Coffee lounge
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.
Keep on top of what's being talked about in our recent discussions and have your say!

Combating loneliness during coronavirus

Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,581 Scope community team
edited June 18 in Coffee lounge
Loneliness is something that affects many disabled people. However, during lockdown we have become even more isolated. 

The Mental Health Foundation have found a lot of people have experienced this:
According to a survey* of UK adults which took place during lockdown (2 – 3 April), one in four (24%) said they had feelings of loneliness in the “previous two weeks”.

When the same question was asked shortly before lockdown, just one in ten people (10%) said they had these feelings. In a matter of weeks, social distancing left millions more people in the UK feeling isolated.
They also have offered some advice around how to support others and yourself during the pandemic:

What can we do to prevent loneliness? 

The government is telling us to stay at home and only go outside for food, health reasons or essential work, to stay two metres (six feet) away from other people and wash our hands as soon as we get home. 

That means we need to adapt how we connect with people and find new ways to stay in touch during this time. Now, more than ever, is the time to keep up those strong social networks that act like a buffer against poor mental health.  

Staying in touch via video calls, Whatsapp or just regular phone calls, is vital. Keep up your routines where possible – for example if you play cards with your friends on a weeknight, try keeping this in the diary and playing a game on a video call instead. Or potentially join one of the many online quizzes hosted on Facebook or Youtube, playing as a team.  

If you’re not tech savvy, regular phone calls, messages or even writing letters are lovely ways to show someone that you’re thinking of them.  

We have written a guide to nurturing relationships during Coronavirus with lots of different ideas for keeping in touch.  

Helping others who might be experiencing loneliness 

Three in four of the overall population, and about half of the younger population, have not been experiencing loneliness during lockdown according to the survey.* This shows great resilience during this time of isolation and shows that many of us are adapting our ways of keeping in contact with people. Doing good is good for our mental health, so now could a good opportunity to help someone else who might be feeling lonely.  

One idea is to get in touch with someone who lives alone or might not have many relatives or close connections to check in on them. A message or a phone call could make a big difference to someone who hasn’t heard from anyone in a while. 

If it’s a neighbour, you could even share something you’ve baked with them - at a safe distance! If you know someone who struggles with technology, now could be a good time to talk them through setting up something like Skype or Zoom at home. This could make a huge difference to their social interactions in future.  

We’ve come up with some more ideas for random acts of kindness during the Coronavirus outbreak

How have you been feeling? What things have found helpful to keep in touch with others? Let us know in the comments below!
Community Partner
Scope

Tell us what you think?
Complete our feedback form to help us to improve your community.

Replies

  • RonniRonni Member Posts: 162 Pioneering
    Besides joining on here. I got on face book and messenger. But dont no many people.

    Wish I could find a game club with save chat thing.  Even bingo night not the big ones. Event plans.
    Charity coffee morning events that type of thing.
    Justbto have something regular and talk to people. Pity scope does have a club event nights. 

    But I can only communicate by txt. 



  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    hi @Ronni, yes bingo sounds great!! not played for years :), hope you are okay and keeping safe
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 541 Pioneering
    Setting up technology for the barely techno literate is a much needed service, never provided by commerce or charity.  The stock attitude is that everyone M U S T have a relative.

    (Just as every n.h.s. system assumes it.  A survey showed a considerable percentage never have a single visitor in hospital,  yet leaflets assume hot and cold running relatives will bring stuff in for every patient.)
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 541 Pioneering
    This is a bit reminiscent of the jolly little leaflets advising everyone to go for half an hour's daily run.  (Really? With a zimmer frame?)
    The assumprion is that lonely people should not be lonely, because  nobody is isolated.  Everyone in the country is assumed to have a list of friends and family and social groups, but for some reason some of them sit round feeling lonely instead of using tech or phones.. They need to be instructed to  try keeping in touch with their friends. 
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 2,104 Disability Gamechanger
    newborn said:
    They need to be instructed to  try keeping in touch with their friends. 
    I know where you are coming from - first need to make some friends!! :D
  • RonniRonni Member Posts: 162 Pioneering
    @66Mustang
    Cant help the friends bit got none myself.
     
