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Loneliness

happy91happy91 Posts: 101Member Pioneering
edited November 2018 in Dating and relationships
Finding myself lonely after about 5 months of trying to get out more and make friends. Think some activities I am doing I do not feel valued, seen or heard so they need to change. Not able to get out much so everything is slowed by that. I really need some friends. I don't have family about. I have one friend locally but she's not able to meet on a regular basis. Anyone have any experiences dealing with this and how they got through this? Xxxxx

Replies

  • mumjacmumjac Posts: 19Member Connected
    I'm also like you its hard to make friends , a lot of people are active and feel that we hold them back , its sad but that's life , so I just cope with my own and keep my mind active by doing puzzles or quizs 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Posts: 7,732Administrator Scope community team
    It is really difficult and Im sorry to hear you are feeling lonely, have you looked at what groups and activities there are local to you? If you have a GP, library or community centre they are a good place to start looking or you can check out MeetUp a website where you can search for groups based on activity and location.

    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • veritercveriterc Posts: 162Community champion Pioneering
    Like you, I found time hung heavily. I gradually filled up empty time by belonging to the local Historical Society, and becoming a Friend of the major local Museum.  Both societies had lots going on; I've always been interested in Jewellry (who isn't!) and found there was a course running about this- spent three very satisfying months going to lectures once a month.  Also belong to a local Age UK exercise class, and we are off next month for a Christmas lunch.  I had to invest some money in belonging to societies, but it has given me a reason for getting out, and lots of new acquaintances whom I hope will become friends.
  • julierosejulierose Posts: 23Member Connected
    I so relate to this too .I have a large family yet still alone most of the time .not their fault they have busy jobs and lifes.it does affect your mental health and make the battle to try and improve your life harder,however i guess we keep on going until we dont .on the good side i now have several imaginary friends  which are less demanding than human ones 
  • ZacHallamZacHallam Posts: 9Member Listener
    Hi there, my heart goes out to you and everyone else who feels lonely. The world can be a happy place full of laughter and meaning but for some of us and I include myself having a disability can leave us isolated and alone.

    As someone else alluded to there are various groups and societies that you can join although for some individuals this can be quite difficult so it's worth looking online to see if there is anything in your area that you feel able to do. There are also courses that your local college may offer and they are great at catering for those with different disabilities and the courses are varied and cover all age groups so that may be something that may help you. 

    I moved into my flat back in March as it has disabled access and was 30 miles away from my friends whom I did not want to see me crawling around, I have osteoarthritis with chronic pain and needed to be alone so it was my choice. I've been looking to make new friends since but rarely go out and can no longer play music, plus I'm 59 now so my disco days are well and truely over and no friends. I usually read posts on here but don't reply, however after reading yours I felt compelled to write so to you and all the other lonely and isolated people out there. My name is Zac and I would dearly like to be friends with you all, it's time for all of us to build friendships, put our ideas to each other and make sure that we free ourselves of the isolation we all feel for 2019. Kind regards from Zac.
  • veritercveriterc Posts: 162Community champion Pioneering
    Zac -you are right about classes at local colleges. I know they often do craft ones, and cooking,bookbinding - it's usually quite a long list.
  • ZacHallamZacHallam Posts: 9Member Listener
    Veriterc, indeed they do everything up to getting qualifications to go to university. The great thing about college is the facilities for disabled and support they have. Also there are lots happening extra cirricucur with other students so it's good for meeting people. It was just a thought and not ideal for everyone, I wish I had an answer.
  • happy91happy91 Posts: 101Member Pioneering
    Thank you everyone, appreciate your responses and the time it took to post them. Have been looking on meetup and local churches and societies. I've not been well recently and so have been in hiding. Will act on some suggestions when better. Glad to hear of life improving for those who found things to do and get out and about. This forum is a lifeline for me when I struggle to get out and see people. Thank you so much xxx take care everyone and yes let's be friends :)
  • happy91happy91 Posts: 101Member Pioneering
    julierose said:
    I so relate to this too .I have a large family yet still alone most of the time .not their fault they have busy jobs and lifes.it does affect your mental health and make the battle to try and improve your life harder,however i guess we keep on going until we dont .on the good side i now have several imaginary friends  which are less demanding than human ones 
    Totally get this JulieRose. Gotta have good people in your life, not demanding ones. I have tried making friends with a few people since becoming disabled and so far theyve swayed too far into the pattern of bad relationships I learnt from family and so had to go. I've had therapy and am sure it will work eventually. It's getting to the right places and doing the right things. What you said about imaginary people made me giggle, perfectly relevant as my usual career is the dramatic arts. :)
  • happy91happy91 Posts: 101Member Pioneering


