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Has anyone had any experiences with sexual surrogacy?

madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
I am considering using a sexual surrogate, but before I make my mind up I’d love to know if anyone else has tried this. Particularly if you have CP are wheelchair bound and have parents or carers that were not keen on the idea. Thanks

Replies

  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    If you’d rather not post here feel free to send me a private message 
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,420Administrator Scope community team
    edited September 2018
    Hi @madacj ;
    Thanks for your post. I don't have any experience of using a sexual surrogate but I believe you have to be referred, is that your understanding?
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    @Richard_Scope that’s the way I understand it yes, it’s not finding one that’s the problem. I just would like to find out from others who may have experienced this. Not intimate details unless they wish to share , but stuff like how it has changed their lives and how their family felt about it etc. Plus anything practical I need to know about visiting a sexual surrogate. It would help me to decide whether to go ahead or not as my family are not very open to the idea and are slightly prudish etc
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,348Administrator Scope community team
    @PSHEexpert do you know much about this?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 167Volunteer community advisor Pioneering
    @Sam_Scope Not loads and loads - @madacj
     and I have corresponded about it privately and I'd suggested he asked the question here to see if anyone else had any direct experience.  In my understanding it is very different from engaging a sex worker, as the approach and outcomes aren't the same (in that a sexual surrogate is supporting someone to explore their sexual expression, identity, and body and would work with the same person over a number of sessions, which may or may not involve sex/sexual contact). However, I haven't worked with a sexual surrogate directly so I don't have any experiences to draw on unfortunately!
    - Gill 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,348Administrator Scope community team
    Oh thanks for letting me know Gill! :)
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    Seems it’s not a common thing, or at least it’s not something people want to discuss @Sam_Scope @Richard_Scope
  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 926Member Pioneering
    I had to look this up to understand the question so apologies if something I put here is inappropriate.

    Every person is an individual and experience of sexual practices is almost always limited for everyone. Whilst that might sound odd it happens to be true. The only people I have met who have confidence in such an area are those that consider only one side of the situation.... their own. In fact, anyone expressing such confidence is, to me, someone to avoid. Over the ages sexual contact between people has changed much, mostly in the age at which it commences. The only really fulfilling experiences are not those where people expect to reach or achieve a specific result but those that happen naturally. The real experience is to spend time, in whatever way is most appropriate, with someone you feel strongly for. Anything else can feel too scientific and cold.

    I am 61 and my teens were during the 70's which, despite common misconception, were the most sexually free period of the last 100 years or so. Sex wan't just hoped for.... it was expected. However, I have found that most men, even those of a similar age, are still pretty inexperienced. An important point to remember though is that back then HIV and AIDS did not exist and ALL STI's were completely and easily cured.

    Over the years I have experienced a number of different types of relationships from marriage to purely sexual in nature and the physical side, with someone new, is always stressing and difficult. The main reason for this is not the experience itself but the major fact that people simply will not talk openly about such things.... especially inside a relationship. People are too afraid of either showing their ignorance or embarrassing the other person.

    I have never used surrogacy and wouldn't, not because it wouldn't show me some things I was unaware of but because it would feel false and not relate to the real world. No amount of experience and knowledge can help with that.

    I consider myself quite good at the actual physical side of things but each and every person reacts differently. What pleases one person may alienate another completely. I am different to most men in that, for me, it has always been something for all to enjoy. Most men approach it as something for me to enjoy, unfortunately.

    The best feeling in the world is when you please another properly and finding out how to do that cannot be taught, imo.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    @Topkitten thanks for your views, I guess it’s different for different generations.
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,420Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @madacj ;
    I'm more than happy to discuss it with you. 
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    Do you know much about it @Richard_Scope
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,420Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @madacj ;
    Only what I have read. I have CP and use a wheelchair and would be more than happy to have a chat with you about this subject. 
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • madacjmadacj Posts: 14Member Connected
    @Richard_Scope love to know what you’ve read and where you read it
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,420Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @madacj ;
    On Friday I found this website TLC
    I have contacted the trust and I am awaiting a response to my questions.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 1,420Administrator Scope community team
    @Tuppy I think you are the best person to answer this?
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy
  • marsymmomarsymmo Posts: 4Member Connected
    Prince Edward and his film company  made a documentary about sex surrogates some years ago .aybe could find it on youtube or Google it
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