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Hello- feeling lonely and isolated

em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
edited March 2018 in Disabled people
Hello there.

I'm Emma, I've joined here as I have quite a few chronic conditions which I am kind of struggling with at the moment. Due to their affects I also have depression and anxiety as I find it hard to cope with them.

I think I signed up to try to engage in this community. I feel isolated due to these conditions and really struggle with this in truth.

So hi! 

Replies

  • JennysDadJennysDad Posts: 2,308Member Pioneering
    Hi Emma @em15 and welcome to the community. So glad you have found us.
    I know you will find a great many people here who have similar conditions to your own and will welcome you with sympathy.
    You have found a safe place here and are among friends, so please don't be shy of telling us about yourself or of asking any questions. The better we get to know each other, the easier we may find ways to be of use to you.
    There's a list of categories/forums here for you to have a look at, and you're welcome to contribute to any that you find of interest. https://community.scope.org.uk/categories  You will, I'm sure, find references to similar conditions to your own, plus posts on depression and anxiety.
    In the meanwhile, if there is anything we can help with, please just say the word.
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • Ami2301Ami2301 Posts: 5,605Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @em15

    Welcome! :)

    Sorry to read that you are feeling this way. We all will support you and help you in anyway we can :)

    Ami :)
    You're a fighter. Look at everything you've overcome. Don't give up now!
  • steve51steve51 Posts: 5,832Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @em15

    Welcome to our “online family” 

    It’s great to meet you this evening.

    Please please have a good look around. 

    If there is anything that I can help/support you with please please let me know?????


  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Thank you all for the welcomes, that's very kind.

    There does seem o be an awful lot of things to look at on these forums, so I'm sure things will catch my eye that I'll be interested in.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @em15
    Welcome to the community, we have a How To Guide here for the community.

    A good place to start is the recent discussions where you can find all the latest posts, and also you can look through the categories here.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • JennysDadJennysDad Posts: 2,308Member Pioneering
    Hi Emma @em15. It doesn't get much worse than isolation, does it? Very many of us know the feeling.
    But you have a great many friends here, people who have experienced similar situations to your own and who will listen and share sympathetically. 
    Do you have one or more particular interests of your own? If you could tell us what they were it might be easier to point you in a useful direction :smile:
    Very warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Thank you again.

    Well, I was interested in maybe going to meetings or events, but I had a look on the map, and I was sad to see there's nothing at all in a 30 mile radius, so sadly nothing I can attend as a meet up.

    In general I'm interested in animals, I love dogs. I'm a tennis fan and have been a fan of Roger Federer for many years now. I enjoy reading too, and I am good at crafts like crochet, but I haven't really been doing any for a while now as I haven't had the energy.

    I'm interested in looking at a few things on here, particularly if there's any advise on travel as I haven't been away for a while and feel in need of a break.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @em15

    Sorry to hear that we dont have any meet ups available, but its worth having a look at what is going on in your area, your GP surgery or local community centre is a good place to start or having a search on the internet.

    We have some accessible travel tips here that you might like and you might like to read @SrinMadipalli 's posts on the community :)
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Sam_Scope said:
    Hi @em15

    Sorry to hear that we dont have any meet ups available, but its worth having a look at what is going on in your area, your GP surgery or local community centre is a good place to start or having a search on the internet.

    We have some accessible travel tips here that you might like and you might like to read @SrinMadipalli 's posts on the community :)

    I have tried the GP, there's nothing for me there either, the Dr tried to look up places near with the conditions I have for support groups, and again, there's nothing at all near.

    This is what I was meaning by feeling stuck in my isolation.
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    There is an awful lot online, do you want to tell us what your conditions are and perhaps people can suggest online support?

    Are there any local groups in your area that are about friendship or learning something new rather that impairment specific?  I go to the Womens Institute near me and I have met so many brilliant people.  Sometimes it can help just to get out there and try something new?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    I've looked at my various conditions for support groups near me and there are none for miles. I must fall into a tricky area, I'm in the outskirts of London, but there's never anything within miles.

    There's nothing really in this area for general meetings either, and things like the WI has a waiting list for over a year or so.