    @newborn
    But tech bits.
     one to one with the charity Ability Net.
    Provide help computers, software etc and getting online things. And digi technology advice for communication equipment.
    The advice and support is given, online, on phone  or one to one at home or in training session.

    Once I get pc il be on to them to help with downloads and what ever thingys ....🤪
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,581 Scope community team
    Some really interesting points guys! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that it is such a difficult time at the moment.

    I hope the community can help you to chat with others. :)
    Community Partner
    Scope

    Tell us what you think?
    Complete our feedback form to help us to improve your community.
  • raymond_romeoraymond_romeo Member Posts: 4 Listener
    How does it help.??
  • Wini1960Wini1960 Member Posts: 98 Courageous
    I cannot imagine what a lot of people are going through but my own experiences of loneliness is when I am depressed. Trying to do something no matter how small and talking to your inner self about what you are doing has helped me a lot. Also getting in touch with other people like within Scope and encourage them and you find yourself be encouraged. As when you are depressed or lonely you tend to focus solely on yourself and it can become a perpetual cycle of misery. That's my thoughts.
  • LouiseHLouiseH Community champion Posts: 96 Courageous
    I've found my feelings of loneliness and depression go hand in hand and feed each other. I've still been working (part time) but have felt isolated as I'm stuck in the house apart from working. Things have started to get better recently and I saw my parents yesterday, for the first time since March and my friend last week. 
    Louise Hesketh
    Community Champion
  • Wini1960Wini1960 Member Posts: 98 Courageous
    Hi LouiseH it's very hard when your on your own especially if your depressed. I'm glad you met up with your parents and friend, that will give you some support. Maybe you could a course online or take up some activity ie card making. I love knitting and crocheting but I also have a work from home business to keep me occupied. All the best. Your mental health matters.
  • JaneCambsJaneCambs Member Posts: 32 Courageous
    Loneliness was here way before lockdown for some. I was widowed six years ago. The first year of my husbands anniversary of his death I lay in hospital sick for just over a week and people didn’t visit. I got a text showing pics of my son but that was it. I remember crying in the hospital bed wishing my husband was there. Hating the fact I was back in the hospital again. My mother lives abroad and I have no local friends. I chose to remain in this area because of my sons fathers family. But when my son was diagnosed with autism they were not supportive and in the end I had to cut my ties. Now it’s just me and him. I get the odd text from my mum but otherwise I am alone, trying to be the best teacher, carer, house maintenance DIY person, OT, speech therapist and parent I can be. What lockdown has really reminded me, is I have no support and my son and I are invisible most of the time. Not everyone wants Facebook, not everyone can pick up a phone and talk. (I have a fear of answering phones) That doesn’t mean those people don’t matter. The problem is we haven’t reached that moment where the majority of people are mindful towards those with disabilities, or carers. We don’t make the list when people think up things. They don’t think “hmm how can I make this work for people with disabilities or those who care for someone?” we are on the back burner too often. You only have to look at lockdown and food shopping to see that proof. My son has complex sensory issues that change all the time. He eats no more than about five foods at anyone time and it’s a certain brand. I can’t get a slot most of the time. And then when I do, getting his foods are still hard as they can be sold out. Yet he isn’t on the vulnerable list. My son who is aged 6 but more a 2 year old. Who can’t wear a mask and would probably lick the trolly or shelves. Who has no understanding of the dangers. Isn’t on the vulnerable list. People are forgotten about because those in charge can’t see the bigger picture. Until they do it’s always going to result in those vulnerable not being noticed. Everyone wants a voice even those none verbal. And everyone wants to feel included. 

    I use to play BINGO with my husband 

    sorry for my rant. I don’t get to chat normally so I guess the floodgates opened there “oops” better out than in they say 
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Administrator Posts: 7,549 Scope community team
    Don't apologise @JaneCambs. I'm glad you expressed it and the only way things will ever change is if the people affected have the bravery to speak out.

    Are you still struggling to get access to food? We have some information about accessing food and essentials on our website, if it's of interest.
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    If you have a few minutes to spare, we'd appreciate your feedback on our online community.
  • JaneCambsJaneCambs Member Posts: 32 Courageous
    Thanks so much @Adrian_Scope I will check the link. It’s been hard getting my sons foods as he is so limited. And his antihistamine for his allergies, as only one type works for him. He is still in nappies and they have also been hard to find at times. 

