petrified about my desicion

ajbry

hi
im new here. i have been reading some links for weeks now and am absolutly terrified abt my letter coming in. i.live in scotland so i dnt no the time or how back logged things are. anyway i had a f2f in my home on 28th feb i had my.mym as support as she is down nearly everyday to assist me. i am 35 yr old mother of a 10 year old and have severe depression anxiery panic attacks and marked agraphobia as well as physical ailments.i received a letter on tues19th march sayin they have all the relevant information to ake a decision. i cnt call for a report as it causes to much pshycological distress. i dread my post every single day ss if i am turned down i mentally dnt have the energy to fight it. i sent supporting documents stating if i go.out which is only to.my docs im accompanied by my mother i havent seen my doc since sept as unfortunetly i had to flea my home wif my daughter due to domestic issues. my pip claim.form was late but i wrote to them explaining the situation and they agreed to look at all my.forms etc. anyway sorry for blabbing im absolutly petrified of this letter cos my circumstances have changed since i sent my.forms towhen i had my.f2f and i wrote stuff that i forgot to mention when the assessor was here. im scared it will go against me that i.live with my daughter alone but i have no.life. i get up to make sure she is ready for school i then sit all day in my pjs do nufin wif tv on nt watching i dnt have a life i simply exist in this horrible world. i was asked what a good day is like i was honest i dnt have good days i may have a good hour or 2 then am at rock bottom again. my door is always locked i need to know when someone is coming i cnt cope wif people jst appearing my daughter cant have her friends here as noise makes me all confused. am jst so scared. i dnt want to be madr out a liar or judged. yeah to.look st me sitting down i look fine but how do u explain the hell ur mind goes through each day. i wana work i wana do stuff wif my daughter i jst cnt. i didnt make my illness up i havent exaggerated it im.35 and have no life outside the home i live in. why is this process so hard and strressful. sorry this prob is so irrelevant and people are worse of than me but im struggling to handle the process of this pip system. 
i wish the assessor could.of seen me b4 as im nt the person i was i exist in a world that scares me. exist is a horrible word bt that is what i do i exist in a world at the age of 35 i shld be living my life to the fullest.again sorry for blabbing just needed to express how hard this process has been for me as it is for everyone. xx

Adrian_Scope

Hello @ajbry, please don't apologise for expressing how you feel. I'm very sorry you've experienced what you have and that the wait for the PIP decision is causing you so much additional anxiety. As you said, there are many people here who have experienced similar to you and will completely understand where you're coming from. You're very welcome to our community and I hope you'll feel comfortable enough to get involved in some discussions around here. 

Can I ask how much support you're receiving besides what you get from your mum?

dee51

I know exactly how you feel. I am going through it too. I applied for PIP in 2016. Doing the forms and gathering the information almost killed me. I was lucky. I got awarded PIP without a f2f. I cannot cope with people I do not know as I am autism and I was so glad to finally relax after weeks of waiting. But now, I have had to reapply after only two years. And I am becoming ill again with anxiety as they have demanded a f2f.
You are strong, and not alone. We are all being stressed out over pip as it is so hard to get a fair deal. Try to not think about what happens next. The worse, the f2f, is over with. You can always get help from the law centre or citizen advice etc if you need to appeal. Try to do simple things now to relax. There are lots of Facebook groups who can support you emotionally, as well as this forum. I find bubble baths with Essen oil, watching good films etc help. Hugs

ajbry

my doctor is amazing but my agraphobia is at an all time high due to the additional issues ive had to deal with and havent been able to see him.since sept when i was there every 4 to 8 wks i dnt even have to speak.one look and he nos what day am having. i live in scotland did have a cpn but because at the time they said i wasnt helping myself by doing things like throwing out dishes and getting new ones rather than washing them, as well as being on a list for a home in another area and because i am nt sucidial there was nothing tbey could do for me. my doctor challeneged this and i went to yet another app where again i was told as its anxeity there is nothing they can do apart from give me local meetings to go to which i cant. now am worse than ever i dnt have a geat deal.of friends that i feel i cn trust..my 10 yr old is amazing but it all shouldnt be put on her she is also dealing with the seperation of her family. my dad helps but he lives 300 miles away i need to see my.doctor but i havent been able to(agrophobia). the domestic issues where mental as well as finding out that someone else was involved as my husband "COULDNT COPE WITH ME" and its taken its toll i know there are groups available but getting out the house mentally is a nightmare. my mum does her best but she is disabled herself and also says things without thinking. so i dnt really have much support as i either cnt get to.it or am deamed non urgent. i do understand the system is overun n yeah im nt suicidal bt im still struggling. i try books cant concentrate the tv is on but couldnt tell.you what was on. i make every excuse nt to do stuff bt when my dad is down he will slowly get me out even if its ten mins in the car its better than nothing.  i have to keep going for my daughter but these forums help when am alone during the day. 
off topic i wana thank everyone on here it is nice to know there are other people about like myself n am nt alone. mental health is so lonely and dark.

ajbry

just a quick update  i got the dreaded letter today i was awarded 10.pointa for daily living compnent and 14 for mobility. although i dnt 100% agree with some of the daily components points i am more than happy with what i have been awarded plus i dont want to rock the boat by doing an mr i have been awarded it for 3 years which i assume is the normal lenght of time.. i m so grateful to every1 who has been on here the advice has been amazing. i wish evry1 all the luck with this streasful situation and i will keep on visiting the site as it has hrlped me mentally nt jst with the pip process bt also the who mental health struggles. thank you all xc

twonker

ajbry said:

just a quick update  i got the dreaded letter today i was awarded 10.pointa for daily living compnent and 14 for mobility. although i dnt 100% agree with some of the daily components points i am more than happy with what i have been awarded plus i dont want to rock the boat by doing an mr i have been awarded it for 3 years which i assume is the normal lenght of time.. i m so grateful to every1 who has been on here the advice has been amazing. i wish evry1 all the luck with this streasful situation and i will keep on visiting the site as it has hrlped me mentally nt jst with the pip process bt also the who mental health struggles. thank you all xc

3 years is about the norm. In fact many claimants that are regularly assessed on that basis are receiving the Enhanced rates for both components (12 points +). There is the option for the assessor to suggest to the DWP that awards ranging from 9 months to 10 years should be made!

How someone with both enhanced rates is only awarded 3 years seems to be an unknown quantity. But the more assessments carried out means more money for both the assessors and their company. You could say that they are guaranteeing themselves work for many years to come.