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A HELPING HAND

thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,292Community champion Disability Gamechanger
in Reasons to be cheerful
Hello everybody I just thought like to share a story.  My good deed for the week I hope.  Been shopping I came out my car was shadowed by in the next parking bay by a enormous huge 4 by 4.  Driven by an elderly man who was having extremely problems driving this vehicle.  Because as he tried to move the car from the disabled bay he swung his car nearly hitting my car door.  Trying to swing back he could not do this.  I stood their with my trolley and had to stop him from doing any more.  I said hang on a mo in some sort of gabbled words as my car was hit a while ago in a similar situation.    He muttered I can not drive the language coming out now.  His wife said to me what are going to do in some sort of panic. Hang on as I put on my super suit and said let me move my car first.  Hold on to my trolley put it to the side as I moved my car away gently to one side.  With out warning he started up the car whizzed back the car to the correct position.  I had to toot as he was going to hit me.  Whats the problem? Shouting at me no patience at all.  Anyway the guy was extremely agitated by this by me and the whole thing.  I was trying to explain the problem he was causing.  I feel good I helped some one but I got no thanks and thought to myself as he shot off. Well I hope you meet someone like yourself.  One thing I learnt there are disabled people and there are disabled people.  I wondered and paused whether to write this but I had to share because I feel this situation is happening more and more or is it me.  I see disabled people and those who are suffering from various illnesses in our community and I do what and when I can.  When they required help or assistance if they ask for it first.  I do not go blundering in and interfere.  Just be supportive and understanding.
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Replies

  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Posts: 5,249Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Good for you. You did your best to help in a situation that was not going to end well on its own. The elderly gentleman must have been embarassed and as so often is the case started to lose his temper.
     
    Hopefully we all try to assist when ever we can, rarely are our efforts acknowleged but our reward is to know that we did the right thing

    I award you a gold star :) 

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,292Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello Cockney Rebel thank you for replying.  Thank you for giving me a gold star.  I recall once a similar story when I lived in a different neighbourhood I  had a neighbour who bought a big car so big that when he reversed out it hit the kerb on the other side of the road.  This road was narrow any way and with people parking on the road the problems he had every time.  One day his wife met me walking their dog and said we need a new car.  I told her about what I have got showed around my vehicle parked on the drive.  Not listening to me and I am trying to put my point across.  Any way I was only trying to help but being obstinate and of a certain age and they were affluent did not want to hear my solutions to their query.  She dropped the hint well said his name is disabled you know.  Which I did not know.  So me being me said hang on I have some info on the motobility scheme.  Walked away totally ignoring me.  Weeks months go by and I ended up moving away.  Imagine my shock when I say them again these neighbours in a shiny new car.  Seeing me how are you and said got a new car.  Got this on the motobility scheme he said.  Well I said in a few words as possible good. Walked away like she did to me.  I am not a rude person.  I often wonder why people can not just listen to one another.  Respect each others views and opinions.  Not everybody does.  My mother who had no time for anybody never did listen and was involved in local politics.  I was always amazed she was voted for.  One of the annoying irritating thing was lets say you knew something of interest.  Trying to talk to her was impossible.  Then she would switch it around what you have said and say it in front of people and make me embarrassed.  Did so often that neighbours would catch on and say he said that not you.  If only everybody just for once try to learn from one and another.  I had to stop going to mens support groups because the men their are elderly and me being slightly younger none of them listen to anything I say.  I listen to them all the time and respect their views and opinions.  One guy says the same story every week and every one gets up but me and walks off.  I sit and listen to his story of woe and tried to suggest very politely how can I help?  No one understands me he cries but I do I used to exclaim.  Rude and bad tempered he did not want to know.  He even ended saying how can you be like me you are disabled. Him with a stick and a hearing aid.  So I said all of us are disabled.  Walking away one day I recall him saying I need to talk to you.  I felt part of my duty to listen and he said in no uncertain terms I want to kill myself.  What could I do?  Asking why and being calm trying to listen to his pleas I had to go in to the office and felt the need to speak to some one privately when he left.  Being anxious and in a state I told this staff member whose response of negativity.  I remember speaking to this man on the phone for weeks and told and tried to tell him about what is available in a crisis.  Eventually something happened the calls stopped.  I thought about ringing him back but I did not want to inflame the situation.  I often wonder what happened even now I get guilt complex did he do this as I write.  Thing is he was married and had a wife who did not like me.  I think of those who I given my help and support but it is not a two way street.  Where is the support I get from others?
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  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Posts: 5,249Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    In life there are givers and there are takers and like with magnets, the opposites attract. Not just material things but more often emotional takers. As a giver, people that are takers will find you like a guided missile. As a giver, your needs are often overlooked by others looking to fulfill there own needs. Most of the time a giver is unable to accept support, always looking to help and support others, a leopard cannot change its stripes.

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,292Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello thank you all for the comments and wise words.  This has been hard to talk about what I am discussing here because I am not a self centred person.  Not selfish and realise now that I need to recognise my own failings.  I have to think of myself sometimes especially going through what is happening lately.  I need support and have to reach out to a mental health charity in the last few years.  I have to be careful when if and when meeting people got to give out my phone details.  I have done this in the past not realising I have given out my landline number and forget who I have been speaking to.  This stopped a few months ago because I meet so many people like myself and especially through volunteering or charity work I have done.  I had deal with everything from failed relationships to the requests such like my support worker has not turned up .  Need this and that I reckoned I was being put apon and not treated right by I thought by friends but in reality being used.  Especially also with the current benefit issues that everyone has at present.  In the end I am lonely now and why should this be happening to me.  I try to reason with people who rang me.  I am depressed and feeling low with this and I do accept it not easy to ask for people to be understanding.  I am human like all of us and know that all of us have faults and no ones perfect but to treat some one like me like this.  It is still hurts and I suppose the wounds will heal.  My faith is strong and my praying for those that treat me not right will continue.  Once I met a lad who rang me just the other day yet I greeted him with the warmth and kindness of a fellow human being.  Yet he barely spoke and uttered few words.  Walked away from me so the cold chill I felt coming of him was heartbreaking.  I said to myself why me Lord and I know he will ring again but I will have ignore his pleas for my own self awareness and sanity.
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