    Many thanks for the link and support, I will give that a look for certain 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,581 Scope community team
    Hi @JaneCambs, how are things going? :)
    Community Partner
    Scope

    Tell us what you think?
    Complete our feedback form to help us to improve your community.
  • LouiseHLouiseH Community champion Posts: 96 Courageous
    Thanks @Wini1960 I'm off work this week and it's been better than I expected.

    How're you doing @JaneCambs
    Louise Hesketh
    Community Champion
  • ScoliFibroGirlScoliFibroGirl Member Posts: 46 Courageous
    I have always had a lonely life except I have chosen to embrace it and make the most of it rather than sit n feel depressed about it, I looked at positives not just the negatives. I tried all of the self-help groups in my area, friendship circles and it was just competition of diagnostic labels and comparing symptom notes. Not exactly what I had in mind I was aiming for cha†s on music the soaps. So I thankfully gave up and chose a quieter lifestyle
  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    yes you do have to sometimes make the most of things and remember it what youve got, what you can do, what little things ie; being able to read/type/be okay with being ok with your own company. life throws us lots of hurdles, some are able to deal with them better than others, we are all unique :). a good book/film/picture/music/listening to bird song ect, i know i may seem a bit hippyish!! but just my thoughts  :)
  • kaiasparrowkaiasparrow Member Posts: 28 Courageous
    I've never really had friends, struggle to make friends as I have autism and mental health problems and I guess I'm a bit of an outsider.. Always felt too "different", almost like I'm not human. I am lucky to have met my boyfriend but I don't have any friends of my own. My anxiety had been really bad for about a year before the virus hit and I could only leave the house to go to work so I didn't really make any new friends then. I started therapy and my anxiety got a lot better and I was ready to start going to social events, meet ups, new hobbies etc again and try and meet new people and then we got locked down. Felt very "just my luck"! 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    edited July 5
    For older people there is a charity started by Esther Rantzen called The Silver Line. Basically it’s a confidential helpline whereby someone can arrange to have regular telephone chats with someone or just talk to someone,24 hour and free. Its partner is Age UK now. If anyone is interested https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/

    @kaiasparrow I used to have trouble making friends until I made friends with someone who had lots of friends and I sort of inherited them! After that I found it easier. I think I found out that other people are quite similar and I wasn’t that different after all. That helped me to relax and just be more natural with others. Sometimes it doesn’t work but mostly people respond nicely. You get a thicker skin as you age and less sensitive to criticism I’ve found. I wish I’d been more like that when I was young but hey, better late than never.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,581 Scope community team
    Hi @kaiasparrow, that must have been frustrating. What new hobbies have you started? :) 
    Community Partner
    Scope

    Tell us what you think?
    Complete our feedback form to help us to improve your community.
  • Blue69Blue69 Member Posts: 1 Listener
    I'm 51. Live alone. Isolated. No family.
    Not from here. 
    Need to move to Sheffield, got no income so can't get a mortgage. Really fed up. 
  • HarrietHarriet Member Posts: 7 Courageous
    I’m a Samaritan and most of the calls that we get are focused on loneliness, the elderly, disabled and prisoners (locked up alone 23.5hrs a day in some instances, regardless of what they’ve done that is inhumane) seeming to be the most lonely right now. Unless the government get a grip on this epidemic they will never cut spending on anxiety and depression. I am currently involved in starting a Community Garden where people with physical and invisible disabilities are able to work on a par with ‘regular’ people with the result that all become ‘regular’. The catalyst for this were the comments of a physically disabled man whose life was so limited in opportunities to get out and just be himself. I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome so was hot on the disabled agenda but it has now become mainstream for us to consider everyone. Yesterday, with social distancing, everyone was just getting on with doing their job, planting seeds, painting etc and apart from the presence of a couple of wheelchairs no one would have known that we weren’t all ‘regular’. The government are building houses, not homes and locally accessible, on foot or wheelchair community hubs are not in their thought processes. We need to shout loudly that nobody should be feel alone. We all have our part to play but so does the government. Our little community is already growing - we want to grow a community from a garden, not the other way round. My hope for the post CV19 pandemic is that we refocus on our priorities and eradicate the previous epidemic of loneliness. I live alone, had people to chat to and connect with but it was still hellish being in lockdown. Any techies out there who know how to construct a virtual community garden until there is somewhere for everyone?

