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received ESA report in full this morning, yes on a Bank holiday Monday

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  • drewdundee
    drewdundee Community member Posts: 49 Courageous
    My medical conditions are almost the same as your but i have L1 and L2 herniation which leaves me unable to walk for anymore than 2 minutes then my legs give way, i also hold down a full time job. I work for a telecoms company, so there are jobs out there that require you to be on your feet all day, so if you fail to get back on ESA there is some hope. Wishing you the best.
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    edited June 2019
    thanks for the reply and i met a person at the job center on the other side of the desk with the same condition also so yes i agree there are plenty with the same or worse that work, not something i'm shy of doing either, worked for long enough so yes always something i may have to do also if the MR and Tribunal finds against me, thanks for the best and also the same to you, i do have more than a few other issues which make it somewhat harder also, but i know where the comments are coming from and help offered etc, it does mean a lot to see others coping better than some, like me, as for me it varies from day to day so have what's called a fluctuating set of conditions, so no 2 days are much a like, something i can do ok one day i may not be able to do the next, and with tablet taken, like everyone here, that effects to some degree on how i can even cope at home, let alone in a work place, as i'm not sure many employee's would be flexible enough to have me on the loo all days some days and unable to much the next, then have days between being fine, once on tablets i can't drive or use machines, being dyslexic and with other issues means something others cope with i fail at, not a slow learner, far from it, but being able to recall it, isn't something i have each and every day, when my back and legs flair up, even sitting or walking or lying down is something i can barely do, and is now after 20 years of suffering it, has made me go back to the hospital on Monday the 17th for a chance to see if they can do surgery to make some of it better so i can maybe be more useful and in less pain, have tried a work coach and voluntary working with them at the job center to only be laughed at with others on coarse who had to go eg forced etc and i was the only one who didn't and then to be told by the work coach there is nothing they can do as i'm just not fit enough for them, for them to help
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    with now some time to think and reflect, aged 52 next month, ya! and not worked since 1999, i feel 50% of me is with fear, 30% is the unknown and the rest split between if i can, and how flexible are they now days?

