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Obsession with zumba teacher

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vcw91
vcw91 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
edited September 2014 in Autism and neurodiversity
Hi, we have a 21 year old daughter Vicki who has a moderate learning disability. She has an obsession with a 24 year old female Zumba Teacher and carries photo's on her phone, and laptop. The obsession even extends to the teachers car, music, and shops she likes to use, and the clothes she wears.

Vicki sits in her room night after night staring at photo's of the teacher (including a picture of her car) on her laptop. Vicki attends the Zumba class on a Wednesday and looks forward to this, however we try to explain that there are other people to meet and we encourage her to go out to meet new people etc but she is not interested, and it seems she is happy to sit in her room waiting for the Wednesday class.

We are frustrated trying to motivate her and to stop her staring at the laptop photo's and have thought about taking the laptop away (maybe by altering this so that there appears to be a fault rather than being confrontational).

I wonder if anyone has any ideas we could try.

Many thanks. Jim
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  • toast
    toast Community member Posts: 46 Listener
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    IIWY I'd go along the lines of encouraging her to talk about what it is she likes about the zumba teacher. Try to be positive and upbeat about it rather than trying to stop it or thinking about confiscating laptop. It could be a confidence thing - maybe your daughter really admires and looks up to the teacher and would like to be more like that herself. Maybe your daughter admires the bright clothes or the woman's dancing ability. Maybe she is sexually attracted to her. Whatever it is, I think its important to talk about and respect your daughter's feelings and be very sensitive how you handle

    Sure if you can try to understand / get some insight into why your daughter has such a lock on this woman that will be a key to diverting her attention elsewhere/ widening her social circle by looking at other ways she can express / explore these interests
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  • JimJams
    JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
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    Has the zumba teacher had a talk with her, maybe she could talk to her to say, I hear you would like to learn more about how to be a zumba teacher and get her to encourage her to focus on more than one thing, you need to be good at talking to people in large groups and you need to be fit, so try and give her other things to focus on like getting more into other groups so she is developing the skills the zumba teacher suggests, and just get her to emphasise you cant just focus on one person or sit in your room on your own.
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  • vcw91
    vcw91 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    Hi, and many thanks for the help. We have talked with her to find out why she is so obsessed, however she just say's that she likes this girl. We don't think this is sexual, but can't seem to unlock the full reason why she is so obsessed. The obsession is so great that it forms the whole of her waking hours. She even has printed photo's of this girl so that she can put them in frames in her bedroom.

    We have tried to get her to join clubs, and get her involved socially. She has a (boy) friend (not in the real sense), who is more of a companion. He is Autistic, and they get on really well together and very occasionally they will go to the shops, and have even been for a meal & to the pictures together, however these are one off occasions. She does not respond to rewards (such as help me around the house and I will treat your to a new top etc) nor does she get upset about loosing out (such as not getting a reward because she has not helped).

    We constantly encourage her to go out and spend time with people her own age (21), but she just says no I would rather stay in by myself. If she does go out she will head toward the Zumba Hall even though this is empty, as this is like a shrine to her.

    Kind Regards
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