Cerebral Palsy
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Does my friend have CP?

oldman53oldman53 Member Posts: 3 Listener
edited May 2018 in Cerebral Palsy
I MET A OLD SCHOOL PAL AFTERS YEARS AND NOTICED HIS GAIT AND THE WAY HE HELD HIMSELF ? HAD GOT WORSE OVER THE YRS HE DENIED HE EVER HAD A STRANGE WALK AT SCHOOL ? HE IS SCARED OF THE HOSPITAL AND HATES NEEDLES AND WHEN I ASKED HIM TO GO AND GET TESTED HE STARTED TO GET ON THE DEFENSIVE ? HIS MOTHER WAS VERY PROTECTIVE O HI AND HE NEVER VENTURED FAR ? HE IS 64YRS ? HE IS ALWAYS FALLING OVER AND TRIPS HIMSELF UP ? I THINK ITS C.P BECAUSE I HAVE A RELATIVE WITH A PRONOUNCED FORM OF C.P 

Replies

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @oldman53 Pleased to meet you welcome.

    Thank you for sharing

    Hope you find us all friendly and supportive.

    Take care

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
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  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @oldman53

    Perhaps he seemed defensive because he didnt want to talk about his health? You say you havent seen him for many years, and so you don't know what has gone on with his health over this time.

    We all have the right to privacy around our health and bodies, I am sure you are only trying to help, but maybe this is one that you need to stay out of?  At 64, your friend can probably make his own decisions :)

    I think its hard when we just want to help and show support, but if that support isnt welcome then we need to take a step back and respect other people's opinions and choices.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • oldman53oldman53 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    HI I THINK YOUR WAY OFF THE MARK WITH YOUR ASSUMPTION ON THE SITUATION I AM IN ?   FIRST AS SOON AS THE GREETINGS ARE OVER I GET A GOOD HOUR OF I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING AND FALLING OVER ALL WEEK ? AND BECAUSE OF IT HE IS WORRIED HE WILL HAVE A FALL IN THE HOUSE AND HE WILL BE LEFT HELPLESS ? I AM ILL MYSELF BUT THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS TRY TO GIVE HIM SOME SUPPORT IN TRYING TO SUGGEST GETTING HELP ? I TOLD HIM HE NEEDS TO SEE A G.P FIRST TO GET A DIAGNOSIS  AND ONCE THAT IS DONE HE CAN THEN SEEK HELP HIS ANSWER IS ? IN 1994 THEY TOOK HIM OFF THE SICK BECAUSE THEY TOLD HIM HE COULD MANAGE AND AFTER TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM THE MEDICAL EVIDENCE SAID THE OPPOSITE ?  THEY STILL TOOK HIM OFF THE SICK ? HE REFUSES TO GET ANY TESTS OF ANY KIND SAYING THEY SHOULD SEE IN THERE FILES WHAT HIS BLOOD IS LIKE ? HE SAID HE WILL NOT TAKE ANY MEDICATION BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT THEM POISONING HIS SYSTEME ?          I TOLD HIM NOTHING CAN BE DONE UNTIL HE GETS ANOTHER MEDICAL 2OYRS SINCE HIS LAST ONE BUT AS I SAID HIS GAIT IS NOT NORMAL HE DRAGS HIS FOOT TOE CAP BEHIND AND THAT CLIPS HIS BACK HEAL THEN HE FALLS ? AS FAR AS I HAVE FOUND OUT HE HAS FELL OUT WITH EVERYONE BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO GET ANY HELP TO HELP HIMSELF ? YOU CANNOT INTERRUPT HIM WHILE HE TELLS ME THE SAME STORY EVERY TIME I SEE HIM ?  AND IM TO POLITE TO TELL HIM IM NOT WELL MYSELF LISTENING TO HIM ? I HAD A ANGINA ATTACK TRYING TO EXPLAIN HE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO A G.P ?   I THINK WHEN HE WAS A CHILD HE WENT INTO THAT MANY TESTS NEEDLES ETC HE IS EVEN SCARED TO THIS DAY ?   HE WAS BORN HERE BUT HIS ETHNIC BACKGROUND IS AFRICAN ?    AND IF YOU WERE BORN WITH ANY DEFECTS IT WAS FROWNED UPON ? THIS IS WHY I THINK HE IS SCARED TO GET A DEFINITIVE DIAGNOSIS TO HIS PROBLEMS HE WILL FEEL ASHAMED TO TELL HIS FAMILY ?   THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH I CAN DO BUT MY HEALTH IS SUFFERING BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO HELP HIMSELF ? I WAS TRYING TO GET A PERSON ON THIS SITE WHO WAS LIKE THAT AND WHAT MADE HIM GO FOR HELP ?     I AM ON OVER 30 TABLETS A DAY AND ON INSULIN AND MORPHINE ?     YET HE GIVES ME LECTURES ON THIS MEDICATION MUST BE MESSING MY SYSTEM UP AND HE WOULD RATHER TAKE THE PAIN THAN TO TAKE MORPHINE ? ITS AS IF IM DOING IT FOR THE SAKE OF DOING IT ?    FOR ME TO TAKE A STEP BACK WOULD BE DOING THE SAME WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE AND DESERT HIM ?  I KNOW THE SYSTEM WELL BECAUSE OF THE WAY I AM AND I KNOW IF I NEVER FILLED THESE FORMS IN OR PRODUCED ALL THE MEDICAL EVIDENCE I WOULD GET NO HELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT ? ALL HE KEEPS SAYING TO ME WHY SHOULD I DO THE TESTS AGAIN ?  NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE FULL STORY DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING POSITIVE TO SAY RATHER THAN GIVE HIM SPACE AND STEP BACK ?
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @oldman53
    I am really sorry if my post came across as offensive in any way, it is obvious you are a caring person who wants to support your friend.