  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 541 Pioneering
    Harriet that's a great post thanks
  • LP004LP004 Member Posts: 25 Connected
    Hi everyone, if anyone is interested in discussing the bible and seeing how the prophecies therein pertain to our day, let me know. I am finding out really interesting stuff, honestly.
    Did you know, for example that the times we are going through are prophesied about in the bible?  Look at 1 Timothy chapter 5 verses 1 to 5. 
    There is a solution to all the worlds problems. No, humans will not find the solution. God is the only one who will provide it.  Let me know if you want to know more, or go to this site:
    www.jw.org


  • HarrietHarriet Member Posts: 7 Courageous
    I am sorry LP004, I know Jehovahs Witnesses are good at door knocking but online forum nobbling? Faith can be a resource that some use and the role faith plays is a legitimate debate but I dont feel like this is a place for evangelising for any particular faith, and especially JW’s with your rules which include shunning which can make people feel suicidal. It would be good to hear how you are coping in lockdown and how your life has been impacted, which may include your faith but not a web link to a website belonging to a group some regard as a cult due to practices such as shunning and cutting yourselves off from mainstream society (apart from door knocking of course). I am reporting this post because I do not wish anyone to be hoodwinked. I wish you well and hope that you constructively contribute to this thread soon.
  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    I think the whole world is lonely even when people have family.  My family is my daughter who has lupus crossed with rheumatoid arthritis, so I haven’t seen her since beginning of March, I miss her desperately, video link is just not the same and most of the time she won’t use it because of her depression.  I don’t have many friends to meet up with as they are all married with children and don’t have much spare time, yet I hear all the time that single mature people are lonely, wish I could meet some but never seem to, it could be because I no longer work and am on benefits due to my own illness, people just don’t want to know you. I teamed up with a neighbour who was lonely but sadly he is a sexual predator and put his hand down my bra, needless to say I haven’t been back there. So here I am again lonely for company and a bit wary of meeting new people in person.

  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    @debbiedee513 sorry to hear that you’re lonely but I agree that a lot of people are these days. I have four children but they live in distant places and I rarely see them, phone calls aren’t the same. It’s a difficult problem and I’m also sorry to hear about your recent experience, sounds awful. Unfortunately sometimes people see the same situation in very different ways, if you see what I mean. 
  • JaneCambsJaneCambs Member Posts: 32 Courageous
    @LouiseH thanks for thinking of me :) I don’t get online often. I don’t get a lot of me time. It’s normally at silly o’clock if I do. Been indoors now since Feb and feeling rather hemmed in. I hope people are finding support here. It’s nice to have a place to drop into and feel some connection to the world. Spent the last three weeks chasing people regarding my sons EHCplan. 2020 has certainly tested us and made me realise just how little some of us are thought of 
  • IrishMancIrishManc Member Posts: 33 Courageous
    I think that living alone here in the U.K. and being separated from my extended family in my native Republic of Ireland has certainly deepened my own Catholic faith that I was raised with, which I have reconnected with in recent years and in various online ways during this time, including the webcam at my local parish church in Ireland 
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Administrator Posts: 7,549 Scope community team
    I think the whole world is lonely even when people have family.  My family is my daughter who has lupus crossed with rheumatoid arthritis, so I haven’t seen her since beginning of March, I miss her desperately, video link is just not the same and most of the time she won’t use it because of her depression.  I don’t have many friends to meet up with as they are all married with children and don’t have much spare time, yet I hear all the time that single mature people are lonely, wish I could meet some but never seem to, it could be because I no longer work and am on benefits due to my own illness, people just don’t want to know you. I teamed up with a neighbour who was lonely but sadly he is a sexual predator and put his hand down my bra, needless to say I haven’t been back there. So here I am again lonely for company and a bit wary of meeting new people in person.

