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Does Valentine's Day represent disabled people?

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  • frasermathieson
    frasermathieson Community member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Oh yeah, totally agree with than @Sam_Scope.  You see it all over the place - white teeth, perfect hair, people living in pent houses in NYC (yeah do you know how much they cost?) and it is meant to be a run-of-the-mill, everyday person - not reality at all.  From a man's point of view, you see buffed mem, perfect six-pack, glamour model on their arm and it does make you feel bad about yourself.

    People tend to forget than personality is sometimes more important than looks.  Just take celebrities who are made up but underneath they are the nastiest people with one agenda - theirs.

    it's still nice to think one day someone will look past your disability and see the person you truly are.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
    Yep, we are bombarded with photoshopped and unobtainable images! I wonder if it gets easier with age? I know I am more open minded and less shallow as I get older, I realise that personality is everything.  

    I know it might seem daft but I remember thinking when I was 16 forward to my future "How can I ever fancy a 50 year old man?" but now at 35 I look to my 45 year old husband and I dont see age, grey hair or wrinkles, I see his sense of humour, his kindness, his interesting stories. 

    He married me and I since got ill and have had a lot of surgeries, I now have a chronic illness and an ostomy bag.  I wrote a guest post about it for Scope as we had to overcome these changes together.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Fundamentalist
    Fundamentalist Community member Posts: 133 Courageous
    Hi from Fm. What's wrong with having a nice fuller figure? Those models in the ad's are just unrealistic, have you ever seen what modelling agencies do to their models and how they insist on them slimming right down to little more than skin and bone. It's so cruel, I can never understand why they want them to be so totally unrealistic. I prefer a woman with a nice curvy figure, what's wrong with being about size 14? I think that's a good size to be. And as for dating scams, what happened there is unfortunately all too common a practice with international dating sites. The simple answer there would be to only bother with potential partners from your own region and simply don't hand out any money to strangers. You should make a firm decision about that beforehand. The crooks running such scams have it all worked out. Fm.
  • Fundamentalist
    Fundamentalist Community member Posts: 133 Courageous
    @Chris_Scope thank you for reaffirming this, I put it as realised it was heading into a potential dangerous area which could offend people and wanted to take no part if it headed this way,

    Hi from Fm. Contrary to popular and totally wrong belief Christianity is absolutely no danger to anyone, in fact only the complete opposite, the idea of it being supposedly "dangerous" somehow got started years ago by someone somewhere who either doesn't properly understand it or else they're just plain hateful. But of course it goes without saying that there are some other schemes going on, either "religious" or political that certainly are dangerous that I know and far too much of it keeps getting aimed at vulnerable children. Fm.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Fundamentalist I don't think anyone is saying that Christianity is dangerous, more that the topic of religion can be a treacherous one.  People feel passionate about subjects like religion and politics and so there are times and places for those discussions.

    A post about Valentines Day is probably not that time or place. 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • chasnbons
    chasnbons Community member Posts: 60 Courageous
    Good morning everyone.

    Ok so I thought long and hard about posting this and have decided if others are allowed to post their views no matter how rude, negative or offensive they may be, then other members should have the same rights in their replies.

    I have been contacted in private on another site by a member from here (who wishes to remain anonymous due to their fragile mental state at the moment) and we have ended up chatting on the phone.  I was asked about what I thought about another members posts on here and whether or not I thought they should be allowed to post the things they do as they may have a negative effect on some members.  I told them that this person was the person I had on ignore and was asked to unblock the said person and give my opinion.  Because I wanted to try and help someone who was upset, stupidly I did.  So........

    I can't believe that the people running this site are still, after numerous warnings, allowing such arrogant and offensive posts to be made.  Such posts are doing no one any good and from the replies in the thread it seems they are only serving to upset people, at least two in this thread alone (who have had the guts to reply)

    So my question is this, how long are you going to allow this sort of behaviour to continue?  Your warnings have gone unheeded and the posts just keep coming. I know that everyone has the right to their own opinion etc, but there are ways of getting opinions across without resorting to being rude and offensive.

    I thought that this place was here for people to get help and maybe have a chat and feel a bit better about things/themselves?  Sorry but that isn't happening when posts like some of the above are allowed to be made.  It's quite clear that this member is only happy when arguing, being offensive and upsetting people. Their viewpoint is the 'only' one that matters to them and if you have the 'gall' to disagree then it would seem you get 'both barrels'.

