Autism and Aspergers
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

Community updates


• Read over some of our recent discussions and have your say!

• Upload a new profile picture and give your profile a personal touch.

• Get the latest information on issues relating to coronavirus.

Girls and ASD

jewels4jewels4 Member Posts: 7 Listener
my Daughter was diagnosed with ASD in November..she is 4 ..due to start reception in sept 2020.  We have he EHCP in place... but is it me or Is the information regarding girls and autism limited.. most books or examples I read are based on boys...so anyone with a girl with ASD got any advice for this parent...

Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 1,620 Pioneering
    @jewels4 Hello and welcome to the community, nice to see you here. I am sure there are members who will be able to help you. I just wanted to say Hi and welcome
  • Firefly123Firefly123 Member Posts: 522 Pioneering
    Hi I have a daughter with ASD it's great you have a diagnosis so early my daughter was 15 before she finally got her even though she has two older brothers also with ASD. Girls usually take much longer to get a diagnosis. 
  • jewels4jewels4 Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Yes @Firefly123 we are very lucky.  She has been in the system for 2 years As we raised concerns at age 2 so we already had a history with the services she received and the impact on her learning and social communication as evidence...
    you would of thought in your circumstances your daughter would of been diagnosed much earlier...
  • Firefly123Firefly123 Member Posts: 522 Pioneering
    Yes it was very obvious to me but she masked it well until she started secondary school with no help at all. The school only took notice when we had meltdowns so was just classed as a naughty child. Took 4 years going through the system. She is more able than her brothers.shes now at college getting the help she needs.

    I totally do agree that most info does refare to boys. 
  • jewels4jewels4 Member Posts: 7 Listener
    This is where things need to change.. girls need to understood alot more..
    I'm glad your daughter is getting the necessary support she needs and is doing well at school .. just show with the right support all children can succeed.
  • KellyCornwallKellyCornwall Member Posts: 12 Connected
    Hello and welcome to the group. I am also new here. I found exactly the same thing. There are not many books for girls and what there are I have pretty much read them all.
    I also have an Autistic child, she was diagnosed when she was 5 with ADHD and continued with assessments, observations etc and it was another two years before they carried out an ADOS assessment and she was diagnosed with ASD. If I can help or offer support any time or you just fancy a rant please feel free to message me. 
  • jewels4jewels4 Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Hi @KellyCornwall thanks for replying..its a bit daunting joining a group when your not sure what you need from it..
    We have been lucky with my daughter dignoses.. we knew it was on the cards... but for some reason the realisation of a dignoses ..still seems to knock you... maybe it's the thought of the unknown..
    But I like you have read so many books but still yet to find a particular book that has an all round  perspective of how this will affect her... e.g.. will she decline in behaviours.. or thrive with the right support. I suppose all children are different.. so it's just a waiting game.
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Community champion Posts: 18,542 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome,

    Yes, indeed you have been very lucky to get a diagnosis for your daughter at such a young age, if "lucky" is the correct word to use here.

    My daughter was 17 when she was diagnosed, despite raising concerns when she was just over 2 years old. She couldn't talk until just before she started school and couldn't count to 10, spell her name or read until she was 7 years old. Now English is her best subject at college and is coming to the end of her first year at a special needs school that only accepts students with a EHCP.

    Finally had a learning disability and ASD diagnosis at 17 with the EHCP in place a few months later but i never did stop the fight. She's now attending school with support and is doing well.

    Books? well, in my opinion they don't really help because each person is affected so differently because Autism is such a huge spectrum. You'll most likely find that her conditions will change the older she gets but you'll learn what's right or wrong, good or bad for her, in time. I think my best advice is not to push her to do something she doesn't want to do especially when she gets older.


    Community champion and proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice i have given to members here on the community.
  • anistyanisty Member Posts: 171 Pioneering
    Hi and welcome,

    Yes, indeed you have been very lucky to get a diagnosis for your daughter at such a young age, if "lucky" is the correct word to use here.

    My daughter was 17 when she was diagnosed, despite raising concerns when she was just over 2 years old. She couldn't talk until just before she started school and couldn't count to 10, spell her name or read until she was 7 years old. Now English is her best subject at college and is coming to the end of her first year at a special needs school that only accepts students with a EHCP.

    Finally had a learning disability and ASD diagnosis at 17 with the EHCP in place a few months later but i never did stop the fight. She's now attending school with support and is doing well.

