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Safe Sex

hello
I am 32 and have EDS (elher danlos syndrome) and multiple hyper sensitivies.
Over the years I have found that I am super sensitive to Condoms. They cause pain, swelling and sometimes bleeding from abrasion. I have tried many different kinds of Condoms and settled on lates free. But then would react to the many tups of lube that are ised. I have now been through 7 different kinda and am still getting pain.
Do you have any suggestions on how to have safe sex without a condom?
Or any condoms that are hypoallergenic maybe?
Thank You.

Replies

  • Zec RichardsonZec Richardson Posts: 147Member Pioneering
    I am sorry no one has answered.
    I think the only answer is that without a condom sex cannot be safe!
    My wife has Hyper Mobility and also has issues with lube, it makes her very itchy.
    I honestly have no idea what to advise and this must be extremely frustrating for you. Have the EDS support groups been able to advise or you could try asking someone from what used to be called 'Family Planning Clinic' or the Gynae clinic at your local hospital.
  • Antonia_ScopeAntonia_Scope Posts: 1,783Member Pioneering
    Hi @CollyoftheWobbles how are you doing today? Thank you for sharing this with us. I am sorry to hear you have been in pain. Have you informed your GP about this?
    You can find your nearest sexual health clinic here.
  • Jean EveleighJean Eveleigh Posts: 87Member Pioneering
    @CollyoftheWobbles  I also have EDS and issues with sex if you are not in a stable committed relationship there is no safe sex without condoms (and to be completely truthful even condoms can fail) other forms of contraception can provide excellent (but not 100%) protection from pregnancy but no protection from STI's.

    there are lubes out there that are water based that may be better for you yes they are more expensive but the people I know that use them say they are worth it to not have the reactions and still be able to have a sex life.

    This link will give you some info and compariosins - https://www.yesyesyes.org/products/whats-the-difference/
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 168Volunteer community adviser Pioneering
    Hello!  What a nightmare and so tedious when you've already tried lots of different ones :( Fortunately it does feel like the market is expanding and even non-latex ones can vary quite a bit depending on the kind of polymers used. I also think that sometimes it's the combination of the condom and the lubricant rather than just the lube, or just the condom... One condom that has a particularly dedicated following is Pasante Unique.  There's also a new brand called Hanx which have been getting really good reviews; they are being branded as being more female-friendly (hopefully meaning more vagina-friendly!).

    Onto the safer sex without condoms end of things...I mean, yes, in theory if you're having sex with one partner (who is also monogamous with you, obviously!) and you're both tested negative and you're using hormonal contraception and you've had all the conversations about the calculated risk of pregnancy etc, etc - yes, the option would be there to not use a barrier method.  The reality is that hormonal methods are very reliable if used correctly, and you could opt for a long acting option such as a coil or an implant so you wouldn't have to remember to take something like the pill, for example.  


    - Gill 
  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 486Community champion Pioneering
    edited September 13
    Hey hey! 

    I had similar issues finding good contraception as I couldn't tolerate condoms. (I'm cis female) 

    I think it depends on a few factors. 

    (I am not asking these personal questions to you. Just explaining in hypothetical) 

    Do you have a monogamous relationship? 

    Do you or partner have something that could be passed on?

    Are you allergic to latex? Or other stuff? Might be worth getting tested.

    For example, if you're with the same person, both clear or treated for any infections and you trust each other - then if partner female and happy to use hormonal or coil them not using condoms would be much lower risk.

    If you're having sex with others and not sure of their history then that's tricker. Have you used non latex condoms? Bit more expensive but worth it if your knob or bits aren't on fire afterwards!! 

    Ah yes, sorry. You said you found latex free condoms. Hmmmm yes I'm sensitive to lube too. We don't use condoms so I found that coconut oil is fantastic. But not good with condoms..
    Hmmmm

    Well.its certainly an interesting research project for you. 

    Have you been in touch with many GUM clinics or sex toy suppliers to ask their advice? There might be a common ingredient or something... 

    If it's not vaginal sex, lube's going  to be vital... I bet there's the info out there somewhere.

    Have you seen GP about it? Might be worth getting some skin allergy tests (I assume they'd do it on your arm or back not your..er..senstive area). It's important you get great advice as unsafe sex has massive health risks. And not having sex... Or pain and discomfort after sex is just no life to be putting up with!

    Have you see a gp? 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

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