Parents and carers
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Why can't our adult kids live with us.?

1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
Please be kind folks if your reading this. 
I know it's a subject that divides people. 
I know I won't live for ever, my sons needs are complex. He's 29,im 50
Why do people assume he shouldn't live in the family home. 
My friend  who works as a senior  support worker has been telling me for years. 
He has a  separate social life, support workers too do things with, day service he loves. I don't think I'm Co dependant. 
I know there are lovely support workers out there. I've tried respite so many times he hates it and becomes too upset. 
Please help anyone who can give me non judgemental advice. 
My friend came today and we were discussing carers allowance £66.45a week, rate  and I said it was very low. I do 100 hours plus a week through night also with my son. 
I said if I did the hours for someone else I would have employment status, and other options employed people do. 
We debated this I said it wasn't fair and she said "we'll the goverment expect him too leave at 18 to live independently." wouldn't be in this position. 


  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 1,119 Pioneering
    I totally agree that carers allowance is way too low, carers save this country £ billions every year, if you feel it is best for him to live in the family home then thats your decision don't let anyone suggest otherwise. It might be worth at some point after lockdown to get a benefits check to make sure you are getting everything you should, or you could try one of the benefits checkers "entitled2" or "turn2us".
    Good luck.
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Thanks for the reply. Best wishes. 
  • Denise11Denise11 Member Posts: 80 Courageous
    Hi  I don't understand society either about people have to leave when they turn 18.  It wasn't normal years ago!  If you and your son are happy that's all that matters!  Personally, I spent 10 years in boarding schools and left when I was 18, and it was really great to spend time at home and not in an institution!  And no, carers aren't paid another by a long way.  Denise11
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 1,119 Pioneering
    I suppose because so many 18 year olds go off to uni that society thinks all 18 yr olds should leave home, of course they are wrong.
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Absolutely woodbine. Good point. Thankyou. 

  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 2,161 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @19681989 Welcome to the community.

    It is down to your son and your decision if he is happy at home and so are you having him then it shouldn't be a problem. 

     I would suggest down the line  you look into things for the future so he isn't left on his own with no support but there is plenty of time for that.

    I do agree the amount for carers is low and  feel it should have incremental values dependant on amount of time care is given
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Hi thankyou for your reply. 
    Hope alls well with you and your family. 

    I know friends that have adult sons early thirties still at home. 
    Yes I agree, he has a relative that will care for him in the eventuality I'm not here. 

  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 9,457 Scope community team
    Hi @19681989, Carers Allowance is very low unfortunately. Have you ever had a carers needs assessment? 
    Community Partner
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Sorry what's a carers need assessment. 
  • EmmaR_ScopeEmmaR_Scope Scope Posts: 28 Courageous
    19681989 said:
    Sorry what's a carers need assessment. 
    Any carer can request the assessment but the assessment only carries legal weight when your child reaches 18.

    It is meant to assess what you need to be able to look after the person you care for and also do the things you need to do.

     So looks at respite, independence, any other responsibilities you have and your capacity and well being. 

    Carers UK can offer lots of help, you may have a local carers group/charity in your area that could do the assessment, sometimes local arrangements are made as social care are too busy.
    Emma Rose  - Scope Activities for All-  support and advice for parents and professionals on inclusion and children's disability issues
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Thankyou very much. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 9,457 Scope community team
    Thanks for replying @EmmaR_Scope. :)

    Please do let us know how you get on @19681989, or if there is anything else we can do to help.
    Community Partner
  • JaneCambsJaneCambs Member Posts: 32 Courageous
    Thanks for braving a post on this. My son is six at the moment with ASD, developmental delay and sensory issues. I often worry about his future. I don’t like the idea of him in care. But I also know one day I won’t be here. This was a good read for me. Seeing the information let’s me know there are options out there. 

    And yes carers allowance is way too low 

    many thanks and all the best for the future. I wish I had the perfect advice. I just know that worry 
  • 1968198919681989 Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Hi Jane thanks for post.Ive decided I'm not going to worry .
    I have seen what's out there in my area and that's not for us.
    As long as he's happy, I'm doing a good job ,I'm well he's will stay at home and enjoy community activities with other people and support .
    Please don't worry he's six , your doing great.take care.x
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