    Hi @debbiedee513, I'm sorry you've had such hard time finding friendship and your recent experiences were so negative. Can I ask if you've told anybody about your experience with your neighbour and if you've perhaps spoken to the police?
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    If you have a few minutes to spare, we'd appreciate your feedback on our online community.
  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    edited July 21
    No Adrian I haven’t told the police as I’m too scared, I called a help line called lifeline, but didn’t help much, suggesting that the experience had triggered past traumas and that it was this that was upsetting me rather than what my neighbour had done.  I’m left believing that it’s my mental health disorder that is obviously the problem.   I feel so alone.
    people seem to think that just because you have a mental health disorder that your not intelligent.  
  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    Hi @debbiedee513, sorry about your experience and current issues, have you chatted to your doc about your meds and also MIND and SCOPE can help lots with liks to mental health websites, ive been amazed at the advice and i will help if i can  :) and you are intelligent  :)
  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    edited July 22
    Katho I am English living in N.Ireland and have been for 25 years, it was the worst mistake of my life moving here, the racism I have experienced has been constant, but if I mention this to the police all they say is “then move” that’s why I haven’t reported the sexual assault. There is nothing more I would like than to move away from this country as I am sick of the bigotry and Racism that goes on here, Black people are not the only people who experience racism, I’m white and I receive it,  I can’t move as I am only on benefits, so can’t afford to.  On top of that my daughter now 29 lives here and to her this is her home, so while she is here so will I be because I can’t leave her behind, we only have each other.  I do not tell her what I experience because I don’t like to worry her, she has lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.
    it seems every way I turn I can’t move anywhere, and now what’s happened with this neighbour has made me not go out at all.  I don’t know how going to any website can help me with this because when I have searched and searched to find some sort of help out there, there has not been any available to me, I feel suck and alone.  If you can help in anyway then I would be delighted.

  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    edited July 22
    Hi @debbiedee513 I don’t know if this might be of interest to you at all

    https://www.communityni.org/event/funding-community-companions-workshop

    It’s about a workshop for companions but it also outlines their organisation in NI which provides volunteer companions to people who are lonely or isolated, it has an email contact too if you read down the page a little.

  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    Thank you Lee, unfortunately not, I’m not in a good place within myself to set up or join a community group, I don’t go out because I don’t want to be used or abused anymore, I can no longer deceiver if a person is genuine or not, so the easiest thing for me to do is not socialise that way I am safe, but it doesn’t make life worth while.  I’m not being negative, I’ve just had enough 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    edited July 22
    @debbiedee513 I understand what you’re saying. The group provide a companion to you for a short period on a regular basis but if you don’t feel up to that then I completely get it. Best wishes.
  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    Thank you so much Lee, I really appreciate it, maybe when I’m in a better place, you have been very helpful 
  • IrishMancIrishManc Member Posts: 33 Courageous
    Some really interesting points guys! Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that it is such a difficult time at the moment.

    I hope the community can help you to chat with others. :)
    While important before the pandemic, before and after my Dad died in Rural Republic of Ireland in 2018 and while I was working up to Sept 2019, during and after lockdown, keeping in touch with my extended family and friends back home in Ireland is even more important than ever, as the U.K. is not on Ireland’s current “green list” of countries for inbound travel, which affects many of us Irish living here - I had been hoping to return sometime in 2020 but at the start of the pandemic, I was told by the Irish DFA that the travel restrictions are expected to remain for the whole of 2020, even for those living alone in the UK and following the U.K. Covid 19 rules 
  • LP004LP004 Member Posts: 25 Connected
    edited July 23
    @Harriet
    I was  going to ignore your comment about Jehovah's Witnesses.  I can't.  You have been misinformed about us.  We do not shun anyone.  However we do have disfellowshipping.  Churches also have this and it is called excommunication,  If someone has done something which is against the Bible's standard of conduct then they are given bible-based advice and allowed to correct their actions in order to come in line with bible standards.  If they refuse, then they will be disfellowshipped.  They can still attend meetings of Jehovah's Witnesses but they are expected to sit quietly and listen.  They can only talk to the Elders of the congregation at that point.  If they change their attitude and their actions then they can be accepted back as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    We do not shun people.  Even if someone left the congregation and never attended the meetings again we could still speak to them and we would obviously  encourage them to join us again in worship of the true God, Jehovah,  Psalms 83 verse 18
    As for being a cult, nothing further is from the truth,  We do not follow a man.  We follow the moral standards contained in God's Word , the Bible.  
    That's all I will say  on the subject.

