange. I recall that attitudes in general were much the same. Power somehow goes to their heads.
    Now listening to 'Third Finger Left Hand'. Listening to these tracks, I remember them of course from my own early life. 'Third Finger' came out in 1967, when I would have been - help - sixteen years old. I'd have caught it on 'Top Of The Pops' and at my local youth club. At the time, I know, I loved watching and listening to them.
    Now listening to Brenda Holloway, 'When I'm Gone'. Don't remember this lady, but what a lovely voice!
    Asked in my last post for your favourite top ten and didn't realize there were so many artistes named in your text :) so now I'm listening to the ones I can pull up. Youtube's just taken me back to Martha Reeves, so I'm hearing 'Love (Makes me do foolish things). Gorgeous sound from those gorgeous ladies.
    I am sorry your mother's racism gave you such a hard time. I have encountered things like it but, overall, have been fortunate that way. I knew an elderly lady until very recently who flatly refused to have anything to do with anything German!
    Ah. Miss Holloway's 'You've made me so very happy'. I do remember hearing and enjoying this.
    My mother, brother and I were very poor in the 60's and I think my entire record collection consisted of two cheap classical LPs  :):smile:
    I have always detested the way black people and black culture have been exploited. 
    Now my good lady is here, after a bath, and it's my turn to make dinner so I have to call it a day for now. I will, however, get back to you.
    Warmest best wishes, always,
    Richard

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR   Thank you for reply and your time.   I thought I send you a little bit of knowledge and what I do know and the background to lot of the songs.  You are listening.

    In those days if you were a black artist you were getting racism all the time.  Then being worked to death by your label that was promoting you.  Every one thinks Motown looked after there own people.  Being a label for black artists.

    The label started to do promotion in the UK and in 1965 came over here did a tour.  Met a few people who remember it.  Those days seeing black artists perform was too good to be true.  Remember in their own country the problems. . 

    I am trying to find the rarities.  Also in those days if you were a black woman you got told by the label to sing and perform, behave have manners.  You will sing what were are writing for you.  Usually Holland. Dozier Holland the main songwriters.  Smokey Robinson great guy wrote over 200 songs for every body.  Especially the Ladies and the Temptations. 

    I did not know this but have found out had a lady on the label called Chris Clarke who was a tall leggy blonde.  Her records very few.  Very rare.

    One of my favourite stories which is known they had a lady called Mary Wells sang My Guy.  Released very few records got tired of the Management of Motown stood up for womens rights.  I believe she bought he contract out.  Signed to Atlantic Label and then the problems started.

    Motown never released any of her records.  I believe even now still unreleased at lot of them.  I have two I found that did get released under duress from fans and the public.  Two Lovers and Straight To the Punch where you can hear the drums the sound of Motown.

    I have had the joys and sadness from this music because no one realises the stories like this.  Mary Wells kept touring up to early nineties died year or two later.

    All the music of Motown has a backing band called the Funk Brothers it came out that they got paid nothing and worked to death.  Many died broke.  On a lot of the early stuff Marvin Gaye plays piano,  Smokey and the Temptations plus Martha Reeves, another group The Marvelettes were put to being backing vocalists.

    Stevie Wonder by way started very young and really since to now has been involved in writing, playing on records of others, producing.  My other group to look at is the Supremes with Diana Ross.  There are really good records.  Especially the rare stuff which I am searching for.  Had eleven number ones in America.

    Other ones to look out for are The Originals produced by Marvin Gaye and with Barrett, Strong songwriters and Smokey the Producer The Temptations.  Gladys Knight and The Pips before they had a great song I heard It On The Grape Vine  The original did not like it so gave to Marvin Gaye instead.

    Brenda Holloway I mentioned her does gigs only in America now and to Latino audiences I heard or intimate shows.  Most of the songs written by Smokey Robinson.  Very few releases and not many songs.  Again Motown Managers. 

    Worth a look out for their harmony gospel records.   Many of the male groups were from the church like Four Tops and Temptations.  Been in gospel choirs. Trying to get these.  Motown started down the Funk road in the seventies not really for me but they are worth a listen.   

    My favourite period is the sixties the best period.  People forget these records.  I thought you be interested.  A little history.

