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Hi, my name is nickyh50 with a son on the spectrum.

nickyh50nickyh50 Posts: 1Member Listener
edited June 2017 in Autism and Aspergers
Hi all.  I have a 20 year old high functioning son on the spectrum who wasn't diagnosed till 18 years.  By this time he was living with his dad as through all the help I had it was suggested it was probably me that caused the problem.  And yes probably it was.  If I had known he was autistic I could have learnt to speak/talk to him differently etc.
He is extremely polite, very intelligent, computer mad, didn't do his A'levels as he was struggling with what he thought was depression.
He is now at home with his dad, spends a lot of time doing computer stuff, gets paid sometimes, when he does he spends it on vape and weed.  That chills him out.
He needs to sign on or work somehow.  His dad supports him.  He did go to the job center before diagnosis and said he would not return because they spoke to him like a piece of poo.  And he will not take his letter of confirmation as he believes they will be-little him more.
This is very sad.  Also he says he is not entitled to benefits.  His dad does struggle financially.  This is the area he struggles with, money, social skills, he dislikes people and wasteful conversation.
In the right job he would be great.  He is well dressed, very well spoken and polite and will do things very conscientiously.  He did work for a few weeks in a busy store, but after he was asked to do a display, it was condemned and he walked.
Wrong job, situation, and lack of job center knowing his condition and a manger who probably isn't a people person.
He wants to try and sort his life on his own, but I cannot see this working.  That is a difficult route.  He won't accept help and as parents he is difficult to talk to.  We tread carefully, the last thing I want is him going off.
One day us parents won't be around.  He will have some money left to him in the form of a house which will be shared with his brother, but that will not buy him a place of his own.
Any advice please.
Thank you. 

Replies

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 692 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • bendigedigbendigedig Posts: 254Member Pioneering
    Hi Nckyh50,

    I have an Aspergers diagnosis and so does my son.

    i dont go to the Job Centre and Im 43 :). Unfortunately the poor job centre staff often arent best equipped to deal with ASD etc.

    Not going to the Jobcentre isnt a problem though.  Not for me any way.  they are a service provider and under dissability access legislation they are obliged to take all "our" needs into consideration when supplying a service.   

    If your son doesnt want to be bothered with unhelpful, condescending or patronising Jobcentre staff, he doesnt have to.  Is he okay on the phone?  He can request minimal contact and just use the phone.

    As for getting into suitable wofk, it is possible..... It all depends on the right people, right time, right place etc.   There are organisations out there that provide some support.  Depending on what local authority you fall under you should be able to get some pointers from them as to where to go for extra employment support for your son.  There are regional variations but I think Remploy (now private and no longer government run) is fairly "national" with regionaly based headquaters.

    Im considering trying to get back into work myself...  There isnt much help but like I say, your regional support organisations are just that, "regional" its all a bit perochial and I think things very from place to place.   Autism initiatives is an organisation that might be worth contacting?  

    Im sorry if this isnt much help but its about as much as i can muster right now.

    get googling and try to explain to your son that there are people out there that have an understanding of what he is experiencing...... Tell him not to give up and that weed is expensive so getting a job will make that easier!  It might give him the incentive to stay awY from it too if he can get the right sort of work :)

    good luck, let me know how you get on if you like :)


  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
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  • bendigedigbendigedig Posts: 254Member Pioneering
    Hi mumof3boys

    The value of organisations such as NAS to adults with ASD are fairly limited at best.

    I think such organisations are of more value to themselves than they are to anybody else if you see what I mean?

    I think the trick is to try things out and judge them by outcome.

    For me and my son the NAS has been next to useless.  Ive been to them for advice and support in the past and theyve been hopeless.  Another encounter involved my son winning their annual Christmas card design competition when he was 8 or 9.  Dear god,  the prize he recieved as winner of thier competition was pathetic!  They sent him a coffee mug, a biro and a cotton shopping bag all branded with the NAS logo!  He couldnt wIt to get his prize.  I think he was expecting some art materials or somthing.  Instead they sent him some corporate crap.

    Jane Asher the President of the NAS seems very nice though.  Im sure she wouldve cringed to know what they were giving children as national competition prizes.

    I saw that other site.....  I havent fully explored whether its a waste of time or not yet though.  There are a lot of people out there making a living out of charities and support groups that are of no help whatsoever......  Beware!




  • dedusdedus Posts: 25Member Connected
    I can so relate to this Nicky , I have a 28 yr old stepson with autism , and all he likes to do is sit on his computer all day and night watching and playing games and movies , 
  • steve51steve51 Posts: 5,769Community champion Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @nickyh50

    A very big welcome to you, I do hope that we can offer you both "support and information"

    Follwing my Stroke in 1998 I had to change my previous job.

    I had "Access to Work" via the  "Jobcenter" come out to my new "Job Workplace" they carried out a full inspection off my "impending work place"

    They produced a full document with all areas covered.

     I had a new "large monitor" for my pc & other adaptions made to help my daily routines.

    They also payed part of my taxi journeys (mournings & afternoons)

    Please please let me know if I can help you further ???..

    Steve.

  • LiamO_DellLiamO_Dell Posts: 1,114Member Pioneering
    Hi @nickyh50,

    How are you? Has your son been able to find any work?

    @VioletFenn, do you have any ideas or advice?
    Liam
  • VioletFennVioletFenn Posts: 124Member Pioneering
    Hi @nickyh50

    I've not been in this situation from the position of a parent, but as an adult with high functioning autism I would say that he really does need to do things for himself rather than relying on others, because otherwise he'll never develop the independence he'll need later in life. That said, I completely agree with earlier replies about making things more doable for him - @bendigedig is right in that adaptations can be made for him in order that he is able to access services without needless stress.

    I have to say that weed probably isn't helping, purely because of its demotivating properties. Unfortunately, once they're adults we can't always force kids to see sense ;) 

    Is there any voluntary work he could do, just to get him into the habit of leaving the house and having a routine? Something with animals might be ideal to start with, as it's less immediate pressure - I have to say that I would struggle massively working in a busy store, so I can see why he didn't last long with that.

    Does he have any input from the 'system' at all, even if it's just a GP that he could talk to?

    Violet
    ASD advisor, Scope
  • Nicky22Nicky22 Posts: 5Member Listener
    My son's also 20. He also spends all day and  sometimes through the night on his computer. I'm not even trying to get him into work. But I'm pushing for college courses, any college courses he can get on and willing to do. For me its just about keeping him connected with the outside world. He's not ready for the working community yet. He due to go college after Xmas just for a short maths course but hopefully this will boost his confidence and lead to something more. X
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