Disabled parents
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Mind and Body

frandeefrandee Member Posts: 5 Connected
edited October 2019 in Disabled parents
I'm wondering if there's anyone in the same boat as me.  I'm a single mum with a great son 34 who has Aspergers. He helps me a lot due to my arthritis in my back.legs and knees. I have also been Agoraphobic for 12 years.Therapy didn't help so I was prescribed Diazapam. They gave me my life back but, I'm now on a slow reduction,hence the anxiety has returned,I can't go out even using my walker.  At 71 years of  age I want to live a little with my son like us going for a meal. Where we live nobody speaks to each other. I'm really lonely. My son has nights out with his charity shop pals and I like to think he's enjoying himself. Any comments welcome. Thanks. :/ 

Replies

  • EmmaBEmmaB Member Posts: 263 Pioneering
    HI @frandee
    I'm sorry to hear that you've struggled to get out in the past, it sounds like medication helped for a bit but ultimately it doesn't really solve the original problem... and can end up causing more problems.
    It's great that you are wanting to address this, it's never to late to achieve change.  I'm not saying it will be easy but I think it's always possible.
    The key with tackling anxiety is to set yourself small, achievable goals.  With anxiety the temptation is to AVOID doing things then the more we avoid the bigger and unsurmountable the problem seems [and becomes]... so it becomes a vicious cycle. 
    With agoraphobia the only effective therapy is practical, you can talk until you are blue in the face about the theory of getting out but ultimately you just have to do it, that might be why therapy hasn't worked in the past?
    So in terms of small goals - a small goal would be standing in the front doorway for 5 mins.  Then taking 10 steps out.  Then 20 steps etc, with the ultimate goal of going for a meal with your son - what steps can you work out that you need to do to get to that end point?  It can help to write it down, perhaps your son could help you with that?
    Do you know anyone at all [including your son but you might also want to consider other support too?] who can support you in getting out?  Do you have any local charities nearby eg wellbeing groups, age concern - they might be able to offer you volunteer support?  
    I always feel really sad when someone says they are lonely, and I really hope you can find a way of connecting with others - perhaps reaching out to a charity is a good first step, they might have groups you might be interested in and they might be able to offer you transport to get to the group.
    I hope that is helpful, please come back with another post if it raises any thoughts or questions.
    Best wishes.
    Emma
  • frandeefrandee Member Posts: 5 Connected
    Hi Emma, Thanks so much for your valued input. The thing is I've  had "Bouts" of Agoraphobia since the 70's and the only things that eased it was the benzo's. They gave me the courage to have the various recovery programmes which helped until the next bout of panic attacks leadiing to "Aggie" again. I actually formed a self help group in the 90's where we could talk and go for short walks,sometimes laughing at ourselves:-)  This time around things are different due to the Arthritis pain when walking.  So with the pain plus,trying to get up the steep steps outside my home without panic is intolerable. My daughter 37 is married and busy at work and tells me she can't accompany me re trying to get out.  xxxx
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @frandee
    Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. Have you spoken to your GP? This week on the community, we are talking about social prescribing and loneliness. 

    It's such a positive step that you have joined us here and spoken out about how you are feeling and there are so many people who are in a similar situation to you.

    I hope you enjoy it here on the community, join in and get chatting. 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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