    Take care speak to soon.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hello @Victoriad
    and it's a pleasure to hear from you. My school library is where I found Don Camillo too! So very many years ago. I vividly remember the little line drawing illustrations, too. And yes, seems to me too that Don Camillo represented a kind of Christian Socialist alternative to communism. I loved the characters in it, very much.
    Thank you for the heads-up regarding programmes on Italy and Sicily. I saw Rome Unpacked and thoroughly enjoyed it, and I've seen other things but tended not to remember the programme names :blush: I have a memory like a machine-gun punctured sieve.
    I am at times almost reluctant to watch - when I do they yearning to go there, to be there is sometimes almost overwhelming. The Greek islands affect me in much the same way and the scenery alone in Captain Corelli's Mandolin can bring me close to tears.
    Among my misfortunes I've had some very good luck and have managed to get to Italy four or five times. The first time I was 16 and went on a school trip which took us down through Florence to Sorrento and then back up through Rome. A key part of that trip was my first visit to Pompeii which I immediately decided I wanted to return to. My place on that trip was sponsored by my then church, as I recall, otherwise it would have been impossible, and it took me some forty years to make the first return trip. The last trip was called 'Fire and Ice' and took us first to Vesuvius (another trip to Pompeii being part of it), then to Sicily and Mount Etna, followed by a view from the sea of Stromboli. The 'ice' element was a trip to a glacier on the way back.
    So your late mum was a native of Cremona? I wish very much that I had been able to meet her. Although I am far, far, far from fluent in it myself, I think Italian is probably the most beautiful language in the world.
    I believe, incidentally, that Walter Presents on All4 is about to release an Italian based detective series. Haven't yet caught the name, but it will be worth watching out for.
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman
    and I'm back to tackle some more of your marathon message  :)

    As I suggested in my last message you've kind of reintroduced me to a lot of names that I used to be reasonably familiar with, but my teens were not a good time really - I had no friends or social life to speak of and was always 'odd one out' at places like the youth club.

    Now listening to 'Tainted Love - Soft Cell' and remember it well.

    You certainly seem to have got around the Scene in those days! Much more than I ever could have done.

    Do you still have your instrument? I would love to hear you play. Do you want to talk about your family issues at all? They seem to have been very, very destructive. Very much a pity that we can choose our friends but not our family.

    I grew up calling them 'films' too :) but so many of my interactions over the last few years have been with Americans, and so many refer to the 'movies' over here now, that I hesitate to use a word so many people seem to have forgotten.

    Talking Pictures is a good channel, isn't it. I've been able to watch a lot of old favourites on it, though I actually don't get to watch very much of anything. My wife's working hours are such that our evening often doesn't really start until about 8.00 pm. By the time we've had dinner it is pretty close to bedtime for both of us so we watch 'easy viewing' that won't wind us up before we try to sleep.

    I've watched war and historical films/programmes since I was a child - my dad was a soldier and, being born in the 50s, the Second World War was still a recent memory for very many. My dad narrowly missed it, but served in BAOR and in Cyprus. Anyway, watching such things means, of course, that I have to be able to tolerate a certain level of filmic violence. I cannot and do not watch 'horror' films - there's horror enough in everyday life I think, and do not watch anything which exploits violence or abuse to give their film a kick.

    I have a soft spot for some of the MGM musicals, and I get my 'upbeat' films from oldies and from animations. My principal 'oldie' pick-ups are 'Scrooge' with Alastair Sim and 'The Bishop's Wife' with David Niven and Cary Grant. First prize for upbeat animation goes, for me, to Disney's 'Mulan', closely followed by 'Up' and 'Moana' (which we watched for the first time recently)

    With TV, as I mentioned, we tend to watch 'easy-viewing'. 'Father Brown' has been our dinnertime companion for some time, and my partner (surprise, surprise) loves 'Call the Midwife'. 'The Secret Life of the Zoo' is another regular, and beyond that I tend to watch documentaries or recorded old films.

    Going to leave it there for now and will get back to your subsequent mail when I can  :)

    Take care of yourself. Warmest best wishes, always,
    Richard
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR   Thank you for reply.  I again apologise long post have this mind that needs to be fulfilled, needs to say what I have, that is bothering me.

    My family well just say it is the bane or pain to talk about.  Yet some days I have the long lasting memories of what happened.  Can watch some thing like a film or a drama or a news item then it starts.

    The imagery of being in that family being with them especially my Mother who was the real issue.  Get triggers of certain events and scenes in my life.

    Been to therapy, been on here talking about it, briefly he said more like a novel again.

    I got a lot of response on that one  By similar like minded people.  You are never alone on here with a problem.

    When you live with some one who is controlling, abusive very damaging mentally.  You can not really talk about it.  Only really in snap shots and glimpses when I was in the family.  Since leaving started to discuss it more.

    Having the threats from her and family members.  This is the hidden side of families.

    Lot of damage mentally so yes it great I can talk to you but some days struggle.  You must remember that one person can cause you so much damage that it runs through you all your life.  I would be married, have children, have employment, my own place, own life, really great friends if it was not for her callous, evil, twisted mind and mental cruelty.  You see you have got me started.