    If anyone wants to see why I am still happy despite the difficult times we are living under, please contact me by using this
    @ then my name LAP004    
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    @LP004 I think we generally show respect for followers of all religions and of none alike, but I for one appreciate your concern and can see why you might feel a reply is necessary. Peace.
  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    Hi @leeCal, how did the sale go!!  :)
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,238 Pioneering
    edited July 23
    Well as I say @katho31 it needed delicate negotiations but the clincher was throwing in the tyre pump, 😅 that threw him completely. I watched him cycle off for quite a while until he fell off then I shot back in the house. No refunds. 🤣

    (I’m joking, it’s a good bike.)
  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    Oh ha ha ha ha ha!!! you should do stand up  :) so funny!! the clincher absolute comedy gold, you have hit my funny bone hilarious and fell off of please im crying ere!!!  :#
  • IrishMancIrishManc Member Posts: 33 Courageous
    Katho I am English living in N.Ireland and have been for 25 years, it was the worst mistake of my life moving here, the racism I have experienced has been constant, but if I mention this to the police all they say is “then move” that’s why I haven’t reported the sexual assault. There is nothing more I would like than to move away from this country as I am sick of the bigotry and Racism that goes on here, Black people are not the only people who experience racism, I’m white and I receive it,  I can’t move as I am only on benefits, so can’t afford to.  On top of that my daughter now 29 lives here and to her this is her home, so while she is here so will I be because I can’t leave her behind, we only have each other.  I do not tell her what I experience because I don’t like to worry her, she has lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.
    it seems every way I turn I can’t move anywhere, and now what’s happened with this neighbour has made me not go out at all.  I don’t know how going to any website can help me with this because when I have searched and searched to find some sort of help out there, there has not been any available to me, I feel suck and alone.  If you can help in anyway then I would be delighted.

    As an Irish person (Republic of Ireland) living in Manchester England for (almost) 20 years now, I do empathise - although I’ve grown up in a little Irish village, coming back over the years with all the changes has amazed me, not least when I arrive in Dublin on the ferry from Holyhead and I do realise that visiting a place and coming to live there is a different experience - I would (loosely) plan to live in Ireland in my retirement, but I’ve realised in recent months that plan (might) change somewhat - I have felt at times over the years that living in England is somewhat a mistake, especially since I’m separated from my extended family in Ireland at the moment - the discrimination, racism and abuse that you are enduring is obviously something is totally unacceptable, as in my former life, I had been involved with the gay community until I endured discrimination from within the LGBT Community, at which point I totally withdrew from all contacts with them, having come out as gay in my teens against my family’s wishes (who clearly saw the dangers for me that I could not see at the time and over the years were proven correct) while living for 3 years in Dublin and then this brought me to living in the UK in 2002 - I would (normally) come home to Ireland every 6 months and am hoping to go over again for my 50th birthday in October 2020 
  • katho31katho31 Member - under moderation Posts: 701 Pioneering
    Sat he having lasagne and garlic bread, my hubbys just said 'he who dares wins' ha ha ha thats for you @leeCal :)
  • debbiedee513debbiedee513 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    https://community.scope.org.uk/profile/IrishManc
    That’s very sad, I can feel your longing to be back where you never wanted to leave, I’m sorry and I hope you do finally return a whole you, just as I am trying to become in order to return one day to England.  Southern Ireland is a far nicer place to live than the North. Dublin is from what I see when I visit is very cosmopolitan and a happy place, friendly beyond words, they see a future & possibilities, how it is like to live there I wouldn't know, but far more liberated than the North I think,  which is stuck still in the past, the younger new generation are Changing things here but sadly it will be a long road for them, but change it, they will 😊 

