Mental health issues
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Help with reaching out to trauma support?

Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
So I had continuous trauma for many years but I'm safe now and the trauma has ended. But I'm really cut off to everyone now and I can't connect to anyone, so I'm really isolated. And whenever I'm in a social encounter I dissociate and it's like some other thing takes over and I can't control what I say or act so it's really hard for me to say anything or reach out to anyone. I'm really alone but my trauma effects are getting really bad now and I want help but I literally can't even write an email to this private trauma centre I found. It's really hard to say anything to anyone and I can't do it on my own

Replies

  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem

    I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. However, I am really glad you are now safe.

    I have some understanding as I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

    It is really difficult and I am the opposite of what you have described because I am always on alert when I go out expecting something to happen. 

    I know this post is about your situation and I have only mentioned my own situation so that you know that in a small way you have my support. 

    I have only recently joined this online community and I have found it has helped me a lot as there are lots of people in this online community who do try to help and support each other. 

    There are lots of threads about things I enjoy which help me to focus on the things that help to lift my mood. Perhaps there’s a thread about something that you enjoy doing? 

    Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I started having CBT via the NHS which unfortunately was interrupted because of Covid 19. However, the therapy I had did start to help me. 

    You have my support😁

  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @RAwarrior It's very difficult for me because I have amnesia/inability to recall memories. I cannot remember between 2012-2019 and also an incident when I was 13 in 2009. So it's especially difficult for me to be able to think whether it's actually possible therapy can even help me at all because it's blacked out. I had CBT for depression a while back but I feel like it's limited for those who actually have thought processes where I don't or can't because of avoidance and inability to face anything. My mind decided that amnesia was the best way for me to cope so I'm really scared about facing that.

    Uhh the thing about me is that I've been bedridden with ME and PoTS since 2016 and have only just started coming out of that and being able to do much. I started string art recently but trauma seems to have completely blocked my creativity so it's really hard to get started and do anything.

    I really am truly and utterly broken.

    Thank you. I'm especially grateful for your fast reply <3  
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    edited August 20
    Hi again @Francis_theythem! I'm really pleased you feel like you're in a place to think about reaching out for help. You're definitely not the only one to feel worried about making the next step in seeking treatment.

    Do you know what information you need to include in the initial email? I'd be surprised if they needed lots of details at this point. If they do need some information, you could even just copy and paste parts of the posts and comments you've made here. I'd hope they'd be understanding of the fact that this is a very difficult step for a lot of people to take.

    Also, is there anyone in your personal life who could help you put an email together? Another option is finding out what information they need, posting that list here (not your personal details, just the stuff they need), and letting us help you put together a template? 

    You're not on your own, we're all here to try and support you in any way we can :)
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Hey @Francis_theythem, just jumping in on your reply to @RAwarrior. CBT isn't limited to those who are totally aware of their thought process at all! A huge part of CBT for a lot of people is learning how to notice, recognise, and deal with (often automatic) thought processes that you might not be aware of. It's hard work, but the therapist should be there to help you understand your thoughts and behaviours better, and support you through that process. Hopefully that makes sense! 

    That being said, CBT doesn't suit everyone, and there are lots of other forms of therapy that might fit you better :) 
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  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem
    @Tori_Scope
    You’re very welcome😁

    I think the information in the post written by @Tori_Scope is excellent. I think that Scope will be able to help you with the email which would be a great start. 

    I have found that participating in this online community has really helped me and this is the first time I have ever participated in any online forum. 

    I initially posted about subjects that I was worried about, however, I have since become involved in other threads which have enabled me to focus on other subjects which I enjoy  and to try to help other members of the online community.

    You said you that you started string art recently. There is a thread which recently started called Kaleidoscope which features art created by the online community which might give you some ideas. 

    I am quite good at photography however, I am not artistic at all but it was wonderful to see the art that the online community had posted. It’s only a suggestion and it might not be something that interests you. However, there are so many different discussions so there might be something which interests you.

     I hope this helps😁


  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    Just to emphasise @Francis_theythem, this is a safe space for you to talk about how you are feeling without judgement.  We all want to support you and from reading about your past experiences, I'm already proud of how far you have come.  If you do need any support writing that email just give us a shout and we will help.

