RESPECT - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

RESPECT

2

Comments

  • Waylay
    Waylay Community member, Scope Member Posts: 973 Pioneering
    @thespiceman I apologise again for my poorly-written, rushed post the other day. I really didn't mean to upset you! Sorry!
  • fishingmum
    fishingmum Community member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    I miss Victoriad and if you pop in here from time to time just to see how people are getting on, there are people who certainly respected you and your opinion.

    I find it sad that people can be so dismissive of others point of view, disabilities and feeling greatly differ from person to person as life does, therfore changes our views on what seems similar subjects. Trust is similar to respect, it does have to be earned, hence when you disrespect people, people also lose trust in your opinions and thoughts.

    If I can help I will, but I have limited patience for people who are rude and disresepctful. it may sound harsh but in my "real world" life I have a 1 strike and you are out of my life policy. I understand how short life is, even if I live to be 100 in the grand scheme of things it is a blink of an eye. I do not have time to waste on people who are harmful and hurtful. There is far too much pain and despair in this world and I do not want to contribute to it, I would rather smile through pain and adversity than make someone else frown. We all have things in our life, it does not give anyone a right to make someone elses life more of a misery because they are hurting. You have a choice, too many people live in the past and take it out on others when they could be making friends with that person instead. Life is too short, make the most of the one you have.
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    Again today there is negative and hostility on this site.

    Please please think about others feelings and situations before judging them on your experience or feelings.

    Everyone’s human 
  • bevt2017
    bevt2017 Community member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    Hi @susan48

    Not again! 

    We get enough from society, we don't need to turn on each other.

  • feir
    feir Community member Posts: 397 Pioneering
    Forums tend to attract strongly opinionated people who like to say things that most people don't care to hear or listen to and irl the people they're talking to would just walk off and not give them the time of day but a forum gives them a space where people are forced to listen and may even be tempted to reply.
    I think on a site like this one (that is for support) then some types of people are unnecessary and can make it an unpleasant experience for people already going through a hard time who don't need confrontation or to be questioned about why they feel they need the support they are asking for, invalidating people is a type of covert abuse as well so that's important to consider.

    People need to understand that their opinion means nothing to anyone but themselves and that advice can be asked for and given but doesn't have to be followed. Make an opinion topic on any forums and it will fill up fast because people love giving them, same with advice because people love helping. Not everyone is good at either.

    There is a difference between debating and arguing also, debate needs people to listen to each other and work together whereas arguing tends to be because at least one person is not listening and is usually trying to control another person instead, this is disrespectful and shows a lack of care for the person they are trying to control and reveals some issue with the controller themselves.

    I keep to myself on here mostly but am thankful i've had some good advice. And if i try to give advice or my opinion i know it doesn't matter because whoever i am talking to is not me and has their own schema(ta) so it might not be a suitable option for them or not even make sense to them. If i want to understand something i can ask and would do that so nobody needs to force it onto me and i won't do the same to them, they can ask me to elaborate if they want.


  • whistles
    whistles Community member Posts: 1,583 Disability Gamechanger
    susan48 said:
    Again today there is negative and hostility on this site.

    Please please think about others feelings and situations before judging them on your experience or feelings.

    Everyone’s human 
    Which is why I am not bothering with the forum anymore.
    It doesn't feel like a supportive community.
    I got fed up with hostility.
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello my friend @whistles All I can say am sorry about this. 

    All I can say you could if you wish to Private Message me anytime if that helps.

    I know I have been aware of some of the comments that have been posted regarding your good self.

    Understand I have been trying much as I can to keep up with any posts that breach rules we have on this forum.  I am sure the community team have been doing the same thing.  I know they have.

    The time I have and am trying my best as a community champion to see and identify any posts that need flagged up for moderators to check. Plus with so many discussions this is not easy some times. I apologise very much.

    Very nice to have met you.

    Wish you the best what ever you do.

