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Safe sex problems

Hi, 
I’m 32 and I have EDS (Elhers Danlos Hypermobility) and HyperSensitivities. Over the years I’ve found penatrative sex difficult as I react badly to many, if not all Condoms.
I have switched to latex free and then found I was getting problems with the lube used on certain condoms. I have now been through 5 different brands and am still having trouble. They are causing a great deal of pain and swelling.
Can you reccomend anything, so that I can have sex safely?
Thank you.

Replies

  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 161Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    Hello! That is a flippin nightmare. Out of interest, have you tried internal condoms (femidoms)?  
    - Gill 
  • CollyoftheWobblesCollyoftheWobbles Posts: 14Member Talkative
    Yeah, same thing happens and swelling means they can get stuck 😒
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 161Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    YOWCH. Holy moly. Okay. *wince* There used to be a range called Unique which I think were a slightly different material - have you seen those? If that is a yes too then I’m going to have to go and do a poll of all my clinical sexual health mates and see if we know of any secret weapons. What a horror. In not quite the same level of misery (but in a similar undercarriage woe type situation), I have discovered I am allergic to any and all tampons and sanitary towels so that’s been a steep learning curve - so whilst it’s not QUITE the same I can empathise to a certain degree as I found out I was allergic after a prolonged episode of weals. Joy. Okay tell me whether you know of Unique and in the meantime I’m going to email people. What a horror! 
    - Gill 
  • CollyoftheWobblesCollyoftheWobbles Posts: 14Member Talkative
    Oh blimey sounds like you’re going through it too. I can’t use tampons either but have found organic cotton liners just about work for a few days before pain kicks in.
    Thanks, yes I have tried the UK version of Unique, i’ve heard the USA version is different but annoying to get hold if.

  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 161Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    As we speak I am doing the equivalent of Avengers: Assemble via email and Facebook with all the sexual health people I can think of and asking them to tell me ALL the options they know of for an exhaustive list - it’s a start - and then we can take it from there. I shall report back (possibly slightly sporadically over the weekend, but the responses are starting to ping so fingers crossed!)
    - Gill 
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 161Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    As we speak I am doing the equivalent of Avengers: Assemble via email and Facebook with all the sexual health people I can think of and asking them to tell me ALL the options they know of for an exhaustive list - it’s a start - and then we can take it from there. I shall report back (possibly slightly sporadically over the weekend, but the responses are starting to ping so fingers crossed!)
    - Gill 
  • CollyoftheWobblesCollyoftheWobbles Posts: 14Member Talkative
    Hahaa i love the Avengers idea. A call to condom arms. Brilliant! Thank You x
  • MarkmywordsMarkmywords Posts: 389Member Chatterbox
    Proper specifically hypoallergenic condoms ?

  • TopkittenTopkitten Posts: 900Member Chatterbox
    I can appreciate the difficulties this would cause and I don't have a great deal to contribute except to say that if you have found a make of condoms that is ok then try looking for a water based lubricant as it is most likely the oils most are based on that is causing the issue. Someone did mention to me that Lovehunny (spelling?) do sell water based versions but I didn't pay too much attention to the lady as it wasn't an issue for either of us and I didn't ask the make or availability. Failing that then you will really have to use natural lubrication from well performed foreplay which is usually fine even for an above average sized gent so long as he knows what he is doing.

    Being over-sized myself (not big but bigger than average) I have made a lot of effort in learning such techniques for just such a reason and to make things a two-way experience. Maybe it's an age thing because until I was a few years younger than yourself I wasn't keen on spending too much time.on such things, I lacked the patience I now have, lol! Seriously though, if you have a regular partner then discussing it should be ok so long as neither of you get embarrassed about such discussions. If you are single though it will be much more difficult but you would simply have to get the message across that "quickies" are simply out of the question.

    I hope you find a solution/

    TK
    I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I am all out of bubblegum -- They Live 80 something cult film.
  • CollyoftheWobblesCollyoftheWobbles Posts: 14Member Talkative
    Thanks for all the support everyone. You’re right water based lubricant is a god send. Unfortunately no matter how much lube used, its the lube already on the condoms/coating of the condom, that I have an issue with. 
    I’m lucky to have current partner who understands and we have talked it through a lot.
    I know what you mean about it’s difficult to talk about it. It’s only in the last few years that I have stopped giving a dam and being super nervous to get my needs met.
    Openess really does make sex easier and more fulfilling in the long run. 
    Thank You.
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 161Member, Community advisor Chatterbox
    Hello!  Okay so the results are in and I don't know how much of this will be useful.  The general response is that whilst there are some available there aren't LOADS of choices and I think there is a good chance you will have already tried them. However.  There were a couple of different suggestions that came back; the first one is this one, from my friend who works on a clinic: there are polyisoprene condoms which are made from a synthetic latex as opposed to the usual non latex polyurethane which can still cause reactions. I think SKYN do a version of these.

    The other suggestion, from another colleague who is a sexual health doctor, is:  Latex allergy in EDS is very common and the Pasante Unique are the favoured option, but SKYN are good too. Alternatively something that can reduce the allergic response may be what’s needed....GP/consultant could contact a dermatologist with a specialist interest?

    Are either of those suggestions any help? Hope you had a good weekend! 
    - Gill 
  • CollyoftheWobblesCollyoftheWobbles Posts: 14Member Talkative
    Thank you so much for asking and helping me. Yes SKYN and Natural (owned by SKYN) are the 2 i was using till i built up an intolerance. I have been to the doctors but unfortunately my GP and the dermatologist were out of there depth, as is Gyne. 
    I have yet to try Pasante, so I will track them down and give them a go.
    Really, thank you so much for the help. X
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