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Any tips, ideas, suggestions for our sex life?

This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi, I'm Gill, I'm a PSHE Specialist.

Replies

  • sarahincossarahincos Posts: 11Member
    Hi there! I'm new to the community here, but while I was looking around in other posts I came upon yours and was like "Finally!". My husband is pretty severely disabled (CP, right side hemiplegia, ankylosing spondulitis, ulcerative colitis, scoliosis among others) and uses a wheelchair. He's unable to stand, or sit straight, or lay flat, or move his legs apart, or bend his legs flat, or turn/move his head. We are both in our 20s, and really incredibly in love. There's absolutely nothing wrong with his mind, but his poor body is just broken and our sex life is always a struggle even though we both really *want* to have as normal a sex life as we possibly can. We've been able to find our own way of having sex, mostly with myself being on top, but I've got horrible knees and I am really scared about hurting him. All I can think about while I'm there is making sure I'm not putting too much weight on him, or accidentally putting a hand or foot somewhere I shouldn't. We are both very open about our feelings and what works or doesn't, but we're honestly stuck because we keep thinking "there has to be a better way!" and we just don't know it, or where to even turn to! I mean, we eventually would like to conceive (in the distant future) but we've got to be able to figure out a better way of having sex in order for that to even be a remote possibility. Any tips, ideas, suggestions--whatever! would be so incredibly welcome :)
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Posts: 168Volunteer community adviser Pioneering
    Hellooooo! Thanks so much for your question! My apologies for slow reply, I have had family staying all weekend, but in the first instance I wanted to show you a couple of links and see what you make of them. For other readers - please be aware that these links may not be safe for work or for children's eyes! My first thought was, have you heard of Liberator? Here's a link to their website - http://www.theliberator.co.uk - have a little dig about on there and see what you make of it. (I'd start with the "original shapes" section.) It might not look like much but if they "fit" your (or your husband's) body, they are very effective and supportive and anything that makes balancing easier or more comfortable is a winner in my book. The other thing I wondered was have you ever heard of Outsiders? I'm a member of their professional group - SHADA - and whilst obviously you aren't looking for a partner or anything like that, the community members might have some good ideas or tips (http://www.outsiders.org). Also - whereabouts (very generally) are you in the world? Are you in the UK? If so whereabouts? I might have a contact I can put you in touch with...
    - Gill 
  • sarahincossarahincos Posts: 11Member
    I completely understand! It is that time of the year :) I have looked at the liberator wedges before, and it might just be me but I have a hard time picturing in my mind how they would work for us. I don't think I'd be able to put one under him because, well simply put, we'd probably need a hoist and we don't have one of those. I am intrigued because he could definitely use all the support he can get. I haven't heard of Outsiders, but I will absolutely give it a look and see if I can drum up any ideas over there. I was looking all over the internet yesterday for forums or something pertaining to CP/Hemiplegia and sex but I honestly found nearly nothing. I never realized before how few resources there were for the disabled just looking for honest advice! Anyway, we are in the UK near Manchester. I am American and have been here for slightly over a year so services and stuff are still a learning experience for me. I did look for a sex therapist but the nearest one I saw through the NHS was in London, and well, that's not going to be a possibility for us.
  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 486Community champion Pioneering
    This is an old thread now..... There's even a lonely echo...


    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 486Community champion Pioneering
    (echo)

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • mossycowmossycow Posts: 486Community champion Pioneering
    Firstly CONGRATS on finding each other you madly in love pair....lovely. <3

    In terms of conceiving, you can have a satisfying sex life (and conceive too I believe)  without penis to vaginal penetration........ I;m a bit too shy to go into details.... But talking, touching etc can go a long long way

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

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