    i've not spent my time lying down and doing nothing, as when i worked in the building trade a licence to print money tbh i was always fit and did voluntary work in the evenings and weekends with swimming coaching and waterpolo and also was a school governor for 20 plus years, so spent all of the 6 weeks holidays every year away on primary school camps as a school helper, then when i was made to finish work, i kept on the evening and weekend stuff until i could no longer able to do it, then as i had little in the way of formal school educational qualifications etc, not been found dyslexic at school or needing to have worn glasses, it's not until after i left and was diagnosed later at college and spent then 8 years studying in one thing after enough to try and retrain, and got kicked of 2 coarse then as someone shopped me for being on full time when i shouldn't have been, so made a 4 year coarse take a lot longer to finish as i couldn't do the teaching hours to do it, so 4 years became 8 to get a computer science degree, with plenty of help mind you, as while i was top of the class of near it for most of the time in the can do part, the paper work and test side of it, i only just manged to scrap a pass at and only then with lots of support and help, so re trained i tried to get a job in the field i was now qualified it, only to find out my lack of English and math's skills from school held me back, so the degree was just a piece of paper and without experience and other basic skills qualification, there was only closed doors in my face and sorry for year after year, so what then, you sit the basic maths and English and go again, and then no experience or relevant past work lets you down, so by now i kind of came to a place where i'm at now, too old, no experience and no one willing to give some one with my background a chance, not that i blame them, there's plenty of fitter, younger and more able to fill the gap, so also it doesn't help that i didn't need to the money, i came to be quite lazy and careless kind of type, which every time something i tried, made me step in a different direction, mostly backwards and more inwards, as why try if no is always the answer, not had an interview now for 12 years and then made it to the last 2 and didn't get it, so maybe i am work shy or just lazy, something that posts and comments from 3 people this year alone has made me think more than once on, but one thing for sure, it's not until the last few years that there has been any help offered to the long term ill or sick or just out of work older generation as a whole, so maybe that's why a given % of my aged with some issues aren't today employed, but not sure it's only our fault either, as society has some part of this to blame, not given us a try, when only a little help and support would have in my case gone along way
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    some one on here asked me if i ever thought of writing a book about it, and i laughed and said no, as tbh it's the most boring book anyone would have to read from time in immemorial, my life history and what i have and haven't done and could have done but didn't try if only someone had given me the chance, then on reflection, why should anyone anyway, if i wanted it bad enough, maybe i would have tried a bit harder for a bit longer, as the system didn't fail me, i gave up and didn't fight the system, just lived off it, so in the end and on reflection, it's my fault, not for having a illness, but not doing the best i maybe could have with it and lived a more normal life as some do, as every time i say i can't, it's sometimes me saying i don't want to, as my world is comfortable and the out side world some times scares me being honest, but it takes age and understanding to achieve this sort of reflection and it's not something that happens over night, so age seems to be where wisdom starts, but still i need to so something about it, not just write it and think it, and this is where i am atm, in MR, thinking are they right? and i'm i wrong?
  • drewdundee
    drewdundee Community member Posts: 49 Courageous
    Hey Zak, thanks, i totally understand. I was offered the surgery to for my herniation, my consultant was honest with me he said the surgery would be a nightmare and likely not all that successful. My herniation snapped off from the disk so now i have a loose peice of ligament pushing against my spinal column. My days are very good and bad one day feel semi good other days i wrecked. On a litany of pills to, tramadol, max dose of gabapentin 2700mg, amitriptaline, ibuprofen and diazepam for the tough days not to mention i have oramoph for "breakthrough pain" whatever that is. It ain't easy to cope with. Your situation i think it's harder than my own though being off work for so long then your work experience being around the building trade is not something that you can just walk back into with a back issue. Surely that's what ESA is there for. I hope that your MR goes well and you get the support you need and deserve.
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    thanks, what was offered 20 years ago with surgery if my memory is now correct and not looking at the paper work as i type, was, a steel rod attached to my spine in 4 places with mesh, they said at the time it was a % chance to make me better with less pain or a % chance to give me less movement but also less pain, but the chances of making me worse 20 years ago to me, wasn't something i would gamble on, as then the odd's were too low of making me better and far too high for making me worse, or even in a chair as the worse case they said and wrote at the time, so i lived with it and took the tablets instead of the surgery and didn't even go for the pain injections as again that was into the spine, so yes building trade wasn't an option, but computers i hoped was, but in the end, my age and lack of experience wasn't on my side and just not got lucky in anyone giving me a chance, spent a long time voluntary in a local computer shop helping out getting the experience i needed, only to be told to get on in the field i needed to drive, as going out on site was part and parcel of the job, again something i can't do when on max tablets, as not road worthy at all and a danger to myself and everyone else, so while the tablets say no, some do risk it, i'm one who doesn't and say no i had enough, i'm not capable of driving today, so just don't go out, as everyone knows there own ability and is a good enough job, couldn't live with myself if i did something in the car that was my fault, so thanks for the comments, 61 days now off and with nothing, so hope the MR doesn't take much longer, will phone again in the week, as they said 2 week it would ago it should only be 10 to 14 working days, so hopefully not much longer, already think no is going to be the call, so Tribunal in a year or so while ill go back to the job center and re try as soon as i know one way or the other, as they have been really great, they are about the only ones who has seen me om my worse days, as neither has my own doctor, as getting in there at short notice with a 2 week window is next to 0 chance, so always see someone else, who rights and says what they see and finds, but would be nice once to see my own, as she only has my notes, hospital and my views on the subject and as yet to even see it with her own eyes, but is brilliant all the same with me and has always been there, so can't complain, it would have been nice if the work coaches around today could have sorted me out years ago, but 20 years down the line, some are now just forgotten and left to stew, until re tried etc and then see if you pass or fail, passed 4 failed one, so now in a boat no one wants to be in, money's not the issue, as tbh not needed it like iv'e said for most of the 20 years, ex builders are never short, i made more than enough to cope with what life throws at me, but 61 days with nothing, dent's even my poor life style and letting the other half do everything and then also bring in the extra money needed, has really opened my eyes to those who care, for nothing
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    edited June 2019
    oramoph is morphine, there is nothing stronger, so yes your in the same boat, once on that, you can't get any higher so if you cant deal with the pain then, there's not a lot else they can offer to suit.

    Diazepam, first marketed as Valium is a godsend, but does make me rather dopey, so again no idea on how you cope at work with it, just makes me sleep, then again that's what i take amitriptaline for, as dual use as i have it for migraines as well.

    never had or needed Gabapentin as not for my condition, but with that, you must be in somewhat of a worse place than me, so are coping better, can i ask your age? if you don't mind, no worries if you wish to not say, just wondered.

    but not trying to be nosy, it never nice to see someone worse than you as i wouldn't wish it on anyone