    Only found out certain medical histories a long while back.  Hiding stuff that I need to know.

    Regarding my trombone well stopped that playing.  Would need to get back to reading music.  Forget a lot of it.  Although I enjoyed playing.  Quite happy to play other peoples music.

    Talking of Soul music there are others I like certain artists some from the Stax Label.  Otis Redding, Barkeys, Sam and Dave plus others.  Like Curtis Mayfield and The Impressions.  Wilson Pickett, Solomon Burke.  The Ladies Etta James, Doris Troy,Nancy Wilson plus others.

    All these were Soul with a sprinkling of Blues.  Nancy Wilson friend of the Rat Pack especially Sammy Davis Jnr who I also like as well as Frank Sinatra.

    Favourite old films top of the list Double Endemity with Fred Mac Murray, Barbara Stanwych, Edward G. Robinson.

    Key Largo with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall plus To Have and To Have Not
    Casablanca

    Harvey with James Stewart plus the Anthony Mann Westerns directed by him and with James Stewart.  Series of about six Westerns he always wore the same hat.

    These include The Naked Spur,  The Far Country, The Man From Laramie,  Winchester 73 with Shelley Winters. plus some others.  I can not recall.

    Plus Hitchcocks Vertigo.  Also did the Glenn Miller Story good old fashioned films.
    Hitcocks films Physco, To Catch A Thief, North by Northwest, Dial M for Murder with eyes half closed for two of them still shocks and stuns.

    Talking Pictures have loads I have not seen before these include A Lot of British Thrillers.  By long gone companies like London Films, The Boulting Brothers with the trio always of Peter Sellers, Terry Thomas or Syd James.

    Like them a lot simple short and sweet.

    M.G.M. Musicals with Gene Kelly he and Frank Sinatra did a series of dance films.  Out to The Ball Game,  Anchors Aweigh,  my personal favourite On The Town.  There are others as well.

    Summer Set with Judy Garland.  In fact Judy did a series of Musicals with Gene Kelly plus Fred Astaire.  Only Judy Film I get sick of is Easter Parade or The Wizard of Oz.

    Fred Astaire most of his work I like except one or two.

    I also I forgot like fantasy film of the fifties and early sixties animated by a Ray HarryHausen great to watch and clever.

    TV do not watch a lot like the series of The Two Greedy Italians.  All the Italy Unpacked Series With Giorgio and Andrew Graham Dixon.

    I do Cucine Pavore at home as I was told by some book I read.  Mainly Southern Italian.  Some Meditterean from The North like Morocco and Southern Spain.

    I have just seen Saturday Morning Kitchen the other day a new Recipe for Ragu lot simple to do.  So I have that in my book.  Get tired of Bolognese and like the usual simple dishes that cost no money  Less is more.

    I hope I have given you a lot of food for thought as they say.  Please can I say great to have you listen and thank you for your time.

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Victoriad   How are you ?  Thank you for reply but I think you have me confused with some one else.  I have never read Father Brown I believe it was @RichardVR who said that.

    I am sorry if I was wrong if I did.  Only some days I get mixed up.  Any way thank for any suggestions you have sent me.  Always appreciated.  I will try to get some other cheap eats as I call them in Coffee Lounge or to your wall.  If you so wish.

    Give me some time, have forgetful mind and days.

    Lovely to meet you and chat.  Nice to see you to see you nice as they say.

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman
    and please do not apologise for the length of your posts or for anything else. They are very interesting posts and it is nice getting to know you. You were correct in your last post too, it was I who mentioned Father Brown  :) Trivial stuff, but an undemanding way to pass an hour or so.

    What you tell me, of course, is entirely up to you, and I'm sorry if I seem at all to have pressed you. My family background was a mess and caused lasting damage, but it is clear from your words that I got off very lightly be comparison. I won't talk about it further, though, in case it troubles you.

    I'm copying your music references to a document in my computer so that I can go through them and have a listen whenever time permits. That way I won't miss any of them, and I am grateful to you already for reintroducing me to many names I have forgotten and some I never knew. You have given me the pleasure of some fine music.

    And that's a great film list! 'Double Indemnity'! Oh yes, that would be on my list too, as would 'Key Largo', 'To Have and To Have Not' and 'Casablanca'.

    'Harvey' is glorious. I will watch anything James Stewart is in  :) and it is only recently that I watched 'Winchester '73'  Between Film4 and 'Talking Pictures' I seem to be seeing a lot of old Westerns these days, though I tend to avoid those that make romance out of the murder of native Americans. I could watch them when I didn't know better, but not anymore. I did, still, enjoy James Garner's 'Support Your Local Sheriff' the other day.