    In the past I've recommended this site to lots of people who have needed help, as being a place to get that help and support without any aggro, but sadly I won't be doing so any more whilst this sort of thing is allowed.

    My advice to anyone else who feels the same is to ignore the person who writes things you find offensive, this can be done by clicking on your profile, then click 'edit profile' to the right of your username click on 'Ignore List' on the right of the page towards the bottom and add the name of the person you wish to ignore in the box provided, then click OK.  Before doing this I also suggest that you flag any post which you find offensive so that a member of staff can have a look at it.

    Thanks for reading and best wishes to you all, and I hope that 'Doris' passes you without too much damage or upset.
  • frasermathieson
    frasermathieson Community member Posts: 18 Courageous
    @Sam_Scope you are totally correct in that statement.  Religion is a subject that gets peoples backs up and can snowball in to dangerous situations - dangerous in that it can lead to blown out arguments, same as politics - we all have our beliefs and opinions - thats why we live in a free-speech country - but on a message boards not designed for a religious topics, this shouldn't become the fundamental thread through them, which is why I am not replying directly to anyone who is using religion as a leverage point.

    I don't set out to offend, criticise or annoy people, and I don't expect anyone to do the same and force their beliefs onto others.  I apologise to anyone who has taken this view.
  • frasermathieson
    frasermathieson Community member Posts: 18 Courageous
    @chasnbons great post.  I had a look about on the forums on other topics and have seen a common trend being reached by a certain contributor.  I'm only recently new on here so unsure how to ignore or report a post yet but thanks for the advice.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger

    @chasnbons

    at least two in this thread alone (who have had the guts to reply)

    Just wanted to say I chose to stop posting to this person in this thread, and it had nothing to do with not having the guts to reply. On at least two posts I could have easily responded to the person, the problem is it would have quickly escalated and become much uglier quickly. This would not have been good, and I expect would have caused problems for others.

    Over the years I have been involved in numerous forums as a member, moderator and owner. One thing I have learned is to trust moderators to deal with problem members and not get involved if I am just a member. Moderators run  fine line, especially in support groups like this one and getting the balance right can be difficult at the best of times.

    That said I did agree with what you had to say which is why I clicked the like button.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • chasnbons
    chasnbons Community member Posts: 60 Courageous
    @frasermathieson Thanks, I've had reservations about the member for some time now and have emailed Staff in the past regarding the issue but not said much in threads.  Last night was the proverbial straw though, listening to someone so upset on the phone isn't something that should happen, or be caused by, a site such as this. I've tried to get the point across without being rude or aggressive but felt I had to make the post as enough is enough.

    As for reporting a post just click on the little purple flag in the bottom left corner of the post you want to report.  Hopefully you understood the instructions on how to ignore someone.

    I personally haven't found anything you've posted offensive or annoying.  You seem to be an intelligent person who can see both sides of things and have the capacity to reply fairly to people.
  • frasermathieson
    frasermathieson Community member Posts: 18 Courageous
    @chasnbons no it isn't nice having someone upset on the phone (have spend hours with a close friend on FB after something similar).  I am a very open minded person and wanted to share my experiences on the subject in question and not divert it to a tangent.  I too choose not to reply directly to a certain poster and that was very early on.

    Slightly off topic but even though I work in IT and design websites, I tend not to go onto forums, surprisingly, so not up to speed yet with it all - should be with the type of job I do but meh :smile:
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @chasnbons

    I am sorry you feel like this, as you say, you have been in touch before now and I hoped we had resolved your worries by introducing the ignore feature.  It's a shame that you don't feel you have trust in the community team, we are always here supporting the community and always on hand via email if anyone has any concerns.  

    As you say, you have the ability to ignore members and everyone has access to that feature.  It is sad and confusing that a member felt the need to reach out to you rather than the community team.  If anyone has issues please do get in touch at community@scope.org.uk 

    Our guidelines are there to keep the community safe, we regularly ban people who are spamming the site.  But just because you disagree with a member or feel their posts are opposing to your own views or lifestyle doesn't mean that they are breaking rules.

    If any member would like to report a post, they can do so by clicking the flag and pressing report and one of the team will look into it.

