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Today, You Beat Me - a poem about chronic pain

ClaireSaulClaireSaul Posts: 67Member, Community advisor Chatterbox

Claire Saul is our community Chronic Pain Advisor, and also blogs about her own experiences with chronic illness over at PainPals Blog. Today, she shares with us a poem addressing her pain.

Today, You beat me,

I woke with You again

Wrapped about my back like a lover,

Pulling at my limbs

My shoulders splayed

My joints pulled with gravity.


Today, You never let up.

I tried to lose You

But You brashly force out the monster,

The worst version of myself

Cross and bitter,

My loved ones suffer.


Today, You rob me.

My time is destroyed,

I cannot sit and idle in peace

For my body betrays me,

As you are with me

Within, trapping me.


Today, You beat me.

My body is weakened

And tears have fallen as spirit breaks.

So, so tired, no way back

I am bereft.

Pain, You have won.

black and white image of crossed lower legs and bare feet with painpals watermark

Can you relate to Claire’s experiences? We’re discussing chronic pain on the community this week, so feel free to ask any questions and share your own stories too.

Claire Saul
Chronic Pain Advisor
Scope
[email protected]
scope.org.uk

Replies

  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 1,368Member Chatterbox
    Thanks for sharing Claire! Really well written!
  • ClaireSaulClaireSaul Posts: 67Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    Thanks for sharing Claire! Really well written!
    Thanks Chloe!
    Claire Saul
    Chronic Pain Advisor
    Scope
    [email protected]
    scope.org.uk
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Posts: 1,962Member Chatterbox
    Love it, totally relatable !

    This too shall pass!
  • Sue55Sue55 Posts: 3Member Listener
    It's a lovely piece xxx
  • Nic1712Nic1712 Posts: 3Member Listener
    This is a great poem thank you for sharing. This sums up my bad days really well 
  • tharathara Posts: 49Member Talkative
    Totally relate. 
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 829Member Chatterbox
    This is something I wrote many years ago and which I posted here before. I tried to find it with no success but have finally found a copy of it. I don't think it compares to your but you may find it interesting.

    I Wish

    I wish I had freedom instead of the chain
    I wish I had comfort instead of the drain
    I wish I was happy but unhappiness came

    I wish I was full of joy, not of disdain
    I wish I had hope but instead it was slain
    I wish I had meaning, it burnt in the flame

    I wish I had sunshine instead of the rain
    I wish I had thoughts, all I have's a dead brain
    I wish I could change things and not just my name

    I wish I had someone but no one will claim
    I wish I had life but instead I have pain
    And it's only me that's most likely to blame

    TK
    I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I am all out of bubblegum -- They Live 80 something cult film.
  • pia_scopepia_scope Posts: 26Member, Community advisor Talkative
    @ClaireSaul  Thank you for sharing. So well written and insightful. A lovely poem.

    Pia
    Scope Employment Advisor
    Phone: 0300 222 5742
    Email: [email protected]
    www.scope.org.uk/supporttowork

  • saxgirlsaxgirl Posts: 17Member Listener
    A lovely poem, thankyou
  • NigelrlNigelrl Posts: 31Member Talkative
    Brilliant tho I say pain won the battle not the war. Sometimes I'm literally in the foetal position but I know I will get to the point that I can carry on 
  • ClaireSaulClaireSaul Posts: 67Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    Thank you all for your lovely words and for coming together in support.  @Topkitten - honoured that you have looked out your own very poignant words and shared them alongside mine....perhaps I could share them on my blog PainPals?
    Claire Saul
    Chronic Pain Advisor
    Scope
    [email protected]
    scope.org.uk
  • ClaireSaulClaireSaul Posts: 67Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    Nigelrl said:
    Brilliant tho I say pain won the battle not the war. Sometimes I'm literally in the foetal position but I know I will get to the point that I can carry on 
    I love this!! "Pain won the battle not the war" - just brilliant, thank you x
    Claire Saul
    Chronic Pain Advisor
    Scope
    [email protected]
    scope.org.uk
  • NigelrlNigelrl Posts: 31Member Talkative
    Thank you. I link this with acceptance, only at that point can you shed the anchors of your previous life and then look to the best life you can have. Heck I would never have won a gold medal running, did that stop me no. 
  • TwinksterTwinkster Posts: 3Member Listener

    Claire Saul is our community Chronic Pain Advisor, and also blogs about her own experiences with chronic illness over at PainPals Blog. Today, she shares with us a poem addressing her pain.

    Today, You beat me,

    I woke with You again

    Wrapped about my back like a lover,

    Pulling at my limbs

    My shoulders splayed

    My joints pulled with gravity.


    Today, You never let up.

    I tried to lose You

    But You brashly force out the monster,

    The worst version of myself

    Cross and bitter,

    My loved ones suffer.


