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Loneliness

sarahluanne11sarahluanne11 Posts: 1Member Listener
edited August 28 in Mental health issues
I'm unsure what to write here, but I'll give it a go. The last few months I have found that I really don't have a single friend. Sounds stupid because how would I not realise that already? I guess I was focused on work and home life that it's passed me by. I had to stop my job full time and go part time which has left me with tons of free time. I sat there and realised I don't have anyone who I could call for a chat or meet up with, it hit me really hard and it's so isolating. I have a wonderful little boy, we do a lot of days out but we have no 'mum friends' who I could ask to join us. I've tried with a few people to find a friendship but it seems to faze out due to them being busy or being with their own group of friends. I have found myself crying most days, I don't feel like I fit in anywhere anymore. I'm only 32, so most the people my age have established groups that are in a clique so it's difficult to reach out. I don't want to burden people by having me there so i try to brush off any knock backs but i know I'm crushed inside. I feel like I'm hated or hugely disliked, is there anything I should be doing to change who I am. 

Replies

  • saz11saz11 Posts: 73Member Pioneering
    @sarahluanne11

    Hi it saddens me to read that you think you should change who you are. I like you don't have friends and unfortunately i don't have a family of my own. I live alone and since having to give up my career due to health problems and i too felt lonely and isolated for sometime. I must admit i dont lead a very active or exciting life but i wouldn't change who i am to fit in. I know i am a good person.....some people just dont have close friends but that doesn't mean you are disliked or hated please don't think that way. 

    Is there no mother and child groups in your area you could join ? 
  • EmmaBEmmaB Posts: 173Member Pioneering
    Hi @sarahluanne11
    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely.  It seems ironic that whilst we have the ability to be more connected than ever 24/7 ie via the internet and smartphones, that an increasing number of people are feeling lonely.  
    As you point out being in full time work and being a mum would definitely have kept you very busy but now you have more time to stop and think. 
    Perhaps your previously busy life meant that you lost some connections that you had before [it's easily done], and maybe there are some people you could try to re-connect with?  Could you get more involved with your son's school in some way - parent teacher associations are often crying out for help!
    Do you have any interests or hobbies [these might also have fallen by the wayside or perhaps there are new ones you'd like to take up] - maybe there are relevant groups in your area - it's always easier to connect with people who are likeminded?
    I wrote an article about this very topic for Motability Lifestyle which you might find of interest, I'm hoping this link will work as I can't find the archived copy of the magazine it was in online:
    https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/75f1ac_f664cd02d6b44051a6091f101f9725f8.pdf
    I hope you can make some new connections - it's all about finding likeminded others and building up your confidence to reconnect.
    Best wishes.
    Emma

  • abbeym395abbeym395 Posts: 19Member Courageous
    I struggle with similar problems.  I think I have people around me but when I need them nobody is physically there.

    I agree that exploring and finding hobbies can help.  Look around and see what there is.  I'm going to something tomorrow morning, trying out wheelchair sport for the first time and just giving things a go even if I'm not sure.  Concentration is an issue for me too so just explain that to the people running any activities - the good ones will try to help, and well the bad ones aren't worth bothering with.

    Another thing that I'm working on is finding value in myself that doesn't depend on other people's opinion and input.  It's hard but I have personal things I say to myself to help get me through difficult times.
  • EmmaBEmmaB Posts: 173Member Pioneering
    Hi @abbeym395
    I hope testing out the wheelchair sport goes well tomorrow, there is actually a lot out there, it's a question of finding something you enjoy. I've just written another article for Motability Lifestyle about inclusive dancing (for people with all sorts of impairments including wheelchair users of course). 
    Working on valuing yourself is vital because otherwise we're always waiting for validation from others, which may or may not come... 
    Sounds like you are on the case with sorting some important aspects of your life out, go for it!
    All the best.
    Emma
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 1,660Member Disability Gamechanger
    Hello!
    I’m sorry to hear that. Can you join a mommy group in your area or not? What are your hobbies and interests? Use the Internet to find activities. I think you will find it will get easier once you make the initial effort. Regarding the insecurity, I advise seeing a therapist or counseller. 
  • michael1michael1 Posts: 4Member Listener
    Iwas a carer looking after people with severe cerible pausey / to cut a looong story short, had to resign from the job I loved / now disabled and in a wheelchair. Yes at times I feel lonely but gradually I am re-building my totally different life, y`es a lot of former friends are busey working / running there own lives it all takes time for the body to ajust.
  • MisscleoMisscleo Posts: 570Member Pioneering
    Readng the posts theres a few of us who put so much into work we forgot are social lives.
    Try your chuch you don't have to beleve" they have mom groups.
    Try your library they have mom groups.
    Do have a garden? Working out front makes your neighbours stop and talk.
    The Odd Fellows hsve groups you can hop in & out of
    Good luck and remember theres nothing wrong with YOU
  • M_AnthonyM_Anthony Posts: 154Member, Community champion Pioneering
    Hi @sarahluanne11 

    Like Misscleo said, joining a church group for mothers is worth looking into you don't have to be religious, everyone is friendly and supportive. There may be community centre groups as well in your local area.

    Please keep us updated on how you get in, we are here for you.
  • kami24kami24 Posts: 236Member Pioneering
    edited August 22
    Same here i have no one i could call a real friend even though I am young but sometimes the most clever and nice decent, innocent people are the most lonely please try to remember that and just because they say they have friends or it may seem like they have it doesn't necessarily mean they are good friends or friends who would be there for them if they were in a difficult situation e. g.  illness, financially, hard times and so on. It seems you are depressed as i get like this and I have suffered depression. If you need a friend to talk to add me on Facebook Emily Kathleen may Facebook name oe email me [removed by moderator]
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 1,660Member Disability Gamechanger
    How are you doing today OP?
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