    I love Hitchcock's work, though I don't think I would have liked the man. Very fond of some of his early work, particularly 'The 39 Steps' with Robert Donat and Madeleine Carroll. Very, very fond, too, of Donat's 'Goodbye Mr Chips'.

    And Bogie and Bacall! I'm with you all the way there.

    I guess, from what you've written, that you'll be a fan of 'The Lavender Hill Mob' and 'The Ladykillers'? 'The Mouse That Roared' is another favourite of mine.

    Like you, I'm guessing, I grew up with Harryhausen. I vividly recall 'Jason and the Argonauts', 'Mysterious Island' and 'The First Men in the Moon'. Though special effects have moved on incredibly since then, his effects remain so very striking for their time. 

    I've found a site for Cucina Povera on the web and will have a look at it. For me there is no beating Italian and Greek food.

    So yes, plenty of 'food for thought' for me  :)  and at least one post of yours I haven't answered yet. I will get to it, though, as soon as I can.

    Warmest best wishes to you, my friend,

    Richard

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    @RichardVR Thank you for wise words and comments.  What I found that talking about my family is helping, some times in my mind.  When some one gives you support like yourself you of course wish to know little bits about that person.  That what people do talking if we were face to face.

    I do not mind talking just there are other things in the world to discuss.  Scars run deep and pain whether mental or physical can never can go away but the symptoms can be healed slowly.

    Besides I had a not too good day big worries about money.  Managed to sort out that bill in my head.  Did it on automated telephone, pushing buttons and so that is done.  That is the last Utility I will deal with like that.  Hopefully Smart Meter will be great.  Been on the phone to company coming out next month to fit.

    I will do a post on that to let any body who wishes to have one fitted.  I can advise and hopefully say if it successful.

    Yes thank you for comments about films and the rest of what I have been saying.  I agree with you about Hitch **** not fan of the man but the films.  Seen one or two previews of documentaries very unnerving.  Much like to day.

    Little known facts I have on films always to me fascinating and well I did not know that.  Talking Pictures did a series called Tell Me Another talking to film stars, TV personalities and Stage actors, also Comedians.  Like those.  Memories of stars long gone.

    When I was collecting for my own purpose.  I used to go to Film Fairs in the eighties held in Manchester and in London.  Those days collected Postcards of my area where I lived but I had friends, follower collectors all things TV, Film.  In those days also you see people to collect the history of Film and TV.

    Any thing connected Dr Who cult TV shows The Prisoner, The Saint and so on.  Big even then.  I met a lad who collected anything by Roger Moore his work and James Bond, The Saint.  Used to tell me Roger Moore would send him items.  The thing was that amused me was he had hair like Roger Moore and that tickled me.  Then I found out the obsession was getting to me.

    Collecting Elvis and the other types of music.  Taken me all over the UK and met many wonderful, amazing collectors.  Some shall we say really obsessive.  Met collectors with their stories.  Used to go to Liverpool at hell of a lot.  Everybody their has a Beatles story or a story about The MerseyBeat days.

    This is the situation with my interests of music and film all unfortunately ageing and dying the artists that like and love.

    I can not watch any body in the industry who in my opinion has either no talent but thinks he or she does.  On chat shows can not string together a conversation.

    Having no time for anybody is social media mad.  Would go to their opening of their fridge and invite the press.  Tell all.

    Yes I forgot to say love Pasta but what not many people know you probably do, but a lot do not.  The Greeks love Pasta and a lot of Southern Italy mainly areas around Puglia speak ancient Greek I believe.

    A lot of Greek food has the use of Pasta.  When watching Saturday Kitchen one of the Chef was from India telling us all we like Pasta.  The people from India I did not know that.

    Learn some thing new whether useful or not.

    Hope to speak to you soon take care my friend.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    edited February 2018
    Hi @tobyrosco21
    Where are you thinking of going to, Toby? I've been hoping to hear more from you.
    You were telling me about making cards from kits, and I'm interested to know more about it and more about you. Your post does seem to have slipped into chat between friends, and I'm a bit concerned about that. It has not been intentional, and I have been listening out for you.
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard

  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    No one listens or cares.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 Good Morning How are you.  I sorry about this you say no one cares I care and so do the people of this Community I am sure.

    The problem is with a subject like depression every one wants to join in.  Also it was not intentional to steal your thunder as they say.

    I was waiting for replies from yourself then Richard came on.  You must understand there are a lot of people on the forum who are supporting us all.

    Usually as I strike a rapport with.  Richard helped me through a bad time and as I have not spoken to him for ages.  I apologise if I was catching up.