    Today, You rob me.

    My time is destroyed,

    I cannot sit and idle in peace

    For my body betrays me,

    As you are with me

    Within, trapping me.


    Today, You beat me.

    My body is weakened

    And tears have fallen as spirit breaks.

    So, so tired, no way back

    I am bereft.

    Pain, You have won.

    black and white image of crossed lower legs and bare feet with painpals watermark

    Can you relate to Claire’s experiences? We’re discussing chronic pain on the community this week, so feel free to ask any questions and share your own stories too.


  • TwinksterTwinkster Posts: 3Member Listener
    your poem has moved me in a manner of a accurate display of many peoples pain and how we really do feel it and how our actions act on our loved ones and every day life !

    I am sure my life is intended to take the pain from others and fight the battle of the evil cruelness and fail every fight !!
    Clair you've been given the gift of beautiful poetry that's truly a special gift !!!
    your poem should be published """" xxx
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 829Member Chatterbox
    I have no objections @ClaireSaul

    TK
    I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I am all out of bubblegum -- They Live 80 something cult film.
  • RadRad Posts: 1Member Listener
    Find a place inside you where there is joy, and the joy will burn the pain away.
  • jewlyjewly Posts: 5Member Listener
    I wish that I (or anyone else for that matter) couldn't relate to your words, but the truth is that I live in that hell every second of every day. Pain has robbed me of my life and my career that I had worked and studied so hard to achieve. I feel like I have mourned my own death. The life I expect and hoped to have cannot be. Instead I wake each morning crying out in pain just trying to sit up. I don't see a future like this. I have no aspirations or dreams, I cannot plan ahead only live each second of this nightmare. Thankyou for sharing your poem. I pray no one else has to suffer like this x
  • NigelrlNigelrl Posts: 31Member Talkative
    What we go thru is grief, grief for life as it was and all the things we believe we will never do.
    But we always had limits because not fit enough strong enough or even hadn't learned. 
    I was a pretty good runner in my younger days and at school went to area championships. I was last minute substitute for 800. Now I was v good at 400 so thought we will see. Bang off we go and I was second behind a tall gangly lad who later I found was 2 years younger.
    Hit last bend and I thought gotcha. I kicked. Well so did he and I saw dust. He was a v young Steve Cram. 
    Point of tale is don't judge ourselves by others as you will lose. 
    Start again with right what can I do  then take wee steps and it will improve.
    Start low and pat your self on every achievement no matter how small 
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 829Member Chatterbox
    For me the problems have robbed me not of a career as I worked for 25 years in my chosen career path and not of experiencing family as I have had many good times and three grown up children. What it has taken from me is the chance to find someone that really loved me for me and the time to spend growing old together. It broke up my last possibility which I let it do thinking I would get another chance but never did and now never will. Being stuck indoors old, ill and in constant pain gives me no chance to meet anyone new or to find out whether we could have anything together. The only sort of person who could be attracted to me now would have to start with pity and looking to nurse me and that isn't someone I could respect properly. Also I would expect to look after someone else and again it's not possible now. I left it too late and it took my old age hopes away and, in a way, I will never forgive myself for letting it.

    TK
    I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I am all out of bubblegum -- They Live 80 something cult film.
  • mrcoldmrcold Posts: 1Member Listener
    I have been suffering with joint pain for a long time, I’ve been given every pain killer available to no avail and now they’ve finally referred me to the hospital for rheumatoid arthritis so hopefully I can finally be diagnosed with an actual illness and be treated accordingly
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 1,368Member Chatterbox
    Hi @mrcold and a warm welcome to the community! It is great to see you jumping into discussions :) I really do hope you manage to get your treatment sorted as joint pain is no fun!! (talking from personal experience!) 
    If you need anything then please do not hesitate to ask :)
  • AngieMBalAngieMBal Posts: 1Member Listener
    I definitely resonate with the poem.The worst thing of having an illness which cannot be seen, people just assume because I get on with things, everything is fine.
    I work full time and have chronic pain daily. I work 5 days a week, then crash at the weekend which obviously my husband and teenager aren't happy about so I have half a rest day, usually Sunday's. I have a curvature of the spine with degenerative L2 and 3 discs . Fybromyalgia, arthritis in both knees, wrist and thumb. Constant pain in all joints, but I just can't stop being busy which leads to fatigue, catch 22.
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 4,034Administrator Scope community team
    Welcome to the community @AngieMBal, and thank you for sharing this with- I'm sure many of our other members will be able to relate to your experiences.
  • peppapotpeppapot Posts: 5Member Listener
    Thank you Claire brought tears to my eyes as you summed it up so beautifully. Living with constant pain is such a hard thing to do knowing everyday you wake up it’s going to be the same. 
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