    Books? well, in my opinion they don't really help because each person is affected so differently because Autism is such a huge spectrum. You'll most likely find that her conditions will change the older she gets but you'll learn what's right or wrong, good or bad for her, in time. I think my best advice is not to push her to do something she doesn't want to do especially when she gets older.




    Sorry i havent got to grips with the site. I only meant to highlight the bit about "my best advice is not to push her to do something she doesnt want to do when she gets older"


    I 100% agree with this! I dont actually have a girl with asd, but a boy.  Im sure this applies to both sexes equally though. Try not to look at your daughter's world through your own eyes.

    To give 2 examples of this: i used to see my son in the primary school playground (mainstream school) wandering aimlessly alone and feel sad for him.

    But there was no need. He was actually perfectly content and happy like that. He didnt have play skills and language skills so being with other children was more stressful than being on his own like that.

    You will know when your daughter is not happy through her behaviour. If her behaviour suggests she is calm and happy, dont get caught up in what you might perceive as her 'missing out' 


    Other people with asd will be your daughter's 'peer group'  my son wasnt labelled asd until 13yrs (four YEAR wait in our area back in 2011 when he was diagnosed so you have been lucky in that way)


    The diagnosis opens doors for you. In my son's case, he was able to access a wonderful support for children up to 18yrs. When my husband first took him there, there were teenagers who seemed (to my man) to be 'more severe' than our son.

    Our son gelled with these teenagers from the start. In fact his actual words were "mum, they are all like me" That still brings a tear to my eye!

    Through that support, he had a full social life as a teenager. Now, as a young adult he has just one friend. But he is completely happy about that. In fact, i would say he is happier now than at any point in his life before as all his activities are done with other learning disabled people. That is the group of people he fits in with.


    Asd awareness in girls is probably at a similar stage of understanding to what it was in boys 20 yrs ago. Girls often show more subtle signs so it wasnt the first thing to spring to mind as a diagnosis until more recently.

    I hope schools (mainstream ones) are improving. When my son was at school, it was a battle. I have to be honest! Schools tend to be unrealistically positive, i found. Useless as supports for benefit claims!

    We had endless reports about our wonderful son who was 'keeping up with his peers' what a joke!!!

    Just an excuse to remove support from him. I battled all through primary to get a cognitive report done as they kept up with their persistance that he was 'very bright'

    Eventually got a clinical psychologist to assess his IQ which turned out to be 85. That is not terrible, but it certainly isnt 'very bright' (average iq is 100 and very bright would really be 115 or above)

    They also identified a few other learning problems in their assessments such as being very slow and passive. 


    Anyway, i digress (not for the first time!)


    Hopefully schools have improved if she is in mainstream.  As i said, my son is SOOO much happier out of the school system just doing simple things that dont stress him out.

    Try not to have expectations as to what you want your daughter to be. Support her to be her own person and be very proud of her.  Never compare her to typically developing children. She will develop in her own way in her own time so try to access all the support you can for her but give her that space to develop. Pushing her down a route will cause you all incredible stress and reflect in her behaviour.

    You are on your own unique journey. You will definitely get support from sharing experiences with parents of asd children so dont feel alone in your journey but your daughter will be happiest following her own path. Try to support her in that and not to think too far ahead.





  • fairybellsxofairybellsxo Member Posts: 44 Courageous
    Hello! 

    It can be quite tricky to find books for girls on the spectrum, this is because the condition was one believed to only affect boys and it presents itself very differently in boys than It does girls.

    I myself have autism :) and I found one book VERY useful, it explains all the milestones in life and I can honestly say I could relate to them all, I read the book and found myself crying as if it was a revelation! :) There is also a ' parent ' perspective in there which I imagine would be helpful if your wondering how to best support your child.

    I would also like to offer the insight that you don't need to worry about being a ' different ' kind of parent for your daughter :) as I didn't know I had autism until I was 25, I had many struggles throughout my life and my parents were just accepting and told me that I should be proud of who I am and helped support me where possible and encourage me! and I love them both very much.

    This is the book I found to be life changing for me :) 
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergirls-Empowering-Females-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849058261

    It is a very positive read as it highlights strengths! and from a parent standpoint I think you'l find it very useful.

    All the best!
Sign in or join us to comment.