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PaddiePaddie Posts: 70Member Courageous
Hiya, I know from all the posts I read, that soooo many people are struggling.
However, despite the anguish & fustration, everyone "appears" so very brave!!
Totally the opposite to how I feel.
I just can not go on like this..... anymore.
I have "reached out" to EVERY "sign post" that should help me...... but the help never comes.
I just feel, I want to hurt myself.. the anxiety & depression I feel is just too overwhelming.
I can never express, completely, how I feel to the Dr's.
I just "clam up" like the small, timid & extremely frightened little girl I use to be & unfortunately, still am.
I truly, do not know what else I can do.
As alway's, I am on " on the verge" of taking my life.... 
Your Very fragile freind 


  • Ami2301Ami2301 Posts: 5,414Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Paddie sorry to hear how you are feeling.

    If you are having thoughts of self harm or suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected]
    You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself now.

    If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away. 
    You're a fighter. Look at everything you've overcome. Don't give up now!
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Posts: 3,428Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @Paddie,
    I think it can be very easy to look at how everyone else seems to be handling what comes their way and feel as if you're in a completely different boat. But there are a lot of people here who are probably struggling just as much.

    When I speak to the doctor, I'm my own worst advocate. Rather than clam up, I tend to downplay everything to the point it almost feels like I'm trying to convince them that there's nothing wrong, or I describe my symptoms in the most concise and unfeeling terms, because I get embarrassed about being too emotive. Have you ever thought of preparing something before you speak to them?
    Senior Online Community Officer
  • Elsey66Elsey66 Posts: 157Member Pioneering
    Hello Paddi. Adrian has given some excellent advice there. At some points my anxiety stops me from speaking so I printed out my problems and gave the list to the gp. It saved my stammer and embarrassment . I have really good support from cpn now and although it's a long hard road I'm feeling calmer. I think it depends on how understanding your gp is and whether or not they refer you to appropriate services. It's taken me years to get a good cpn, throughout which I had to stop working due to panic attacks and anxiety and all the things that go with them. Now I'm so lucky to finally have the help I need.   I think a lot of it is luck of draw unfortunately but please don't stop seeking help. I also find running a good way of dealing with self harm. When that adrenaline kicks in and i feel like I can't escape, I go for a run. I put my headphones in and don't speak to anyone but it's better than my other coping mechanisms. Maybe something like that could help you. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 4,617Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @Paddie, was just wondering how you were getting on today?
    Online Community Officer
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