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Hurtful comments

ncpsncps Member Posts: 30 Courageous
edited November 2018 in Employment and careers

PLEASE NOTE I MAY USE YOUR ANSWERS TO HELP ME WRITE AN EDUCATIONAL PLAN FOR EMPLOYERS, HEALTH CARE PROS AND GENERAL PUBLIC. NO INFORMATION WILL BE TRACABLE AND IM MORE THAN HAPPY IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE INCLUDED JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU POST :)


So sometimes people say things to us that they don't seem to realise who hurtful they are and how they stay with us.

I have had the following:

You're going to bed already? it's only 19.30? (Yes but I have been up since 7am trying to pretend I have 'normal' energy levels) - Family member

...

Its only round the corner it wont take 2 mins to walk there. (but I have already walked past the limit that is comfy for me) - Family member

You did it last time (that was then and this is now, today I just simply can't do it, I cant tell you why but I cant) - Family member

You need dumping on a desert island where there are no take aways (thanks, i'm suffering with depression, I have come to you for help) - Doctor

What off hand comments have been made to you that stick? could be from a anyone in your life, how did it feel?

Lou

Northants chronic pain support

www.ncpsuk.com


Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    I have an ileostomy bag... I have been told (more than once!)

    "I would rather die than have a bag like you!"


    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • siobhan1siobhan1 Member Posts: 77 Pioneering
    (Ex) Colleague: "instead of coming into work ill, can you not just stay at home and claim benefits?"

    Me: "they don't pay my outgoings so it's preferable to work if I can"

    Colleague: "can your family not help you?"

    Me: "No... I don't have any family at home who can financially support me"

    Colleague: "just seems a bit excessive to keep asking for all of this special treatment like taxis and more and more adjustments... I couldn't do it"

    Me: "Why not?"

    Colleague "it's just embarrassing, I wouldn't want to tell my manager that I can't go on the phones because I need the bathroom, that would be a low point"

    Me: "Now you know how I feel. Just out of interest though, what would you do if you had an illness like mine but had bills to pay and children to provide for?"

    Colleague: *smirks slyly* "I'd rely on the love and kindness of my family to support me and if they weren't there I'd kill myself."

    The same person would constantly ask me about eugenics, incontinence etc and just make me feel awkward all the time. He was also a union rep within DWP 😄


  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    @siobhan1 that is horrific!!!
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • justg72justg72 Member Posts: 173 Pioneering
    Hi
    My boss told me to do everybody a favour and to throw myself in front of a bus!
    This is because of my absence because of illness.
    I had a seizure whilst out celebrating my nephew's 18th, a lady looked in disgust and quoted look at the state of her she should be banned for been drunk. This really upset my son, I am glad I was out of it and did not hear this as she would have got a piece of my mind.
  • siobhan1siobhan1 Member Posts: 77 Pioneering
    @Sam_Scope it was... I hated working there. My manager was not supportive so nothing got done to challenge the behaviour.

    I tried "not caring" but I do care and what's worse is that most of the comments made by people were said after I had challenged or debated with them over previous statements and then they would smile when they said something even more outrageous like it was funny or they got satisfaction out of it.

    I would take phone calls and inbetween calls simultaneously manage the case I was working on and defend other claimants when people around me were discussing their cases (which shouldn't happen anyway).

    I was a PIP claimant myself and would feel indirectly discriminated by people in the contact centre when they said things like "PIP's just extra money for things we all have to pay for". I spoke out against this once day and someone turned around to me and said "well, chances are you're getting it too so just think all these scumbags with so called mental health problems are ripping you off more than anyone" - I think somewhere in their odd thought process they thought I would appreciate the remark 😢 I reported the behaviour which alienated me and we were just told not to discuss political issues...😐 

    Before I left, Occupational Health recommended that I be allowed to give disability training to colleagues on my team because the comments made me too ill to go in.

    I would go home in tears every day, sometimes at work I would go to the bathroom and wonder if that is what society really thinks about someone who is ill. I've realised from meeting nice people that isn't true at all.
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