  • davegregson40davegregson40 Member Posts: 54 Courageous
    I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I agree here that Mind have good help and advice. I also got help from Rethink and the Samaritans. There is the charity Victim Support which helps victims. This isnt just cases where people have been to court etc but anyone who has been a victim and the National Domestic Abuse helpline too 
  • HarrietHarriet Member Posts: 7 Courageous
    @LP004 I understand your need for rebuttal however this goes to show why this is not the place for religious evangelising. I apologise for using the Amish practice of shunning but disfellowshipping  appears to be one and the same. Excommunication is the withdrawal of the sacraments and is not a practice of most mainstream Christian groups, nothing as far reaching as disfellowshipping. If this is to be a safe space it needs to be a safe space for all and if evangelising takes place, for some, it will fail to be safe for their emotional well-being and mental health.
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,666 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Harriet - as a fellow EDSer who has the same mentality as yourself, in that EDS doesn't define me, it's nice to 'meet' you. As far as @LP004 's comments go, perhaps in your work as a Samaritan you have seen an adverse affect with a person(s) because of someone being a Jehovah's Witness, I don't know? However, as mentioned above by @leeCal , this community respects followers of their many & varied religions, or if they have non-belief.
    I 'met' @LP004 when they joined; we chatted a little, & they kindly shared a photo of their little Jack Russell terrier. You might wonder why I mention this; does it matter? No, other than trying to make a person welcome, & finding things we may have in common. Does it matter if a person then later once mentions their religious belief? I suggest not. What makes this a great community is that people here try to help each other, sharing about our disabilities, or those of a relative (which is why most of us are here); just being there if needed to advise/help, or simply chat.
    We share about disability, which is what Scope is all about, in this 'safe,' non-prejudicial, friendly & supportive online community.
  • HarrietHarriet Member Posts: 7 Courageous
    Hi Chiarieds,

    I understand what you're saying, and talking about faith and belief is one thing, suggesting that someone visit a website that promotes a particular faith is another. Not all faiths accept LGBTQIAK people as they are as having a valid lifestyle and I have seen too many finishing up hating themselves because of a particular groups religious fervour. Rather than stating that this group isn’t allowed and this group is I am minded that it is better to not go down that road. If you state that your belief/faith is something that gives you strength and then in a personal chat explain what that faith is and where you can find out about it is one thing but that something that is tantamount to an advertisement for the JWs which may cause offence to someone from the LGBTQIAK community, or indeed women (some faiths do not treat women equally) and thus make this not a safe space for them is another. Faith and belief as an homogenous grouping is a good topic for discussion, but advertising a particular brand isn’t, as far as I can see, a relevant or acceptable topic for an inclusive disability forum.

    It wasn’t in my work as a Samaritan that I really noticed the detrimental effect that a lot of religious groups can have on the LGBTQIAK community it was in general life. One person in particular I had to physically stop from throwing themselves in front of a train because of what had happened to them under the auspices of ‘care’, trying to cure this person of their ‘gayness’. This person in has a disability and could finish up on one of these chats, on a down day seeing religion ‘advertised’ may be the thing that breaks the camels back or simply means that they don't return to the forums/website.

    As someone of faith, from a non LGBTQIAK background I am simply speaking out for one group and there may be no one here at the moment who could be hurt by the original post, but there may be tomorrow.............. Also as someone of faith it is very hard not to go down the religious bandwagon path, but as I say, I believe that this isn’t the right place to do it.
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,666 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Harriet - I can also appreciate your viewpoint. It's often said that politics & religion are best avoided; not here, but in general conversation.
    Perhaps it's me, but I can't see a problem in mentioning your religious belief, &, in the case of the person above, giving a link to a website once......doing so repeatedly may indeed be a different matter.
    A comment here could potentially cause LP004 to leave, & they're suffering badly with depression right now.
    In just the same vein, any comment, meant with the best will in the world, could cause a person in a vulnerable state to leave the community.
    Messages are not always read the way intended. In fact I've just recently been on the receiving end of this; a comment I made to one person made another think I was correcting them, & caused upset, which was certainly not my intent.
    Scope welcomes everybody, & it's about what dis-ables anyone, whether it be physical or mental health (or a combination of both), & I often say we share more in common, rather than not.
    I have no wish to disagree with you further, but as someone who also has a faith, I try not to judge my fellow man.