    Likewise, @RAwarrior it's great to hear that the community is having a positive impact on your life.  It's always nice to see you around the board :)
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Tori_Scope I picked some of my dad's tomatoes to help me calm down a bit. I don't know what they need, so I assumed I needed to tell them about my symptoms. If that''s not the case, what am I supposed to tell them? Could I just say that I was interested in seeing someone for trauma and what information do they need?
    Mm not really... when I told my sister that I was abused she said that I was just being sensitive so I'm not really inclined to tell the family members that met him. So that rules my immediate family out. And I'm just really unconnected to everyone in general so it's really difficult for me to say anything to anyone. Especially because of my sister.
    I didn't know this about CBT. I expect that when they screen me we'll sort that out ><

    @RAwarrior the way I do string art is drawing something on a piece of paper and then putting it over another piece of paper/card so I can stick pins along the lines that I will later wind the thread along. Then I remove the drawing paper, stick the pins in and use the thread to connect them. So the problem I have is being able to have something simple to draw an outline of. 
  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope

    Thank you so much as always for your kind words😁

    Joining the online community has made a positive impact on my life. 

    As you know I have got involved in many of the threads (the wildlife one being my favourite). This has changed my focus to something I enjoy.

    It has also helped me because for once I feel like I can possibly help other people which helps me if that makes any sense. 

    Having PTSD as I have detailed in my other posts made me feel like I didn’t matter, however, being able to try to help other people makes a difference.

    I have been able to post details of what has has happened to me without being judged or fear of people trying to harm me. After feeling disillusioned for a long time, I came across a wonderful community of people.

    @Francis_theythem  
    I have found an online community who despite their own issues actually try to help each other.

    I know you are in a difficult place at the moment however, there are lots of people in this online community that do help each other😁

     
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    edited August 20
    @Francis_theythem
    Oooh tomatoes?! nice! We haven't grown any this year but I'm determined to next.  Are they tasty?

    For the email I wouldn't go into detail at first.  I'd leave it as basic as:

    Hello 

    My name is Francis Theythem (insert own name :D).  I came across your private trauma centre and am interested in making an appointment to see one of your therapists.

    Before I do this, could you please provide me with more details about the service and how I would make a first appointment?

    Kind regards
    Francis


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  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem

    String art sounds really great and I am sure once you have completed the art work it will look great 😁

    Perhaps you could ask the online community on the Kaleidoscope thread for some advice or tips regarding the string art? There might be someone who is far more artistic then I am. It would be great if you posted photos of your completed work as I would be interested in seeing it as I had never heard of string art before😁

    You might that my posts might seem out of context however, I keep getting timed out from the website so my posts sometimes overlap with others.
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    @RAwarrior Your photos of wildlife, and in-particular the squirrels, always cheer the SCOPE team up, thank you from us <3
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  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope
    Thank you very much and you are very welcome 😁

    I posted some more photos today in the Photography Thread in case you haven’t seen them🐿
  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope THEY HAVE GONE BESERK. I'm out there picking like 1-3 tubs of tomatoes a day. And there are still so many green ones >< they taste so good though - there are just so many! My dad calls them sweeties because they are so sweet and full of flavour. He says that it's good to grow several varieties at once. All of them are doing really well and just...my extended family are having a lot of tomatoes. 

    My name actually is Francis ;P I didn't know it had to be so simple as that at first?? I don't have to talk about my symptoms to them?
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    edited August 20
    @Francis_theythem
    Nope no need to tell them anything about your symptoms yet! You are just enquiring about an appointment and the email might get read by an admin worker rather than a therapist.  I'd hold off disclosing anything until asked to :) 

    Ahhh I have all the tomato envy now.  I miss my little red balls of tang.  Enjoy your harvest!! Think of all the concoctions - bruschetta, tomato soup, tomato quiche, tomato salad, tomato and chips... 
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @RAwarrior I already posted a flower I did, which was my first one! Asking for tips on simple ones that I could do is a good idea. I will try it!

    Also I sent the email in the way you said @Cher_Scope >< Thank you for mmm I could say helping me but you basically wrote it for me xP
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    I'm going to look for your photo now @RAwarrior and yey, glad I could help you @Francis_theythem <3
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    These are the tomatoes I picked today xP Mmm I feel a bit relieved now. I may send a freaked out message if I get overwhelmed again >< This is the hardest thing for me to reach out for
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Francis_theythem - I don't know if you've looked into EMDR, or if this is an option with the private trauma centre. I thought I would mention it just in case, & in the following link you will see there's an option to have EMDR online. Please see: https://emdrassociation.org.uk/
    Perhaps this may help? :)

