Mental health issues
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Mental health after being discharged from hospital

hawkinshawkins Member Posts: 7 Listener
edited March 2018 in Mental health issues
Just been discharged from hospital after very bad broken hip, been in their months.  Was desperate  to get home now all I feel is depressed, can't even cry.  Having carers to rely on makes things worse.  A big part of Mr wonders if I can go on.

Replies

  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hello @hawkins and a warm welcome to the community. I am glad you've found us.
    You have found a safe place here, very much among friends, and you're likely to meet very many who know exactly how you feel. Stick with us, have a glance, perhaps, through our categories/forums here https://community.scope.org.uk/categories and look for conversations on a similar theme which you can simply read, or respond to. It's a good way to meet others on here.
    I don't doubt it has taken courage for you to get this far, and I suspect that things look very dark just at present. We are, however, here for you, and should you begin to think you can't 'go on' please, please, please contact the Samaritans for free on 116 123. If you believe you are a currently a danger to yourself, please contact your local hospital immediately.
    You matter, hawkins, here. Stay with us. Other members will no doubt be in touch in the near future too.
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Here and Listening,
    Richard
  • hawkinshawkins Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Hi Richard, have I got this replying right?  I am 53 was a carer for my mum for 8 years until she went into residential care last year.  Took me until Nov to get a job and same day tripped and broke hip twice.  Been out of hospital 2 days was desperate to come home but now don't know what to do.  Dong feel anything reallh just like I am shutting down and my life is over, no future just a burden to others.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hi @hawkins
    and sorry I couldn't get back to you earlier, but yes, you've got the replying thing right :smile:  It is good to hear from you.
    From your message, you have had and are going through a traumatic time. First you were carer for your mum which, I'm guessing, was both hard work and meant that you had to put large elements of your own life and hope on the back burner. Then you got your mum into residential care, which is usually neither easy to do nor without considerable stress of its own. Then a double break in your hip and you're finally at home, only to come face to face with what appears to be the reality of the limitations imposed by your ill health. 
    That's a whole mountain of stuff that you've dealt with and for which you've probably had minimum recognition. You've survived it, but you seem to be in a dark place where every move seems an uphill struggle.
    All guesswork on my part, but based on careful observation and experience. I was in a similar dark place many years ago when my daughter died.
    The 'shutting down' probably stems from a deep desire in your brain to rest and to escape from further difficult decisions.
    I would suggest that it is simply too early to quit. Seek medical advice for the depression, which is a perfectly reasonable response to your situation and experience, and talk to others on here who have been a very similar place and found their way out of it. You are not alone, but are among many friends who will be hoping, as I hope, that we will find ways to help you climb this particular hill and find a better view from the top of it.
    I hope that makes some kind of sense. Don't hesitate to tell me if it doesn't :)
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard


  • hawkinshawkins Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Thanks so much got that support, feel that you are absolutely spot on.  I keep trying yo pull myself out of these black moods but nights are the worse, which I am sure is true for many people.  I am fighting to get my old life back when I should be concentrating on adapting yo this new one.  I am told with lots and lots of physio the walking may imptove, can't put my right leg down hardly at all now but I know a love of that is fear.  Frankly I don't want to be like this and I feel such a burden to others that I know I am pushing them away but then feel completely at a stop in a dark space.  Don't have the willpower to go on sometimes, praps I should be back in hospital but I knew I was just becoming dependent  and the next step for me now if I keep babbling on as I am Is that I will be sectioned for my own good of course!  There are many moments I feel this black wave over coming me and I am completely helpless to deal with it.   Coming home was an anticlimax seeing my dog for the first time in months I just felt nothing.  I thought I would cry with joy but just nothing.  I was glad when my partner took her back to the boarding kennels.  Sorry to go on am very glad I have found this forum.  Take care.
  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Pioneering
    Hello @hawkins and it is good to hear from you.
    I am sure the weight of that black wave is a measure of just how much you have been and are going through. Nobody falling off a stepladder is surprised to be hurt, but the distance is not that far and one knows the body is designed to take it, but someone who falls from a multi-storey block and survives is not going to be unduly surprised to find they've broken every bone. Between mum and your injuries, it seems to me that you have fallen from the equivalent, psychologically, of that multi-storey block.
    In your place I think I would be wanting to know whether my depression had any kind of physiological basis and would be speaking, at least, to my GP. There are times when medication really does help.
    As to 'feeling a burden'... Well, we can't really expect to love anyone their whole life through without it being hard work from time to time. Those of us who go through the act of marriage make promises about 'in sickness and in health, whilst in common law marriages and simply in becoming a parent we make the same vow by implication if not in words. You are entitled to be loved and cared for, and even if it is hard everyone, in the end, will benefit from it. My daughter's problems meant four and half years of pretty much endless struggle, sometimes nightmarish struggle, yet I and others who knew her emerged better people for it.
    Even as a stranger, I would be there for you right now if I could be. You are worth it.
    I'm going to tag a lady in here who might want to see this post and respond to you.
    @RebeccaMHadvisor

