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feeling very anxious about the past and the future

onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
I am feeling anxious over my neighbour's behaviour with me. He seems very angry and abusive all the time and I have only ever been reasonable and considerate with him. Right now I don't want anything to do with him. Should I ignore him completely even if he says 'hi' should we bump into each other coming out of our houses? Really I just want to ignore him.

Replies

  • EmmaBEmmaB Posts: 190Member Pioneering
    Hi @onelife
    It's really tricky when you have a difficult neighbour and stressful too.  I suspect that if you blank them it will just add fuel to the situation so if you can just say a polite hi and keep on moving that would be better than ignoring them...
    Obviously the best thing to do would be to establish what exactly the 'problem' is?  It could be a simple misunderstanding on either of your parts but unless you actually communicate you won't know and it could escalate. 
    Do you have a calm friend who could mediate a grown up conversation between you?
    Good luck with trying to sort it out.
    Emma
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Posts: 3,888Administrator Scope community team
    edited May 31
    Hi @onelife. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so anxious.
    Was there a particular issue that started the tension between you both?
    If you're a housing association tenant, you could potentially ask them to mediate the issue between the two of you, or you could try here for some information on how to find a mediation service.
    Please remember to call 999 if you ever feel like you might be in immediate danger.
    Senior Online Community Officer
    Scope
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    He has always been angry and offensive and I think it's just his ignorant nature. 
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,245Member - under moderation Disability Gamechanger
    Difficult neighbours are never easy to deal with. I’m sorry you are having neighbor problems. I suggest you remain positive and calm when you talk to this neighbor.
    See if they can tell you what exactly the problem is and what can be done about it. If nothing else can be done then you might have to find somewhere else to live. Is it possible to have a friend who can act as a peacemaker or not? If they threaten you don’t hesitate to contact the non emergency number for the police. 
    Good luck. 
    Also look up neighbor disputes. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    I think he is just ignorant by nature. He is also a motorcycle nut. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    A couple of years ago I came home and couldn't park my car because he had parked his where I always park. When I asked him if he could move his car a bit he said "is that all your f*****g complaining about!". I was shocked. What sort of way is that to speak to your neighbour? 
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,245Member - under moderation Disability Gamechanger
    Can you afford to move or not?
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    No I can't afford to move. I also seem to have a general difficulty not feeling hurt by others so maybe I am too sensitive. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    Maybe I need to toughen up a bit then maybe I wouldn't have difficulties with people like him. 
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,245Member - under moderation Disability Gamechanger
    What about meditation? Would you consider doing that? 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    I don't think he would take it to a physical level, he is just  a bad tempered and easily angered person. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    Nothing has happened though since the parking incident. He keeps his windows covered up with blinds and just keeps to himself. I'm afraid just calling the police just because I don't like him would just make things worse. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    I see what you mean, you don't think I am being over sensitive or that the police might think I am being silly? 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    OK thanks I will definitely think about it and how I should explain it. 😊
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    I saw a psychiatrist today, not my usual one, and he discharged from the mental health unit I was having appointments at. I have arrived at the conclusion they are utterly useless. I am still plagued by anxiety and his plan is to discharge me. I won't be seeing another one ever again. I'll have to figure out my anxiety myself it looks like.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @onelife I'm sorry you have been discharged when you feel the support is still needed. Has a plan been put in place to support you? Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help :)
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    No, he just said there is a mental health person at my GP surgery. He explained that there is too much demand at Beacon House and they are sending patients back to their surgery. I feel really let down and that nobody really cares. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    I'm really sorry to hear that @onelife, that cannot have been easy. Have you accessed the support at the surgery before? Here on the community we care and I hope we'll be able to provide support and guidance.
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    Thanks I appreciate that. I have asked to see a therapist but I have not heard anything for weeks. To be honest I think I just have to battle on with it on my own. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    You're more than welcome @onelife, no one should have to deal with it by themselves. If you can, why not chase up the therapist appointment? I guess this would depend on waiting list times- I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    Thanks, do you think therapists are any use? I have already seen a few. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @onelife, I guess this is down to the individual. I'm not a medical professional so can't advise fully, but I know it's important to have a therapist that you can connect with. This isn't necessarily the first person you have. There are also different styles of counselling like CBT or person- centred. These different approaches can work very differently depending on the person. I guess there's no harm in seeing if they can support you :)
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    I just feels a little but like trial and error until I actually get relief from this. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    I can imagine @onelife! I hope the next person is more suited to supporting you :)
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    To be honest I think I have given up getting help with the anxiety. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    I'm sorry you feel that way @onelife, please to reach out if you need any support though. We will always be listening :)
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    edited June 11
    Is it alright to ignore swearing and rudeness and not be affected by it?
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Posts: 3,888Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @onelife, I suppose it’s dependent upon context. If you’re not alright with it though, then it’s not alright.
    Has something happened recently to bother you?