  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem Post anything, anytime!! Tell your dad he's done a grand job with them tomatoes too!
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    edited August 20
    Yes! Their three core therapies they use are CBT, EMDR and neurolinguistic programming. But I'll look at the links too. Thank you, @chiarieds
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    You're welcome. That sounds really good that they have CBT, EMDR & NLP. I've been reading about EMDR, & it does sound of interest. I just wondered if an online option might be something you would prefer, but the centre you've found does seem very good. :)
  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I'm hoping they'll do online sessions given covid19, or else I won't be able to access any therapy at all. But the one I've found, the website looks like they'd be good at adjustments. http://ystc.co.uk/index.html this is their website if you wanted to take a look. I will look at EMDR in the meantime though and wait to see what happens with YSTC

  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you @Francis_theythem - Covid-19 has made more services available online, which I'm sure will also help others. I've looked at the link you gave, which is a great resource. In the meanwhile I'm pleased you're willing to look at more online info. The more you know, the better a person can make an informed decision I feel. My best wishes. :)
  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem
    I had a look at the photo of the string art which you posted. What a beautiful flower 🌼

    Those tomatoes are amazing 🍅 I really enjoy gardening however, I haven’t had much luck in growing tomatoes.

    I am glad you did the email and good luck 👍

    @Francis_theythem

    @chiarieds

    @Cher_Scope

    Thank you all for providing the information and links about possible treatments. By helping each other you’ve also helped me by providing the links.😁This is a great example of the online community helping each other.

    EMDR was suggested to me by a counsellor, however, I never got a chance to look into it because of Covid 19.

    I read a really good book about trauma and EMDR was included as a possible treatment for PTSD.

    Many thanks 😊 

  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope

    The squirrels have returned as I have posted more photographs in the Photography tread😁🐿

    @Francis_theythem
    I have also previously posted lots of photos in the Wildlife thread if you’re interested🐿🦆
  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    Ehhhhh it's a private clinic done by A MAN >< Umm all my traumas were done by males so...maybe not?? @RAwarrior and anyone else who has gone through male caused trauma do I avoid a male therapist? I'm really not sure (and I don't have danger senses because of loss of emotions like my amnesia)  
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Francis_theythem - from the link I sent you, I see the man from YSTC is listed, but there's also a female therapist (a consultant) at Tower House Business Centre, Fishergate, York YO10 4UA. Is that worth looking into? :)
  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    Oooooh I found her - I will look into this! Thank you :)
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    edited August 22
    I'm glad you've been able to find some answers @Francis_theythem! And yes, identifying the most suitable form of therapy for you will probably be something they'll do when they're screening you. I hope it all goes well, keep us updated with how you get on :)

    Plus, amazing tomatoes!
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I will :) I self-referred to another place so I'll see how that goes, though it might take a little time. I started getting scared about socialising though because of dissociation every time I see someone face to face so I've been cutting myself off from everyone around me :/
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Yeah it can sometimes take some time, but fingers crossed it won't be too long @Francis_theythem

    I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything you've been able to do successfully in the past to help prevent you from dissociating, or to gently bring you out of a dissociative state? 
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    My sister got me an aromatherapy bracelet and I have orange essential oil in there that seems to help when I smell it. But other than that no, I don't really know about anything. It's like an automatic response whenever I see someone face to face or I message someone I know face to face so it's hard to stop it.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    An aromatherapy bracelet sounds great @Francis_theythem. Dissociation is something they can help you with in therapy. Have you ever heard of grounding techniques? That's something you could try in the meantime if you were interested. Mind have some information on dissociation and grounding techniques on their website, and link to some other useful resources too. I'd recommend giving them a go :)
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I've heard of grounding before but it's really difficult to figure out what might help on my own. But because my bracelet helps I thought about getting orange potpourri which smells the same and I could try breathing and anchoring exercises in combination with that? Essential oil seems like it helps. Though when I asked my dad to get some potpourri for me he told me that I can get it myself when I go out with him - but I can't go out because I have to avoid people so my dissociation thing doesn't happen

    Also I found a crisis centre called mentalhealthmatters near me that does webchat and email contact so I thought that if I need intermediate to talk to someone I have somewhere to go to. I might actually do that tomorrow when my brain fog is better...
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,619 Scope community team
    Hi @Francis_theythem, I'm glad you have been able to access some support. The crisis centre near you sounds like a good option if it's needed. Would you be able to order some potpourri online? I've just looked it up and is sounds like a really relaxing scent. :)
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Hi @Francis_theythem :) Using the potpourri in conjunction with other anchoring exercises sounds like a great idea! Sometimes it is a bit trial and error in working out what works for you.