    @thespiceman  
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • bevt2017
    bevt2017 Community member Posts: 324 Pioneering

    It's such a shame when people leave scope ?
    Especially when you start to build a friendship with them.
    I always talk to @thespiceman in private, even it's just me moaning about my problems ?
    He's a good listener, and now a good friend.
    Bev x
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Community member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Apologies if I am repeating myself or covering something already clearly stated, unfortunately some days I simply cannot concentrate well enough to fully understand long posts. Odd thing for me to say considering the average length of my pwn posts, lol!

    It should be remembered that even a simple word like "respect" can mean different things to different people or have a different interpretation.

    Everyone here has the right to post whatever they wish so long as forum rules are not violated. If, as sometimes happens, some object to the content then they should take one of a few actions. Skip the post and any replies, post a respectful counter comment or ignore that person completely either by actions or by flags. The same thing should apply to responses also but it should be noted that to rant on someone else's thread is not being respectful, no matter how strongly the feelings run.

    It is never respectful to try to impose a persons thinking on others, to "flame" a post or reply or to derail the thread. Quite a few here find it difficult to always remain "on topic" and I often find myself rambling for which I usually apologise. However, it is also possible that persons understanding of a thread or the subject of that thread is actually different to the original post because their life and background gives them a different understanding. These cases are always unintentional as such and so should perhaps be given some respect also. It should also be remembered when reading posts that sometimes we need to have a rant to get something off the chest, usually about something strongly felt. Whilst we should preserve rants to our own posts it, like life generally, doesn't always go to plan.

    One other point I would also like to make is this. Due again to age, background and experiences we all have different viewpoints to the world and sometimes we have facts that run counter to comments. It is sometimes difficult to see the intent and thoughts behind others posts and I would like to give an example of this that has frequently happened to me which is not strictly on topic but used as an example and I am very fond of using examples to illustrate the points I am trying to make, lol!

    Very often, when I try to explain what is wrong with me, I go into lengthy explanations of the spinal issues that have led to my physical problems. However, part way through I often find people often "switch off" and basically stop listening. In f2f meetings I can see this start to happen because I am quite good at reading others body and facial languages and I can almost start their first following sentence off for them. It always begins with "I can understand how you feel because I get bad back problems too.....". Unfortunately I now have had this happen so many times I usually respond badly. Bad backs are usually muscle related or sciatica or slipped discs. Whilst I suffer sciatica regularly and my pain can be compared directly to slipped discs there is one great and massive difference. I do not have a bad back and I get almost zero "bad backs". My pain is almost always neural and to compare muscular pain to neural pain is like saying a headache and a migraine are the same thing when obviously they are not. I get the same feeling when people describe taking their strong medication for the problem which usually turns out to be Cocodamol when I only used that for the first 2-3 years and am now on the maximum dosage prescribed under NHS guidelines for the strongest painkiller (Fentanyl) also prescribed under NHS guidelines. There is really no comparison between these extremes as Cocodamol is a mixture of Paracetamol (1/360 strength) and Codeine (1/10 strength) whereas Fentanyl is 50-100 times as strong as Oral Morphine (which is what everything is compared to). There are 5 others medications which are not equated to Morphine because although they are used to treat neural pain they are not pain killers as such. These are Amitryptylene, Nortryptylene, Gebapentin, Pregabalin and Duloxatine and they fall somewhere between Codeine and Oramorph. I am currently on 2 of them and have tried all 5 so this information is factual.

    It in no way is it meant to tell people that their pain is inconsequential though, at least not in my case anyway. I am sure that to the people that feel that pain it may well be the worst pain they have ever felt. It is just difficult sometimes to attach similar importance when a person knows that it really could be so much worse. In fact, when I post such things as this, I am hoping that they might realise that at least in some ways they are lucky in that it isn't worse even if they feel it couldn't be.