    This is what happens I get up on some mornings who is on today Oh look who is on.  It is like meeting old friends.  This what may I say do plunge in may I say be bold.  I know I have anxiety, depression.

    The first time I dared to comment got lovely feedback, warmth and feel the understanding thank you.

    I use this forum to stop be being lonely, have debate interaction.  I have days which I need to chat talk and look to see who I can comfort or ease their own personal situation

    Please may I suggest can I ask you ?  What do you like?  Hobbies and Interests.

    I am in my early fifties have music, film interests.  Like Italian food and spices.  If you wish to know more or how can I be a friend, I will listen to you.

    I hope and pray that you reply take care.  Pleased to meet you.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Victoriad Yes I have plenty of those senior moments.  Worse for me mornings.  What day is it got the diary.  It is Wednesday feels like I thought wow where has that gone.

    Talking of TV watched a series on The Victorians Part1 yesterday on a channel called PBS America have Freesat hosted by Jeremy Paxman.  Talked about the Victorian era through art.  Some of the Art amazing. 

    Then on the same channel series on Henry VIII with David Starkey, great enthralling.  Nothing ever on that interests me.  I need to be stimulated and educated.

    Same channel did a series on Jazz which I enjoyed a lot.  All this of course helps with depression

    What sorts of educational style programmes do you like.  Documentaries?

    Hope you OK take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    So perhaps I should start a thread on how wrong it is to jump on other people' s threads.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Victoriad Thank you for reply Just one of those days.  I call it Weepy Wednesday get emotional and upset annoyed at myself.

    Usually little things I still think I am related to Victor Meldrew or Frank Spencer.  Accidents mishaps most Wednesdays for me .  I have good Karma but something always happens.

    My favourite joke regarding mishaps, accidents won a years supply of After Eight Mints never ate any.  All melted by 7.45 pm.

    Managed some how to towels on new washing line last week put it up and the whole thing sagged in the mud strewn lawn and had to wash everything again.

    Struggle to get stuff dry my tiny little bungalow no room for tumble dryer.  Could some days scream running out of clothes.  Hopefully I do not have to wander around in JimJams.  Got a load have just got them dry.  

    Any way Freesat this was a saterlite system set up by the government when we all went Digital.. You have a little box connected to a Saterlite Dish outside.

    I went with Sky got the dish and box then the company put prices up a lot.  So I cancelled.  Applied to Freesat do not pay subscription like Sky.  You get about 500 channels plus the usual ones Radio and the odd lifestyle ones.  Check it on  the web.  Cost would be fitting of the dish plus the cost of desk top box

    Take care
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 Thank you for reply.  All I say I have said sorry to you.  This a open forum and I was hoping you would understand.

    The whole idea is to discuss in the open any problems or issues you may have.  Then every body can advise or tell you their view and opinions.

    If you wished to have a private chat you got your wall.  This is what I some times do.  I believe there is instructions that one of the SCOPE team has put on the site.  If you would like to have a look.

    I notice you are a support worker then you would realise that all of us are trying to support each other.  With kindness, warmth and compassion.

    Also that you deal with people with issues and problems.  So I can imagine that is rewarding work.

    I do understand you are suffering from depression and I know personally that is not easy to cope with.

    I do feel for you my friend because I have the greatest respect for any body who does that kind of work.  Having had many times to ask for help and support from many charities.

    If I have annoyed you or upset you I am not that kind of person.  I have been putting out the hand of friendship.

    Take care nice to talk to you.  Please take care.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 You do not have to say sorry.  I was trying to explain everything.