    So I am still here, hawkins, and still listening. Hold my hand.
    Richard
  • RebeccaMHadvisorRebeccaMHadvisor Member Posts: 99 Courageous
    Hi @hawkins

    Welcome to the community. I think that @JennysDad has given some amazing advice and I hope that you are in less pain and the physio is going well.
    I am wondering how you feel about speaking with your GP? I can hear that you are really struggling and it is completely understandable. You have had some really big changes in your life recently and these can be very difficult to process and accept.
    Talking about things can really help and your GP will be able to support you in that.
    When you have cared for someone it can be very difficult to then accept people caring for you as this had not been the norm for you. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you deserve to get the help and support that you need.

    Rebecca
  • hawkinshawkins Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Thanks Rebecca
    Taking one day at a time but life can be a challenge as I'm sure you and others only too well empathise  with.
    Thanks for caring to reply.
  • RebeccaMHadvisorRebeccaMHadvisor Member Posts: 99 Courageous
    One day at a time is the best way to do it.
  • 18041804 Member Posts: 30 Connected
    New on here. 
  • ChrisWChrisW Member Posts: 7 Connected
    [email protected] A few years ago I found myself in a really dark place just as you are now. Unlike you I did still have mobility, but I was on my own and had nothing to carry for apart from my only friend in the world, my rescue dog who I had for 6 years at the time. Between the two of us we grew stronger and as we both depended on each other live became bearable again.
    When you are more mobile have your little dog for a day and build up a relationship and understanding together. It will help keep you focused and something to look forward to.
    Sadly, my little girl had to be put down last year through cancer, I began to slip back to the dark place again so found another little chap, and together we are building a new relationship..
    You are not alone now, talk to others on here about their experiences, I use to volunteer for my community and visit people who had just come out of hospital, a chat or a bit of shopping, Enquire if there is something similar in your area, the local library or doctors surgery are good starting points.
    Take care and small steps each day
  • hawkinshawkins Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Hi everyone been off here for a long time, in and out of hospital with assorted health problems but very glad to be at home.  My main problem is I am terrified of going back into hospital, it petrified me.  They gave me wrong meds and I nearly died of renal failure.  Although I am just about managing myself at home with carers I suffer from very very dark days when I feel absolutely desperate for something, anything to let me adjust after almost a year.  I am lonely but hate company and in constant nagging pain made worse by recent pressure sores. I know I should feel ashamed of myself for being such a loser and this makes me more angry and frustrated.  No wonder there are times when I think it would be better if it was all over.  I am not afraid of dying just the way of it, in pain and troubled.  Doesn't help my on/off partner suffers from depression and I feel that I am not the cause of this, he is lost now he has retired, I have to carry his problems also.  He says I am a burden to even when I try to persuade him I don't need him to call everyday day, collapse in a chair, fall asleep or tell me his life is over and he wishes he was dead. Keep thinking a local forum might help to chat, exchange simple things like hobby ideas or am I really in the right place here and just need to re-evaluate my attitude.  Sorry for moaning and hope all others who read this are doing ok if not better.  A year is enough time to keep brooding why me.  I will try to do better.  God bless all of us, especially my little darling doggie who remains a joy ' most of the time ! except when she eats beef !!!  Anyone recommend a miraculous carpet clenerv??
  • Ami2301Ami2301 Community champion Posts: 6,707 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @hawkins

    I have been in hospital and rehab since early March and my mental health has been on a rollercoaster, to say the least! I have experienced many periods of feeling like I had hit rock bottom. I felt hopeless, useless, emotional, and at times suicidal. I've now reached a point where I have accepted what has happened and the only way is forward! In a much better mindset too :)

    Have you tried Vax floor cleaners?
    Community Champion
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
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