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SystemSystem Posts: 470 Scope community team
This discussion was created from comments split from: Cancel.

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  • algy194algy194 Member Posts: 25 Listener
    Hi I will try again and hopefully not delete what I have asked or want some advice/ view on please. I find this very embarrassing you see and the picture is bigger in respect of my question. Sorry I've waffled on enough.
      My problem is, I am not really looking for sexual " this is where I get stuck for words" encounter as such. My problem is its relief I need "not very often" but let's say due to severe pain I cannot do anything in this department. I have no idea how to go about addressing this as the stress and anxiety this causes is emence, even thought I am on antidepressants which suppress this need but only to an extent you see hence this is something I would not require very often.  The mindfulness after is such a relief it's like my body needs this function then I'm fine for ages. I need to just push the send button now I find this embarrassing that I am even asking. I was seeing someone for along time that addressed this problem very well but like all good things this became out of hand 'no pun intended and the idea of being open with this Lady created a situation. I'll stop there if I may as it gets a bit deep but I am glad this person is happy just don't need me to be involved in that side, Which it seems I have no choice at present If only I could explain this bit better without embarrassment 
       Kind regards Algy 
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Volunteer community adviser Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hi @algy194!  Thank you for your post and for being so courageous - it's really hard to speak up openly and publicly about these things and I'm so thankful every time someone does, because I can guarantee you're not on your own.  I know how hard embarrassment can be.

    Having a sexual urge and need is something that most of us live with and the majority of people are able to facilitate some relief for themselves, which is great - this issue of what happens when that's not easy or indeed possible is a serious one though so I'm really glad you've brought it up.

    You've said that previously you'd had a relationship where this wasn't an issue as you enjoyed intimate time together - am I right?  But that this isn't the case at the moment - which is difficult.  It's hard to gauge things exactly via this kind of forum, and I hope I don't cause offence or make you think I'm not taking it seriously, but I wonder if you had considered using a sex toy to help provide some relief but minimise movement so that your pain is reduced?  (I hope I'm not barking completely up the wrong tree here and that I haven't embarrassed you terribly or caused any upset!).  There are adaptations that can be made if motor or manual function, or indeed pain, are issues, and it might be a consideration if some basic sexual relief could help you.
    - Gill 
  • algy194algy194 Member Posts: 25 Listener
    Thank you for your understanding response I feel I can breath out a little so to speak. I have tried the above (toys) and unfortunately that approach just didn't work, I did look on a very popular site LH and did purchase what I believed to be best suited ie movement. Unfortunately for me the ones I tried just " how can I put this " just didn't hit the spot. Basic relief would solve the problem I have its beyond frustration and very difficult to discribe the effect it has on me. Yet something you'd think would be so simple just isn't. The option I have is to let the person who was helping me,  which was fine really was. Things changed regarding   ..its just so hard to say, but I think you'd understand from both points
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Volunteer community adviser Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hi @algy194 - I wonder if it might be a good plan to look somewhere a bit more accessible....I have some ideas for people to ask about this (I have a contact who runs an accessible sex toy shop, amongst other things).  If you're happy for me to do a little bit of discreet asking about, I will crack on and do that. :) 
    - Gill 
  • algy194algy194 Member Posts: 25 Listener
    Hi Thank you again for getting back to me, I have given what you said some thought but I don't think in may case I would be able to get an aid to work it's quite a mental bloke    ..I can't think of another way of putting this across. Hope you understand 
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Volunteer community adviser Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hi @algy194 - I understand what you mean with it being a mental block.  I did talk to my contact as well, who has given me some details of an aid which might be more accessible for you, if you want it, though?

    - Gill 
  • algy194algy194 Member Posts: 25 Listener
    Again thank you for getting back to me, I think and hope you understand I have to try and yes, I am open minded so please let's try 
       Thank you 
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