    Here to listen, chat, talk, debate what ever you wish or need to do.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hello Toby, @tobyrosco21
    and I'm sorry you're troubled by the way the thread has turned out. I mentioned to you that I was a bit concerned too, and I've tried to work out how it came about. The first thing is that you posted (correctly) in 'Welcomes and Introductions'. Because your post was clearly concerned with 'Depression' it was moved into a forum on that subject in the hope that you would find more people there who understood your particular feelings and would be able to support you. Had your initial post told us, for example, that you were on the Autism Spectrum, your post would probably have been moved to a relevant ASD forum.
    The switch to the 'Depression' forum meant that your post was exposed to some who work with and for Scope, along with fellow-sufferers of depression, In such forums people may tend to talk to each other as some of us have done here. Perhaps there is a better way :smile: I will certainly let you know if I find it.
    Relatively new, I have not entirely found my way around the communication system here.
    As to 'no-one listens or cares', you couldn't be further from the truth, though I do entirely understand that feeling. The site is entirely about listening and caring and, since you made your first post in 'Welcomes and Introductions' I've been watching my notifications in the eager hope that you would come back to tell us more about yourself.
    You yourself do not have anything to apologise for, believe me.
    So, please, please talk to us, Toby. We DO want to help. You ARE important here.
    The very warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Still here, you see :smile: Still listening.
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I don't deserve it
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Oh Toby! @tobyrosco21
    Don't deserve it? Okay, you probably believe that. But it is not true, Toby. Not true at all. Everybody deserves to be cared about and - here - you are.
    For you to say that you 'don't deserve it' suggests to me (and I know I could be wrong) that someone has been telling you that lie for a long time, perhaps since your childhood.  Anyone who has told you that is wrong. It is a lie. And if you didn't deserve it, I wouldn't be sitting here, trying to get through to you. Nor am I alone. @thespiceman cares, Toby. @Victoriad cares. And over time you'll find many here who feel exactly the same, they just haven't found your post yet.
    Tell me, Toby, what it is that is hurting you so very, very much.
    With affection,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    I'e had a **** life.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby,
    I wonder if you typed in the four asterisks, or if they were placed there by a program?
    I can guess what the word is, though.
    Believe me, Toby, you are not alone, but not being alone in that makes little difference to how you feel and we're not going to get into a comparison of who has had the *****iest life in the community :smile: What matters is how you feel and why.
    The key thing is that if you have had a four-asterisk life, it has not been your fault. Or do you think it has, somehow?
    I'm going to add something here. One of the worst aspects of depression for me, before I came to be able to be entirely open about it and especially when I was young, was a fear in myself that I was making something out of nothing, that if I actually told people what I felt they would laugh at me.
    No-one, Toby, NO-ONE is going to laugh at you here. Here you are surrounded by people who will be able to relate to what you have suffered.
    So tell me more. Tell me, if you like, what has made yours a 'four asterisk life' 
    With affection,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Can't talk about it too upsetting.   Main problem at the moment is going back to work.  I'm terrified 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    I quite understand, Toby, and I am not pressuring you. 

    I had a look back to your earlier posts and am reminded that you tried the Samaritans without success, and counselling too? Okay, the Samaritans are usually pretty good, but everybody's going to fail sometime, and counsellors can be a bit of a pain. I remember thinking how I had to manage my feelings during counselling sessions because if I saw a potential breaking point coming up in the near future I had to make sure it happened well before the end of the session. Didn't want to be in the position of having an all out blubbering attack when the counsellor was saying 'sorry, we're out of time'  :D
    Anyway, that's perhaps by the by.
    Are you able to tell me what it is that is so frightening about going back to work? (I've actually been in that situation, by the way, and the last time was when I took early retirement) But that doesn't tell me why you feel that way. Can you?
    Listening, Richard

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    |'m going to have to take a break for a while - have not yet had dinner - but I will be back later.
    Take care, for now.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi again, Toby,
    Discovering how late it is, I think I need to sign off for the night. I will be checking posts, however, early tomorrow, and will be thinking about you.
    I DO want to help, Toby, and you DO deserve to be helped. Talk to me, please.
    Affection and best wishes,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Victoriad said:
    Hello Toby
    Sorry you think some of us have hijacked your thread.

    It is about depression and really we all in the same boat and just trying to keep up a bit of morale with some idle chit chat.

    Ive not set foot outside the door today and the only folk Ive communicated with all day were my wee dog, Spiceman and Richard and Maria on the benefits advice thread.
    Not forgetting my husband home from work later this evening, so basically Ive been on my Tod for over 12 hours.

    I don’t want to foist myself on your thread,so if you tell me to go away then I will! .....and I will talk to Spiceman and Richard via other means!

  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Got my second wind. I'm here if you're still around and if you want to talk.
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 Good morning how are you?  Could not sleep last night thinking about you.

    I do that have sleepless nights when I have some thing on my mind or care have concern for any body I meet on the forum.  I am not just saying that but I am.

    I only talked about myself to Richard and Victoria because you would be see it is easy to talk.  You must understand that with being support worker your self.

    If you had client like you how would cope and deal with that person.

    A few things I apologise it is about me.  I come from a family never allowed to talk or discuss anything personal or intimate.  Especially mental illness.

    Imagine every day having that they were days I need to talk.  In those days you did not it was all private, kept hidden.  No one knew they did even know I a child with a disability and the neighbours, some of them did not know I exsisted.  Till I broke free and started to discuss what the hell was going on in therapy.

    Abuse of children whether mentally or physically is the hidden side of families.  Yet councillors never believed a word, remember this never happened.  This was the seventies.