    As for finding a therapist that works — it can take time and you won’t always connect on the first attempt, or find someone who feels supportive immediately. I would still try though. I know it seems like an ordeal, but anxiety is better tackled with support.
    Senior Online Community Officer
    Scope
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    What do you mean by 'context' @Adrian_Scope? Surely rudeness is rudeness and swearing is always offensive language, especially when coupled with anger? I hate swearing from other people, especially the f*** and c*** words, there absolutely no reason for it to be used in anger against someone else.
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    What's a 'cpn' @Elsey66? It shouldn't be a matter of trial and error and getting the right person, the psychiatrist just isn't doing his/her job properly. they should first of all build up a level of trust with their patient then they should work with their patient to slowly unravel the issues which are causing the anxiety to get to the root cause. But instead, he just asks me things like, 'how is your appetite, how is your sleep, how is your motivation, I'll see you at our next appointment, goodbye'
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    @Chloe_Scope It shouldn't be a matter of trial and error and getting the right person, the psychiatrist just isn't doing his/her job properly. they should first of all build up a level of trust with their patient then they should work with their patient to slowly unravel the issues which are causing the anxiety to get to the root cause. But instead, he just asks me things like, 'how is your appetite, how is your sleep, how is your motivation, I'll see you at our next appointment, goodbye'
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Posts: 3,888Administrator Scope community team
    Hi @onelife, I think I misunderstood your post.
    I was mostly referring to swearing. Not everyone's offended by it, but swearing coupled with anger is of course a different kettle of fish. However, to answer your original question: it's okay to not be affected by things, but equally okay to be bothered by them. We all have things we're more sensitive to than others. 

    Is it your neighbour who's still being aggressive?
    Senior Online Community Officer
    Scope
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    Yes, @Adrian_Scope, he always seems to have an aggressive and angry disposition, I can even see it the way he walks. Its like I daren't challenge him on anything for fear of him exploding with anger against me. It makes living here with him as a neighbour utterly miserable. I live in fear of him coming to my door for something. I am already telling couriers I don't take any parcels in from him. I am really upset over the car incident and one or two other incidents where I have had to speak to him.

  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    @Adrian_Scope a lot of the time I think to myself I don't care if I totally fall out with him as he can't expect to speak to me like that and that there are no consequences - how dare he!
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    Morning @onelife, I actually completely agree with you. It should be able the therapist taking time to build that trust, yet this isn't always the case. By finding the right person it's more about who you feel comfortable with, much like you wouldn't be friends with everyone, regardless of how long you've got to know them. I know the relationship with a therapist is different though.
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    @Chloe_Scope, Good morning :). I once went to a therapist who got annoyed with me when I started talking to him about my dad and my brother, he basically said I was wasting his time and my time and he swore at me, I reported him but he wrote back with excuses.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Posts: 5,360Administrator Scope community team
    I'm sorry you experienced this @onelife! That certainly was not fair and shouldn't have happened. I hope the new therapist isn't like that and you find them more supportive.
    Chloe
    Online Community Officer
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    edited June 12
    So do I, that's if I decide to go back again which I doubt. I have had this problem for 40 years nearly and that is testimony to the failure of the medical community to help me overcome anxiety. 
  • onelifeonelife Posts: 49Member Courageous
    edited June 26
    Why can't I accept people as I find them? I constantly find myself at odds with other people's behaviour, mannerisms, personality differences, etc. I just end up feeling so frustrated with them and myself. I find myself asking the question "why can't they be just like me?" Aaaagh!!
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