    I hope all members can understand that a lot goes on behind the scenes, the team is working together and speaks to many members off site and our sole aim is to create a place where everyone is welcome, somewhere that people who are struggling, in a difficult place can come and gain information and support as well as a place for debate, fun, support and making friends.  

    Again, if anyone wants to get in touch with the team then we are on hand at community@scope.org.uk 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • chasnbons
    chasnbons Community member Posts: 60 Courageous
    Geoark said:

    @chasnbons

    at least two in this thread alone (who have had the guts to reply)

    Just wanted to say I chose to stop posting to this person in this thread, and it had nothing to do with not having the guts to reply. On at least two posts I could have easily responded to the person, the problem is it would have quickly escalated and become much uglier quickly. This would not have been good, and I expect would have caused problems for others.

    Over the years I have been involved in numerous forums as a member, moderator and owner. One thing I have learned is to trust moderators to deal with problem members and not get involved if I am just a member. Moderators run  fine line, especially in support groups like this one and getting the balance right can be difficult at the best of times.

    That said I did agree with what you had to say which is why I clicked the like button.
    @Geoark

    Sorry but I might have used the wrong phrasing as I only meant the 2 who replied by now would know the sort of reply the would get, yet still felt strongly enough to make their posts.  There was never any intention to have a dig at anyone who hadn't commented on his posts.

    I too in the past have run forums and been a Moderator on quite a few and agree with what you say.  I initially quietly reported the issue to Staff members and hoped things/he would change.  This was first done on 15.12.16. Unfortunately though over 2 months have now passed and it's still being allowed to continue, in fact possibly getting worse, despite warnings being issued by Staff.  This is the only reason I have now posted my reply in this thread, as it seems to be effecting more people yet it is still allowed to continue.

    Over 2 months is plenty long enough for the powers that be to make a decision as what to do about it, rather than just keep warning him, which has no obvious effect.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger

    @chasnbons

    I didn't take what you were saying as a dig at anyone in particular, just wanted to point out the reasons I stopped responding.

    Hope things are well for you?

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • chasnbons
    chasnbons Community member Posts: 60 Courageous
    Sam_Scope said:
    Hi @chasnbons

    I am sorry you feel like this, as you say, you have been in touch before now and I hoped we had resolved your worries by introducing the ignore feature.  It's a shame that you don't feel you have trust in the community team, we are always here supporting the community and always on hand via email if anyone has any concerns.  

    As you say, you have the ability to ignore members and everyone has access to that feature.  It is sad and confusing that a member felt the need to reach out to you rather than the community team.  If anyone has issues please do get in touch at community@scope.org.uk 

    Our guidelines are there to keep the community safe, we regularly ban people who are spamming the site.  But just because you disagree with a member or feel their posts are opposing to your own views or lifestyle doesn't mean that they are breaking rules.

    If any member would like to report a post, they can do so by clicking the flag and pressing report and one of the team will look into it.

    I hope all members can understand that a lot goes on behind the scenes, the team is working together and speaks to many members off site and our sole aim is to create a place where everyone is welcome, somewhere that people who are struggling, in a difficult place can come and gain information and support as well as a place for debate, fun, support and making friends.  

    Again, if anyone wants to get in touch with the team then we are on hand at community@scope.org.uk 
    Hi Sam, hope you're well.

    I posted my last post before I saw what you had posted.

    I'm not against anyone having views on anything, or their right to post them.

    What I do have an issue with, is someone continually being allowed to be rude and offensive (something with Staff must agree with seeing as they keep giving warnings to him).

    You say ''Our guidelines are there to keep the community safe'' I'm sorry but allowing his offensive and aggressive posts on the site to continue, which were the only cause of the upset I tried to help with last night, isn't what I'd call 'keeping the community safe.  How many more people are feeling the same way about him but can't find the voice to speak up, is unknown, but one thing that is definite is, the one last night is one too many.

    One answer might be to moderate his posts before allowing them to go public? 

    Whatever is decided I honestly think he shouldn't be allowed to speak to people the way he does.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
    We did receive your complaint two months ago and have not had any others since.
    I would recommend anyone who has an issue with any member or post to get in touch at community@scope.org.uk 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Zec Richardson
    Zec Richardson Community member Posts: 154 Pioneering
    I have decided to leave Scope!
    I tried being nice to a certain difficult member but their long rants make this a place that isn't great.
    Thanks all 
This discussion has been closed.

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