I felt I had lost my identity and personality - Any motivation tips?

DebbieH

Hi. I have multiple conditions but the most disabling of these are spinal stenosis and fibromyalgia. I live alone in Devon in a sheltered flat which I love. My partner moved away to be nearer his family. We still have a relationship. I have a grown up son and daughter that I adore. I used to be very active, playing tennis and badminton and swimming regularly. I was known for my high heeled shoes and big handbags. Having to give all that up I felt like I had lost my identity and personality. I have finally come to accept these restrictions but I find it hard to find any motivation on a daily basis. I sit for far too much of the day, telling myself I'll get up in a minute and do this or that!  I'd like to hear everyone's journey and any motivational tips. Thank you for reading x

Ami2301

Hi @DebbieH welcome to the community!

Coming to terms with having a disability can be a long and difficult process. It took me a long time to accept my disabilities. I tell myself "This is me now, I can't change it but I can change the present and future. I want to make the best and have the best life as possible."

I have spent far too much time wallowing in self-pity which is normal, but it got me nowhere. I've started to push myself, in ways that I never thought I would and I'm excited to see where it takes me.

cracker

I have done this, too. And yes, I do believe a disability does indeed change our personality. We become different people with limitations , people who cannot live as they did. Our goals  become different, perhaps we lose friends and the old motivations are no longer possible. 

 I struggle with this a lot. My abilities and activities were very much part of my identity. I loved the things I could do. That was taken from me. Adjusting to a new life takes time, I am told, but I, too, find many empty spaces where I used to find joy.

I have read so many times that we must concentrate on what we can do, rather than on that which we cannot do. I have not yet found anything to replace the old, much-mourned life I had.

I guess we all must work this through, though a friend with disability tells me we go through the cycle of mourning, non-acceptance and anger again and again.

May we come to peace with what is.