    By that time drinking and alcoholic for thirty years .plus  Only from the nineties and on ward started to discuss what really happens.  All the time veiled real genuine threats from family members.  Court action and the rest.  It never happened in their eyes.

    So you see I am opening my heart out here and it is breaking   Since having support workers all lovely ladies,  Yet I could not talk they at one end of a sofa me another.

    I am a gentleman of the early fifties now but then could not talk to a woman for years and years.  Having had also the problems and issues of abusive, may I say violent relationships with women who were all like my Mother in every respect.

    Getting of Alcohol in pain with also turning to drugs because I was in pain withdrawal.  Had taken drugs in the days when I was in Night clubs and on the Northern Soul Scene.

    Got myself sorted problems have now started mentally and physically.  I had a lot of knock backs regarding treatment of my self.  From employment to health care to hate crime, to mate crime.  I could go on and I do.  I just want you to know.

    For a gentleman or even any body especially us I struggle to say what is wrong, I struggle to say how I am.  Whether to Doctors or friends.

    Having this forum is a godsend, waking up now I say what I like and get the love and support I need. Richard is a good guy as every body is here.

    Please try to understand we care about each other plus if you keep it in your head and it goes round and round it can set off more depression more anxiety more fret more illness.  I have been there and still am.

    Take care you are in my prayers thoughts.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Victoriad Great to hear from you.  Good fresh start I hope if you change your GP.  Recognise the problems and issues.

    Am here to listen and chat if you wish.  Yes weather wise supposed to be milder.

    Put new recipe for Med Rice One Pot on Coffee Lounge for your perusal if you wish to change any thing please do.

    Gardening might start thinking about Herbs new ones.  Got Rosemary all over Garden.  Put stuff into Tubs next time a lot easier.  I used last time Fennel, Lavender, Rosemary and Sage.

    All pretty hardy.  I buy the dried for easy use but keep fresh for display great in summer very therapeutic scent wise.

    Take care speak to you soon.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    I ran out of steam yesterday, I'm afraid, didn't get to sleep till about 2:00 am, as @thespiceman commented, you were in my thoughts too. Looked for you earlier today, then had to go to a dental appointment and do some routine shopping, so now home (I hope) for the day.
    Last time I was here, I asked you why you were terrified of going back to work. I would still like very much to know. But I do not want to put any pressure on you.
    The truth is that you really NEED to talk to somebody. Would it help if our conversations were more confidential, one-to-one? I am looking into the process now.
    Listening, your friend,
    Richard

  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @Victoriad. Good to hear you're feeling a little more positive. Hope we can keep it up :smile: Lucky you, having access to a garden like that. I have 'access' to the shared house garden, but everything that's put in has to be put in by the house gardener. I want to put up a semi-permanent hide to photograph the birds and foxes that visit us, but I keep having to take it down so that he can mow the 9 square yards of rather shabby lawn underneath it  :D
    Look forward to hearing from you soon.
    Richard
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman
    Just saying hello :smile:  Hope to catch up with you later, and badly want to make time to look at your recipes.
    Very best to you, always,
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR   How are you I understand you are busy and have your mind on other things.

    Hope you OK Take care.  Thank you for your time.  Yes have a look feel free to adapt anything you see or like.  That is the whole point.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @thespiceman and thank you, I'm fine. It is my good fortune to be essentially able-bodied and mobile, so I have nothing to complain of. The depression hits me from time to time, and I spend quite a lot of time being angry at what 'Society' is doing to the most vulnerable.
    My greatest fortune is in being able to get to St James's Park in London 2 or 3 times a week, where I hand-feed birds and squirrels and seem to get photographed by no end of tourists, AND being able to be here with friends like yourself, people who matter to me.
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Thank you for reply.  Yes I am OK just have bad days hence a lot of my posts .  What is bothering me.

    My concern was my friend and yours toby.  I see from posts contacted you.  I have been sending him messages of support and hope you and he can discuss what and how you can help him.  Like you very kindly help me.

    I am sorry what happened these things do happen and you get distracted by talking to other people.

    I had this myself and am always grateful for every one who just reply and care.

    I am passionate about people in our community.  This all stems from my childhood.  Seeing disabled, mental ill treated badly.

    Those days if you were part of the society with disability of any sorts.  Treated as simple, stupid.  My Mother who was into local politics never thought she ever understood people.  Never voted for her but the other guy I used to say.

    Attitudes of a village being from school and college plus employment.  You become a fighter.  You stand up for your people.  The never ending demeanour, patronising, looks of disapproval from the blue rinse brigade from interfering so called people in my village.

    One moment smiles for a camera or press delegation next moment behind the scenes back stabbing the very people.  They were smiling for.  Usually the elderly, disabled, mentally ill.  That is local politics.

