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Invisibility

taximantaximan Member Posts: 4 Listener
I've had major problems with people not believing my disability. I've been accused of lying, being a fraud and a cheat. That adds to my anxiety and depression . I feel like I'm in a deep deep pool that I can't get out of. Do other people suffer this and if so how do you deal with it. 

Replies

  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 888 Pioneering
    Hi there, @taximan . I have mental health problems and chronic pain, so yes, they're all invisible. I've been yelled at several times for sitting in the disabled seats on the bus while having a back spasm. It psyched me out so much that I've barely been able to get on public transport since.

    I don't know what to say. People are idiots, basically. They assume that if you're not in a wheelchair, or using a cane, etc., you can't be disabled! Anybody else have anything useful to say?
  • fishingmumfishingmum Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    hi @taximan, this is more frequent than you realise, a lot of disabilities are invisible. I often hear that about my son who is autistic, I often hear the " he does not look autistic" I normally then ask what should an autistic person look like?
    I have had people comment on me as a parent how bad I must be when he is having a complete meltdown, because he does not "look" autistic they think I must be a bad parent or not look after him right, or I get the other ones saying thats what happens when you spoil a child. It can be infuriating at times, other times very hurtful.

    I tend to ignore it mostly, but there are times when I can not. I have a pre written list of responces that I practice so when out, if I hear the most common phrases, I can respond accordingly and leave them standing there wishing they had thought before opening their mouths. I also pick up leaflets from the doctors surgery and when people start without thinking I hand them a leaflet and say nothing just walk away shaking my head.

    This may not help you, but maybe knowing how common it is make you feel more assured you are not alone in having this problem. Take care.
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,075 Scope community team
    Hi @taximan and thank you for sharing this! I know may people will be able to relate to this. 
    Community Partner
    Scope

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  • happy91happy91 Member Posts: 101 Pioneering
    Focus on giving you the best care. The person who knows you best, understands your pain the best and will always be there for you is you.

  • happy91happy91 Member Posts: 101 Pioneering
    Completely understand. How I deal with it is remembering the above

  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    As long as you know the truth, that’s all that matters
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,258 Pioneering
    Many people now suffer invisible conditions and the general public are very slow to become educated about such things. I suffer chronic pain from a spinal condition (multiple ones) and have a number of MH issues because of it. Although I use 2 Fischer sticks I still get disbelieved at times. Recently I had an ambulance crew misunderstand when I rushed back from letting them in. They assumed I could not be too bad but my real reason was that I needed to get back into my chair to raise my leg to start recovery as quickly as possible and rushing, although it causes serious pain, causes less that slow movements over a longer period. Complicated to explain why without side-tracking.

    Even being a confident person and being able to mostly ignore such ignorance still leaves me feeling bad about such comments especially when I wasn't supposed to hear them. However, I have found that making fun of such people, whilst maybe antagonising that particular person at the time, gives a much better overall picture to most people. Sometimes I will even tell a joke about disabled people just to prove a point. People will always prefer to laugh it off rather than be miserable.

    If we cannot laugh at ourselves then we are in a bad place, imo.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • deb74deb74 Member Posts: 618 Pioneering
    waylay is right! i have got a few disabilities but am not in a wheelchair. the disability symbol doesn't help! 
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @taximan I haven't been on here a couple of days. I've been struggling with invisibility.  I think that's the best way I've heard recently to describe invisible illness and you know what? It makes me think of a super power. We need a new image us invisibles!  Someone good at art should draw us a superhero with an invisibility cloak or something! Thank you for posting and inadvertently cheering me up. Scope please do you have any arty people? After talking to my brother who says m h issues aren't real and trying to prove him wrong over 24 hours I just felt invisible. I was disappearing. My invisible illnesses are a part of me like my organs and my skin. I don't want them but they are there. So I pulled up my big girl pants and stopped discussing it and took some me time. I feel that some people can be measured by their level of awareness and acceptance. Like anything else we can only accept people for who they are and choose what's best for us. That works both ways. Best wishes x
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • AlisonNettyAlisonNetty Member Posts: 118 Pioneering
    My own son is giving me a hard time. He thinks I should be going out more, and not sitting on the PC... When I tell him just how much pain I'm in he doesn't seem to hear that. I use mobility Walker so he expects me to go on 2 buses in order to see him and my granddaughters. He drives a car! I just hate the way people look at you when you say you have Fibromyalgia or Depression, Osteoarthritis. Because they can't see anything..doesn't mean it isn't there. 
  • AbbieAbbie Member Posts: 11 Listener
    I know exactly what you mean. I have a disability bus pass, and I used to get such harassment from some of the bus drivers, because I have epilepsy and they said I didn't look disabled so why did I have a pass? It makes you so depressed and alone. 
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