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Dating

smiler43smiler43 Posts: 33Member Whisperer
hi I'm 43yrs old female who had a brain tumour medulloblastoma three years ago they could not remove all of it to dangerous so have scans every few months I am partially disabled and have some effects from the ops.   I am in the process of dating :)  i have had one date but broke off as he was to serious for me.  I have decided despite my dissabilties to have fun and dating as the last three years have been  serious for me . I also don't want my dissabilties to stand in the way of dating . I live in Suffolk and am a member of a dating site but you have to so careful . So i am picky.   I  just thought I'd post as if  there any suitors please get in touch .  I know this isn't a dating site though . It is so hard when you are disabled as you have to explain your conditions and can put men off but I am honest about myself .

Smiler

Replies

  • markcumbriamarkcumbria Posts: 26Member Whisperer
    Hi you might be picky with guys but you have got to give a guy the chance he might surprise you he might not be the best looking guy in the world but he could be Mr right who is honest, reliable, truthful and understands about your disabilities and won't rush you into anything to fast and if he is honest with you just take things slowly and if it does not work out ask about just being friends only
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,239Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @smiler43, thanks for sharing this with us and for recognising that we're not a dating site- this past discussion may be of interest, where others have shared the sites they recommend. Best of luck!
  • james4james4 Posts: 9Member Listener
    all i can find on sites is my bank balance going down at least you got a date out of it. All i am getting is excuses ( want a serious relationship, live to far away, want a sporty person, or just never respond ) makes me feel worthless.
  • BannyBanny Posts: 18Member Whisperer
    I tried dating sites a few years ago and went on a few dates before deleting my profile. I have mobility issues and used a crutch ( i use two now and sometimes wheelchair) the first date thought i had been joking about using crutch and walking with limp, second wanted to see me again but felt it was better if we only saw each other at my house (no way was that happening) and the third one felt I was a nice girl ( I was in my 40's) but needed to date my own kind... he didn't like it when i replied I was sorry that i hadn't realised he was from a different planet. 
    As my disability has changed I feel that if I couldn't be seen when i was only using one crutch I have very little chance of being seen now.
    I know that everyone has different dating experiences and that there are some really nice people out there ... somewhere
    @smiler43 ; - I hope you find your someone special soon
  • MarkmywordsMarkmywords Posts: 365Member Chatterbox
    While I'm sure it must happen, I've not come across a single success story first hand.

    Being brutally honest, even disabled people tend not to want a disabled partner.

    Then you have movies like "The Fault In Our Stars" and "You Before Me." I'm sorry but these just offend me.

    Meeting a partner is a competitive venture, just like getting a job. It's nature and can't be wished away.

    Good luck to anyone trying to reach out to another but I wouldn't even bother trying.
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,086Member, Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @smiler43 ;
    I think getting out there and meeting people is great! Dating is tough for most people let's not forget that! I was always open about my disability and if they can't handle it, it's their problem! Go for it!
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • BannyBanny Posts: 18Member Whisperer
    @Markmywords, there have to be a few successes out there... I have a couple of friends who have met their partners on online dating sites, they are now married and happy together. 
    @smiler43 you have nothing to lose by trying and who knows if the time is right for both of you you may find the one you are looking for. Stay safe though. 
  • MarkmywordsMarkmywords Posts: 365Member Chatterbox
    Banny said:
    @Markmywords, there have to be a few successes out there... I have a couple of friends who have met their partners on online dating sites, they are now married and happy together. 
    @smiler43 you have nothing to lose by trying and who knows if the time is right for both of you you may find the one you are looking for. Stay safe though. 

    There's no argument that it works for some non-disabled people @Banny. They would soon go out of business otherwise. That's not the case here though.

    It's pretty soul destroying as months go by with no interest on a site. Add to that the fake actions of the site's staff and computer generated responses. People often have an "overly ambitious" approach too.

    When you think about it, these sites make money only while you are looking, not if you find someone.
  • feirfeir Posts: 354Member Chatterbox
    edited July 2018
    My partner is also disabled and we met on a dating site that has a social side to it as well, i may be in the minority though. @Markmywords

    Now i have him to worry about as well as myself lol. But i didn't go out looking for a partner exactly, was looking for friends as i am stuck at home and so don't really socialise offline, i talked to a lot of people on the site as well as him but we hit it off after a while. And because we are both disabled i do feel like he understands me in that respect.

    I actually wasn't going to bother dating anyone because i'm literally immobile and can't really 'date' anyway, he thought nobody would ever accept him as he is. Seems we were both wrong.

    I'm of the opinion that the internet is probably the worst place to look for a partner anyway. Not because the sites only want your money (of course they want that) but because of the people who use them and how the sites are designed to produce a shallow version of the people using them as well.

      Good luck OP, the forums are probably as good a place as any to find someone.
  • MarkmywordsMarkmywords Posts: 365Member Chatterbox
    That's a really positive result for you @feir , congratulations :)

    I totally agree about the Internet. It is totally dehumanising and people are only now waking up to that fact.

    Tinder is the very worst for reducing human interaction to it's lowest common denominator.
  • feirfeir Posts: 354Member Chatterbox
    Thanks. He's probably not even my partner yet, not been seeing each other that long but no idea what you call someone you're only just dating?

    I've not even tried Tinder, the swipe feature on POF is bad enough imo.
  • tru88letru88le Posts: 31Member Whisperer
    Banny said:
    @Markmywords, there have to be a few successes out there... I have a couple of friends who have met their partners on online dating sites, they are now married and happy together. 
    @smiler43 you have nothing to lose by trying and who knows if the time is right for both of you you may find the one you are looking for. Stay safe though. 

    There's no argument that it works for some non-disabled people @Banny. They would soon go out of business otherwise. That's not the case here though.

    It's pretty soul destroying as months go by with no interest on a site. Add to that the fake actions of the site's staff and computer generated responses. People often have an "overly ambitious" approach too.

    When you think about it, these sites make money only while you are looking, not if you find someone.
    Better using an app for chatting these days, dating sites are too stigmatised.
    You go on one to look for someone and you have to pay to send a message or receive one.
    Chat sites or sex contact sites are only that in name in reality they are the same ways of meeting people without paying, you can get to know people and filter people by age sex etc just like a dating site but less regimented.





      

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