    How have you been getting on today?
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Chloe_Scope I found potpourri sold on etsy, and he also does some in a small muslin bag. I know that one's meant to make wardrobes and things smell nice but I'm thinking it would be good to carry around with me. It will have a stronger scent than my bracelet. The thing is that most of the time I'm dissociated I don't even realise it :/
    On a plus note, i have an educational psychologist for an aunt and it's been many days since I've seen her so I can't remember her face or voice, so she became really abstract and I was able to ask her for dissociation resources and she said she'll send some from work for me.  
    @Tori_Scope Mmm not too bad on my own but when I encountered my family it went out of control as usual. I've been trying to notice what's happening more but I seem to be becoming way more preoccupied with it as a result. Also I'm going over to see my (other) aunt and uncle tomorrow to give them too many tomatoes from our garden that we can't cope with >< so I'm nervous about that, it'll be good to see them but I'm also ashamed because I can't control myself/what I do and say because I'm dissociating so much. Also I don't really know what to do for anchoring exercises. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Hi @Francis_theythem! Yes, it's a fine line between being more aware of something, and becoming preoccupied with it. 

    Ah yes, the famous tomatoes. I find it's often not as obvious to other people as you might think it is. Do they know that you dissociate?

    A classic grounding technique that you could start with is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. When you start to dissociate (or feel like you're going to) name:
    • 5 things you can see
    • 4 things you can touch 
    • 3 things you can hear
    • 2 things you can smell (your essential oils!)
    • 1 thing you can taste
    You could try that one? 
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Tori_Scope Today I tried to be aware but not preoccupied. I went over to see my aunt and uncle and somehow I didn't get as dissociated?? I was definitely slow to process things that were going on, difficult reacting, detached from my thoughts and feelings, the world was foggy and unreal. But I was in control of what I said practically all of the time although there was the odd out of control remark. So I feel better about things today.
    No one around me knows anything about my trauma symptoms. I assumed it was obvious that something wasn't right but maybe they don't notice...should I tell my aunt and uncle about my dissociation?
    Ah I've heard about that. The first three don't work for me >< My body goes really numb. I doubt even self harming would bring me back, and I still see and hear when I'm completely shut down so those three would be really difficult. Taste is something I haven't considered before that I will try! Maybe I have an excuse to have a pack of mints in my pocket xP
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    That's great progress @Francis_theythem

    It's totally up to you. If you think they would react well and support you, then I don't see why not. It depends on how you think they might react, and what relationship you have with them. It's hard to know if other people notice these things!

    It completely fine to adapt the techniques to work for you. Mints are a great idea! I understand that your body goes numb so it might not work, but part of the point of trying to notice things you can touch etc. is to make your body less numb, if that makes sense? Like, you really have to look for the things you can touch/see/hear. It's part of the process. It is super hard and doesn't work for everyone though, so don't worry! Have a play around and find out what works.
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Tori_Scope They went away for a week so I have time to think about it. They wouldn't react badly because they're really understanding - one's a pastor and the other is a chaplain support worker at a hospital. I don't really know whether to or not. It's just that I think it would be nice to have someone around me that knows.
    That sounds really hard, it might take a long time to be able to that. I found a specific therapy that I stumbled upon that suits how I think though. It's called internal family systems (IFS) and I feel a bit more positive about therapy using that format and I think my mind is a bit more ready to talk about things now.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,619 Scope community team
    Hi @Francis_theythem, thank you for sharing this with us. You should be really proud of yourself for the steps you are taking. I hope today is going well. :)
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Great stuff @Francis_theythem :) As Chloe said, you should feel really proud of yourself. 

    It's totally up to you whether you tell them or not. Don't feel any pressure to, just take your time and see what feels comfortable. You could always wait until you've started therapy, and ask your therapist about how you might approach that conversation. 

    Keep us updated! I hope you get to start therapy soon.
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    Soooo bad news. My aunt and uncle got their flight put back so now they're going back to australia earlier than expected and it's really soon too - on tuesday :( I'm really upset at the moment, because they're the only two that my subconscious has ever felt safe around after my trauma, seeing as they don't make me dissociate, and now they're just leaving...  I feel like someone's just kicked my stomach. I needed them to stay longer... now the only two that I actually feel safe around are going away
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Ahh I'm sorry to hear that @Francis_theythem. I can understand why you're upset, especially as it's out of your control.

    Will you be able to stay in touch with them? Perhaps over text, phone calls, or video calls? I know it's not the same, but it'd be great if you could find a way to keep the communication going. 