  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    most of my other side issues were caused by long term Co-Proxamol use & non-Sterodial anti-Infammatories tablets, given me IBS,  Umbilical hernia and several stomach perforations & bladder and kidney issues, then again they don't tell you this when you first go on them, only after your taken off in hospital when you wake up, you get some locum in my case a french one saying how long you been on them, and you say years and they then say it flashes on the screen while there typing, you shouldn't be on that concoction for more than 6 months. 4 years plus later waking up in hospital wondering how you got there and trusting doctors are doing the best for you, not just giving you the cheapest drugs to shut you up lol,...

    while Metoclopramide sorted that out mosly for me, the damage is now done and long term, Propranolol a beta blocker for high blood pressure keeps me from falling down when i stand up, take Oxybutynin so i don't spend all day every day wetting myself and Citalopram to cheer me up, when i'm low, like atm lol, yes i can laugh, bathroom ceiling came down the other day in the storm, and most would think i'd won the lottery as i laughed out loud, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, everything happens for a reason, maybe god also thinks i'm idle as 20 years ago i would have gone on the roof, even though i don't like heights and fixed it myself, then done the bathroom ceiling the same day, and painted it as soon as dry, job done, but now, sometimes leaving the house some days is a strain without taking a tablet a few hours before hand to give me a boost 
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    well some mind altering developments this morning for me and i'm still coming to terms with what's been mentioned and said at the pain clinic after i went to to day, the bottom of it is, i don't have any longer a issue with my spine, bone wise that is, but i now have a long time muscle problem, from wrong posture, too many meds, incorrect diagnosis back in 2014, back no longer a bone problem, but long time weakness of the muscles have led to the same amount of pain, outcome?

    well some with short term damage have been corrected in 6 months to a year, with my age and amount of time with it, maybe 3 to 4 years of slow and re training the body to walk, stand and move / bend correctly which isn't as easy as it sounds, as everything i do, i seem now to do wrong, so have to go back to basics and re learn and strengthen the muscles in my back, body as a whole, hips and then can have work done on my osteoarthritis in my shoulder and back, so does this now mean they was correct to have failed me for ESA support group and found me fit to work? as it seems i'll need physiotherapy for the next 3 to 4 years, so doubled edged that is for sure, glad i'm not longer have such a poor back regarding the spine, that's good news, but the muscles are so weak i need to strengthen them and then alter my posture for the hold body and re learn to walk and stand, and sit correctly.

    so good news for me, and they upped my pain tablets so well worth it.
  • drewdundee
    drewdundee Community member Posts: 49 Courageous
    Hi there im 34 my spinal condition came out of no where i was fairly active then one day woke up with sciatica, then a year later couldnt stand more than 2 minutes was a bit of a shock. Gabapentin is a great drug if you can tolerate the side effects works brilliant on neuopathic pain. So if you nerve pain id recommend it. As far as muscle pain well its not something i have any experience. Really hope you do not have to wait any longer. The fact that they play with peoples lives like this really is unethical. You cant make people wait so long to get something reconsidered. Im very new to the whole benefits system but from what ive seen myself and what i've read the people that put up with this have to be so mentally strong as the system is so mentally challenging. Keep us updated please. Wishing you the best. 
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    edited June 2019
    well had a txt this morning from the DWP, they say i will get a answer to the MR report, by July the 1st, that's 64 days since letter say i failed my assessment, and days 72 days days for a MR reply, as they lost my first recorded delivered letter and had to send another, so to have finally getting a answer on my birthday of all days, so can't be good news as can't see them wishing me a happy 52nd birthday on July the 1st :disappointed: so then to tribunal, and yes i wonder how many months that will take, shocking and can see how many go under before they get to the end, this had drained the pair of us, my partner works, but having the strain of living with me stressed out of my mind and dreading each and every day and letter than comes, have the council harassing us over minor details i just haven't got as yet, letter after letter, week after week, not surprised some break under the strain, i've been close more than a few times, and cried myself to sleep more than once, this is a poor and broken system, made so hard so many fail, thanks for the kind works and reply
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 10,821 Scope online community team
    Hi @zakblood, I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this and for the strain it’s putting on your relationship too. 
    Whatever the decision from your MR at least the wait for that will be over soon and if you have to go on to tribunal, at least you can get the process started.

