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A planned meal out and now scared

susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
edited April 2018 in Coffee lounge
hi most of you will know Iv social anxiety and depression.

i agreed to go for a meal with a friend on Friday but with stipulations, I feel I’m being unfair on them about venue, time, where I need to sit etc.

iv not been to anything social, a meal out etc for probably about 8 months.

im thinking about it now and know by Thursday/Friday I will probably try and get out of it.

Im starting to worry incase there too many people, noise etc if I go but will be full of guilt if I let them down again!,,,

any tips to even just get me through the door to go?

thanks

Replies

  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 2,799Member Disability Gamechanger
    I have anxiety and panic disorder and agorophobia so I feel your pain. I rarely socialise but when I go out I break things down into small manageable steps and one step is a win. So for going out the first part is planning what to wear, getting ready then planning how to get there well in advance. I tell myself if I get my outfit and myself ready that’s an excuse I can’t use or stress over. I break the journey down into sections. At each section I can stop and go back. You might not need that as it’s my agorophobia . For the social setting I only feel comfortable in places I know and where I can exit easily. I would make sure someone is with me who understands my issues. I would tell the people I’m meeting up with what might happen eg I may get there I may not. I may leave after 15 minutes, I may leave abruptly or I may not. If it’s people who know you are care about you they will understand . I always have an exit plan. It might sound drastic but I feel trapped otherwise. Do whatever works for you to make you as relaxed as possible . Good luck 


    I am a fibrowarrior!
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  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks to you both, Iv said 6pm latest, and they know my situation so I won’t feel I need to explain.
    it just a local hotel Iv been to before and will try and sit near the door, it’s a open place and spread out so hopefully it won’t be busy. 
    They don’t play music loud, just background noise which is good.
    i said that place as I know the surroundings.

    iv already looked out what I’m wearing, nothing fancy so that’s ok.

    i suppose the worst that could happen is we need to leave.

    trying to think positive, looked online at the menu so don’t need to worry about that.

    thank you both
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,500Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Hope everything goes OK.  This is going to be good you have to think positive thoughts.  Understand it will be troubling you.

    Play feel good music before you go and remember try to enjoy yourself.  I know not easy.  Recently had to confront going into a pub first time for eleven years.   Being and having an addiction history.. So my heart is with you all the way.

    Anxiety plays a part in my life too.  So am with you.  The main thing is that your with people who do know you.

    You have been give excellent advice by the ladies so in good hands there.

    Wish you all the best and success.

    Your friend

    The Spiceman
  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks @thespiceman and a massive well done for going to a pub after all that time and with your addiction.

    you should be proud of yourself.

    because iv said no later than 6pm hopefully I won’t be too busy, if it is it might be fish and chips on the way home  :)
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,500Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello  @susan48 Thank you for kind words.  This is about you not me.  By the way.  Just a little bit of me to share, my own history.

    You are important here though, what ever you do .  Have a pleasant time.  If having Fish and Chips make sure the Fish if fresh.  Does not eat the chips lol
  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks

    i will update this thread when Iv hopefully had a nice relaxing meal out.

    be nice to have good tasty food, for a change 
  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Update-
    i went for the meal out, will not be back though.
    wasnt busy but very noisy.
    There and left very anxious.

    Exhausted and giving myself a hard time for not enjoying a “ enjoyable meal out”

    best stay at at home with a meal for 1 
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 2,799Member Disability Gamechanger
    You have taken a bigger step than you realise. Next time you will be less anxious and more able to enjoy it.


    I am a fibrowarrior!
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,500Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 How are you thinking of your night out.  On my mind when it is Susan's big night out.

    Seems like you said was noisy.  Yet in my eyes you deserve a bouquet flowers some lovely red roses.  From the virtual reality florist.  Having to re stock that..  Been out taken a first step.  Yes it was quiet and the noise obviously was not good.

    Please can I ask please do not put yourself down.  Remember you have achieved something the other night.

    Small steps, try some where else.  Maybe a restaurant like Italian or other sorts.  Think about it .

    Knowing all the anxieties and worries and stresses you have done excellent.

    This gentleman is may I be bold proud to call you a friend.

    Think of this a goal you have achieved. Tick the box.  

    Take care

    The one and only Spiceman
  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you all for your kind words, I know it’s baby steps.

    next time, hopefully do it during the week earlier and @thespiceman, I love Italian, my favourite place it’s in the capital, Edinburgh but it’s lovely and quiet and the food is amazing.

    Thanks you all x
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  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Iv not been The that Italian, the one I like is  in leith. Can’t for the life of me remember it’s name,

    i dont like seafood but passed the Mussels inn a few times and is always busy, a great sign.


  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Just Google’s it it’s called Guilianos it’s amazing
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  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    Bruschetta and spaghetti carbonara are my favourite.

    lovely friendly restaurant x
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 4,500Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Thank you for words.  Like Italian why not.  The trick is to order a starter like Soup or Anti Pasti.  Small little tempting treats.  Then because you are eating, you mind is more relaxed.

    Having a bowl of Soup not only fills you up. Be it may but helps  Plus have bread with your meal always.  Salad as well another idea.  Helps you see.  Anxiety.

    This is what I do if and when go to Italian restaurants.

    Not have alcohol any way.  Alcohol is non starter for me.  My addiction history.

    Prefer water.  With lemon slices.  Get a big jug ordered, should cost nothing.  Besides if you are anxious first thing to do is drink a lot.  Alcohol can be a problem.

    Have simple foods nothing heavy.  Like Fish light and gentle on stomach.     Just a suggestion.

    Nothing worse stomach flapping about anxious order a big meal and feel ill afterwards.

    Even gentleman like myself have problems.

    So Soup, bread.  Fish and Salad.  Always.  Sometimes the Vegetarian options as well.

    Hope you have a great time.

    Have to say Scotland has the best Italian restaurants.  From a well travelled gentleman.
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  • susan48susan48 Posts: 2,187Member Disability Gamechanger
    You definitely have a point about alcohol @thespiceman

    it definitely is full of life and love people watching @Victoriad
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