    Therapy will also help. Not only will you have someone you can feel safe sharing things with, but you'll also be able to work through the feelings about your aunt and uncle leaving that you're currently experiencing. 

    I can see that you've been taking part in the PTSD threat that @male45 started, and it appears as though you've been able to find some comfort on there through relating to other members' experiences. I'd encourage you to share this news on that thread, as some of them might have experienced a similar thing. 

    We're all here to try and help where we can :) 
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Tori_Scope Well...I just spent the afternoon and evening with them before they go tomorrow. It was really sweet and I love them both dearly. We have a family group whatsapp now so I can message them on there. I get the feeling they're not very social media-focused people though so even if I do I don't think I'll get full conversations. I've accepted that they're leaving now, it's just sad and hard. But family is really important to them so they said they'll be back when covid crisis is over, I told my uncle that I'm graduating in two years in our summer and he said that they might come over then which would be really sweet.
    Dissociation wise I kept zoning out sometimes but I was in full control of what I said and actually felt genuine emotion (even if it was sadness) coming from me. This *never* happens with people. I guess that just tells me how much my subconscious feels safe with them.
    I think therapy will take a little while to see someone about because of covid. I've started trying to complete a mental health crisis plan. I'm glad because my aunt and uncle unknowingly helped me be able to develop healthy habits and face things again.
  • RAwarriorRAwarrior Member Posts: 636 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem

    I’m really glad that your aunt and uncle have helped you and that your subconscious feels safe with them👍  

    I am also glad to hear that you have started to complete a mental health crisis plan which is also a very useful idea for other people like myself to consider doing so thank you very much for sharing this😁
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Administrator Posts: 824 Pioneering
    Hello @Francis_theythem :) 

    I'm glad to hear that your aunt and uncle help you so much. A family WhatsApp group sounds like a wonderful idea, I'd recommend one for any family, it's a good way of keeping in touch :)  

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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    I agree, a Whatsapp group sounds really great @Francis_theythem :) 

    I'm glad you've been able to put together a crisis plan, and that you feel a bit more able to face things again. This is definitely a difficult time, but you've got lots to look forward to and get stuck into.

    Are you back at uni now?
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I'm also making a list of positive affirmations. I think I'm just making a folder of mental health things by this point :3 Also I started a memory diary for amnesia that I fill in every evening on One Note which is an awesome microsoft program. By that point I can never remember details though so it's only an outline of what happened and I will have no memory of it whatsoever but at least it'll help me keep track of what happened in the days.
    I had my first physio appointment today to help me with hypermobility and PoTS. It was productive and went well. I have a few exercises to do now to help both of these conditions. My uni classes don't start until early october so a while yet which means I get time to sort my physio exercise routine out.
    Also I get my module results that I submitted in august tomorrow :S
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    edited September 9
    @Francis_theythem oooh good luck with your results but try not to put too much pressure on yourself over the outcome.  You did your best in difficult circumstances with the pandemic and all so just to submit was fab! 

    I want to start copying your idea of positive affirmations.  Maybe we should do a daily one somewhere on the community  <3
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    The folder sounds great @Francis_theythem :D

    One Note is underrated, and that's a fantastic use for it!

    I'm glad the physio appointment went well :) Being able to get to grips with a routine before uni starts sounds ideal as well. 

    Good luck with your results, let us know how you get on. 

    Nice idea @Cher_Scope.
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope I'll send you a photo of mine once I'm done? It sounds like a wonderful idea to have a place on the forum for that! I think it can help people that didn't even know they needed it. It's a great strategy for combating negative self talk, stigmas and difficulties we get from others.
    @Tori_Scope I've got like 9 exercises so it's finding how much of each one when in the day I can do. When were figuring out which ones would work, it overdid my knees a bit, so they are are feeling fragile and a bit strained because of today :(
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem That would be great, thank you  :)  A positive affirmations thread would be a nice addition to our community I agree! I will start one off a bit later today so keep an eye out for it.
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Yeah, physio is often a bit of trial and error I've found @Francis_theythem. I've had some problems with my knees before- rest rest rest (and speak to your physio about it)!
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I have my appointment about dissociation and avoidance stuff tomorrow >< I'm super anxious.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Deep breaths @Francis_theythem. Bathe yourself in those essential oils if necessary :D

    It'll be alright. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get everything out there straight away. I imagine they'll just want to find out a bit more about you and the problems you've been facing, and start to put together a little plan for moving forwards. Let them know that you're feeling anxious, and be as honest about things as you can. 