    I just feel so desperately alone with it all. I do feel at some kind of breaking point due to isolation and feeling so low.
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @em15, we've not talked before so just thought I'd say hello and another welcome to the community!

    Sorry to hear that you're feeling isolated. As Sam says, there is also a great deal of online support that could be really beneficial for you- on this forum we have plenty of friendly community members who are always up for a chat! If you're comfortable sharing your conditions, I'd be happy to have a look into some support systems and other members of the community you may like to chat to?
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,015Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @em15 Pleased to meet you Welcome.  I am sorry you feel isolated and alone..

    I have anxiety and depression.  I live alone but use this forum and community to soothe and ease my day.  When I am struggling, like today.

    Bad day to day but I am here and try to talk to many people as I can.  Please can I say this does help.

    I hope you do not mind but you said hard to get support.  This the problem at the moment.  Trying find what help and support there is.

    I hope that by coming on here we as a community can help and support you.

    I am always ready to listen.

    Offering hand of friendship

    Take care

    Keep warm and safe
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Hi @em15, we've not talked before so just thought I'd say hello and another welcome to the community!

    Sorry to hear that you're feeling isolated. As Sam says, there is also a great deal of online support that could be really beneficial for you- on this forum we have plenty of friendly community members who are always up for a chat! If you're comfortable sharing your conditions, I'd be happy to have a look into some support systems and other members of the community you may like to chat to?

    I have looked into online communities, and while they are good, they just don't seem to do me very much good. It doesn't help me get out of the house, or have conversations with anyone outside of sitting at home online.

    I suffer with EDS and hypermobility, previously diagnosed as Fibro. 
    I have endometriosis and suffer with depression and anxiety, among other things.
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Hello @em15 Pleased to meet you Welcome.  I am sorry you feel isolated and alone..

    I have anxiety and depression.  I live alone but use this forum and community to soothe and ease my day.  When I am struggling, like today.

    Bad day to day but I am here and try to talk to many people as I can.  Please can I say this does help.

    I hope you do not mind but you said hard to get support.  This the problem at the moment.  Trying find what help and support there is.

    I hope that by coming on here we as a community can help and support you.

    I am always ready to listen.

    Offering hand of friendship

    Take care

    Keep warm and safe
    Thank you so much, that's very kind of you.

    I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad day, I can't help much, also having one myself, I just feel absolutely hopeless today and in dire need of change and help.

    Yes, I'm finding it very hard to get support, I even contacted Mind as I thought maybe they had somewhere that can help, but nothing from them too.

    Thank you for your kind words.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,015Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @em15 Please can I say thank you..  I have to find support.  So I come on here.  I agree it is not the solution to seeing some one in the flesh you know what I mean.

    Besides struggling to fit in.  Also you have said about lack of services and support.

    I am a lot older than you.  I still recall the days it was wonderful when you got support from a mental health charity.  Those halcyon, hazy days when you are ill.  Services then were starting to be full and even then time and budgets were changing.

    The solutions the NHS funding the private health care trusts.  Now crumbling  and if you get seen god help you.

    I had mental health issues since my addiction days.  These days it seems a world away if your ill.  Long waits, overburden staff, underpaid staff.

    I just wanted to explain this to you.  You are an intelligent person and do not mean to bang about the system

    I worry for me for my community for people like yourself.  You are talking to a guy who has been messed about all the time.  I am so worried I had to move five times to get treatment and support.

    I am afraid you are finding that out right now.

    Even when I moved certain organisations have they limits.  I mean one organisation would not let me in to access services.  Been clean six weeks at the time.  Barred yes barred and escorted off the premises.  So I know what is going on.

    Another time limit eight weeks was originally twelve but funding and budgets.  They assessed me gave eight weeks.  Then cut off no support.

    Now last charity three years cut me off Christmas.

    Apologise long post but I care and am aware of you and the situation you are in

    Lovely to meet you

    Take care am here to listen if it helps

    The Spiceman
  • kyramannkyramann Posts: 15Member Listener
    Hi, I also have the same problem trying to find meetings or groups in my local area, would love to try a sport in my wheelchair or maybe a new hobby but very hard finding somewhere xxxxx
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,015Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @kyramann Good morning how are you?  Hope you keeping safe and warm.