    Coming home to see the local MP in our front lounge sipping tea and niceties.  Him the opposition to my Mother.  Best friends cooking up a plot to oust some big wig who has set off on his own agenda.

    Not nice.  Certainly eye opener.  Work together all the time.  Found that out.  Cross Party Support.  Never get anything done other wise he murmured to me one Sunday Afternoon Tea function.  I ask casually one Summer when I was in my teens.  I recall.

    Since then been well aware of the fight and endless struggle of our community.

    Have to look at The Disability News worth a look.  Political stories all the time around the community of ours.  Latest one Disabled Commissioner not appointed.  It does not surprise me what goes on.

    Interesting enough been to seen  PMQ's.  All like theatre and drama.  All politeness with a sneer and a veil of complicity.

    Great you get to London reminds me I had a friend that cared for me in Hospital  I had to go to Hospital in London   When I was a young lad Mother decided to go home, leaving me alone.  Another thing she did.  Any way left alone and a friend of the family.  Sort of like adopted me.

    Went to Richmond Park loved that.  Huge place lots of visits I would never had been to. Natural History Museum, V and A, Tower of London.  Plenty more Art Galleries.  Got a real education.

    Sad really relationship with my Mother went down hill from there as She rarely ever rang me at the Hospital.  One time I rang cut me off.

    Came one day took me home and never ever mentioned this family were coming to see me that afternoon.  I remember the upset, emotions then.  Still came down trounced in and by lunch time left.  I did not want to go back to home.  The  rest is history.

    The most upsetting thing that really deep down hurts.  That happened was this family were writing to me.  Mother destroying any letters sent.

    Phone calls well never rang.  In the end one day in my teens this when I found out the letters and the rest.  I suddenly one meeting with my Grandma who was my mothers mother.  Hated each other.  

    Told me when I mentioned it.  They were arranging to leave the country I believe either Canada or USA I found out on the way to the airport they were killed.

    No one bothered to tell me.  That one event made me realise how much I really hated my Mother and then the abuse, mental physical started till I was in my early twenties.

    I thank god got away but being with that family in London probably one of the happy times.

    Just some more bedtime reading.  I used to say to my lovely support worker.  Reading your E mails are like novels.  As I reeled off massive reams of stuff and chat.  She said to me.  Only you said to me.  Make me cry and then laugh dabbing my eyes with tears of laughter.

    Thank you for support and your time.  Take care.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    edited February 2018
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Missing you, my friend. Been looking out for you most of the day. Are you okay? 
    YOU MATTER TOBY, to me and to others!
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @Victoriad
    and thank you for your response. It's not really the gardener's fault, I think The powers-that-be have grown up in that suburban environment that takes pleasure in flowers placed in line of battle and manicured lawns.
    I do have a bird table and I have feeders hanging from a neighbouring tree. The main beneficiaries are whoever is working in the kitchen, which overlooks them.
    You're lucky to see a woodpecker up close. They're lovely birds. I got a lovely view of our newly-resident Harris's Hawk in the park on Wednesday, and had blue, coal and great tits - as well as squirrels and our local parakeet invaders - feeding from my hands. Always a great boost.
    Best to you,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Hi everyone I am fine, just not sleeping very well.  
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby! Very, very glad to see you again.
    Still here, still listening :smile:
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Just got a load of parcels today.  Some craft stuff and bits for the holiday. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi!
    I love it when parcels come in. Are the materials to do with your card-making, or do you have other crafts as well?
    Best
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Just card making, and some batteries for my camera.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi Toby
    Only a few words, but I learn something interesting. You have a camera! So do I. Perhaps you could tell me what sort of pictures you take, or what sort of photos are of most interest to you?

  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Use it on holiday normally take photos of animals at wildlife parks.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
     :)  I don't think I've ever been to a wildlife park as such, but I have hundreds of animal photos taken around the London parks, Regent's Park Zoo and elsewhere. I love animals and birds.
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Mainly from Animal Kingdom. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Animal Kingdom? You take your holidays in Florida?
  • tobyrosco21tobyrosco21 Member Posts: 52 Listener
    Sometimes, will be there in September. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    I have never been. I did go to the US once, to stay with a friend in Massachusetts, and I think we went to a modest zoo that was quite local to them. Their own local wildlife was interesting enough, what with hummingbirds, cardinals and a turtle or two. Found the turtles in a lake our hosts drove past every day without ever realising there was a lake there. And my friend's partner was a very obliging police officer who enabled me to see a porcupine, ironically enough, from his own black-and-white. Didn't bring back any pictures though, and cannot now remember why.
Sign in or join us to comment.