    Let us know how it goes! 
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    Actually bathing myself would be problematic xP
    Yea I'm going to start with my identity problems and just my symptoms, not any emotional/difficult events. My new seminar tutors name is matthew which was the name of someone really toxic to me during a traumatic time years ago and it looks like a traumatised part associates the name matthew with trauma, so it got triggered and I switched three times during this seminar. So I'm not going into it with a mindframe that I'm just being sensitive and making stuff up, which is good.
    My new housemate is really supportive so I'm lucky to have her. She gave me a hug, gave me advice and said that if it went badly I can go spend time with her in her room so
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Administrator Posts: 10,619 Scope community team
    Morning @Francis_theythem, I hope today goes okay. I'm really glad your housemate was so supportive. You've got this. :)
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  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    Hoping all goes well @Francis_theythem & what a great new housemate you have! :)
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem Just to add that I hope your appointment goes okay today  <3  
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I did really well in the appointment, I was really able to talk about what's been happening, but she didn't diagnose me. I kinda hated that because I just felt like everything was just unanswered, and it's so complicated and confusing that I feel like I need that. It's all really scary and upsetting and I feel so isolated and alone. I asked my gp to send me to a psychiatrist for diagnosis.
    After I opened up to my psychologist I suddenly feel the compulsion to talk about it a lot with so many people. I guess it's like it just started to all come out and now I can't stop it
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    I'm glad that you felt able to talk about everything that is going on @Francis_theythem

    I know this might not make you feel any less frustrated, but rest assured it's very normal not to get a diagnosis in your first session. Psychological therapists tend not to be able to officially diagnose mental illness, depending on their qualifications and role, but that doesn't mean they can't help you. They often prefer to be experience-focused rather than diagnosis-focused. It's good that you spoke to your GP, hopefully you'll be able to speak to a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis soon. It's totally understandable that you'd want one so that you feel less alone, but remember that your experiences are valid even without an official diagnosis.

    In the meantime, try and ride the wave of beginning to open up and trust your therapist. You can also bring up your feelings around wanting to be diagnosed. I reckon she'd probably want to know more about that. 

    As always, you're welcome to vent here :) 
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  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 4,750 Disability Gamechanger
    It's great to read you did well with your appointment @Francis_theythem . You might feel it a small step perhaps, but that first bit of progress has been made. You'll likely not get all the answers straightaway, that might be too much to take onboard anyway, but it looks like you'll get there. It must feel like once you've started talking, it's all bubbling up inside you, & you want to get it out. Trust in yourself, your therapist & GP; you're a team, together things will come together. :)
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,422 Pioneering
    @Francis_theythem How are you feeling today? 

    I think what you said about opening up and not being able to contain your feelings any more is totally understandable.  The analogy of a boiling pan helps me around this.  Think of a simmering pan where your thoughts and feelings are the water that has been bubbling up inside for a while.  When you reach the point of getting help, things have often become a little too much, so the water has started spilling over the sides of the pan and you can't hold it in anymore!  It's beneficial to talk though and I'm sure your friends and those around you would want to support you through this.  

    It will get better I promise, one step at a time  <3 and well done for taking that first step.
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  • Francis_theythemFrancis_theythem Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    I had a seminar today (online) but when I saw them I started crying because I felt so alone. Maybe talking about it yesterday brought up some feelings of just feeling really isolated from everyone because of switching.
    It was fine for most of the seminar though, more importantly no trauma got triggered so I'm really glad about that. A couple of hours after the seminar I was still feeling really alone though, and my module tutor's pretty cautious and careful about wellbeing so I emailed him just cause I wanted to tell someone about things around me. And he was really supportive about it. I felt much better and also relieved after that, so now I'm fine:) 
    I suppose with me, because it's incredibly complicated, I need some framework to make sense of things, and without it I'm still as lost and isolated. Maybe I was feeling so alone because I talked about it but still don't understand what's happening. Therapy won't start for a bit, because she said she needs to talk to clinical lead to figure out which therapy is best for me.
    It does feel like that. I avoided dealing with it for a while and there's a lot of stress and trauma so maybe it's not surprising.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Administrator Posts: 1,380 Pioneering
    Apologies for the late response @Francis_theythem.

    Your module tutor sounds great! How are things going at uni now you've had a bit more time to process everything?

    What you've said about wanting a framework to better understand everything makes total sense. Hopefully it won't be too long until your therapy starts :) 
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