    This situation you are in is becoming widespread as you do realise this.  I am sorry, yet the main thing I would suggest is to keep connected to sites like this.

    As councils are struggling with budgets and the austerity bites harder, this countries social motobility is changing.  I am trying to be positive and trying also to give you reassurance.

    Sports centre clubs and those who have access to disabilities are finding funding cut.  Para Olympic sport especially.

    The days I am afraid much to my cost and expense.  Travelling miles for support and often find groups of people similar.  This is the normal life now what is expected.  Last year I discovered liked painting.  Always done that but stopped because of a hour round trip, then the cost £10 admin fee per session.  This happened few times last year.

    Even my volunteering you claim fuel as expense but are restricted on mileage.  One guy I met turned up all weathers to claim money.  We were gardeners.  I was sensible rang in to say bad weather.  Stay at home.  In the end charity told him to stay at home.  Had normally get free lunch, now have to pay.

    I bought my own in.  I am acutely aware now of charities stance on finance.  Nothing is free as they have so many shortfalls.

    I have explained in previous posts.  Charities want help and support might insist on cover costs to visit, pay mileage for a visit or to support you.  Pick you up.

    Hobbies do not have to be expensive it all depends what you wish to do.  I also would consider looking what is available through the SCOPE networks.

    I hope you can find what you need.

    I am on my own not because of choice but with all the increasing costs and cut backs  I have very limited sources of social contact.

    I am offering the hand of friendship.

    Always here to talk

    Nice to met you take care

    The Spiceman
  • janejrjanejr Posts: 125Member Pioneering
    Hi @em15 sorry to read your feeling so low but good news is you've found scope and the people on her are kind and caring. Any time you want to off load or ask for ideas or advice here's the place to try. My name is Jane I have OA in all my joints and a disk desease. Because of illness I'm also suffering from anxiety and depression I have noticed alot of people on here are the same. It's lovely to talk to people who understand me as even my family dont get how I feel. Em you can feel safe on here we all help each other and a very big welcome to you 
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    Hi again @em15, I wonder whether you've tried the EDS Support UK helpline to see if they know of any local groups or services that may be able to help? They're a lovely organisation and well worth getting in touch with if you haven't already.

    Hi @kyramann, you may like to check out this search tool for a disability sport club near you.
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    Hi, yes, I have and it's about an hour and a half journey for any group and they are at night, finish at eight and I will have to travel home on public transport, which is hard to do for that amount of time at that time of day.

    As I said, I think I've exhausted all options and there's nothing for me to go to for support or feel less isolated.
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    Oh no, you're right @em15- that doesn't seem like an accessible option for you. You mentioned that you were on the outskirts of London, would you be comfortable sharing your location so we could see if we could approach things that way? 
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    I'm sorry, I had a think about it, and right now, I'm not altogether comfortable with saying my exact location on here.

    Sadly I've just accepted now that there doesn't seem to be any services that I can fall back on, so am pretty much stuck in isolation.

  • JennysDadJennysDad Posts: 2,308Member Pioneering
    Hi again, @em15. I am so sorry you're having such a tough time. I see it was suggested that you might disclose your location and you hesitated to do so? Perfectly understandable. I wonder, though, if (provided you have not yet done so) you might send it by email to the Scope helpline? In that way it would not be publicised here but would perhaps enable the folks at Scope to try to help? Were you to do that, for example, I would not see the details, nor anyone who posts on here.
    It's only a thought.
    And I don't know quite how these things work and wonder if you have access to the messaging system yet? It's governed by the 'inbox' icon in your profile (though it looks to me rather like a pair of industrial goggles).
    Using that, if you can, or through posts here, please feel free to talk to me about anything - to rant, discuss or whatever. You have friends here, and I would like to be included in that number.
    Warmest best wishes to you
    Richard
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    I have disclosed my area on the phone and was told that there seems to be nothing available in my area.

    It seems I will just have to accept the isolation I find myself stuck in.

    I have to say though, I am far from remote here, it's not the ends of the earth, and so this shows exactly why so many people who have disabilities are feeling so isolated and depressed and even suicidal. For a great number of people there is nothing out there for them to do and isolation is a very real problem.