    But if he doesn't want to accept your support or suggestions, then there is very little you can do and that must be very frustrating to you.

    You talk about your own health and that this is affecting you, and I hope you can look after your health first and not feel more ill due to supporting others.

    I wasnt suggesting you stop being a friend to this man, but if he really doesnt want to listen, then perhaps taking a step back in talking about his health may be beneficial? If he is refusing to see a doctor, have tests or take medication then that is his decision.  If you think he may be a vulnerable person, perhaps you could seek advice from a GP or social care?

    Although the person you care for may appreciate your support, bear in mind that they have a right to confidentiality and if they are of sound mind, they have the right to refuse treatment and medication as distressing as this may be to the people around them who care.

    Again, I apologise if my post sounded uncaring or was offensive to you.

    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • oldman53oldman53 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    hi to be honest i dont know what he wants he states no one cares or tries to help him but as soon as you try to help he tell you what happened before and how it failed ? i tried to explain if he started on a clean slate and just started on a blank paper as if he was reporting it afresh rather than go over all the bad stuff from before and just state whats gone wrong in the past 20 odd years ?       there is something wrong with him and he constantly falls over ? over 50yrs ago at school he never did sports and never got picked because of his awkwardness he blames it on his colour ? but there were other black kids in the sports teams if we went scrumping for apples he would never go because he would get caught ?his mother would never let him stray to far from his front door in case he was picked on by other kids ?i dont want to be another friend who has abandoned him but he is hard work ?    but that old saying you can lead a donkey to water but you cannot make it drink ?        i know his ethnic background looks down on any disability and makes me angry with his views ? i just thought if any of you guys had encountered anything with the same problems ? i could point out something for him to read hoping he will take those steps himself ? thank you 
  • feirfeir Member Posts: 388 Pioneering
    I hated how they let people choose their teams at school, it was sad seeing the last few being taken their time over choosing them because neither team wanted any.

    I agree with what sam says in that you can't force him to accept help. You can only support him in the choices he makes and show him the benefits of other alternatives and let him decide for himself. Same as if he asked you for help with something you can choose whether to do that or not.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @oldman53 Understand I was concerned to reply to you. Just seen this and I can understand everything here.

    The thing is you have done your best some people do and want to comment on how they are constantly like all the time.

    No one knows more about this than me. I am the one person who can identify when you are trying to put a point across.  Explaining the illness and issues and he is not listening.

    Yet he still goes on about it.

    Thing is that some people are like that. I have met several lads like your friend and it upsets me and gets to me and makes me angry get annoyed with the situation. Because they will never change.

    Imagine me I am a reformed alcoholic and off the drugs but I met and still do see lads all the time. Want to come off but constantly grate me and get to me. Yet they are complaining about the life they lead.

    I want to help have tried but still rabbit in my ear hole.  So I had a choice move away from them. Or put up. I can understand you want to stay but who is most important person of all.

    From reading I admire you and do know and have respect for you. Yet do you want to end up like myself that is all.  Because I tried and tried to do my best stand by friends. Understand am lonely and lost and please can I add no one has more understanding the friends I lost. Making me worse mentally and physically.  You come first and if your friend can accept you can you accept him.  Remember never been selfish not like that.

    Will help anybody, my Christian duty but how can you solve his issues if you need help too.

    Take care

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • mossycowmossycow Community champion Posts: 486 Pioneering
    Hmmmm this is a really interesting thread. 

    I think a lot of different things about this.... But what it boils down to is... What do you hope for for your old friend? Because he sounds like he has thought about the things you have already suggested and does feel he needs or wants them enough to do it. It sounds like you want the best for him... But maybe that's not the same 'best' as he wants.

    I was absolutely chuffed to bits in the doctors waiting room today ☺ Because no body asked me if I needed help the entire time I was there. Which meant that I didn't attract attention... Didn't look like a needed help... And could just get on with life and forget that stuff.... 

    It does sound like you come from a good place but, I think consider that sometimes people are sick to death of talking about their own health, especially when others try to solve everything in one conversation. 

    HOWEVER.   Sounds like a nightmare as as you say, he was saying he was worried and what else can we do to help but suggest things. 

    Maybe he just needed to unload. And sounds like you have him that kindness. Perhaps you were exactly what he needed! And he may be thinking about everything you said too. 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • jae377jae377 Member Posts: 19 Courageous
    Appreciate this is a late response but I am new here.
    My comment on this is do not assume it is CP. I also walk badly and fall over a lot. I do NOT have CP but other medical issues, some of which went undiagnosed for many years despite seeing doctors.  You may be helping more than you think by being a good listener. Sometimes it is a relief to be able to honestly tell someone how much pain you are in / what a bad day you have had, without having to keep the smiley face we all put on for the world and our families.
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