    Community Manager
    Scope
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    thanks, and once over what do you get, a respite until the next time, no sorry we made a mistake, no sorry for the stress we have put you though, nothing, once is poor enough, but doing everyone and failing so many, after so often, just makes you wonder why, yes and before anyone answers, i already know, money, to save a penny they would spend a pound, as it must cost a fortune to do and staff with courts and all, for what? for me, just over £100 a week, doesn't seem it's worth the effort, when i got free health and other stuff, then yes, but now, really not sure it's any longer worth the hassle and effort, most can get this amount from 2 days a week doing anything, and without the jumping through hoops and being treated as a piece of meat or just a number, i'm not even sure i'm going to the Tribunal, as even if i got it, which i have high hopes i would, may be better to call it a day and go and find the easiest job i can on minimum wage and get the extra bits on top for low wages, as this now for me isn't worth my relationship that is for sure, doing both of us no good, so why bother, will see what they say on the 1st, and then have a long think about it, tax credits from a one day a week job pays more than i'm getting now, so really can't see the point of it any longer, those that are more ill and need the extra don't get a choice, but i think i do, so will see how easy it is to find something sooner rather than later, then sit back and just smile and so no, not playing the DWP games no more, seem they win and do want most off, as my mental health and my partners well being are worth more than X10 what pittance i get
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,324 Disability Gamechanger
    I totally understand how you feel but please do think about it. Maybe get some help, advice and support with the Tribunal if you get that far.

    Unless you're already claiming tax credits then you won't be able to make a new claim because all areas are now a full universal credit area and have been since December 2018. Any new claims will have to be UC and this is means tested which means you'll have to claim as a couple. Whether or not you'll qualify will depend on your circumstances and household income. Savings/capital of more than £6,000 also affect any amount you maybe entitled to and £16,000 and more means you won't be able to claim at all.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • drewdundee
    drewdundee Community member Posts: 49 Courageous
    edited June 2019
    Don't give in Zak if you have to take them to tribunal do it, you will get it eventually and the more people that take them to tribunal and win will eventually start to show the inadequacies of the system and hopefully things will change. Just look at the recent pip change 1 million claims have to be looked over again cause the government failed. Fight the fight and dont give up for yourself and everyone else. 
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    the problem is, now i feel a fraud, as the issue i first thought i had and they said i got kicked off or failed, so correct, i haven't no longer got spinal bone issues, i have muscles one, so taking that now to a tribunal, is a whole different condition and i have no idea on the law part on that, so will have to takes some legal & medical advice, as rather pointless fighting a point that's maybe changed, and then saying all the way through i've been honest, only to have a technicality change my stance on condition etc, don't really care how they see it, i'm not happy with it, so will ask first and see if what they say and then make my mind up, but thanks for the comments, it does help
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,324 Disability Gamechanger
    zakblood said:
    the problem is, now i feel a fraud, as the issue i first thought i had and they said i got kicked off or failed, so correct, i haven't no longer got spinal bone issues, i have muscles one, so taking that now to a tribunal, is a whole different condition and i have no idea on the law part on that, so will have to takes some legal & medical advice, as rather pointless fighting a point that's maybe changed, and then saying all the way through i've been honest, only to have a technicality change my stance on condition etc, don't really care how they see it, i'm not happy with it, so will ask first and see if what they say and then make my mind up, but thanks for the comments, it does help
    The WCA assessment isn't about a diagnosis, it's how those conditions affect your ability to do any type of work.

    I'm going to try and help you here. he most important question of all is...

    Even though you don't have what you first thought you had, whether it was misdiagnosis, or whether you thought you had something which you didn't have. Has this changed the way your conditions affect you? what's different this week to last week? Can you magically do more this week than you could do last week, or even several weeks ago?
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • drewdundee
    drewdundee Community member Posts: 49 Courageous
    Exactly what poppy said, it is not about the diagnosis is is how you are is something magically changed with your c condition from speaking to the doctor apart from change of diagnosis. 
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    no Poppy it hasn't, while they say my mind is part of the problem, my whole muscle set is in need of retraining, so another long road, not a misdiagnosis either, i had one illness 20 years ago, then long term meds gave me a few others, now with the first main one gone, seems no one told me after the scans, and now i'm left with the wrong body posture to be able to walk, sit and stand correctly without pain, as on my powerful ones now than before the assessment, so seems my mind and the muscles are given me more pain not less, but at least it's something they can now work on, but 2 to 3 years is a long time for this high level of pain, and without support, i'm not sure i could work either, but getting advice and will comment once i've had it in July and take it from there, thanks everyone for the support, it's appraised, on twice the amount of antidepressants than ever before in my life, so no not coping with this at all 
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,324 Disability Gamechanger
    As your condition hasn't changed then my advice is you should still go for the Tribunal, if you get that far. You said yourself the 2-3 years is a long time and it is. Maybe after that time you will be ready to try some work but in the meantime i think they were wrong to find you fit for work. One thing they want us to do, is to give up. Don't, fight for what you think you're entitled to!
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.

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