  • JennysDadJennysDad Posts: 2,308Member Pioneering
    Hello again @em15 and I'm sorry it has taken so long to get back to you today. Hope you'll forgive me.

    I am really, really grieved to learn that you find yourself in such an isolated position. I suspect that there are actually more than enough people in your area (though I genuinely don't know what area that is) to make forming a group worthwhile and who are also finding themselves isolated. They, too, have probably made enquiries, found there was nothing for them, and settled down as best they could to their isolation. What is clearly wanted is people to establish such groups, but Local Authorities will assert that they haven't the money to do it and volunteering seems to be becoming an old-fashioned concept - not least because it seems it can get in the way of benefits!

    It's a poor situation, but some of us, anyway, are going to be doing what we can to change it. I don't mind sharing with you that I live in Sutton, Surrey, about 50 minutes out of central London. If I'm anywhere near you, send me a message or post on my wall and we'll see what happens.

    You are very much not alone in the community. I'm impressed by the clarity of your expression and perspective and would love to chat with you about anything that is of interest to you. I am here, listening, (just sometimes, as today, away for a few hours because of other demands). Truth is, I would be here 24/7/365 if I possibly could be.

    I'm here and I am listening.
    Very warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Posts: 5,856Member Disability Gamechanger
    That's absolutely fine if you're not comfortable sharing your location, @em15. I'm so sorry that this continues to be an issue. 

    This is just a thought I had and the idea may not appeal to you at all, but have you considered starting your own social group for people in your area in similar situations? If there really is nothing suitable already available, it might be something you'd like to consider, and it could be of benefit to many people. If you're interested, VoluntaryWorks may be able to help and there may even be grants you can apply for!
  • thespicemanthespiceman Posts: 5,015Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @PippaScope Good morning thank you for this.  I appreciate this.

    Been in mental health charity now left.   Trying to find support and help. Something to consider and look at.

    Take care
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    That's weird, my post is awaiting approval.
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    That's absolutely fine if you're not comfortable sharing your location, @em15. I'm so sorry that this continues to be an issue. 

    This is just a thought I had and the idea may not appeal to you at all, but have you considered starting your own social group for people in your area in similar situations? If there really is nothing suitable already available, it might be something you'd like to consider, and it could be of benefit to many people. If you're interested, VoluntaryWorks may be able to help and there may even be grants you can apply for!

    In all honesty, it's not something I'm looking to do right now. I'm not looking to take on the responsibility and stress involved in starting up something like this. 

    I'm really not well day to day and stress makes me even worse, I was looking for something I could just take myself to if and when I feel up to it. This would be too big of a responsibility for me and I would worry about if anyone would come and having to arrange it all.

    I am just feeling far too isolated and alone and just wanted to pop into somewhere where I knew others felt like I did and no pressure on me.
  • em15em15 Posts: 14Member Connected
    That's absolutely fine if you're not comfortable sharing your location, @em15. I'm so sorry that this continues to be an issue. 

    This is just a thought I had and the idea may not appeal to you at all, but have you considered starting your own social group for people in your area in similar situations? If there really is nothing suitable already available, it might be something you'd like to consider, and it could be of benefit to many people. If you're interested, VoluntaryWorks may be able to help and there may even be grants you can apply for!

    In all honesty, it's not something I'm looking to do right now. I'm not looking to take on the responsibility and stress involved in starting up something like this. 

    I'm really not well day to day and stress makes me even worse, I was looking for something I could just take myself to if and when I feel up to it. This would be too big of a responsibility for me and I would worry about if anyone would come and having to arrange it all.

    I am just feeling far too isolated and alone and just wanted to pop into somewhere where I knew others felt like I did and no pressure on me.
  • BarbiesnemesisBarbiesnemesis Posts: 86Member Pioneering
    @Em15 I can really understand the frustration of trying to find somewhere that you can just be and how depressing it is when you can't find what you're looking for. I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned but I wondered if you went at it from a different angle - by this I mean in terms of what you're interested in like crochet. For instance, are there any chat and knit groups where you are. I know its not the answer but it might be one way of breaking the isolation down a bit. 
  • JennysDadJennysDad Posts: 2,308Member Pioneering
    Hello Emma @em15
    Just a quick enquiry to see how you are.
    Still here and listening,
    Richard
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