    Like now I am afraid I do get a bit sidetracked when I try to use examples and have done so unintentionally here. I do not do this to disrespect others and especially not the original poster it's just the only way I know to explain things sometimes and also to explain how sometimes deeply felt and understood knowledge can lead people astray however good their intentions. This is something we should always consider before responding to others but I guess, like most people, having typed so much we would all be loath to delete it all and start over.

    I will now sit back and wait for the firing squad to knock on the door, lol!

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2018
    @Topkitten, no firing squad from me, I understand people have strong opinions and things may get sidetracked but my only point was that we all have feeling and maybe certain people should try and remember  that instead of the blunt, insensitive comments on threads.

    I to digress often so I understand completely.

    I often over share too, but that’s another story lol
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    Reposting this because of all the negative and rude comments recently.
    susan48 said:
    I just wanted to ask why people can’t show each other respect especially on this site.

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion without being made to feel worse about either their situation or themselves.

    It makes me angry and upset reading these things, and yes I don’t need to read it, but this should be safe, friendly advice not hostile and disrespectful.


  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @susan48 Understand the need to say this. I have been scrutinising all posts much as I can be.  In my role as community champion.

    For any issues and problems. I wonder what else. Can be done.

    Have flagged some up much as I can do.  Any that need to be looked at. Through the time I have been spending on the forum.

    I worry all the time that good people . Like yourself may disappear an important member of the community. Who has contributed to so many posts. Given practical sensible advice.

    Hope and pray that does not happen.

    Take care 

    Your friend

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    @thespiceman, a warm thank you for your dedication to this site.

    I know you are doing the very best.

    It seems to come in spates but hopefully will pass, maybe it’s the weather  :)

    I personally have had a few days time out from the site, maybe some others need that too.

    Again thanks from us all for all the work you and the others do  <3
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    @JessAnn, exactly, we are all on here for a reason 
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 90 Listener
    who are the mods on site as i note two who correct everyone on their posts have made no comment on this thread  are they moderaters??

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 90 Listener
    edited August 2018
    susan48 said:
    @JessAnn, exactly, we are all on here for a reason 
    susan48 said:
    @JessAnn, exactly, we are all on here for a reason 
    and that reason is why most will not agree we each have a different time with claims or the result most find that we are honest and do as asked but then get stitched up by reports we feel written wrong hence we seek advice from these sites we do not seek to be told we are wrong as the posters do not know if we are or not only we know how things went ??dwp or other bodys would never admit wrong doing so we moan on here maybe it is better if we did not seek advice but just suffer
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    @sweet, we are entitled to our own opinion i was just asking people to think of other before posting. Being respectful of others isn’t too much to ask.

    We all need to vent our frustrations, anger about things and it’s good to get things off your chest, it’s better to have a vent than bottle things up inside.

    Take Care
  • fishingmum
    fishingmum Community member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    @susan48 maybe an idea, but we could start off by stating "this is a vent" or "I just need positive support" at the top of the comment to show the level of need we might have at the time so others understand and could then be more respectful.

    Sometimes it is difficult for others to interpret how we are meaning to come across. I know there are words and phrases I would use in daily life with those living around me, but if I were to use it online it would come across so different to people from other areas. Also sarcasm, I find I use it alot, but online it looks different to how I would sound if saying to someone in the room who could clearly distinguish the difference.

    Is there a sarcastic emoji? I think I might need it lol

    Take care
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
    @fishingmum, that’s a great idea.

    i do agree that typing, like txting etc can be taken out of context.

    sarcastic emoji ? had a look and can’t see one. The one I use most is ? lol

    Have a good day
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Community member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    I did try using the "this is a vent" option some months ago and unfortunately the thread got a little sidetracked and one poster in particular took severe umbrage at my comments. I was very unhappy how the moderators handled it and resolved not to come back. Though I didn't for some time I did need to look up some information regarding the DLA to PIP transfer and this has led to my posting again albeit less so and with more care than before. I am afraid that, if certain subjects are posted, there will always be those that cannot "look away" and instead apply their own values to someone else.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.

Brightness