  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    Not trying to put a downer on this but always remember that getting out can and will put people at risk from Covid because we are a long way from it being gone yet. According to the WHO it's estimated that 35% of those who have Covid and can infect people are Asymptomatic (apparently healthy). So remember Social Distancing rules.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • LaughingLollyLaughingLolly Member Posts: 101 Pioneering
    @JaneCambs hospital and big events are often reminders of how lonely we are or how isolated we have become and it can really hurt. I also raised an autistic son single handed for many years. I also have a daughter. Despite being ill and many years running events for musicians and poets I also found a period where I had no one in my life. They say loneliness is shown in the brain to light up the areas where we would normally feel physical pain, so it's a very serious issue! Events such as lockdown can highlight the issue more. I'm married again now after years of being single. My son also has an ECHP and I teach him from home.  If you need any support with that kind of thing or just want to chat please send me a message. It does not have to be for any 'reason' you can just say hi as someone who has been in the same boat and chat away. I'm willing to listen any issues around education, or any other subjecr. 
    A laugh a day keeps the psychiatrist at bay. 
  • LaughingLollyLaughingLolly Member Posts: 101 Pioneering
    Hello @Blue69 I hear you. Wanna chat?
    A laugh a day keeps the psychiatrist at bay. 
  • LaughingLollyLaughingLolly Member Posts: 101 Pioneering
    @Ronni Hi, did anyone take up your idea of a games night? Do you play online games on Facebook messenger? I like The Test & Word Blitz it you want to join me?
    A laugh a day keeps the psychiatrist at bay. 
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 541 Pioneering
    This is a thread full of good ideas and goodwill from good people.   Nobody needs to hold back from revealing  any label which they have chosen. On the other hand, it isn't essential.    For example,  if you are discussing something on a gardening  site,  your love of a particular football team is a huge part of your life, and you may keep thinking of the club colours, and keep mentioning it.   Possibly one  or two of the others in the group is put off, by that?
  • sweet4sweatsweet4sweat Member Posts: 4 Connected
    I have been naughty and use Vodka as my friend during loneliness. 
    Disabled and looking for friends.
  • Jordan_90Jordan_90 Member Posts: 83 Courageous
    I find it extremely difficult to engage with people and being in lockdown has made things even harder 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,398 Pioneering
    @sweet4sweat Oopsie! Make sure you keep an eye on your intake and if you feel its becoming a problem you speak with your GP.

    @Jordan_90 I'm sorry lockdown has made it harder for you.  Are you managing to meet up or talk with anyone? 
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • Jordan_90Jordan_90 Member Posts: 83 Courageous
    No not at the moment 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,398 Pioneering
    @Jordan_90 That must be difficult for you.  Do you get out of the house much for a walk and some fresh air?  Lockdown has been such a strange time, it can be daunting going back outside.
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • Jordan_90Jordan_90 Member Posts: 83 Courageous
    Yes when the weather is good 
  • davegregson40davegregson40 Member Posts: 54 Courageous
    It's difficult in lockdown and since being out of work I was finding it difficult to engage with people and lockdown made it worse so that's why it's so important that we can talk openly here in the community amongst  friends 
  • Jordan_90Jordan_90 Member Posts: 83 Courageous
    I have trust issues too
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,398 Pioneering
    @davegregson and @Jordan_90

    I'm glad that our community can be a safe space for you to talk in.  If ever we can help with anything please let us know.  You won't ever be judged and we all want what is best for you.

    How are you both doing today?
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • davegregson40davegregson40 Member Posts: 54 Courageous
    Thanks for your message. Just being a part of a community is in itself important and rach and every one of you is important. I took my Mother to the hospital for routine tests and she is fine and we had tea and scones afterwards 
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,277 Pioneering
    edited August 22
    I'm glad your Mum is ok @davegregson40 :) Tea and scones sounds amazing, you're making me hungry. How are you getting on today?  Have you been up to anything nice? The weather is terrible here :( 
    Online Community Coordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot here and let us know what you think
Sign in or join us to comment.