    ZacHallam said:
    Veriterc, indeed they do everything up to getting qualifications to go to university. The great thing about college is the facilities for disabled and support they have. Also there are lots happening extra cirricucur with other students so it's good for meeting people. It was just a thought and not ideal for everyone, I wish I had an answer.
    Zac, the trouble I'm finding is I want to learn do new things and regularity is not always possible for me nor concentration due to pain and pain meds. I was considering doing an open uni degree then thought well might be best to wait till you're off of v strong drugs before expecting yourself to have a high mark in a degree. Plus the question on benefits then comes about. Will it affect that? Feeling fun activities are best for now. Xxx
  • ZacHallamZacHallam Posts: 9Member Listener
    Hello happy91, I fully understand about the pain and painkillers as I am in that position also and concentration is a big issue for me too. Also starting an OU degree still leaves you in isolation and doesn't help with meeting people and is very time consuming, difficult when the pain leaves you exhausted. Are there any local community centres near you that hold activity groups? I'm not sure how mobile you are which again could be problematic but it could be an avenue worth exploring. One other idea I have been thinking about and that would be trying to find other people in your local area that have similar issues and are in the same position as yourself. Perhaps through a forum such as this or other forums like this you could post a message asking for anyone who is fairly local to get in touch with you and start a local group, beginning with chatting online and developing into coffee mornings in a local cafe then planning activities together. It's just an idea but good luck.
  • daisyboo2011daisyboo2011 Posts: 6Member Listener
    Hi happy91 I know what it feels like to be lonely and have no friends as I have not had any since I left college in 1984. I have tried many things to join up with but to no avail. It has been harder still since I lost my parents back in '13 and '14. I have my lovely partner but I often feel envious as he has his friends and I don't have any 'real' friends that I get texts off or can go for a coffee with. Sorry for the moan everyone and good to hear those getting out and about. Take care X 
  • veritercveriterc Posts: 162Community champion Pioneering
    I moved to another area, found it very lonely away from friends, but had a 'light bulb' moment and decided to copy a Wellness Day that I had previously organised where I lived before.   This had kept me very busy, I had fun and met a lot of people doing the organising.  Now I live in the Thames Valley, just south of Oxford.  The day is going to be for cancer survivors, but anyone will be welcome who wants to know about recognised medical treatment - from massage to skincare.  AND if anyone with secretarial skills would like to help for a day a week, see aftercancers.com/wellness-event.
  • veritercveriterc Posts: 162Community champion Pioneering
    If anyone wants to do something as extreme as organise an event, more accurate address - with details of how I go about organising this (warts and all) is on https://aftercancers.com/category/wellness-event/
  • kward4666kward4666 Posts: 9Member Listener
    I know how lonely it is i cant get out so most days talk to noone only interaction with others is online 
  • veritercveriterc Posts: 162Community champion Pioneering
    Which area do you live in?  If you like working on a computer, I am looking for someone to help publicise the Wellness Event I am running.  It would involve daily contact by email and phone, whilst I suggest people to contact to publicise event, and what to say.  I you live in Thames Valley I would also make contact by visiting.  Probably not what you want, but it would be an enormous help. 
  • kward4666kward4666 Posts: 9Member Listener
    Im in aldershot hampshire
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